Authors: Brenda Harlen
As the kids ran over to the Celebrations Inc. booth, the woman beamed at Lily and Cullen. “Such a beautiful family. The two of you are to be commended for raising such nice, civic-minded children.”
Lily and Cullen exchanged a bemused look, but the woman didn't seem to notice. Neither one corrected her. To Lily, for one perfect, snow-globe moment, they
were
a family and it was everything she had ever wanted in the world.
“Oh, will you look at me, running my mouth while the two of you are standing there indulging me so politely? You have your arms full,” the woman said. “Please don't let me keep you. I'll be back to buy some of that
stollen
bread before it gets away. Ta!”
She gave a fluttery wave of her fingers as she turned and walked away. Once they had unloaded the bread at the booth and the woman was out of earshot, Cullen turned to Lily and said, “There you go. Your first customer.”
“Apparently so,” Lily said, thinking he was going to politely ignore the woman's mistaking them for a married couple.
Probably for the best.
“Would my
wife
care to help me carry in the rest of the bread from the car?”
Her pulse quickened and her breath caught in her chest. But she had enough of her wits about her to realize she'd better be cool. He was just playing along. They were flirting in that way that the two of them did so well.
She cocked an eyebrow at him, determined to let him interpret her response however he chose. But Cullen's suggestive stare held hers until she wanted to squirm. So she did the only thing she could doâshe rolled her eyes at him.
He laughed.
“Hey, Syd, do you mind if we leave the kids with you while we go get the rest of the stollen?” Lily asked in a forced casual tone. “If we both go, one more trip to the car should do it.”
“Good heavens,” Sydney said. “You must've been baking nonstop since we agreed to do this.”
“You have no idea.” Cullen put his arm around Lily. “My wife is quite a talented baker.”
Sydney's mouth opened as if she wanted to say something, but she closed it before she did. A look of bemused intrigue transformed her pretty face. She darted a glance at Lily that seemed to demand,
You will explain this later.
“Your
wife,
huh?” she finally said.
“Oh, he's just kidding.” Lily wiggled out from under Cullen's arm, hating the blush she was certain colored her cheeks.
Sydney seemed to be looking at them differently now. “Sure, you two lovebirds go get the rest of the stollen. I'll keep an eye on your kids for you, but don't do anything I wouldn't do. Cullen, I'm serious. She's my friend.”
Cullen nodded and gave Sydney a little salute as he and Lily turned and walked toward the exit. Lily couldn't tell if he was being irreverent or if it was just his way of saying,
I understand.
“What was that about?” he asked.
“Oh, you know Sydney,” Lily said. “I think she fancies herself the big-sister sort who is looking out for me.”
“I didn't realize you needed someone to watch over you.”
Something flickered in his eyes, and her heart gave a tug.
Oh, you have no idea.
“It never hurts to have someone in your corner,” she said. And she wasn't sure if she was speaking about herself or the kids.
Maybe both. Probably both.
She decided that the safest thing to do was change the subject.
“So, speaking of wives...” Lily said. “I do believe we started a conversation at the tree lot the other night that we agreed would be continued.”
“Did we?” he said.
Lily shoved his arm good-naturedly. “You know we did. We had a deal. I showed you mine. Now it's your turn to show me yours.”
Her hand flew to her mouth.
I did not just say that.
But, oh, yes...yes, she did. Because it was so foreign and contrary to how she normally acted and because of the priceless look on Cullen's face, it felt absolutely exhilarating.
As they walked, his arm brushed hers and the contact intensified the electric current already pulsing between them. “Well, heaven forbid I should ever renege on a deal. Especially one like that. What would you like to know?”
“Don't make me ask questions. Just give me the scoop. You know, like what happened? Why did you divorce?”
He drew in a deep breath and the energy between them seemed to shift and decrease several decibels. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. In fact, in hindsight, it had the potential to kill the mood. Funny thing thatâthere was a fine line between intimacy and TMI.
Now she wished she could take it back and just continue to flirt. She really was an amateur at this, wasn't she?
“What happened?” he repeated, as if weighing his words. “We were both too focused on our jobs. It just didn't work out.”
“What does she do?”
“She's a pediatric surgeon. And a darn good one, too.”
Of course she was.
She was smart, and given Cullen's track record, she was probably beautiful, too.
“When we finished our residency, she got a pediatric-surgery fellowship in Seattle,” he said. “I'd been offered the job here.”
Lily resisted the urge to ask him if he'd fought for her.
Every woman needs to know the man she loves is willing to fight for her. That he won't just watch her walk away.
Of course, Josh hadn't simply watched; he'd given her a great big shove.
“We met during our residency and got married,” Cullen said. “We were married less than two years when she was awarded the fellowship. My work was here and hers was in Seattle. There wasn't much left to debate.”
“You couldn't make it work long distance? A lot of couples do.”
“She didn't want to.”
Yes, but did you? And if so, did you fight for her?
Lily was dying to ask these questions, but she couldn't get the words out of her throat. He looked so vulnerable, so vastly different from the ladies' man her friends had made him out to be.
“It's interesting that we're talking about her. I hadn't heard from her in ages. That's what happens to two divorced workaholics who have no kids. Clean break. Move on.”
That had been the case with her and Josh. They hadn't spoken since the breakup. And they lived in the same city.
“She called me a couple of nights ago.”
Lily's stomach dropped.
What?
“Really? Just like that? Out of the blue?”
As they exited the building into the parking lot, she tried to get a read on how he felt about this, but she couldn't tell. He just looked uncomfortable.
