Hard Roads (21 page)

Nothing. Not a blink. Not a smile. Nothing. Her expression remained stoic and terrified.

Backing up, I slowly grabbed the chair in which I’d been sleeping and dragged it to the foot of the bed. Sitting down, I wanted to show her that I wouldn’t move closer to her, that I was not a large threatening man who lorded over her small, curled up body.

Seconds became minutes, approximately forty-five of which were spent just sitting in the vicinity of each other. I noticed small things about her as we sat there. She’d rock faster if I looked anywhere but her eyes. She’d curl into herself if I moved suddenly or shifted my position in my seat. However, when I was perfectly still and when I allowed myself to get lost in her colorless eyes, she would hum. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was beautiful. It sounded like something a mother would sing to her child. Not happy or sad, the song was simply soothing.

After another twenty minutes, I’d heard the song several times, and softly, I started to hum along with her. There was nothing else I could do and if that song was what she needed, then I’d sing it. She stopped when I first started, her eyes widening more as I refused to quit going just because she’d done so. I didn’t care if my pitch was correct or if I was even keeping time. All I cared about was becoming part of whatever would make her feel better, whatever would make her feel safe.

I couldn’t keep my thoughts from traveling to dark places as I hummed the song to her. What had those bastards done to destroy her? What could have been so bad that every brilliant spark that had existed inside her was now absent? She’d been raped, I knew that, and I could tell from the bruises that she’d been beaten as well. My hands would have curled into fists at the thought if I hadn’t been making sure not to move in front of her.

So I kept humming.

Her song, even though I’d never heard it or sang it before, I hummed.

Finally, after several intense minutes, she started to relax. Her eyes blinked. Her chest stopped heaving with terrified breaths. The muscles of her body loosened and she stopped rocking. She didn’t move to get closer to me. She didn’t attempt to communicate in any way.

She started humming with me.

Another hour passed, and together we must have sang that song a hundred times. It exhausted me even more and I felt bad when my lungs finally begged for me to stop. My chest burned and my throat felt rough like sand.

When I stopped, she stopped, but she didn’t tense up or rock again, she sat there silently until she fell asleep.

When her eyes finally closed and her breath evened out, I sighed in relief. It had felt like I was talking a jumper off a ledge or negotiating a hostage situation. My neck hurt from the tension running through my body and my spine felt locked in place. I remained in that chair for a little while longer until something so small, so miniscule in light of this tragic situation, happened that it caused me to laugh.

Holly snored. It was a tiny little sound, but it echoed in the silent stillness of the room.

I couldn’t help but laugh because it was something so cute and normal in a situation that was anything BUT normal.

Shaking my head, I stood up from the chair, grinning as I approached her. I bent down and picked her up, carrying her to the bed to tuck her back beneath the sheets. Standing above her, I considered all my options. I was scared shitless to go back to sleep for fear that she would wake up and try to leave. I couldn’t let that happen, not until she could take care of herself again.

I had no choice but to stay awake, so I left the room, pulling the door closed, but not so much that it clicked shut. With light still pouring in through the windows I looked around the house and was surprised to see that it was furnished tastefully. Comfortable couches and chairs were placed around the living room and a T.V. was affixed to the wall above a fireplace.

An open kitchen was at the back of the house, which had cement countertops and stainless steel appliances. This was not Henry’s style and I couldn’t understand how or why he knew about it. Concern touched my thoughts that we were intruding on another person’s property, but I quickly got over it, realizing Henry would never have sent me here if he hadn’t known it was safe.

The wood floor shook when I crossed the living room and stepped into the kitchen. Pulling open the cabinets, I saw that everything we could have wanted was stocked. Canned and box food, soda, bottled water. Everything was here. The fridge was equally well stocked with items that wouldn’t perish with age. My eyes flicked to the counter and I saw something that made me sigh in relief once again: coffee. Rushing over, I dumped water and grounds into the machine, eyeing the brewing mixture as it dripped slowly into the decanter. No sooner than it had beeped that it was finished did I have it in my cup, swallowing the hot liquid down as quickly as I possibly could. Once the second cup was in my hand, I walked back into the living room, kicked off my boots and sat back on the couch.

