Hard to Love You (13 page)

“Hey pretty girl,” Cole says as he places his hands on my shoulders. “You want to go get some air with me?”

I look over my shoulder at him and he smiles. I would be so easy to fall in love with Cole. A fresh start, something I think I need. He doesn’t know about my past, doesn’t know what makes me tick, and doesn’t know about my insecurities. It’s really a shame that we both can’t give this a try; honestly I’m not sure it would be fair to either of us at this point in our lives but it sure would be nice if we could.

I’d just sat down for the first time all night. I’ve been trying to avoid being alone so that Mason doesn’t have the chance to talk to me while we are supposed to be enjoying MacKenzie’s wedding. So far the wedding has gone off without a hitch. All her family is great and they’ve taken the time to talk to me throughout the day. Even her crazy as hell twin cousins, those two are a trip. I’d like to go out with them one night to see how they really act when no one is breathing down their necks to behave.

“Sure.” I stand and say to my mom, “I’ll be back in a few and then we can call it a night. You got all checked into the room, right?”

I booked two rooms at the hotel for tonight, one for mom and a double for Cole and I, because I wasn’t sure how the night was going to go, plus it’s pretty late and I didn’t want Cole, Mom and I driving home this late, especially with having a few drinks.

“Yeah, Cole and I checked in before the ceremony.”

“Great. I’ll come grab you when we come back in and then we’ll say goodnight to Hunter and MacKenzie.” I tell her.

Cole holds out his hand for me, I place mine in his and he leads the way down to the ocean. It’s a perfect night. The wind is blowing just a bit; it’s chilly but feels nice against my sweaty skin.

“How you holding up?” Cole asks as he slips off his suit jacket, places it down on the sand and then sits on it, leaving just enough room for me to join him.

I slip my heels off and take a seat. “It’s hard, you know? Being this close to him but being a million miles away too.”

“He loves you.” Cole states like he’s known Mason all his life.

“But not enough to talk to me about what I saw that night, Cole.” I quip back.

Cole shrugs. “Maybe you need to hear him out, Hailey. Whatever happened might not have been right but there is always a reason for everything.” Cole turns his head and stares at the crashing waves in front of us.

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

“Maybe I am.” He answers, still staring straight ahead.

Cole and I sit like this for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. I get the chills as the wind picks up and brings a spray of ocean water with it. Cole reaches over and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“You ready to go say goodnight?” Cole asks.

I stand up and he follows. “Give me a few more minutes?” I ask. Cole grabs his jacket and shakes the sand from it. I’m sure he’s probably itching to get to his room to change and relax. “Go grab my mom and I’ll meet you inside.”

Cole pulls me into his strong arms and places a little kiss on the side of my head. “Talk to him, pretty girl. Trust me, it’s not every day you see the kind of love that Mason has for you.”

His hands slowly start to fall down my arms, he grabs my hands in his and squeezes just a little before he lets go and a single tear drops from my eye.

Cole starts to walk away, leaving me standing here looking out of the ocean, when he calls my name, “Hailey,” I turn. His face is lit up by one of the candles that are spread out all over the sand. “Trust me okay? I know what I’m talking about.” He just gave me a little piece of his past. I know that must have been hard for him to do.

“Alright, Flower boy, I’m trusting you.” I say.

Cole turns around and makes his way back up to the reception. As I watch him walk away I see MacKenzie, and I think it’s Mason with her, but it could be Cooper too; they’re standing just off the deck. I turn back around and take a seat next to where I left my shoes.

It’s so peaceful sitting here. I wish I could bottle up this feeling and take it with me everywhere. Everyone always thinks of me as the party girl who knows how to have a good time. While I must admit I live up to that reputation most of the time, I don’t always want to. Acting that way is my coping mechanism.

A big wave crashes and the water rushes up and almost meets my toes before it rushes back. This makes me think back on the first time Mason and I got really close.

This was the first time I had seen my dad in months. He knocked on the door saying he needed to talk to Mom. I told him she was at work and he’d have to come back after seven when she was home but he didn’t want to hear it. He pushed the door open, causing me to stumble back. He walked into the kitchen grabbed a beer that was left in there from before he moved out and made himself at home in the living room. I walked into the room to grab my cell phone so I could get the hell out of here, I should have known better.

“You happy that your mom and I split?” he slurs.

I tried I ignore him as I picked up the phone and turned around to leave but he kicked his foot up on the coffee table blocking my path. “I’m talking to you.” He yelled.

I flinched. I gripped the phone tighter in my hand. “No.” I know that if I had said yes things would have been worse for me.

“It’s all your fault you little bitch. Our life was perfect until you came into it.” Dad said as the alcohol on his breath hit me.

“I’m sorry.” I cried. What did he want me to do? Kill myself? Run away?

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He didn’t move his feet so I tried to climb over but he raised his leg and caused me to trip. I wasn’t expecting him to do that so I wasn’t prepared to have my hands out to break my fall. When I fell I hit the end of the coffee table on my forehead.

My dad quickly moved his feet. “Oops, sorry about that.”

He didn’t make a move to help me up or anything. I laid there for a second with my eyes squeezed shut. The pain was horrible. The pulsing on my forehead brought on an immediate headache. I blinked a few times before trying to get my bearings. I grabbed for my cell again but when I did a drop of blood hit the carpet. I reached up to where I’d hit my head, and when I pulled my hand away it was covered with blood. I took off, running for the bathroom.

I ran past Tara in the hallway and pushed her out of my way. “Watch where you’re going.”

