Hardline (30 page)

  
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Heath blurted out.

  
He was nursing a glass of wine. Alli frowned and hit him harder on the shoulder. He shot her an apologetic look.

  
“No, definitely not,” I said quickly.

  
Catherine grabbed the last nearly empty bottle of wine and refilled her glass. “Well, you wouldn’t get any arguments from us. We’re bored and retired. I need a grandbaby sooner rather than later.”

  
I snapped my jaw shut.
Oh hell
. Blake could barely hide a grin. He gave my knee another small squeeze.
 

  
“Dinner was great, Mom. I think that might be our cue to head home.”

  
* * *

  
Maybe the white wine and ocean air did something to me, because I couldn’t keep my hands off Blake as he drove us back to the city. I crept my hand over his thigh to the bulge in his jeans and kneaded gently. He placed his hand over mine but didn’t stop me.

  
“What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart?”

  
“I want you tonight, Blake. I can’t wait anymore.” I stroked him, his erection growing under my touch. I wanted every inch of him, and tonight I’d have it. I didn’t care what had happened. Blake was my lover, and our bodies were made for everything I wanted to give him tonight. It had been too long and I needed him. Except
need
didn’t do justice to the emotions running through me tonight. Something else was at work, and slowly I had begun to put it together.
 

  
His hold over me firmed, slowing my movements. He worked his jaw, and I could sense his concern.
 

  
“Wait until we get home,” he said quietly.

  
I thumbed over the soft head of his cock and grasping him more firmly.
 

  
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Christ.”
 

  
I hummed with pure female satisfaction, leaning over so more of our bodies made contact. “I don’t want to wait,” I whispered into his ear. My breasts rubbed against his arm as I reached to unzip his fly.
 

  
But he stopped me. “Erica, put your hands on your knees. Right now.” His expression hardened as the sharp command left his lips, the earlier vulnerability disappearing.
 

  
My heart beat rapidly as I assessed his mood. Was he mad or bossing me around? Regardless, a little rush at being told what to do fluttered through me, settling low in my belly. I eased back into the seat and rested my hands on my knees.
 

  
He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.
 

  
“Lift up your skirt and take your panties off. I want to see you.”

  
I smiled, pleased with where this was going. I obeyed and hiked my skirt up high enough so he could see me naked and ready for him. I wanted nothing more than to straddle him on the highway, but I could live with this until we got home.

  
“Good. Now touch your breasts.”

  
I hesitated a second, considering his request and how hot it made me. Then I cupped my hands over my breasts, noticing how heavy and tight they’d already become.
 

  
“Pinch your nipples, just like I would. Nice and hard.”

  
I did as he asked, and the sensation arrowed to my pussy. I stifled a tiny moan. My nipples quickly beaded into taut buds begging for his mouth. The way he looked back at me now, his eyes dark and dangerous, melted me on the spot.

  
“Tell me how that feels.”
 

  
I closed my eyes and squirmed, the feel of leather on my ass reminding me of my nakedness. I groaned. “I’m warm all over. But I’m frustrated. I want your hands on me.”

  
“I know you do, baby. Soon enough. Do you want me to let you touch yourself some more?”

  
“Yes. Please.”

  
“How about you slide your fingers into your pussy and tell me how that feels.”

  
I exhaled sharply, my need urgent now. I couldn’t possibly last long this way. I moved down to my torso until my fingers traced the seam of my sex. I glided my index finger along my opening, over my sensitive clit, and back down again. I opened my eyes to find Blake’s on me again, his tongue wetting his lower lip. Seeing that small sign of his own hunger, I pressed into myself. I arched my back off the seat and moaned, wishing he were filling me now, where I’d wanted him for so long.

  
He adjusted himself before hitting the gas a little harder. “Talk to me, baby. We’re close.”

  
“You could be inside me so easily. I want you here, your mouth and your cock. It’s not enough, just me. I have to have you or I’m going to lose my mind, Blake.” I grabbed my breast with my free hand, pinching my nipple as he’d told me to before.
 

  
“Fuck,” he breathed. His grip tightened on the wheel.

  
“That’s what I want. I want you moving inside me, slamming into me. I want to forget everything except how that feels, how perfect you make it feel every time.”
 

  
He glanced sideways and caught my thigh with his free hand. He tugged my leg up so my knee rested on the console. I was fully open, exposed and eager for the attention he should have been putting on the road.
 

  
“Keep going,” he rasped.
 

  
“You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel this way. I love it. I love you. I’ve been going crazy missing you, needing you. Blake, I need you.”
 

  
I pumped into my sensitive tissues, my mind reeling with want.
 

  
“Blake, please,” I moaned, having no care of where we were. I was close and I couldn’t wait.

  
“Don’t stop. I want to see you come for me.”
 

   
I did as he asked, desperate for any relief, even at my own hand. I edged closer to orgasm, the promise of it coiling tight in my muscles. Eyes closed, I had no idea where we were until the car came to a sudden stop and Blake’s hands were at my breasts, his mouth hot and wet at my mouth.
 

  
“Come, baby. Hurry.”

  
His hand covered mine as I hastened my final strokes. My muscles tensed, my skin burning under the small places where we touched.

  
“Blake,” I breathed his name, over and over.
 

  
“I love watching you do this. God, I want you so bad. So fucking bad.”
 

