Hard as You Can (36 page)

The mention of money made Crystal’s expression drop. Shane squeezed her leg, trying to let her know it would be okay.

“You know exactly how much time we have,” Nick said. He glanced around the room. “What kind of resources are we talking? And what kind of cost?”

“Something like this? Safest to involve the whole club. That’s twenty-eight men with weapons, ammo, and the know-how to use them. Cost is probably mid-to-high five figures. Or, if whatever this delivery is goes our way, a cut of the assets.” Ike shrugged. “That’s just how it works.”

On the one hand, Shane resented the price tag attached to the offer of help. On the other, Ike and the Ravens, if they came through, might represent the boots and guns they needed to be competitive against Church, whoever those boatmen were, and whoever WEC was, once the team discovered their identity.

Shane saw the subtle nods go around as Nick silently surveyed the men. It was unanimous. Nick turned to Ike. “We’re interested, and we’ve got the resources you’re describing.” Thanks to Becca’s willingness to use her father’s life insurance for this mission. And, once they found the password to Merritt’s Singapore account, they’d have even more. “Now we just need to know how soon the Ravens might be able to make a decision.”

I
t was only seven thirty at night, but Crystal felt like she’d been awake for days. Maybe longer. Despite the way her brain raced with worry over Jenna and with anticipation over the plan Shane’s friends had put in place to rescue her, Crystal’s limbs felt heavy and sluggish, her eyes stung, and her body just . . . hurt.

Yet none of that compared to what Jenna had to be going through. God, she’d had a seizure from the stress of the attack. She must’ve been so scared. And now she was alone in that pit of a room, the walls, floor, and ceiling all painted a deadening, solid black, along with the bed and the bedding. At least, that’s the way it had been four years ago. A sensory-deprivation chamber meant to disorient, break down, and heighten a person’s reactions to what took place within.

God, please let her be alone.
Crystal shuddered and prayed that, just this once, Jenna’s epilepsy might prove an advantage. If her seizure had been bad, she could be semiconscious at best all night and into tomorrow. Maybe the postseizure symptoms she often had, the raspy breathing, vomiting, moaning, and tremors, would dissuade anyone from bothering her. It wasn’t much of a hope to hang on to, but it was something.

As soon as the discussion and brainstorming came to an end, Ike rose, shook everyone’s hands, and promised to be in touch. The man might’ve been in a rival gang, and his size and hard edges—with the bald head and large expanses of ink—might’ve been a little intimidating, but he’d also been gruffly kind and openly sympathetic to what’d happened to Jenna. Not everyone was like Bruno and the other Apostles. It was a good lesson to remember.

“All right,” Nick said, rising. “We’re going to need to be sharp tomorrow. So everyone sleep tonight.” He seemed especially to direct that comment at Derek, sitting at one of the computers.

“Trust me. I will. But I’m gonna keep an eye on the feeds from Confessions while I finish up the last of these searches and download Crystal’s pictures,” Derek said. Crystal had liked him since the night at the club. He was friendly and funny and easygoing. All of these guys were so different from the ones she’d been forced to hang around the past few years. Her gaze slid to big, quiet, serious-looking Beckett, working on his cell phone. Except for maybe that guy. He was a little scary.

“Good. I’m going to go check on Becca and Charlie. Feel free to grab me if you need me,” Nick said, then he turned to her. “It’s nice to meet you, Crystal. I’m sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances. But we’ll try to make that right tomorrow.”

She shouldn’t have been stunned by his kindness, but she kinda was. “Thank you,” she managed. “Thanks to all of you.”

Murmured expressions of welcome went around, and Nick headed out.

“Would you come with me?” Shane asked, something warm and intense in his gaze.

“Yeah.” Part of her feared being alone with him—for the first time with no danger of being caught, but part of her craved it.

Crystal gave the other guys a small wave, then she and Shane cut across the big warehouse room. It was an odd space. Only partially finished. Mostly a gym, Marz’s obviously thrown-together computer station filled one corner and an equally thrown-together table that appeared able to seat ten or twelve dominated another. “Where exactly are we?” she asked. She’d been in little position to pay much attention on the ride over here, but it felt strange not knowing where she was.