I slammed the bathroom door shut and looked in the mirror. There was a gash on my forehead that was probably going to need stitches but there was no way I was going to the hospital.

I grabbed my phone and called the only person I knew who could help me. MacKenzie was down at the shore with her family but I knew Jackson didn’t go down until late Friday night since he had to work.

“MacKenzie,” I cried into the phone.

“Hailey? What’s the matter? Are you ok?” MacKenzie asked with concern in her voice.

“Can you please have Jackson pick me up and take me to the shore with you?” I managed to croak out.

“Um, what time is it?” I heard her shuffling some things around. “He should just be getting done at work. I’ll give him a call and tell him to swing by and pick you up.”

“Thank you.”

I looked at myself in the mirror before reaching for the Band-Aids. I cleaned the gash up the best I could but it just kept bleeding. I finally gave up trying to get it to stop. I grabbed some gauze, medical tape and the roll of paper towels that Mom always kept in the bathroom and ran across the hall to my room. I threw it all in my overnight bag along with some clothes. I didn’t even know if anything matched and I really didn’t care, right then I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I heard Jackson beep his horn. I grabbed my bags and darted out of the house as quickly as possible.

Jackson reached over and opened the door for me, “Damn Hails, you ok?”

“Just drive.” I took my first deep breath since Dad forced his way into the house.

When we arrived at the Cahill’s shore house a few hours later I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Jackson grabbed my bags as I still held the gauze to my head. The bleeding had just about stopped but still leaked a little.

Elle, MacKenzie and Mason were sitting at the kitchen table when we walked in. Great! I was hoping to sneak in and only have to deal with MacKenzie.

Mason stood up so fast his chair fell back, “What the hell happened to you?” he said.

I lowered the gauze, MacKenzie and Elle gasped. When I looked back up Mason had his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

“I’ll be fine.” I would be. I’d probably just have a scar.

“What happened?” Mason asked again.

“My dad,” I got out before I started crying. “I tried to step over his feet but he lifted them and tripped me. I didn’t put my hands out and hit the corner of the table.”

Elle walked over to me, grabbed my hand and walked me to the bathroom. She helped me get the gash all cleaned up and told me I should get stitches; I told her I wouldn’t go. She found some butterfly stitches and closed the gash as best she could. I looked down at my shirt and noticed all the blood. I guess walking into the house the way that I did made it look a lot worse than it really was. This is just what I wanted for my sixteenth birthday. I’d just have to have MacKenzie help me cover it with make-up before the party that she was throwing for me.

Mason walked into the bathroom holding out one of his old baseball t-shirts and a pair of MacKenzie’s shorts.

“I’m guessing you didn’t pack any to sleep in. I have a bunch of t-shirts here.” Mason said as I grabbed the clothes from him.

“Take a shower, sweetie, then try and get some sleep.” Elle said. She threw all the trash away, washed her hands then kissed my forehead and walked out. Mason stood there for a second longer; he looked like he wanted to hold me, but then turned and shut the door behind him.

I took a quick shower, slipped the shorts on and then pulled Mason’s T-shirt over my head. I brought it up to my nose and inhaled, it smelled just like Mason. He smelled like soap and then sun with that slight dirt smell from years of playing baseball. I towel dried my hair and threw it up on the top of my head.

When I opened the bathroom door, Mason was sitting just outside on the floor. “Mase?”

He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. I glanced down the hall and didn’t see anyone, all the doors were shut and the light in the hallway was off. “You ok?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’ll be fine, just a little cut.”

Mason stood up. I took a step back; my back hits the closed bathroom door. The coldness from the door hitting my warm back caused me to get the chills. Mason took a step closer and ever so gently kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before walking away and leaving me standing there.

I hate my dad, I’ve always tried to be the perfect daughter but no matter what I did it didn’t matter. I don’t fit into my family; I’m the outcast, the black sheep. My dad should be the one saying he’s sorry, not Mason.

I was so angry; I knew I would never fall asleep. I walked over to MacKenzie’s door, dropped my blood stained clothes and shoes and made my way to the only place I felt at peace.

It’s was the middle of summer so when I took a seat on the towel in front of the ocean I was still warm. The waves were so close, so loud. They were angry which was exactly how I felt. I was pissed off at the world. Sometimes I wished I had the courage to walk out there and just let myself float away; have the waves crash over my body and carry me away into the darkness. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel like no one wanted me.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t feel Mason come up behind me and wrap his body around mine. “Hey.” He said as he pulled me back against his toned, hard, chest.

“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.” I told him as I snuggled a little closer to him.

“I’m sorry your dad is such an asshole, Hails. You don’t deserve this.” Mason said in my ear.

I sat up and turned around so was sitting on my knees between his legs. I put my hands on either side of his face, “You have no reason to be sorry, Mason. You didn’t do any of this.” A tear slipped down my cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb. I dropped my hands and placed them on his knees as he pulled my face closer to his. I felt his hot, minty breath against my face. Mason and I hadn’t kissed since that one time when I was twelve so I was a little unsure of what was happening. Just as I thought he was about to kiss me on the lips he lifted his head and kissed me on my gash.

I winced from the slight pressure of his lips against it. I started to pull away, feeling silly for thinking that Mason would try to kiss me, but he wouldn’t let me go. He placed a kiss on my temple then another just below my ear, then my jaw, then the corner of my mouth. Mason pulled back and looked at me. His eyes remind me of the stormy ocean, just another reason why I liked him so much.