Harlequin Special Edition November 2014 - Box Set 2 of 2: The Maverick's Thanksgiving Baby\A Celebration Christmas\Dr. Daddy's Perfect Christmas (35 page)

One of the refs was shuffling some papers and for a split second Cullen considered going over and tearing him a new one for letting the boys on the other team get away with acting the way they did. Then he looked at George, who was standing there staring into space as if he weren't completely there.

The best thing he could do for the boy was get him the hell out of there. Three minutes later the two of them were buckled into Cullen's car, pulling out of the community center, leaving the bad memory in the dust. Maybe not immediately, but the faster he got the kid the ice cream, the sooner George would see that the errant basket didn't matter.

As he pointed the car in the direction of Polar Bear Ice Cream, Cullen pondered what to say. Should he start with how wrong the boys on the other team had been to act the way they did? Or no, maybe a softer approach about this just being a game, not brain surgery—ha-ha, a little medical humor? But no, that would seem to trivialize it.

Damn it, why was this so hard?

They'd been on the road for five minutes when the boy leaned over and buried his head in Cullen's shoulder and began to sob.

Cullen's mind went completely blank. He sat there for a good two minutes with both hands gripping the steering wheel as the boy blubbered.

There were no words that would talk him out of that state of mind. Now that he was away from the guys on the team and the sting of what happened had set in, Cullen decided it was probably best just to let the boy cry it out.

Unsure if it was the right thing to do, but not having any other ideas, Cullen eased one arm around the boy and clumsily patted his right shoulder.

Less than two minutes later they approached Polar Bear Ice Cream, but before Cullen could turn in the drive, he noticed some of the boys from George's team were there.

Nope. Not a good idea. Thank God George hadn't seen them because he had his face buried in Cullen's armpit, crying at a steady convulsive sob.

Cullen drove right past the place and before he knew it he was on the open road headed toward Dallas.

Sometimes it was just better to get out of town where nobody knew you until you could get yourself together.

They got to Dallas about twenty minutes later and drove around with no particular destination in mind for another half hour. Finally George lifted his head and scooted back over. Cullen returned his right hand to the steering wheel and turned the car in the direction of Celebration.

Before they made it to the main highway, Cullen spied a fast-food restaurant ahead. Without a word, he steered the car into the restaurant's drive-through.

“What flavor shake do you want?” he asked the boy.

“Chocolate.”

He ordered two large chocolate shakes. When they were ready he handed one to the boy, fixed one for himself and they nursed them all the way home.

Neither one said a word, but by the time they were home George's eyes were no longer red. He'd blown his nose on one of the napkins that they'd gotten at the restaurant. No one would be the wiser about his emotions.

His secret was safe with Cullen. Except that he would tell Lily. He had to tell Lily—in case he was somehow damaging the boy by not encouraging him to talk about his emotions.

God, this parenthood gig wasn't for amateurs.

Milk-shake cups in hand, the two got out of the car and started toward the front door. Halfway up the walk, George stopped. Cullen thought maybe the kid had left something in the car. He was ready to toss him the keys when George threw his arms around Cullen's waist and hugged him hard. It nearly knocked Cullen off balance, it was so unexpected.

* * *

“That's all we said the entire time we were out,” Cullen said to Lily once the children were in bed and they had a chance to talk about the day's turn of events over a glass of wine. “I don't know why he hugged me. I didn't do anything to help him. The only words we exchanged the entire time we were out were
What flavor shake do you want?
And
Chocolate.

“What should I have said or done to help him? I should've
done
something.”

Lily reached out and took his hand. He laced his fingers through hers and held on tight.

“But you did do something,” she said. “Sometimes less is more. Sometimes showing up is all you need to do.”

She instantly regretted the words as soon as they'd slipped from her lips. Maybe talking about
showing up
hit too close to home after he'd shared the bad situation with his father. He'd been so bent on DNA and his father's bad traits being in his genes. Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up when emotions were so raw like right now.

“Unfortunately kids don't come with an instruction manual. You just have to go with your gut. See, you have good instincts.”

He shook his head. She couldn't tell if he was traumatized or maybe a little shocked and in awe of himself.

“I couldn't do this on a regular basis,” he said.

