Hard to Hold On (21 page)

I look down,
watching as he bites on his bottom lip while pulling my panties down. Quickly, his hot tongue slides out to touch my core and I gasp through my teeth as he swirls it around my sweet area. I can really feel myself building up now. I want nothing but him inside of me—nothing but his hard body against mine. I want to mold and fill the room up with our steam and sweat.

My moans and pants pick up and then he pulls back. “Not yet,” he says against my lips.

He presses against me, placing feathery kisses against my cheek. I hook my legs around his waist, practically begging for him to dive inside of me but he holds off. I swear I hate when he holds off. He crushes my lips and swallows my moans with urgency—with need. He then strokes inside of me and I gasp, allowing my head to fall back. We both know it’s been a while.

“Shit, Natalie,” he hisses through his teeth. He grunts against my ear and the rhythm picks up. The mus
ic is pounding against my back through the floor and with each beat, Nolan strokes into me harder and harder. He groans against my ear, cupping my ass, and allowing the strokes to deepen. I squeal as he goes harder and harder. I’ve missed this so much and by the pleasure that’s written all over his face, I know he has as well.

His thumb rubs circles around me and I buck against him but he keeps a hand at my waist to keep me in place. The
room spins around me and Nolan picks his speed up again. I didn’t think it was possible, but he does and with each stroke, I’m closer and closer to ecstasy. I’m closer to reaching my climax. Closer to feeling free.

“Oh, shit, Natalie I’ve missed this so much,” he says through his teeth. His head then falls back and he lifts my hips so they aren’t touching the floor. I
squeeze my legs around his waist because it’s coming—from the both of us. A scream screeches out of me and he grunts heavily, his hips still pounding against me, before falling against my chest. We explode, releasing a satisfying sigh.

We pant heavily, our stomachs sinking and rising and our breath touching one another’s shoulders. I’m at a
n all-time high right now. It’s a familiar feeling I’ve missed. A feeling of being complete, whole. I’ve never felt this way with anyone but Nolan. Even when I was with Bryson, it never felt this way.

Nolan lifts up slowly and his palms press against the carpet as he gazes down at me. A smile is on his lips and he finally looks himself again. There doesn’t seem to be any stress, anger, or anything negative
and it’s how it should be but I know it’s all going to change in only a matter of minutes. We’re going to talk soon—really talk—and I’m ready for it. I’m tired of the secrets and the games. I’m tired of the rumors and the stupidity.

I
need to figure out if this struggle has been really worth it. I need to know if
we’re
really worth it. I need an answer now in order to know what to do from this moment on. I still don’t know if Nolan’s done anything with Sharon that may make me run away but I’ll find out tonight. Something just tells me he has, and I know I won’t like hearing it.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Nolan

That felt good. Really good. I’ve been waitin
g to see her roll with pleasure ever since we’ve split. There are no words to describe how much I’ve missed her and her body. After we’re done, I help her to her feet and we get dressed. I glance over at her and she’s smiling which I’m glad for.

“So, where are we going to talk at?” I ask her after pulling my shirt on.

“Not here. Not while Tyler is around.” She gives me a side-glance and I sigh, watching as she buttons her jeans.

“
Well how about for now we party like there’s no tomorrow?”

She looks up at
me with a grin and I smile, offering my hand. She takes it and I lead her to the door. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much but I love her and I hate myself for putting her through hell for these past couple of weeks. Differences aside, I love Natalie and I’m glad she feels the same way. I’m glad I’m not too late.

As soon as we’re downstairs I see Tyler scanning the room. He’s most likely looking for Natalie but I’m not handing her over.
Not yet. Instead of going in his direction, I take her to the den where a few people are practically sitting in the dark. A few have drinks in hand and some are laid out. I see one spot available at the end of the couch and I grip Natalie’s hand while going for it. I sit and tug her on her arm but she frowns as she looks around. “You know I don’t bite, Bunny.”

She bites on a smile and I spin her around. Her hips lower and she sits on the middle of my lap. Her warm vanilla scent fills my lungs and I breathe her in, hooki
ng my arms around her middle, never wanting to let go. I wish I could take her right here, right now. She always feels good against me.

She
twists in my lap to look at me and a few streaking lights shine from the living room and touch her face. Her features are soft, humble. She isn’t stressing at all. I need her happy—complete. “I don’t want Tyler to see me all over you.”

I frown, he
aring his name come out of her mouth. “Why does it matter? Are you dating him?”

“No.” H
er head shakes quickly as she grips my hand. “It just feels rude and disrespectful, you know? He invited me here and he likes me a lot—”

“Do you like him a lot?”

“He’s sweet, Nolan.” She frowns as she looks down at me. “I didn’t think you were going to be here. I don’t want to be disrespectful to him by hanging with you all night.”

I laugh dryly, shaking my head
. “Natalie, do you realize how selfish you sound right now. You can’t have both of us, plus I came here to win you over. I’m trying to do the right thing. I need you back.”

H
er lips seal and her grip lacks from around my hand. The gesture causes me to look up at her. She’s no longer looking at me. Her gaze has drifted to her right.

“Who do you want, Natalie?”

She blinks but doesn’t bother to look at me. I bring a hand up to pull her hair back. I’ve noticed it’s darker. It makes her look sexier and—I didn’t even think that was possible. As I lean forward, I kiss her cheek and she finally looks at me.

“How do I know if I can trust you again?” she asks.

“How do I know if I can trust you to leave Tyler alone?” I counter.

“I don’t want him. I want—”
Her mouth clamps shut rapidly, her eyes expanding.

