Hard to Let Go (15 page)
And then he went down to his knees behind her, and grabbed her ass in a way that opened her up and forced her to further arch. She nearly screamed when he plunged his tongue inside her wetness and flicked and sucked and lapped at her over and over again. Relentless. Demanding. And so damn sexy that Kat thought she’d lose her mind.
Then he added his thumb to the mix, using it to worry her clit fast and hard and firm, and she came apart in his hands. Her fingers clawed the brick wall, her breathing halted and then whooshed out of her on a long moan, and her knees went soft.
He kissed her lower back. “Hearing you come is my new favorite sound,” he said, his breath ticklish against her skin.
“Oh, God, Beckett.” She held onto the wall and hoped the room stopped spinning around her. She felt him rise to his full height, the denim of his jeans rough against her bare cheeks. And despite the incredible satisfaction he’d given her, the sounds of him undoing his pants, pushing them down, and jerking his cock in his own hand revved her right back up again. He smacked his long, hard length against her ass, and she moaned.
“You’re gonna feel so fucking good,” he said, his fist bumping against her as he stroked himself. “I just know it.”
She peered over her shoulder, and God, the sight of his big hand wrapped around that gorgeous cock was erotic as hell. “Come find out.”
He closed the distance between them, grabbed her hip and teased her opening with his thick head. “You want me, Kat?”
“Jesus, Beckett, I’m dripping for you.”
“Fuck,” he said on a groan, and then he sank deep.
“Oh, yeah,” Kat rasped, loving the overwhelming way he filled her. “That’s it. God, you’re so damn big.”
His arms came around the front of her, one hand settled on a breast, the other on her throat. He was hunched around her so they touched from thigh to head. He pressed his lips to her ear. “And you’re so damn small. Don’t let me hurt you. Never let me hurt you, Angel. Promise me.” He withdrew on a slow, tormenting stroke.
Kat wasn’t sure whether the words or the pleading tone behind them tugged at her heart more. “I won’t, Beckett. And you won’t.” She tried to push herself back on him, but he was holding her so tight that he controlled her movement entirely. “I need you.”
“You have me, Kat.” He bottomed out inside her again. “Have me.”
He kept up the slow-and-deep rhythm until Kat was moaning and begging and clenching and unclenching her fists against the wall. “Oh, God, Beckett. Please let go. I need you hard and fast and unrestrained.”
“Yeah?” he said, licking the shell of her ear.
“Yeah,” she whimpered.
And then he boxed her up tight against the brick, his arms keeping the front of her body away from the rough surface, and fucked her until she couldn’t talk, couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe. The head of his cock hit a sensitive spot inside her again and again and again. Standing with her legs together made her so tight that she could feel her own slickness on her thighs. And the tight grip of his hands on her breast and her throat shot bolts of electricity through her blood. It was spectacular.
“I want you to come again,” he rasped. “Come all over me.”
“Just don’t stop,” she whispered. “Just . . . don’t . . . oh, God, coming.” Her body tightened until it was almost painful and then splintered apart in a thousand floating pieces. Her moan was long and low.
“So fucking good, Kat. Jesus.”
When she could catch her breath, she reached her hand back and lightly grasped the side of his head, her mouth finding his for a kiss. “I love this with you,” she said. The ferocity with which he kissed her made her stomach flip. But as true as the words were, it wasn’t just the sex she loved with Beckett. She loved that he could be so hard yet so soft. She loved that he pushed her yet supported her. She loved that he could apologize and that, for all his incredible strength, he could show vulnerability, too. Even if it was in his own fucked-up way. And as much as she liked to bitch about it, she kinda loved how he drove her crazy, because she was pretty sure she did it to him, too.
What all that meant, especially in the midst of this crisis, she wasn’t sure, but there also wasn’t any hurry to define it right now. Was there?
Beckett groaned, and the sound of his pleasure spiked her own. His hips flew against her, the smacking of skin on skin and their rough breaths loud in the otherwise quiet space. “Coming. Fucking coming in you.” His hold on her tightened until she could barely breathe, but she wouldn’t have changed it for the world. And then his cock pulsed inside her over and over again. “God . . . damn,” he gritted out.
When Beckett finally withdrew from her, Kat missed him everywhere. His heat. His hold. His body inside hers. But he gently turned her, then grabbed some napkins from the supplies. Kat cleaned herself up and they quietly reassembled themselves. All the while, she hoped like hell that things wouldn’t go from awesome to weird as they had before.
