Hated (Rock Star Trilogy) (8 page)

She half nods. “I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?”

“No. I just think you should be careful. I don’t want you to break Alec’s heart. Don’t lead him on.” It seems like déjà vu. I’m pretty sure I had this exact same conversation with Alec not too long ago. Only then I was worried about
him
hurting
her
. I never thought it would be the other way around.

“Maybe you’re right… Maybe I
should
confront Martin. I should tell him what I think. What he did to me was awful. I still can’t believe he did that.” She takes a deep breath. “I thought I was going to marry him.”

“Were you in love with him?”

“Honestly? No. I thought that I was. And what he did hurt, but I almost felt relief because I had a
reason
to break up with him. Before that he had been
perfect
. But he never made me feel the way that Alec does.” The second the words leave her mouth, I know she instantly regrets them. She looks at Stephan and Mona, who are in the middle of their own conversation, and then she looks up at Peter. “Please cut that out of the show.”

“I don’t control what goes in the show. I control the filming. Somebody else controls the editing…”

She looks at the camera. “Please, whoever is editing, don’t put that in. That’s embarrassing.”

I ignore the camera. “So how do you feel about Alec?”

She turns back to me. “Like I’m hot and cold at the same time. And my heart feels like it’s literally going to beat its way out of my chest. My palms get sweaty, and my stomach feels nervous. No matter how much I’m around him, it never goes away. He gives me freaking
butterflies
. What am I? Twelve?”

I laugh. “I still feel that way about Stephan, and we’re married.”

“I’m pathetic.”

“No,” I protest. “You’re in
love.
”

She groans. “Please, don’t say that.”

“It’s true.”

“Either way, I can’t act on my feelings. So it doesn’t do any good.”

“You
can
act on them. You’re just too stubborn to.” Wow. That sounds familiar. Bridgett truly
is
my twin. It’s just another thing we have in common… Stubbornness — even when there is no reason to be stubborn. I can see that now. Hopefully I learned my lesson, but I somehow doubt it.

“You’re stubborn too,” she says, echoing my thoughts.

“Yep,” I agree. “I was just hoping that you had learned from watching me.”

She rolls her eyes.

“
The heart wants what the heart wants
. No matter how bad you want to control it, sometimes you just can’t. I think you should give in. If Alec says he wants to love you forever,
let him
.”

“I’m scared,” she whispers.

I look at Stephan. He’s talking to Mona, but sees me watching and winks at me. My heart feels like it does a dive into my stomach. I will
never
get tired of that. I turn back to Bridgett. “I was scared too, but there is no reason to be. Alec isn’t Martin. He’s not your mom. He’s not our dad. Give him a chance to prove he’s not going to hurt you.”

“I will. Eventually.”

“Just do it before it’s too late.”

She nods, but I can see the fear in her eyes. She’s scared to be with him, but she’s also scared to not be with him. I wish that I could help make the decision for her, but I know this is something she has to work out on her own. All I can do is be there for her, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

Thursday, November 13

6:14 PM

I wish I could teleport

I had another successful day in the studio. If it keeps up like this, I might
actually
have some chill time before the tour. Maybe we can spend a week in Hope for Thanksgiving, and then maybe a couple weeks for Christmas. That would be nice.

In an hour, we are going to be leaving for New York City. It’s a first time visit for Stephan, Mona, and Bridgett. I can’t wait for them to see it. I’m kind of sad that Alec can’t come with us. He says he has stuff to do here, but I know what he’s really doing… He’s giving Bridgett space like I told him to do. It makes me smile, because I know that he really
would
do anything for my sister.

Stephan and I are packing our suitcases before we leave.

“I feel like I never get to spend any time with you,” he says.

I know exactly what he means. “It won’t always be like this. Plus, if everything goes well, I’ll have some free time before the tour. You and I can spend some time together.
Alone
.”

“I’d like that.” He puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. “So we get to spend some time together tomorrow, right?”

“Yep. Well,
all
of us. I thought we could do some touristy stuff in New York.”

