Hard: A Step-Brother Romance (23 page)

I hoped
I wouldn’t step foot in a hospital for nine months.

Hell,
I only just allowed myself to imagine what it’d be like to even
have
a
baby.

I finally
let myself think of holding her. Nursing her. Nudging Zach in the middle of the
night when it was his turn to soothe her as she started to cry. I wanted
nothing more than to see my powerful SEAL loaded with tattoos cradle a tiny
bundle in his thick arms.

The
thought put a lump in my throat and a curl in my toes.

If
it could come true.

A
week passed since I realized I was pregnant. Seven days since I argued with Zach.
Five days since I worked up the courage to look through pictures my father
left. Four days since I tried to contact him.

And
two hours since he collapsed in the kitchen.

I
never meant to keep the baby a secret from him.

The
fantasy of Zach earning his baby’s smile was replaced with a new fear. Skyping
with him whenever he was at liberty to call home. Going into labor alone. Dreading
any knock at the door that might be the news any army family feared.

I could
buy a lot of things for my child. The best clothing, education, opportunity.

But
a father was priceless.

All
the more reason my heart shattered in the waiting room.

Zach
fell limp in my arms. Seizured. Bled so much from his nose, Azariah forced me
to change before driving me behind the ambulance to the hospital. I wore Zach’s
shirt and a pair of sweat pants with formal heels. Azariah promised to get me
something to eat from a restaurant across the street.

I couldn’t
think of hiding anything now. I managed a classy and dignified
I’m pregnant,
I want ice-cream
between sniffles.

Azariah
didn’t question it. She brought me ginger ale, a hot fudge sundae, and bitched
out the nurse who claimed she was on
break
when she refused to find information
on Zach.

I
didn’t even know what happened to him?

He was
fine one minute…and then…

Two
hours in the hospital with no news drove me crazy. Between the nerves, morning
sickness, and ill-fated citrus bruschetta hors d’oeuvres, I should have waited
for the doctor while sitting on the floor in the nearest bathroom stall.

It was
a strange thing for my worst fear to come to life.

I wasn’t
ready for this. Getting pregnant should have been my biggest shock for the
week. It was supposed to be a woman’s most crazy revelation. Instead, life
threw me for a loop then, mid-way through the ride, crashed my ass down.

Azariah
forced me to sit instead of pacing, but I couldn’t handle her hovering. Now wasn’t
the time to piece together just how, where, why I ended up pregnant. She was a
big girl. She’d figure it out. I sent her back to the house to clean up, glad
for the quiet.

Another
hour passed and nothing from the nurses or doctors. I bumbled through my purse
for change before discovering the vending machine took credit cards. Halloween
came early.

…Until
the machine stuck and I hulk-raged to dislodge the candy bar and scared a
passing orderly. Was it too soon to get an epidural?

I
returned to my perch with a Kit-Kat I purchased and a Milky Way that dropped in
its own terror. I didn’t open either. I sipped my ginger ale but regretted giving
up coffee because the internet said it might be dangerous for the baby.

Were
mocha frappachinos bad too? I mean, the baby needed to get used to it sooner
rather than later. Her first words would probably be
double pump
.

No.

Her
first word would be
Dada
.

I
wouldn’t let it happen any other way.

“Shay?”

I
bolted to my feet, punting the ginger ale into an unfortunate plant. I turned,
candy bars in hand. Gretchen met me with a cautious smile.

“Hey,”
she said. “How is he?”

Oh,
guilt tasted about as good as morning sickness. I hated how I’d acted around
Zach’s pretty blonde doctor, but she didn’t hold a grudge. She hugged me.

“I
haven’t heard anything yet,” I swallowed. “He didn’t look...”

“What
happened?”

“He
just…fell. He slurred his words, and he kept rubbing his head. Then, boom. He
went down. I tried to protect him when he…he…seizured. I don’t know anything
else.”

Gretchen
nodded. “I did my residency here. I’ll find someone who still owes me a favor
and ask about Zach.”

“Thank
you.”