Expression serious, Beckett took her hands in his.
And Kat’s heart fell to the floor.
Here it comes again
. She could already hear him saying that this was a mistake—
“I don’t want to hide us anymore,” he said.
Wait. What? “You . . . what?” His words were so unexpected, she half felt like she’d just walked, cartoonlike, into a pole she hadn’t known was there.
“I don’t know what we might be, Kat, but I know what I want us
not
to be. I don’t want us to be some dirty little secret. And I don’t want us to pretend around everyone else that we don’t care. And I don’t want us to just be quickies in a sniper’s roost.” Those bright blue eyes absolutely blazed at her.
Kat’s head spun. Not because she didn’t like the sound of what he was saying, but because she was gobsmacked that he was the one saying it. Mostly, she’d contented herself with thinking quickies in a sniper’s roost were
all
they’d ever be, no matter how much her heart found deeper, sweeter things to like about the man.
“I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to, though,” he said, brow furrowing and shoulders sagging. Just the littlest bit.
But it was enough to make her realize she hadn’t responded adequately, or, like, at all. “No, no. I’m sorry. I’m just surprised. But I’d like not hiding, too. At first, well, I wasn’t sure . . .” She shrugged. “But there’s clearly something here, Beckett. And I’d like to know what it might be without feeling like we’re doing something wrong.”
“Exactly,” he said, hope filling his eyes. And God if that didn’t make them even prettier.
She smiled as butterflies whipped through her belly. Kinda ridiculous, given that she was a twenty-nine-year-old woman, but the feeling was there all the same. “So, uh, what were you thinking? And, oh, by the way, I’m pretty sure Jeremy might’ve guessed something’s going on already.”
“Yeah, I caught that. Marz, too, by the way.”
“Damn, they’re good.” Kat chuckled.
“Or just giant busybodies.”
Grinning, Kat nodded. “They could be that, too.”
Beckett cupped his big hand around Kat’s face. “The first thing I’d like to do is talk to Nick.” Kat couldn’t hold back the groan that spilled out of her, and it made Beckett chuckle. “Trust me, I’m not looking forward to that conversation either. But he’s one of my best friends and my teammate. If he doesn’t hear it from me, he’s gonna be pissed. Or more pissed, as the case may be.”
“Yes, well. He excels in that,” Kat said, still smarting from the morning.
Beckett’s thumb stroked under her eye. “I agree he crossed a line, Angel. But try to remember that he was worried out of his mind about both you and Becca. He wasn’t mad so much at you as at the possibility of losing you two.”
Kat turned her head and pressed a kiss into Beckett’s palm. “I know, but the whole reason I took the risks I did was to make sure Becca got back to him safely. I know what she means to him. Hell, I love her myself. I’d never let anything happen to her. Or Charlie, for that matter. Because I know what the two of them mean to my brothers. It just would’ve been nice for him to at least recognize I brought her home to him. I did the job he asked me to do.”
“You did,” Beckett said, giving her a small, soft kiss.
Crossing her arms, Kat pouted, just a little. “I’m glad he has you hard-asses to stand up for him, too, even though I’m irritated as hell at him.”
Beckett pressed his lips into a line, and it was clear he was trying not to smile.
“Shut up,” she said.
He couldn’t resist grinning at that, and he put his arms around her. Trying not to laugh, Kat pushed him away. “Aw, don’t be like that, Angel.”
“Don’t think that Angel crap is gonna get you out of everything either.” She was totally failing at holding back the smile now, and his laughter proved it.
He held his thumb and forefinger close together. “It helps a little though, right?”
She swatted at his hand. “No, Trigger, it doesn’t.”
Beckett’s eyes went wide, then narrowed to slits, the scars around his eye making the expression seem even more severe. “You did not just go there again.”
“I totally did,” she said, owning her grin now. She backpedaled as he stalked after her, her spine coming up against the brick again.
He grabbed her hands and pinned them to the wall on either side of her. “What am I going to do with you?”
Kat waggled her eyebrows. “The possibilities are endless.”
Nodding, his smile slowly slipped off his face. “Can I tell you something?”
Frowning, Kat nodded. “Yeah, of course. What just happened?”
His brows slashed down and he let go of her hands. She rested them on his chest, concern sloshing into her belly. “I want you to know . . . I’m going to talk to Emilie tonight after our meeting. I had a sonofabitch for a father, Kat. Never missed an opportunity to beat me up or tear me down.” He swallowed hard.