Lily squinted at him. “Are you serious? You really don't want kids?”

Rather than answer, Cullen picked up his wineglass and took a long pull.

“I have to be honest with you. That's a...a deal breaker for me. Not only do I want kids, I want a bunch of them. You were an only child, too. Don't you regret not having siblings?”

He whistled through his teeth and shook his head. “As hard as my mother had to work to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads? And she only had one. There's no way. No way I could do this with a whole brood.”

“You judge how you would be by the way your father was. In fact, it seems like it would make you even more determined to be the kind of father you wish he would have been. You're stable, Cullen. You have so much to offer and these kids really need you.”

He shook his head again, looking beleaguered, sort of like she'd backed him into a corner.

“It doesn't matter. Look at Greg. He had everything in the world going for him. He still ended up letting down his kids.”

Lily snorted. “Because he had the audacity to die? I mean, sure, it's a sad situation—my own parents died when I was ten years old. I certainly don't mean to make light of it, but we're all going to die someday, Cullen. You can't stop living because you're afraid to die.”

“I'm not afraid of death. I guess I've never seen myself being a father. Look, it's been a long day. I don't think we should be having this conversation now.”

“If not now, when, Cullen? I think we need to talk about it sooner rather than later.”

When he didn't answer, she said, “We need to give this some major thought. I don't know if we're going to work, because it looks to me like we want completely different lives.”

Chapter Fourteen

F
or the next two and a half days, Cullen threw himself into work. With so many things going for them, how could he and Lily have reached such an impasse? But to have children or not to have them was a fundamental decision for a couple. It was part of the foundation that their relationship was built on.

With Lily, it had been love at first sight. He had never experienced it before and frankly he didn't expect it to happen again. Sure, he could probably find someone or many someones down the road. But they wouldn't be Lily. Why did they have to have a fundamental difference as large as the Grand Canyon threatening to keep them apart?

Was it fair to expect her to sacrifice having kids of her own? For God's sake, she was a teacher. Kids were her calling. But was it any better to go against his own nature?

As he was turning off his computer, his gaze fell on a picture that Hannah had drawn for him with very strict instructions that he was to take it to work because this picture was for his desk. He'd done it, too. Here it was, front and center on his desk as if it meant something to him.

The drawing must have meant something to him. Otherwise it would still be in the car or would have gotten lost en route. But he'd never really looked at it.

He picked up the piece of notebook paper and examined it. It was a rudimentary drawing of a house with a red front door and smoke coming out of the chimney. A bunch of stick figures stood in front of the house. She'd drawn four females—or so he guessed they were females judging by the triangles that seemed to represent skirts and bows in their hair. Next to them were two more figures, unadorned except for the big smiles that took up the majority of their faces. Those must be guys.

Picture in hand, Cullen leaned back in his chair.

Four girls and two guys. It was obviously a depiction of Cullen and Lily with the kids. The hands of the tallest female and male stick figures intersected. Had she drawn them holding hands?

She was a smart girl. She'd probably picked up on more than Lily realized.

He could hear Lily saying,
Kids are more perceptive than you think.

Obviously.

He returned the picture to its place on his desk and finished shutting down his computer. It was Christmas Eve, and he was working only until noon. Now that he and Lily had a chance to cool off and think rationally, he'd planned on taking the rest of the day off and spending it with them.

It had snowed last night, covering everything with a fluffy blanket of white. After he finished his Christmas shopping, he intended to track Lily and the kids outside to build a snowman. It was Christmas Eve. Today they would put aside their differences and just be together.

He grabbed his phone, his keys and his coat, wished merry Christmas to the skeleton crew that was making time and a half working the holiday and headed out.

He was waiting for the elevator when his cell phone rang. The name Cameron Brady, the family-law attorney he'd hired, flashed on the display.

“Merry Christmas, Cam. Are you working on Christmas Eve, too?”

“Merry Christmas to you, too, Cullen. I'm always working. No rest for the weary and all that hogwash. Listen, I'm calling with semi-good news. It's not exactly the big present from Santa that the kids are hoping for, but it's a start. I wanted to run it by you and see what you think.”

“What do you have for me, Cam?”

Elevator doors opened, but Cullen turned around and walked back to his office, where he could talk to Cam privately.