“You want what
?” I murmur against her ear. I know her answer. I just want to hear her say it. “Stop leading that guy on, Bunny. If you know what you want, just take it back already.”

“That’s the problem,” she mutters. “I can’t just take
you back when I don’t know if you’ve been faithful to me.”

“Natalie, I didn’t cheat on you.”

“But you did something with her, right?”

I stare into her eyes for a brief moment before tearing my gaze away. “It was nothing to me.”

She bites on her bottom lip and fidgets on my lap. Her head lowers and her hair falls, creating a curtain around her face. I pull her hair away again to see her. “I just don’t understand. What does she have to give that I don’t?”

“Nothing!
Natalie, I was drunk. I was upset that you were ignoring me. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry that it’s been bothering you but it was just a kiss and I regret it more than anything. I can’t even remember it. I knew she was going to bring it up. I knew she was going to try and ruin us. She’s jealous and she’s upset that I don’t want her back. It was a mistake that I’ll never let happen again.”

I grab her hand and bring it to my lips. I kiss her knuckles but she press
es her lips together. “That’s what I mean, Nolan. If we are to get back together and possibly end up taking another break, how do I know you won’t go find some broad on the street to kiss or possibly fuck if it comes to that?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Natalie.”

“I mean you already have, Nolan. I don’t want to take you back that easily. You’ll think I’ll take you back every time you fuck up. I don’t want to put myself into situations like that anymore.” Sighing, she pushes from my lap to stand. “I think I’m just going to go grab another drink or something.”

“Do you want
me to come with you?” I ask, standing with her.

Her head shakes, her gaze lowering
. “No. I need time, Nolan.” She lingers in front of me for only a second and then turns around. With each step she takes away from me, I feel my heart cracking. I feel guilty for kissing Sharon but I know it wasn’t cheating. Natalie and I weren’t dating—and I was drunk.

It was the week after Natalie left—when she was ignoring me. I felt so fucking vulnerable that I
stooped as low as Sharon. I know it’s no excuse but I never would have done it if Natalie and I were still dating. She was around when I wasn’t thinking and not thinking led me into trouble—to Natalie walking away from me without looking back.

She
disappears within the crowd and I run a hand through my hair roughly. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I make my way through to look for Dawson but he’s in the corner, whispering in Harper’s ear.

I turn to my right and that’s when I spot Natalie
again . . . only she’s talking to Tyler. She’s not against him or even in his arms but it’s just the fact that she’s talking
to
him. He’s trying to flirt and she’s forcing herself to laugh but I see the sadness behind her eyes. I notice the way she’s clinging to her beer and swallowing as if it will get rid of what she’s just heard me admit. Tyler hooks an arm around her shoulders and says something into her ear. She nods and then walks with him out of the front door.

I force myself to re
main calm. I won’t go after her. I trust her . . . but I don’t trust him. I trust nothing about him and I don’t like how he has his hands on her. I’m pissed that I can’t claim territory that isn’t mine right now. I can’t go after her since we aren’t dating. Technically, she’s single and so am I. She mentioned that she felt bad for him but I don’t understand why she can’t just break it off with him.

Does she want to have someone around, just in case I fuck up again?
Does she want someone to fall back on in case we don’t work out? Does she want us to just be friends and nothing else anymore? I can’t be “just friends” with her. It’s impossible with someone that I’m this in love with.

I turn for the kitc
hen to grab another drink and return to the living room in a flash to see if she’s come back in. Pinning the sole of my shoe against the wall, I stare at the door, taking slow sips of beer, anxiously awaiting that front door to swing open.

A few girls brush against me but I s
hake my head and wave them. The only girl I want against me is Natalie. None of the girls here can even compare. They’re all wasted and sloppy. I check the time on my phone and thirty minutes have passed.
What the hell is she doing out there?

I finally decide
it’s time to check on her. I don’t want her kissing him after she’s been with me. I don’t want her alone with him at all. Passing through the crowd, I finally get to the door and swing it open.

I close it behind me and scan the area but
it’s dark outside. A few people are on the porch murmuring as I step past them to get down the porch stairs. As I look to my right, I spot Natalie with Tyler at the shore of the lake. They’re still chatting and I’m glad there’s actually some space between them.

“Hi, Nolan.”

I spin around, facing Sharon whose cleavage is spilling through her red shirt. Her blonde hair is curly and hanging past her shoulders. Her jeans are low-rise (as always) and she has a drink in her hand, as if she’s been here for a while now.

I grimace as she smiles. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I think I have a right to be here just as much as you do, considering this party is being hosted by
my
brother and all.”

My eyebrows draw in,
my head tilting. “
Your
brother?” I turn to look at Tyler who is laughing with Natalie again. “You mean Tyler?” I ask, pointing a thumb in their direction.

“Yep. He said she was a lot of work
at first but by the looks of things, one would think they’re on the verge of becoming a couple.” Sharon winks and my heart fails to beat.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“It’s not obvious, Nolan?” She laughs, taking a sip of whatever’s in her cup.

“What th
e fuck did you do?” I growl, grabbing hold of her arms. She laughs again but I pull away from her to look in Natalie’s direction. She’s no longer standing at the shore of the lake. They’ve disappeared.

“Tyler’
s a pretty smart kid. He likes her a lot and I don’t think he’s going to hand her back over without a fight. It started as a game but . . . I guess he sort of fell for her. She’s adorable, I’ll admit it.”

I give her a dry laugh, taking
a step back. “So you think this little plan of yours is supposed to get Natalie over me and get me to date
you
?”