Kat’s heart pounded in grief and outrage for him. “That fucking sucks, Beckett. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “Thing is, the shit my father did is like a poison inside me. I need some help to get it out.”
Throwing her arms around his neck, Kat held on as tight as she could, given the disparity in their height. “Whatever you need, I am here for you.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, her lips caressing the mass of scars by his eye. Were those from his father or war? Either way, she hated that life had been so hard on this man.
Beckett leaned down so he could return the hug more firmly. “I don’t want it to poison you, too.”
Damn if that sentiment didn’t make her chest bloom with warmth and sadness. This sweet, strong, tough-as-nails man had all kinds of rough edges . . . because someone had given them to him—or, by the sounds of it, carved them into him.
And, oh God, the pleading words he’d murmured in his sleep last night came back to her.
Why you doing this? What did I do?
All at once the things that had so confused her about Beckett Murda became instantly, heartbreakingly clearer. And now she knew what those defense mechanisms were protecting him from.
“You could never do that, Beckett. You’re a good man, do you hear me?”
A fast nod of his head against hers. And then, finally, he released her from the hug. “I’m not sure what I’m looking forward to less—talking to Emilie or your brother.”
Kat gave a small smile. “Don’t be afraid of my brother. You can take him.”
He chuffed out a laugh. “I don’t know. Nick is fast on his feet.”
“Yes, but we have a secret weapon that will totally disarm his anger, if necessary.” Kat grinned, the wheels in her head turning.
“We do?” he asked.
“Yep. And her name is Becca.”
“W
as anyone able to learn anything else?” Nick asked the group as Kat and Beckett joined everyone in the gym. They were the last two to come to the nine o’clock meeting, and the fact that they both brought a sandwich and a drink with them clearly indicated that they’d been otherwise occupied during what was supposed to have been dinnertime. But now that they’d agreed to go public, Kat didn’t really care. Although that didn’t mean she didn’t want to smack the smirk off Jeremy’s face when she and Beckett sat down together.
Pain in the ass brothers.
Oh, great. And Marz was kinda smirking, too.
“Yeah, we did,” Charlie said. He counted off on his fingers. “We found a number of places—though we’re still compiling just how many it might be—where there are notations that read, ‘K orders,’ or ‘K contact.’ Marz and I had noticed that before, but we didn’t know what it might mean. In light of today’s developments, it seems pretty clear it refers to Kaine.”
“That’s a little loose, though,” Shane said, hands braced on the back of the folding chair in which Sara sat. “Isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so,” Marz said. “I read some of the ones where it says ‘K orders,’ and I can remember a few of those missions. More importantly, at least two of them involved changes to existing orders that I recall came to Merritt from above. I’m sure if Nick looks those over, he could recall even more.”
“So,” Nick said, “Merritt was noting places where Kaine had ordered us to transport to a different heroin disposal facility. That kinda thing?” His arms were crossed, his face set in concentration.
“Exactly,” Charlie said. He pressed against his next finger. “Those notations match up with times when my father’s records show a disparity between pounds of heroin dropped off for disposal and pounds of heroin actually destroyed.”
“No one’s really watching any of that over there, are they?” Easy asked, shaking his head.
“No. And I’m sure they were counting on exactly that,” Nick said. “Jesus.”
“But what they weren’t counting on,” Beckett said from next to Kat, “was the fact that Merritt
was
watching, was taking note of the doctored books. And when Kaine found out, that threatened the entire operation.”
“Very likely,” Marz said, nodding. “Charlie found something else, too.”
“Yeah,” Charlie said in a quiet voice. He sat forward and grabbed a sheet of paper off the desk, using his uninjured hand. “I hacked into the Singapore bank again.” Expressions of surprise went up around the room. Kat had known Charlie was good, but she clearly hadn’t realized just how good he was. She supposed it should’ve been weird that her first reaction to the news of his illegal activity was to be impressed instead of outraged. Being neck deep in this whole situation had shifted her perspective. “Wasn’t as easy as last time because there were levels of security and detection that weren’t there a month ago. But I managed to stay in long enough to confirm this.” He handed the paper to Nick.
“Sonofabitch,” Nick said, eyes glued to the sheet. “Kaine has a bank account there, too. Only his is worth quite a bit more.”