“Seemingly, but she had a reason. She might be moving back. She's going to be in Dallas soon, talking to a pediatric practice about joining them.”
“How nice.” Lily's voice sounded pinched, but she did her best to keep a smile firmly in place. “When will she be here?”
“She doesn't know yet. She's going to call me once she has firm dates.”
He shrugged. She nodded.
“Actually it could be a good thing,” Lily said, mustering all her courage. This...
this
was why she needed to remember her place. She was the nanny. He was her boss. “If you two got back together, you could keep the kids. You could be their parents.”
Cullen snorted. “That will never happen.”
Lily stopped just short of the SUV. If looks could kill, she would've skewered him with a death glare.
“They're good kids, Cullen,” she snapped. “Especially given all that they've been through.”
“Of course they are. I know that.”
“You have plenty of room in your house. I don't understand why you wouldn't take them in.”
“I don't have room in my life for four kids. It wouldn't be fair to them.”
“But you're doing such a good job with them. Would it really be so different than it is now? I mean
right now.
Look at how happy they are and
she'd
be able to help you out.”
The words had poured out of her as if someone had turned on the tap. Lily's heart pounded in her chest. As she grabbed the last of the stollen loaves, taking care not to reach in when Cullen did to avoid physical contact, she knew she should stop pushing the issue.
“We never wanted kids,” he said. “That was one of the few things we did agree on.”
He really didn't want kids? Even after spending nearly two weeks with the Thomas kids? The truth slapped her in the face. She deserved it. He'd told her this about himself how many times now?
Yet she still believed the kids would change him.
“She's a pediatrician and she doesn't want kids? Isn't that against the law of everything that's natural? Or at least against the oath she had to take as a kids' doctor?”
He shrugged again, and she knew they'd better steer the conversation to neutral territory. Especially since he hadn't denied the unspoken possibility of getting back together with her.
Her.
Lily hadn't even asked her name. He hadn't offered it. That was fine. She didn't want to know. Lily felt sick to her stomach. But better to know now than to get in any deeper than she already was. Really, she should thank him for this.
She forced another smile as he closed the SUV's hatchback. “I was so proud of the kids when they told me they want to donate the money they made selling the stollen to charity. And I was even more touched when I found out that you're going to match their donation. That's really great of you, Cullen.”
As they walked back to the building, she purposely didn't look at him. Her heart needed more time to set after turning to jelly thanks to the news about his ex-wife. If she let him back in too soon, she risked it seeping out of her chest and spilling on the floor.
“It's the least I can do. But really, in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing. It's the time of year when we
should
be charitable. Or at least
I
should. I know I should be benevolent all year long, butâ” He shrugged. “I get the idea that being altruistic is just your nature.”
She slanted him a glance but took care not to let her gaze linger. “Well, I'm a teacher by trade. I guess being charitable comes with the territory. But you...you're really good with them, Cullen. They
love
you so much.”
There it was again. Words flowing like water. Like a babbling brook, as Josh used to say.
Josh had such a mean streak.
Still, she clamped her lips together to keep from saying anything else. She'd already used the word
love.
Out of her peripheral vision, she saw Cullen roll his shoulder again. “I'm just doing right by Greg. He and Rosa were the ones who raised the kids right. I'm just continuing what they started. It's weird, thinking that they're gone. It makes you realize just how damn short life is. It makes you step back and take inventory of what's important and what isn't.”
Somehow he managed to shift the loaves he was carryingâtwice as many as she heldâand open the door. She made the mistake of looking him in the eye. For a second that seemed to last an eternity, his hazel eyes were filled with pain and torment and something else that she couldn't quite define.
She looked down and stepped inside.
Oh, but he was a complicated one.
“They're just with me until I can find a family that will take all four of them. They have to stay together. I won't let them be broken up.”
“And you really believe you can accomplish this before the first of the year?”
He nodded resolutely. “I have Cameron Brady working on it. He's a family-law attorney. I have every confidence in him that he will rise to the challenge and find a good place for them.”
She followed Cullen's gaze to where the kids were inside the booth, helping Sydney and A.J. arrange the loaves they'd already brought in.
“They
are
great kids,” he said. “They deserve so much more than I can give them. Besides, you make it so that all I have to do is show up. You're not always going to be here.”
His voice faltered and he cleared his throat. “I mean you won't always be around, making everything so...right.”
Her impulse was to say,
I can stay. All you have to do is ask me.
But she knew the real meaning behind the urge. She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from blurting it out. She had a career of her own. And if
she
âthe ex-wifeâmoved back in...
He was right about these kids needing stability. They needed a traditional home like what they were used to, where they felt comfortable and welcomed and loved. Even though no one could ever replace their mother and father, they needed the safety and sanctuary of a home with a man and a woman who loved each other. The girls needed a mom, and George, poor George... He was in such desperate need of a father figure.
“They told me you taught them about making donations,” Cullen said. “You're the one who is setting the good example. They said you told them about a big festival in Germany where they sell baked goods to raise money for charity. The donation was their idea, but you planted the seed.”
“Well, I think you underestimate how good you are with themâ”
“Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!” The voice came from behind them. When they turned around they saw the woman who had helped George pick up the bread rushing toward them.
“I'm so happy I caught you before you left,” she said.
“We weren't leaving,” Cullen said. “We were just going to get the final load of bread.”
She smiled as she shook her head. “Parents' work is never done, is it? This world needs more families like you. Responsible, community-minded, raising your kids to be good citizens, too. Oh! How could I be so rude? I didn't even introduce myself. My name is Joan Cotton. I'm the chairwoman of the Jingle Bell Ball. Have you heard of it?”