“Don’t
worry,” she said. “He’s a fighter. He’ll pull through.”

Pull
through
what
?
What the hell could completely level a six foot four, two hundred and fifty
pound beast of pure muscle?

Gretchen
snuck through the nurses’ station and ducked though the double doors. She disappeared
into the mess of swirling white coats and dashing nurses.

It took
her a half an hour to return, and I was proud that I only got sick once.
Somehow she knew. She offered me a package of saltines and some apple juice.

“Did
you find him?” I asked.

She sighed
before sitting. “Yeah, I did. The doctor will be out to talk with us.”

“And?”
I didn’t like her delay. My throat closed. “Gretchen?”

“He
had some lasting effects from the head trauma he sustained in combat. An un-ruptured
aneurysm. He’s heading in for surgery now.”

“And
that’s…going to fix him, right?”

Gretchen
nodded, pulling her hair back into a ponytail from a scrunchie over her wrist.
“They caught it before any serious damage, they think. We’ll know more once
he’s in recovery.”

“Oh.”

Gretchen’s
sigh was a polite frustration. “I
told
him to get checked out. I didn’t
like the headaches. But Zach was too stubborn. Didn’t want anything to prevent
him from getting back into the SEALs.” She grunted. “I’m surprised the damn
thing didn’t rupture when the doctor denied him the waiver.”

My
hand crunched the crackers into dust. I stared at Gretchen. “He was
denied
?”

She
scrunched her nose. “Oh, he…hadn’t told you?”

“He told
you
?”

“I
guessed when I hadn’t heard from him after he returned from D.C.”

“So…he’s
not re-enlisting in the SEALs?”

“Nope.
And he’s probably pissed.”

No,
he was probably heartbroken. Crushed.

I
rubbed my belly. He didn’t tell me, but I should have
known
. He returned
from D.C. and rolled with me over every square inch of the library. He took me
so aggressively, just to prove his masculinity to himself, as an outlet for the
aggression and frustration building in him.

And
I never asked. I only argued. I only made it harder on him.

“How
far along are you?”

I
pulled my hand away from my tummy. Gretchen smiled.

“Sorry,”
she said. “I saw the candy and the salty snacks. I assumed it wasn’t stress.”

“You
assumed right.”

Gretchen
leaned closer. “When did you find out?”

I
shrugged. “Only a little bit ago, I’m still wrapping my head around it.”

“Does
Zach know?”

I grimaced.
“I told him just before he went down. Thinking that wasn’t the best time.”

“Men
are so melodramatic.”

I felt
bad laughing. Gretchen took my hand.

“How…”
The nausea flared. I stuffed crackers in my mouth until I convinced my body I was
a chipmunk instead of an expectant mother.

Gretchen
understood. “Zach and my brother served together. But Robby died in the same
attack that almost killed Zach. He said that Robby was the reason he had a
chance to live, so he vowed to take care of me.” She shrugged. “When he got his
trust, he gave me the money to open my own practice. Said it was the least he could
do.”

Of
course he did. It was never about the money. Not with him.

Gretchen
looked nervous, twisting her fingers in her lap. “I promised to keep an eye on
him after his injury. I should have done a better job.”

“You
didn’t know.”

“Those
headaches…”

“He
hid them. He wouldn’t have told anyone.”

Not
even me. Or was I not listening?

Gretchen
looked up. “Do you love him?”

The
lump formed in my throat. It didn’t feel right to say it if he wasn’t there.

“He
invaded every aspect of my life. Now I can’t imagine one without him.”

“Hold
onto that. It’ll get him through this.”

I
ran a hand through my hair. “Is the surgery dangerous?”

“Doctor
Milbower will do the procedure. He’s very good.”

That
wasn’t my question, and her answer scared the hell out of me. “I don’t want good.
I want the best.”

Gretchen’s
eyebrow rose. I met her gaze.

“I
mean the
best
,” I said. “Find out who he or she is. I’ll pay for their
airfare, for their lodging, and for whatever they’d charge to do this surgery.”

“Shay,
it doesn’t work this way.”