“Well,” Charlie said, “he’s also had more than a year’s additional time to accrue principle and interest, now, hasn’t he.” It wasn’t a question, and Kat wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Charlie radiate anger the way he did just then. Not that she blamed him.
“No other way to read that, then,” Marz said, pointing at the sheet, “other than Kaine being on the take.”
“Find anything else in the documents I gave you?” Kat asked. She’d nearly devoured the turkey sandwich she’d made. Brushing bread crumbs off her fingers, she set her empty plate on the floor beneath her chair.
Charlie nodded. “Since Kaine was kind enough to call Becca using his cell phone, we were able to search for that number in the phone call log file. Numerous instances of calls between the now-defunct extension at Seneka and Kaine’s cell. None since, though, which is . . . so not helpful.” He shrugged. The news added more credence to Kat’s belief that she might’ve done the wrong thing but for the right reason.
“Well, think about it, though,” Beckett said, rubbing his jaw. “If they thought they’d been compromised enough to take that extension out of service, they could’ve decided that using things like personal cell phones was way too risky, too. Especially since calls to Chapman go through a switchboard, so you can only trace them so far.”
“Who knows how many of the calls between Seneka and Chapman involved Kaine and this situation,” Nick said, nodding at Beckett.
Marz nodded. “Seems to me that we’ve got the evidence we need to confront Seneka, and I might’ve found the perfect way to do it.”
Nick shifted feet, and Kat didn’t miss the small wince that flashed across his face. Her gaze went right to his hip, which she couldn’t see under his jeans and black T-shirt, of course. But it made her realize she hadn’t once asked how his back was feeling since she’d arrived at Hard Ink. During the ambush that led to this whole crazy situation, he’d been shot in the back twice, resulting in a fractured pelvis, perforated bowel, and lingering nerve damage. Sometimes it bothered him enough that he had a small limp—nowhere as pronounced as Beckett’s, but enough to be noticeable.
Nick heaved a breath and raked his fingers through his hair. “Marz, have you by any chance looked to see if there are any calls directly between Kaine or Merritt and John Seneka’s direct extension?”
“No,” Marz said. “But that would be easy enough to do.” He turned his attention to the computer for a few minutes, his hands clacking against the keyboard every so often, then shook his head. “Not a one. What’re you thinking, hoss?”
Nick frowned, then his gaze cut to Kat. “Is John Seneka aware of your office’s investigation into his company?”
“Yes,” she said, wondering where Nick was going with his question. “He doesn’t know the full scope of the investigation, but our work is part of an official congressional inquiry into a whole host of issues with Seneka. As far as I know, though, Mr. Seneka’s been at least somewhat cooperative. He even provided some of the materials in our files voluntarily.”
“I guess I’m just wondering how high up within Seneka these activities go,” Nick said, his hand pressing almost absentmindedly against his lower back.
Kat looked around for an empty folding chair, but with pretty much everyone here, there were none nearby. Without a word, she got up, grabbed her chair, and carried it over to him, placing it backward in front of him. “Sit.” She gave him a look, but didn’t wait to debate it with him, then she went and stood by Beckett, who made her take his seat.
As Nick straddled the folding chair the way he always did, Becca threw Kat a look of appreciation, then moved behind Nick and placed her hands on his shoulders.
“That’s an interesting question, Nick,” Beckett said, looking around at everyone. “Equally interesting is the question of exactly who Frank was working for. No way he took this op on by himself.”
Nick nodded. “I was thinking about that, too. If we could find who
that
person is, we’d presumably have another ally in all this.”
“I’ve been keeping an eye out for any information about who Merritt might’ve been reporting to or working with in the documents,” Marz said. “So far, nothing.”
“Where does all this leave us, then?” Nick asked, his voice tired.
Everyone traded looks.
Finally, Marz said, “We could drag this out as long as it takes to read through everything, but I don’t think we have that kind of time with the Ravens.” Nick nodded, and agreements rose up from the men. “I think we have enough to confront Seneka. And our bargaining chip is the twelve million dollars. Today’s meeting with Kaine proves they’re still after it, so maybe that gives us some leverage. And, before you ask, I have an idea how to make first contact with Mr. Seneka himself, thanks to Kat’s records.”
Kat’s gaze cut to Marz’s. He winked at her. “What did you find?”
“John Seneka very helpfully has a personal zmail account. And Charlie and I have figured out how to hack it, take it over, and force a z-video chat with him the next time he logs in.”