Despite the caffeine racing through my blood, my eyes were closing, so I flicked on the T.V. It didn’t matter what I watched because every thought I had was on Holly. Pain and guilt washed over me every time I considered what happened. I realized it would have happened anyway, regardless if I’d been the man to grab her or not. However, having been that man, I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’d done. She didn’t deserve it, not for the actions of her father.

I wondered where the Joker was and if Henry had been able to find him. Mostly, I wondered what would greet me when Holly woke up again. Would she still be scared? Would I ever be able to remove her from that corner?

Would I ever be able to find the light inside of her that had burned like fire before I whisked her away from her life?

Ultimately, the fate of me, Joker, Henry or anybody else involved in this didn’t matter. It was her fate that mattered and I prayed to God or whoever would listen that this girl could be returned to the peace that she’d known before me.

Pot after pot, I drank coffee until I couldn’t stay still, until every cell inside me was buzzing from the effects of the caffeine. Yet I wouldn’t let myself sleep. Pacing helped. On two occasions I dared to step outside and look at the forest that spread out around the house. I never left the front step, but I allowed myself to become lost in the sounds of the animals and the brush of the wind through the canopies of the trees.

It was during the second time I’d gone out there that I heard something in the back bedroom. Crossing the house in three large steps, I pushed open the door just enough so that I could look inside.

Holly was sitting on the bed, her legs bent in front of her and locked in place from where her arms wrapped around them. Her eyes were open and she was looking around the room, confused as to her surroundings.

I started to walk in, but stopped when I worried that the sudden intrusion would force her back into that terrifying, dark place where I’d found her earlier in the day. Not knowing what else to do, I knocked.

Her eyes shot to the door, but she didn’t move or speak. I gave her a few seconds longer and softly, I knocked again.

When she didn’t respond for a second time, I spoke loud enough to be heard through the door.

“Holly, listen babe, you’re safe here. There’s a bathroom if you need to use it and there’s food and water out here in the main house if you’re hungry. I don’t want to intrude by barging into your room, but I want to let you know you’re in a safe place.”

There was no reaction in her expression, but she watched the door intently.

“I’ve told you this before, but I’m not sure you remember. I’m JD.” Breathing out heavily, I didn’t know if my name was a good thing or bad thing. I’m sure she hated me, but I hoped she would remember that I hadn’t tried to hurt her. I needed to establish something familiar, something that wasn’t scary or wrong, but something that might remind her that I wasn’t a bad guy. And then it hit me.

“Listen, Munch…”

The name I’d given her. She’d hated it, but it was the only familiar thing I could think of between us.

“…I’m not going to force you to get up or do anything. I just wanted to let you know that if you need me, I’m out here. Ask for anything, Munch. Anything at all. I’ll make sure to do whatever it is you need. I’m yours, woman. So if you need anything…” My words failed me at that moment and I stopped talking except to say, “I just wanted to let you know that.”

Standing by the door, I gave her time to respond. When she didn’t speak, my head fell forward, guilt once again weighing heavily on my frame.

Breathing out heavily again, I moved to step away.

“JD?”

My heart jumped into my throat at the sound of her voice. It was quiet, almost a whisper, but I responded to it like she’d screamed.

“Yeah?” Back at the door, I still refused to open it fully because I couldn’t invade whatever privacy she felt like she had. I didn’t want to push her, so afraid that she’d ball up again and disappear back into the nightmare that ravished her mind.

Her silence felt like forever and my heart pounded so hard it felt like it would rip straight through my chest.

She was talking. Not rocking or crying or sleeping or screaming. She was talking.

The tension in my body ratcheted while I waited for her to say what she’d wanted to say. No words came. After minutes of nothing coming through that door, my heart fell into my stomach and the hope I had that she’d returned, drained out of my body through my feet.