  
Then I crashed over, just as his teeth sank down into my shoulder. I cried out, shaking with the force of the climax.
 

  
I came down slowly, the reality that I was spread eagle in his car on our not-so-private street slowly dawning. I swallowed over a gasp, gradually pulling myself back together. Blake leaned back, seeming to do the same as he stared through the window.
 

  
“Let’s go.”

I leaned back against the door of the apartment the minute it shut behind us, only a little sated. My legs were still jelly, but every cell was charged, ready for him.
 

  
“Come here.”
 

  
Blake turned after a few steps, hunger and hesitation at war on his beautiful features. Hunger won as he came back to me, pinning me gently. He kissed me, petal-soft brushes of his lips over mine. I shivered as he traced the skin of my shoulder down my arm, lacing our fingers together. He pulled back a fraction.
 

  
“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
 

  
My heart ached at the smallest increase in separation between us, that small recession from where we’d been moments ago. I gripped him by the hip, wishing I could will him back to me, wishing distance were the only obstacle between us.

  
“I want to.”
 

  
“I can wait. God knows, I don’t want to, but I can.”

  
Strain laced the words as he spoke. I arched into his gentle touch—whispers of skin on skin, quiet declarations of the love between us that had very recently had no outlet. Blake was my lover, and we loved with our bodies.
 

   
“I’m ready, Blake. I need this, to be this close to you.” I had to find my way through this, so we could find ourselves in each other again.

  
He cupped my cheek, holding my gaze. “I
will
wait. As long as you need to.”
 

  
“No more waiting. I’m...”
 

  
I shook my head, not wanting to show him my doubts, but it was too late. He leaned away, his green eyes questioning me.
 

  
“I can’t take this anymore. I don’t know if I’m ready or if I’ll freak out somewhere along the way, but we have to try because I can’t live like this, without you.”
 

  
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
 

  
“No, it’s not the same. You know it’s not. This is who we are, how we love, and sometimes I can’t show you any other way.”
 

  
“You need time to work through this. I can see the hesitation in your eyes. I can feel it when you hold back. It shreds me. I can’t stand the idea of being the one who scares you and brings you back to those memories.”

  
“I know...God, you’ll never know how sorry I am, for all of this.” I sagged against the door, defeated by what Max had brought between us.

  
“You don’t need to be sorry. I’ve told you a hundred times. You need to believe me when I say that. None of this is or has ever been your fault.”

  
“I wish I could make it go away. You have no idea how badly I want that...to have Mark’s memory wiped away forever, but even his death couldn’t do that. I thought maybe it would, but it didn’t. It took away the fear that he could hurt me again, but what he did to me on the inside...I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of it. I want to believe it won’t haunt me one day, but all of this...lately...everything feels so fresh. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it again, but with different eyes.”

  
“How do you mean?”

  
“I know it sounds crazy, but before, with Mark, right after he attacked me and for the years after, I was never really
better
. I was functional and happy enough and moving forward with my life, but in order to be, I put what Mark did to me away. I locked him in a box, threw away the key, and convinced myself I was fine. But I wasn’t. Before you came into my life, I hadn’t really faced any of it. Maybe out of self-preservation with school, because I couldn’t imagine letting the rape ruin me and everything I’d worked so hard for. But I can’t block it out anymore. It’s like this terrible ugly scar and I’m too exhausted to hide it anymore. You’ve seen it, and you don’t judge me or pity me for it. It’s a part of me, and for the first time in years I’m realizing that I’m not all the way healed yet. And that’s okay. But I’m better because of you, because of us.”

  
I brought us chest to chest again and kissed him softly. I breathed him in. His scent, his closeness, made me dizzy.
 

  
“I’m not going to lie to you, Blake. I’m a little shell-shocked. I hate that I am, and that I reacted the way I did before. And I can’t promise that I won’t again, in some small way. Physically, there’s no question about what I want, but I never know what will trigger my mind. You’re right that I need time. But I can’t spend that time away from you because you’re the one who makes me better. You’re the only one who can bring me through this, because I’ve never trusted someone the way I trust you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. You have to believe me, that you’re the only one who can heal me, Blake.”

  
I held him tightly, letting a tear fall down my cheek. The emotions running wild inside me were creeping over, one way or the other.

  
“Baby,” he breathed against my lips, his shoulders softened under my hands.
 

  
“Please.” I kissed him again, more firmly, more demanding.
 

  
He pulled away again slightly, worry etched into the lines at his eyes. I reached to him, but before I could seal the plea with another kiss he had lifted me up by the waist. I wrapped my legs around him and let him carry us to the darkness of the bedroom. He lowered me at the foot of the bed, never breaking the contact.
 

  
I sifted my hand through his hair, deepening the kiss and melding our bodies together. My tongue found the ridge of his lips, flicking lightly for entrance. He sighed against me, opening. Our hands slid over each other. Even as the tension radiated between us, every move was measured and unrushed as it had never been before. I couldn’t remember when we’d taken this much time and care. And even though a part of me was screaming for him to hurry, to take me with all the passion he possessed, somehow this was more important. This slow dance of asking with each touch.

  
As our clothes fell to the floor and our hands found their way to each other again. I broke our kiss and sat on the edge of the bed. I inched back, unsure how he wanted me or what I could handle. Only the moon lit the room, casting a violet glow on the ruffled sheets beneath me. He stood for a moment, a dedicated love painting his shadowed features.