Once again Kat’s reaction wasn’t what she thought it should be. Instead of being aghast like she might’ve been a week ago, she was impressed by Marz and Charlie’s evil genius.
“Shit, really?” Shane said, a hint of a grin playing around his handsome mouth.
“How do you know you can do it?” Easy asked, his expression just shy of hopeful.
“Oh,” Marz said, grinning at Charlie, whose face lightened for maybe the first time during the whole conversation. “Because we hacked in about an hour ago. Seneka definitely checks that account daily, though usually in the morning, if the time stamps on his replies are any indication. Which means we can a hundred percent confront him tomorrow. And do it on our own terms.”
B
ECKETT WAS A
wrung-out mess. He’d just spent the past hour talking to Emilie, and it was maybe more than he’d talked at one time in his whole life. He couldn’t exactly say he felt good, and maybe not even better, but he could say that he was a little proud of himself for facing his past. Didn’t matter that dealing with that shit was as comfortable as swallowing crushed glass, because choking it down was the only way he’d have a chance at a future.
At least, a future that he really, truly wanted.
One where he wasn’t alone. One where he wasn’t angry. One where he wasn’t wasting the time he might have left on this earth—time his seven fallen teammates no longer had.
Jogging down the stairs from the third-floor apartment, Beckett headed to the gym. No matter how trashed he felt, he had one more conversation that absolutely had to happen tonight.
With Nick. About Kat.
Beckett had seen the all-knowing looks on Marz’s and Jeremy’s faces when he and Kat joined the all-hands’ meeting earlier in the evening. If he didn’t go to Nick soon, the guy was going to learn about them some other way. And then the hell was going to be even worse to pay. And Beckett didn’t want that to happen. Not just because he didn’t want the hassle. But because he owed it to Nick—as his friend and his brother—to come clean.
Didn’t mean that Beckett’s gut wasn’t all twisted up about whether Nick would think him good enough for his baby sister, though.
He reached the gym door, took a deep breath, and punched in the pass code.
Man up, Murda
. Right.
Inside, things were hopping, despite the fact that it was after eleven o’clock. Some Ravens were lifting weights. Others were shooting the shit around the table. And two guys were tossing a ball back and forth, driving Eileen crazy by bouncing it over her head. Easy was pounding out a fast pace on the treadmill. And, in the back corner, Nick, Marz, and Shane were poring over something on Marz’s desk.
Beckett had faced down terrorists who wanted nothing more than to take his life with their very hands, and he’d probably never been as nervous as he was right now. For fuck’s sake.
He moved into the room. About midway across, he spied Cy peeking out from behind a weight machine. “You and me are gonna have a talk soon, too,” he said, pointing at the cat. A one-eyed blink was his only answer.
And then he was standing on the far side of Marz’s desk next to Shane, peering down at what the three men were examining.
Marz gave him a smile and tapped his finger against the pages. “Just going over all these instances when Merritt noted Kaine as having changed orders regarding counternarcotics missions.”
“Marz was right,” Nick said, looking up at him. “Some of these gave me a bad feeling in my gut at the time, because they seemed out of character for Merritt. He was never a last minute kinda guy. Every damn time he’s marked those changes as having been ordered by Kaine.”
Beckett nodded. And then his mouth acted without his brain’s permission. “I’d like to date your sister.”
Oh, Jesus. Had he just blurted that out?
Uh, yes. Yes, he had, if the expressions of the three men now gawking at him were any indication. Mouth and eyes wide, Shane’s was totally stunned with a side of
Oh shit, this is gonna get interesting, fast.
Shaking his head, Marz seemed half amused, half exasperated. And Nick . . . well . . . the frigid look he’d thrown at Marz earlier in the day didn’t begin to compare to this.
“Come again?” Nick said, straightening to his full height and nailing him with a subzero stare.
“Uh, maybe we should . . .” Beckett nodded his head to the side. “ . . . find a place to talk.”
Nick crossed his arms. “Right here works for me.”
Beckett swallowed. “Okay, uh . . .” His gaze flickered to Shane and Marz, who simultaneously looked like they wanted the floor to swallow them up
and
that they might burst out laughing. Fuckers. “I like her, Nick.”
Nick’s gaze narrowed even further. “No, you don’t. You two drive each other fucking crazy.”
Releasing a deep breath, Beckett shook his head. “I like her.”
Tilting his head like Beckett was a puzzle he was trying to solve, Nick finally said, “I’ve known you how many years? Never once saw you get attached or even want to.”