My head dropped again and I turned to walk back to the couch.

“Were you singing to me?”

I heard it, the faint whisper once again filtering out from behind the door.

“Yeah, Munch, I was.”

More time passed, but she didn’t say anything else.

Walking back to the couch, my bare feet padded against the wood, the house shaking with each step. I lay down, allowing my head to fall back against the pillow. My eyes closed, but I never really fell asleep.

I was waiting for her to call for me again.

I was protecting her from whatever demon hurt her, even if it meant I would never sleep again.

Chapter Twenty-Two

~ Holly ~

Night and day blended together. I’m not exactly sure how much time passed because it felt like I was constantly sleeping, so it could have been a few days or it could have been a week.

In that time, I’d developed my own pathetic routine. Sleep, wake up to use the bathroom, drink water from the faucet and go back to sleep. It wasn’t until I’d run through this routine several times that JD finally came into my room. Prior to that, he’d been knocking and he’d been talking to me through the door, but this was the first time he’d actually come in.

“I know…” He grimaced and wiped his hand across his worry-lined face. “I know you probably don’t want me in here, but you need to eat something. It’s been days, Munch.”

My eyes shot to his when he called me by that name and I was ripped back through time by the sound of it. It was only a pet name, a silly little endearment that he’d used for the short amount of time that he knew me, but it was powerful enough to drag me back through everything I didn’t want to remember: Diablo, the rape, the violence and death … that awful white room where I’d been witness to the most horrifying crime that men could commit against women.

So, because the name was only a reminder, I hated the name. I hated JD for using the name and I was so fucking angry with him that just the sight of him made my jaw clench together tight and pain to shoot through my teeth.

“Please, Munch, will you eat?”

My body flinched each time he said it, so I hid my eyes, unable to look at him without being crushed by the weight and pain of everything that had happened.

He didn’t move for a while and I felt uncomfortable knowing that he was staring at me, waiting for a response that I couldn’t give him. I wasn’t scared anymore, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me the same way that the other men had, but I couldn’t trust him either. He’d left me, simply dumped me off at a psychopath’s door after promising me that it wouldn’t happen.

He was a liar, a thief and a biker that was only looking out for himself and his MC.

There were a million questions that I wanted to ask him: Why did he take me from those men after practically handing me to them? Why was he now showing me kindness after showing me before that my life held no meaning? Was he going to do it all over again?

Even though those questions were begging to be asked, I didn’t open my mouth to talk to him. I wasn’t ready, and in truth, I was terrified to know the answers.

Frustration was evident in his tone when he spoke again. It sounded like he was holding back the heavy emotion inside him. “Listen. You need to eat. Like I said, it’s been days. I’ll let you take whatever time you need in here by yourself, but I won’t let you starve to death in the process.” He paused, once again trying to reign in whatever it was that was burning inside him. Barely a whisper, he spoke slowly. “If I have to force you to eat, I’ll do it. I don’t want to, but I will.”

His boots hit heavily against the floor when he turned to leave. Moments later, he returned with a tray. A plate of chicken and rice sat in the middle with a glass of water and a fork by its side. After placing it on a table at the foot of the bed, he looked at me with a stern expression.

“Eat. Food.” Pointing down at the plate, he spoke just two words before turning again and leaving.

I didn’t want to touch it, but as soon as the smell hit my nose, my stomach growled so hard it made me feel nauseous. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had food and my body was on autopilot, crawling towards it regardless of my desire to refuse anything he gave me. I didn’t even bother using a fork, just scooped it up with my fingers, shoving a small amount into my mouth.

Holy. Fuck. It was good.

I don’t know why I was acting like a damn Neanderthal when I ate it. Maybe it was simply that I’d been reduced to nothing by the past few days or maybe it was simply that I was too tired to worry about manners or the behaviors of polite society. I just wanted the food in my mouth and I didn’t have time to concern myself with silverware. It was gone quickly. I grabbed the glass of ice-cold water, chugging it down so fast that brain freeze gripped my head.