She wasn’t
the first person to underestimate my bank account. “For me it does. Price is no
option. I want Zach healed, better than he was before. Can you help me?”

Gretchen
smiled. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

“I’m
not going to miss my chance to tell him.”

Most
men didn’t survive getting their heads nearly blown off. I wasn’t most men.

I
once considered myself fortunate for surviving the IED. After waking up in the
hospital the second time, I decided I was the luckiest son of a bitch still
barely breathing.

The
miracles kept on coming. My eyes focused on the chair next to my bed. Shay
curled in the cushions, softly sleeping.

I had
enough opiates pumping through me to clear out a whole poppy field in
Afghanistan, but I trusted my blurry vision.

Shay
was the most beautiful woman on the planet. A woman I almost let slip through
my fingers. Someone challenging and courageous and so damn vulnerable it hurt
my own heart.

She had
to be mine. I wasn’t giving her up.

That
was a shit-ton to take in while a half dozen tubes pricked me in a variety of
uncomfortable locations. I smelled antiseptic. I tasted dry chemicals. I was
pretty sure my head cracked open again.

But
there she was. Sleeping by my side in a hospital room.

Like
she cared.

Like
she loved me.

And
it only took a brush with death to get her to admit it.

I
shifted. I couldn’t remember a damn thing besides getting upset. I yelled at
her. I threatened to leave for some bullshit reason. I might have given her my
half of the estate.

But
she trumped me. Had I not crashed against the ground, her revelation would have
laid me out flat.

She was
pregnant.

My
heart monitor beeped too fast. It woke her. Shay’s gasp warned me, but I didn’t
have time to adjust the tubes pouring every type of liquid from me. She collapsed
at my side.

I
welcomed the soft brush of her lips against mine, the herald to her
chastisement.

“Don’t
you
ever
 scare me like that again, Zach Harden. You had me pacing
for five hours while they knocked out your skull and put it back together.”

“Sorry
about that.” The words rasped. I managed a smile instead. “I’ll be more
considerate next time.”

“Hell
no. There is no
next time
. This is it, Zach. You’re done. No more
scrambling inside your brain, you hear me?”

“Yes,
ma’am.”

“Glad
we have that straight.”

Shay
brushed my cheek. If I weren’t so hopped up on pain-killers, I might have felt
it. But having her close was just as good.

“What
the fuck am I doing here?” I asked.

She smirked,
but I saw through it. She took my hand.

“Your
head tried to explode,” she said.

“That
the technical term?”

“You
had an un-ruptured aneurysm. Something that formed after the trauma from your
injury. It was…bad.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

I
wiggled my toes, fingers, and flexed the most important part of me. All in
working condition.

“How
am I alive?”

Shay
looked damn proud of herself. “I pulled some strings.”

“What
kind of strings?”

“I
flew in the best neurosurgeon in the country. Private plane even. Got him from
Pittsburgh within two hours. He was more than happy to help once I offered my
checkbook.”

“Wow.”
I snorted. “Look at you. Using that trust fund.”

“I’d
have spent every last cent if it kept you…” She looked away. “If it healed
you.”

It wasn’t
what she wanted to say, but I was glad that fear left her. I squeezed her hand.

“Gretchen?”

“She
knows. She was here. She went to her office this morning, but she’s stopping in
to check on you. She helped get the neurosurgeon. I dropped her name, said that
you were a war vet, and I added an extra zero to his cost estimate. He came
running.”

I
shifted. The drugs, surgery, and bed held me damn firm, but I extended my arm.
Shay helped to place my hand on her belly. She smiled—a hopeful, gentle smile.

So I
had to be an ass.

I
tugged on the shirt. “You’re wearing my shirt again.”

“Oh,
stop it.”

I
pressed against her. She was warm, but I couldn’t tell anything else. No bump.
No swell. No indication anywhere that she had a little baby inside of her.

I
thought we were being careful? Apparently, I was a damn miracle machine. My
first injury, a baby even with contraception, and now an aneurysm?  I used up
my nine lives
and
created more.