“Like I said, it's not exactly the news you were hoping for, but I've found a family that is interested in adopting the two youngest girls.”

Cullen watched the snow fall from his office window as he digested the attorney's words.

“The family lives in Oklahoma City. That's about a three-hour drive from Celebration.”

“They're not interested in taking all four? Keeping them together is a priority.”

“Right, but so was placing them before the school session reconvenes after the holidays. Right now this is the best I can do. We might be able to find an Oklahoma-based foster family that's willing to take in the older two. But at least the younger two will be settled by the first of the year and won't have to be uprooted after they start school.”

Cullen was silent. What was he supposed to say? “This isn't optimum, Cam.”

The attorney heaved a weary sigh. “I know, I know. But I have to level with you, Cullen. It's a long shot thinking you're going to find a family that will take all four of them. More than a long shot. It's pretty close to impossible. At least with the time constraints. If you're willing to keep them or put them in foster care while we search, that's a different story. Even so, it's not an easy row to hoe.

“Why don't you think about it, or talk to the kids, see how they feel about it and give me a call back? Kids are resilient.”

“Thanks, Cam. I'll be in touch.”

The snow was falling like tears from heaven when Cullen hung up the phone. If he thought having kids was difficult, making the decision whether or not to give them up was excruciating.

He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. And to think it had all started with an off-the-cuff promise to a little girl. Now their fate was in his hands.

What kind of Christmas would it be if he told the kids he was splitting them up? They would be devastated and Lily would never forgive him. But this decision was about what was best for the kids.

The only thing he knew for sure was that he was going to wait until after Christmas to tell them. He wanted them to have this holiday as a family, without any added stress or sadness. It was the least he could do.

* * *

On Christmas morning, the six of them gathered around the Christmas tree. Lily had taken care to set out Santa's presents and wrap the remaining gifts as beautifully as possible. She'd purchased several small gifts for each child so the tree would look festive and the kids would have fun opening lots of presents.

She and Cullen had been like ships passing each other since their conversation on Sunday. He'd been gone a lot, which made it easier. She didn't see how this was going to end any other way than badly.

She was glad he was willing to wait until after Christmas for them to have the talk. Today, she put on a cheerful face. She was going to make darn sure neither of them tripped over the elephant in the room.

She'd even gotten him a Christmas present. A crystal decanter etched with his initials. He hadn't been easy to buy for. What in the world did you get a man who had everything?

Everything except the main thing he needed.

But that wasn't her call. The last thing she wanted to do was force him into saying that he wanted children when he didn't. That would be worse than the marriage ultimatum she'd leveled on Josh.

She finally got it. She saw the writing on the wall clearly. Two people had to come to a meeting of the minds before they could be happy as a couple. You couldn't strong-arm somebody into important life decisions. Because the heart wanted what the heart wanted. And sometimes there was just no getting around fundamental differences.

The sad thing was, her heart still wanted Cullen.

She might have made a conscious decision to live with her eyes wide-open, but mending her heart would be a long, slow process. That was fine because once the kids were placed in a permanent home and she went back to her regular teaching job, she would have all the time in the world to put herself back together again.

She feared, though, that all the parts might not fit back together the way they were before she met Cullen and the kids.

Then again, she wasn't the same person she was before meeting them.

“Who wants to play Santa?” she asked in her cheeriest voice. All four kids raised their hands. “How about this? How about if each one of you gets to deliver a round of presents?”

Megan stood. “And I get to go first because I'm the oldest.”

Cullen set down his mug of coffee. “Actually before going by age, I think I'm the oldest. So I'll go first.”

Megan groaned, but she sat back down with her brother and sisters.

Lily was glad that Cullen was giving out presents first.

If he hadn't gotten her anything, it would be less awkward for her to give him his present later.

She didn't give presents to get them. But they were in such flux right now that she wasn't sure what she should do. She loved giving gifts. Actually she liked giving them even more than she enjoyed receiving them. So she had purchased the decanter and she'd wrapped it with the same love and care that she'd wrapped the other packages.

Really, it was fine if he hadn't gotten her anything.

“I have a special present for everyone,” he said. “And I mean everyone.”