Shane opened the door for Crystal. “Off Eastern Avenue not far from the harbor. Above a tattoo shop called Hard Ink that belongs to Nick and Jeremy.”

“And you all know each other from the Army?”

He entered the code at a door across a wide industrial hallway. “Not Jeremy or Ike, but the rest of us.”

As in the five men from a twelve-man team who had survived what sounded like a horrific attack.

When Nick had recounted to Ike the events that led to the group of them being in this situation, Crystal had listened with interest and sadness for Shane. As if the loss of his little sister wasn’t enough, Shane had also gone through that ambush, lost a bunch of his friends, then had been forced out of the Army. That was a lot for anyone to bear.

Yet it hadn’t made Shane angry or bitter or prone to lash out. It made him want to help others from going through the same. And it made Crystal want to hold Shane, comfort him, and protect him the way he was protecting her.

“This way,” Shane said, leading her through the living room. The apartment was really cool. Masculine and modern. Tons bigger than the shoebox she and Jenna shared. Or, had shared. After they got Jenna back, could they even risk returning there for their things? Her stomach plummeted thinking they might have to give up their most cherished belongings, her mother’s sewing machine, the clothes she’d made, Jenna’s huge collection of books, their family pictures. All the money she’d saved. But she couldn’t worry about that right now. One thing at a time.

And the first thing—by far the most important thing—was getting Jenna back. Crystal’s insides nearly vibrated from the frustration and anxiety of having to wait. But it wasn’t like she had much of a choice because she didn’t believe Bruno would really let Jenna go if Crystal breezed in the front door. And having heard Shane’s friends talk through the options, she’d been convinced that going in under the cover of the bachelor party gave them all kinds of advantages.

But in the meantime, it was a little hard to exist in her skin. And it felt wrong to eat a meal or go to sleep or enjoy Shane’s company while Jenna was in such grave danger.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to help Jenna when she returns.
There was truth in that. With two such serious seizures so close together, Jenna’s health was likely to be rocky in the coming days.

To actually manage food in her belly or falling asleep, she was going to have to lock away her worry for Jenna. Temporarily. Easier said than done, though.

Maybe Shane could help. Maybe allowing herself the distraction of his company and his touch and his kind words was
exactly
what she needed.

Maybe wanting him—even now in the middle of this life-and-death situation—wasn’t the betrayal to Jenna that her conscience held it up to be.

Light spilled from under a doorway just ahead, and two people walked into the hallway as she and Shane neared.

“Oh, good. I was hoping I’d get to introduce you two tonight,” Shane said to a pretty blond-haired woman standing with Nick.

Shane’s introduction was hardly out of his mouth when Becca threw her arms around Crystal’s neck and hugged her. “Thank you so much for helping the guys get my brother out of there. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Nick just told me,” she said with such sincerity and concern.

Crystal was so unused to friendly, affectionate touch that at first she flinched in response to Becca’s expression of gratitude. But the other woman didn’t seem to notice. “You’re welcome,” Crystal said, her throat tight with sadness again. “I guess you know what this is like.”

Becca grasped Crystal’s hand. “I do. And if they could get Charlie out, they can get Jenna, too. Don’t lose hope.”

“I’ll try.” The conviction in Becca’s voice almost made Crystal believe it.

“We were gonna grab a bite to eat,” Nick said. “You guys want anything?”

“Crystal?” Shane asked, his big, warm hand on the small of her back.

Something about his touch there made her feel special, claimed. “Um, I wouldn’t mind a drink, but my stomach’s too jittery for food right now.”

Shane guided her to the kitchen, showed her the mountain of drink choices in the fridge, and grabbed her a Sprite and a glass of ice.

Nick pulled a half gallon of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream from the freezer. “You change your mind later, Crystal, just help yourself to anything. Make yourself at home. Okay?”

“Thanks,” she said, feeling a little shy in the midst of all the kindness but also incredibly welcomed, too.

“Thought you were getting food,” Shane said.

Nick pointed at the container of dark chocolate chip ice cream with the scoop. “What are you talking about? This
is
food.”

Becca laughed, and it made Crystal chuckle, too. Crystal was glad there was another woman here to talk to and that Becca knew exactly what she was going through right now.