“Maybe you could pretend to be sick, and we could just head back to the hotel room.”

I like Stephan’s idea. “It’s your first time in the city, and
you
want to spend it in a hotel room?”

“Yes. I do.”

“We’ll have plenty of time for that later.” I gently push him away. “You need to finish packing.”

Stephan steps into the closet and pulls out some more clothes to put in his suitcase. “So basically we are going to have to schedule time to have sex over the next year?”

“You would be correct. But I warned you.”

“I know you did. It just sucks. I really want to just throw you on the bed and spend the rest of the night making love to you.” He looks at me and gives me his seductive smile. “Maybe we could just fly out early in the morning.”

“I have to be there at four in the morning. Which would be one in the morning our time, which means we will have to leave… at nine. Yeah, so basically I’m already getting zero sleep as it is. As much as I want to have sex with you, I can’t. I haven’t slept more than five hours every night this week, and I’m exhausted from all the sex we’ve been having.”

“You have a lot of sleep to catch up on this weekend,” Stephan says.

“I wish.” I frown when I think about having to be up at five Saturday morning for a photo shoot. “I have the photo shoot early Saturday morning.”

“Right. And then we’re going on the yacht.”

“Yep. And I’m going to take a nice long nap on the boat.” I sigh dreamily just thinking about it.

“So, when you say you’ll have free time before the tour… How much
free time
are we talking about?”

“Two or three weeks,” I answer. “I’m taking a week off for Thanksgiving, and hopefully two weeks off for Christmas. To do that though, I’m going to have like
zero
free time for anything else between now and then. I still have to finish recording my new album, promotion, and I have to get pictures taken for the cover. Also I have rehearsals for the tour. I have to pick a set list, and Alec and I still have to pick a theme for our tour.”

“Can I help with any of that?” he asks.

“Actually, I think MTV wants you to do some promotion for the documentary. You and Mona are going to be doing that next week, so you’ll be pretty busy.”

“Wow.” He zips up his suitcase. “I really had no idea what I was getting into.”

“Are you regretting it yet?” I ask.

“Never.”

I zip up my own bag. I didn’t pack a lot. My stylist, Monica, lives in NYC. She already has my outfits ready for me. “I wish I could teleport.”

“That would be nice,” Stephan says. “I have spent more time in an airplane since meeting you than I ever have before in my whole life.”

“Since I turned fifteen, I’ve spent probably thirty percent of my time in the air.” I can’t help but laugh. “I used to be scared of flying. And I always heard about rock stars and celebrities dying in plane crashes… It didn’t help my anxiety. It took me months to get over it.”

“You don’t get nervous at all anymore?”

“Nope. Not even a little.” I grab my acoustic guitar case. “Otto wants me to write a few more songs for the album, so I figured while we were on our way to New York I would. Maybe Bridgett can help me write.”

“Good idea.”

“So how was sightseeing yesterday with Mona?” I ask.

“It was actually good. We talked a little about everything, and I feel like I’ve gotten to know her a lot better. It’s crazy to think that I actually have a sister. I wish Dad could have gotten to know her. He would have loved her.”

His words surprise me. “That’s quite a change. You two hated each other when I first came to Hope.”

“You changed everything, Scar. I feel so lucky to even know you. Without you, Mona would still be hating me. I would be the loner. I wouldn’t know… And I will admit, Mona and I still fight, but it’s different now. We’re brother and sister. It’s more like sibling rivalry.”

“That’s awesome.” I think about my own fights with Bridgett. I love my sister, despite our fights. If anything, I feel like our fights bring us closer together.

“I talked to Mona about my dad. She wanted to know about him, so we spend three hours walking down the streets of Hollywood talking,” Stephan tells me. “Oh, and people
asked for our autographs!
They had seen me and Mona on ads for your documentary, and they recognized us. It was pretty awesome.”

I remember the first time somebody asked for my autograph. I was so excited. I actually took a picture of us together so I could keep it. I still have it in a scrapbook somewhere. “Pretty soon you won’t be able to walk anywhere without a bunch of people asking for your autograph. You’ll get sick of it.”