The kids clapped their hands, giddy with anticipation.

“How about if we start with Franklin?”

“Huh?” George couldn't hide his surprise. “Even Franklin gets a present?”

The dog, who was lying next to Hannah, lifted his shaggy head at the sound of his name.

“Yes,” said Cullen. “Even Franklin. His is outside in the backyard. Shall we go see it?”

The kids, who were clad in their flannel Christmas pajamas—another gift from Lily—got to their feet and ran toward the back door.

“Put your shoes and coats on,” Lily insisted. “It's cold outside.”

“Yes,” Cullen agreed. “Listen to Lily, please. It's cold out there.”

He even managed a nervous-looking smile.

Good. The elephant wouldn't be in the way today.

That would be the best Christmas present.

Once everyone had donned their coats, scarves and shoes, Cullen led the way out into the backyard, where a doghouse with a big red bow on it sat in the side yard.

“Look what you got, Franklin,” cried Hannah. “It's a house just for you.”

It was nice, but it was an odd gift given the circumstances. But if Cullen had been able to transport it from the pet store or wherever he'd gotten it, then the kids would be able to transport it to their new home so Franklin could use it wherever they ended up.

The thought made Lily sad, but she reframed her thoughts and decided that maybe it would be as though they were taking a piece of this home with them to their new home.

“Okay, who should be next?” he asked, tapping his finger on his chin, pretending to put a lot of thought into the decision.

The kids loved it. They jumped up and down, raising their hands and shouting, “Me! Me! Me!”

“All of you can all go next,” he said. “But you have to follow me.”

He marched them around to the other side of the house, where a large blue tarp covered a surprise.

“And now if my lovely assistant, Lily, would be so gracious as to help me with the unveiling?”

Lovely?

At least he was playing nice. More than nice, actually. He was treating the kids quite wonderfully, and her heart swelled as it had gotten into the habit of doing whenever Cullen simply acted like himself.

If he could only see himself through her eyes, he would see what a great father he would be.

Once again, she reframed her thoughts. “I would be happy to help you, good sir.”

The kids laughed at her exaggerated assistant impression.

She went to the other end of the tarp and lifted the edge, just as Cullen was doing on his end.

“On the count of three, please,” he said. “One, two,
three!
”

Together they lifted the tarp with as much flourish as they could manage and revealed the six bicycles, complete with helmets, hidden underneath.

Bicycles? He'd gotten them bicycles.

And he'd gotten one for himself and her, too?

There was more hooting and hollering from the kids as they scrambled over to choose their bikes.

After the excitement settled, and all the kids were astride their respective bikes, George asked, “Will we be able to take our bikes and Franklin's new house with us when we move in with our new family?”

“Oh, George, buddy, I don't think you should take the bikes anywhere else,” Cullen said.

It broke Lily's heart to watch the kids' faces fall.

Really? Couldn't he have gotten them something a little less expensive or a little more portable than bikes if he didn't want them to take them when they left?

Rather than reframing, she chewed on this one for a moment, deciding that she would argue the case for the kids to take the bikes. What was he going to do with six bikes?

Cullen must have noticed how fast the fun barometer had fallen, because he quickly added, “There's a reason for that, and it's the best Christmas present of all. Are you ready for it?”

The kids found their smiles again, but they looked a little hesitant, still probably stuck on the part about not taking the bikes anywhere else.

“Everybody gather around,” he said, motioning them toward him. “Come on. You can get back on the bikes later. This is important. So come on.”

The kids complied, giving wistful looks to the bicycles as they dismounted and joined Cullen's huddle. Lily hung back watching the bittersweet scene.

“Is everyone here?” Cullen asked. He made a show of counting heads. “One, two, three, four, five. We're missing someone. Who are we missing?”

“Lily!” the kids shouted.

“Lily,” Cullen repeated. “Lily, huddle up.”

The way he smiled at her made her heart break all over again. Even so, she complied.

Cullen made room for her in the circle next to him. He put his arm around her and pulled her in.

She refused to think about how perfectly their bodies fit together, even at something playful like this.

“Are you ready?” Cullen asked once everyone was present and accounted for. “I have fabulous news. I found a family for you, right here in Celebration.”

The kids' eyes grew large.