Still,
I hated myself for not knowing she was pregnant. I should have hauled ass to
get her ice-cream, not pissed around with my own impatience while waiting for
her to come to her senses and fucking love me.

“I’m
sorry,” I said.

“You
never say that.”

“I
probably should say it more. Maybe it might have helped.”

Shay
swallowed. “I didn’t tell you.”

I
didn’t want to take my hand away. How the hell did something so small affect me
so much? “Why?”

“I was
just…scared.”

“Of
what?” I drew my gaze to hers. Those almond eyes were pure elegance.

“Of
losing you. Raising a baby alone. That you’d deploy and we’d never see you
again.” She rubbed my hand, pressing me harder against her belly. “I was afraid
of telling you because I didn’t understand how I felt.”

“Do
you understand it now?”

“Yes.”

 I
didn’t know if it was the brain surgery, pain meds, or the lingering effects of
the anesthesia, but Shay went quiet.

“You
didn’t tell me you weren’t permitted to re-enlist,” she whispered.

“You
didn’t tell me you were pregnant.”

“Yeah,
but I already told you why I was afraid.”

“I wasn’t
afraid.” The drugs made it hard to lie. “I didn’t want you to think less of me.
I didn’t want
me
to think less of me. I spent my entire life training to
serve in the military. Suddenly I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what to do.
What I had left.” She sat too far away from me, but I couldn’t pull her any
closer. “Now I know exactly what I have.”

Shay
stilled. “What’s that?”

“You.
If you let me in.” I managed a grin. “If you let me stay.”

“That’s
what you want?”

“Shay,
I’m so goddamned in love with you, if I weren’t tethered to this fucking bed,
I’d get on my knee and chase you around until you promised to stay with me forever.”

“Forever
is a long time.”

“Forever
will never be enough time with you.”

“Zach—”

“I don’t
know how to prove my love to you,” I said. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin.
But you have to know that
you
are the reason I’m staying. Not because
some doctor rejected me or my head scrambled. I love you, Shay. I want a life
with you.”

Her
eyes welled with tears—terrified but overjoyed. She couldn’t help but touch her
belly. I had a feeling we’d be doing a lot of that.

If
she let me.

Christ,
I hope she’d let me.

“Say
it,” I said. “Don’t fight me anymore. Forget our parents’ marriage. Forget the
money. Forget the house. Just look at me.”

Shay
shook her head. “I can’t forget those things, Zach. They’re what led me to
you.”

“Will
they keep you from me?”

Her smile
warmed me. “No. Not anymore.”

“You’re
sure?”

“More
certain than I’ve ever been.”

I
nestled into my pillows. Shay wasn’t the only one who avoided commitment. I
never heard anyone say it to me. I wondered if it’d be just as sweet as I
imagined.

“Zach,
I’m in love with you.”

Nope.
I was wrong. It was far sweeter. Beautiful. Perfect.

Nothing
better in the world, and I was attached to a line of morphine.

She
leaned in again for a simple kiss, but there was nothing simple about it, not
after speaking those words. Not after nearly dying in her arms. Not after
learning our passion created the life tucked secret within her belly.

I
thought my life fell apart without my job. Instead, I was given a chance for a
happiness I didn’t know if I fucking deserved, but I sure as hell wasn’t
blowing.

I
brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her again.

“You
and me,” I whispered. “We’re gonna start a family. We’re going to love each
other. And we’re going to be good to each other. That’s the way it’ll happen.”

“You
think so?”

“I know
so. The instant I get out of this bed, I’m proving it to you.”

She smiled.
“You just had surgery. You need to rest.
Really
rest.”

“I’ll
have plenty of time while I’m taking care of you and the baby.”

“I’m
supposed to be the one reassuring you.”

“Me?”
I shrugged. It hurt. I reminded myself not to do that again. “I’m still in one
piece. Much better than my last stay in the hospital. This recovery will be
easy.”

“Why?”

“Because
I have you.” I pulled her close again. “I love you.”

Finally
the walls came down. No hesitations. No excuses. Just me and her and absolute
honesty.

“I
love you too.”