“Probably,” he agrees. “But it was pretty awesome. Mona was more excited than me.”

“Mona was meant to be a star.”

“Yes, she was.”

Bob knocks on our door. “We need to be leaving for the airport now.”

7:24 PM

This is my normal.

When we get on the airplane, Mona freaks out. It’s her first time on a private jet, so to say that’s she’s ecstatic would be an understatement.

“Your life is a dream,” she says, as she buckles her seatbelt. “Day trips to New York City in a private jet, Sunday afternoons on a yacht… It’s crazy!”

I smile, because I used to think just like her. I miss the excitement of it all. I mean, my life still feels like a dream, but
this is my normal
. Having Mona around helps me remember what it was like when I first started.

“I heard somebody asked for your autograph yesterday,” I say.

“Yeah! Oh my God, it was awesome! Some teenage girl totally freaked out, and said she saw me on a commercial for the documentary! It was freaking awesome!” Mona let out a squeal. “I still can’t believe that this is real. I never thought in a million years that I would be on a private jet with
Scarlett Ryan
.”

“We’re family,” I remind her.

“I know! I went my whole life being an only child, wishing that I had a sibling. Turns out I had one the whole time.”

The pilot comes back, and makes sure we are buckled up before taking off. I watch as Mona and Bridgett both hold onto their seat as we take off. I turn to Stephan, who looks completely calm.

“Are you nervous about your interview?” Stephan asks me.

“Definitely not,” I answer. “I’ve done this a lot. I think I stopped being nervous after the third television interview.”

“What’s the biggest crowd you’ve ever played in front of?”

I think about his question for a second. “Well, Madison Square Garden was a huge concert. There was over eighteen thousand people there, and it was televised. Over thirty million people watched the show live. I’ve done that two times now.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, it was awesome.”

“Were you nervous at all?” he asks.

“Well, the first time I was sixteen years old. I had been touring for a while, but I was a little nervous right before I went on stage. The second I started singing, all my nerves faded away and I was just excited. It was one of those ‘
oh my God
,
I’m really famous’
moments. Sometimes you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride. But the second time I did it, I was eighteen. I wasn’t nervous at all. Just excited,” I tell him. “The rush of being on stage isn’t something I can describe. Thousands of people singing
my songs
along with me… I’m always blown away that so many people show up to hear
me
play. I always give everything I’ve got into my performances.”

Once the plane levels out, I see Bridgett and Mona both relax. They too join the conversation.

“When was the exact moment that you knew you had made it to the big time?” Mona asks.

“That one is easy,” I answer. “I remember it like it was yesterday. I was nominated for a Grammy —
Best New Artist of the Year
. I was up next to some crazy awesome people. I felt honored just to be
nominated
. So I was at the awards ceremony, and
they called my name
. I was so shocked. I hadn’t expected it at all. It was the moment that they called my name, I knew that I was in it for real. I knew that I had made it.”

“Did you have a speech prepared?” Bridgett asks.

“No way! I didn’t think I would win. Besides, I’ve always been better at winging it.”

“If you could go back in time, would you still choose to do
this
?” Mona asks.

“I would,” I answer truthfully. “I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the life I was made to live. Without it, I wouldn’t have found my twin sister. Without it, I wouldn’t have found Stephan.”

“I doubt that,” Stephan says. “You and I were meant to find each other.”

“Either way —
music is my life
… It’s my dream. The fact that I have made a career out of it still blows my mind. I mean, I’d be happy even if I wasn’t famous as long as I was playing. I’m glad that Dad pushed me.” It’s in that moment, I realize just how much I miss my dad. I went from talking to him and seeing him daily to never seeing him. I look at Bridgett. She looks sad, and I know it’s because I mentioned our dad. “Bridge, do you think you’ll ever find a way to forgive him?”

She looks shocked by my question. It takes her a few seconds to respond. “I will forgive him eventually, but forgiveness isn’t the issue. It’s going to be
forgetting
. I don’t know if I can ever get over him taking you and leaving me.”