Shane grabbed a bottle of water and nodded Crystal toward the hall. “Come on,” he said. “I actually live near D.C., but Nick invited us all to crash here when this situation started last week.” He pushed open the door and crossed to the nightstand to turn on a lamp. Low, warm, golden light cast over the room, which just had a queen-size bed with a dark comforter and a dresser within. Unlike the well-lived-in living room and kitchen areas, nothing hung on the walls. But it was clean and safe, and Shane was here. That was all Crystal needed.

Except, as much as she wanted to be alone with Shane, now that she was, she didn’t quite know what to do with herself. Would they sleep here together tonight? Nerves and desire fluttered through her belly, especially when she remembered she only had the clothes on her back.

“I don’t have any clothes,” she said.

Shane waved a hand at the series of duffels lining the one wall. “You’re, uh, welcome to borrow any of my stuff to sleep in or wear. I know it’ll be big, but we’ll figure out something more workable.”

Sleeping in Shane’s clothes? Heat skittered down her spine and made her shiver.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Shane patted the mattress. “Sit down, Crystal. I won’t bite,” he said, that smile she loved curving his lips upward.

“Well, that’s a shame.” Shane’s eyes flashed with masculine interest, and Crystal pressed her fingers to her lips. “I, uh . . .” She shook her head. What had possessed her to say that? She might as well have just thrown out a challenge. Or an invitation. And as intrigued as she was—as she’d been the whole time she’d known him—about what it would be like being intimate with him, she couldn’t help but worry she was setting herself up for a big fall.

What if she froze up or freaked out? What if, once he actually
saw
the scars, he lost interest?

“Crystal?” he said, patting the bed again.

“Right,” she said. “Sorry.”

Once she sat, Shane shifted toward her, bringing his leg up between them and grasping one of her hands. “I have some things I’d like to say if you think you might like to hear them. But if you’re just feeling too overwhelmed with everything, too worried about Jenna, and you’d rather I didn’t add to it, we can talk another time.”

Anticipation kicked her heart into a staccato beat. “No, I’m okay to talk.”

Shane rewarded her with a smile she felt all the way down to her toes. “Good. I’m glad.” He looked down to where his fingers stroked her hand. “The first thing I want to say is that until you no longer want it, this room is yours. There are some empty beds upstairs, but here you can lock the door and—”

Crystal dropped her gaze to her lap. He didn’t want to stay with her?

“What just happened there?” he asked, concern slipping into his gaze. “I said something wrong.”

“No,” she said, forcing a smile. “It’s okay. It’s great.”

Shane blew out a breath and shook his head, his frustration clear. And though Crystal regretted upsetting him and felt that old panic slinking around the back of her mind, she believed in her heart of hearts he wouldn’t lash out at her.

Next thing she knew, Shane had pushed her backward on the bed and leaned over her without resting any of his weight against her. “I want to make sure I have your attention.”

Her heart broke into a sprint from their position, from her desire to feel him atop her, and Crystal arched a brow. “I’d say you do.”

“Good. I’ve seen you with Bruno, and I’ve seen you while you’re working. And I know you put on an act that’s exactly what people want to see. Doing that made sense in those situations. But, Crystal, you never ever have to pretend with me. Disagree with me. Challenge me. Get mad at me. Tell me you need space. I’ll be okay with all of it. I want the real you, not an illusion or a performance. Does that make sense?”

The backs of her eyes stung at the insight of his words. “Perfect sense,” she said. “I’m just so used to doing it.”

He nodded, an intense expression on his handsome face. “I get that. It was a survival skill. But nothing will threaten you here. You can be yourself.”

Emotion caught in her throat, along with an anguished whimper. “I’m not sure who that is anymore,” she said in a tight voice.

Compassion filled his eyes. “Maybe I can help you figure it out. If you think I can, I’d like that.”

She gave a quick nod and batted away the tears that leaked from the corner of one eye. There was one thing she could do to be more herself, but would he be mad that she hadn’t told him sooner? God, she’d told him so many lies and half-truths, not because she’d intended to deceive, necessarily, but because she’d lived a life where secrets ensured survival.