Happy Days (4 page)

stops tidying, head up, smile
]—the old style!—[
smile off, resumes
tidying
]—and yet I do—make ready for the night—feeling it at hand—the bell for sleep—saying to myself—Winnie—it will not be long now, Winnie—until the bell for sleep. [
Stops tidying, head up.
] Sometimes I am wrong. [
Smile.
] But not often. [
Smile off.
] Sometimes all is over, for the day, all done, all said, all ready for the night, and the day not over, far from over, the night not ready, far, far from ready. [
Smile.
] But not often. [
Smile off.
] Yes, the bell for sleep, when I feel it at hand, and so make ready for the night—[
gesture
]—in this way, sometimes I am wrong—[
smile
]—but not often. [
Smile off. Resumes tidying.
] I used to think—I say I used to think—that all these things—put back into the bag—if too soon—put back too soon—could be taken out again—if necessary—if needed—and so on—indefinitely—back into the bag—back out of the bag—until the bell—went. [
Stops tidying, head up, smile.
] But no. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Resumes tidying.
] I suppose this—might seem strange—this—what shall I say—this what I have said—yes—[
she takes up revolver
]—strange—[
she turns to put revolver in bag
]—were it not—[
about to put revolver in bag she
arrests gesture and turns back front
]—were it not—[
she lays down revolver to her right, stops tidying, head up
]—that all seems strange. [
Pause.
] Most strange. [
Pause.
] Never any change. [
Pause.
] And more and more strange. [
Pause. She bends to mound again, takes up last object, i.e. toothbrush, and turns to put it in bag when her attention is drawn to disturbance from Willie. She cranes back and to her right to see. Pause.
] Weary of your hole, dear? [
Pause.
] Well I can understand that. [
Pause.
] Don’t forget your straw. [
Pause.
] Not the crawler you were, poor darling. [
Pause.
] No, not the crawler I gave my heart to. [
Pause.
] The hands and knees, love, try the hands and knees. [
Pause.
] The knees! The knees! [
Pause.
] What a curse, mobility! [
She follows with eyes his progress towards her behind mound, i.e. towards place he occupied at beginning of act.
] Another foot, Willie, and you’re home. [
Pause as she observes last foot.
] Ah! [
Turns back front laboriously, rubs neck.
] Crick in my neck admiring you. [
Rubs neck.
] But it’s worth it, well worth it. [
Turning slightly towards him.
] Do you know what I dream sometimes? [
Pause.
] What I dream sometimes, Willie. [
Pause.
] That you’ll come round and live this side where I could see you. [
Pause. Back
front.
] I’d be a different woman. [
Pause.
] Unrecognizable. [
Turning slightly towards him.
] Or just now and then, come round this side just every now and then and let me feast on you. [
Back front.
] But you can’t, I know. [
Head down.
] I know. [
Pause. Head up.
] Well anyway—[
looks at tooth brush in her hand
]—can’t be long now [
looks at brush
]—until the bell. [
Top back of Willie’s head appears above slope. Winnie looks closer at brush.
] Fully guaranteed . . . [
head up
] . . . what’s this it was? [
Willie’s hand appears with handkerchief, spreads it on skull, disappears.
] Genuine pure . . . fully guaranteed . . . [
Willie’s hand appears with boater, settles it on head, rakish angle, disappears
] . . . genuine pure . . . ah! hog’s setae. [
Pause.
] What is a hog exactly? [
Pause. Turns slightly towards Willie.
] What exactly is a hog, Willie, do you know, I can’t remember. [
Pause. Turning a little further, pleading.
] What
is
a hog, Willie, please! [
Pause.
]

 
WILLIE
Castrated male swine. [
Happy expression appears on Winnie’s face.
] Reared for slaughter.

[
Happy expression increases. Willie opens newspaper, hands invisible. Tops of yellow sheets appear on either side of his head. Winnie gazes before her with happy expression.
]

WINNIE
Oh this
is
a happy day! This will have been another happy day! [
Pause.
] After all. [
Pause.
] So far.

[
Pause. Happy expression off. Willie turns page. Pause. He turns another page. Pause.
]

 
WILLIE
Opening for smart youth.

[
Pause. Winnie takes off hat, turns to put it in bag, arrests gesture, turns back front. Smile.
]

WINNIE
No. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Puts on hat again, gazes front, pause.
] And now? [
Pause.
] Sing. [
Pause.
] Sing your song, Winnie. [
Pause.
] No? [
Pause.
] Then pray. [
Pause.
] Pray your prayer, Winnie.

[
Pause. Willie turns page. Pause.
]

 
WILLIE
Wanted bright boy.

[
Pause. Winnie gazes before her. Willie turns page. Pause. Newspaper disappears. Long pause.
]

WINNIE
Pray your old prayer, Winnie.

[
Long pause.
]

Curtain

Scene as before.

Winnie imbedded up to neck, hat on head, eyes closed. Her head, which she can no longer turn, nor bow, nor raise, faces front motionless throughout act. Movements of eyes as indicated.

Bag and parasol as before. Revolver conspicuous to her right on mound.

Long pause.

Bell rings loudly. She opens eyes at once. Bell stops. She gazes front. Long pause.

WINNIE
Hail, holy light. [
Long pause. She closes her eyes. Bell rings loudly. She opens eyes at once. Bell stops. She gazes front. Long smile. Smile off. Long pause.
] Someone is looking at me still. [
Pause.
] Caring for me still. [
Pause.
] That is what I find so wonderful. [
Pause.
] Eyes on my eyes. [
Pause.
] What is that unforgettable line? [
Pause. Eyes right.
] Willie. [
Pause. Louder.
] Willie. [
Pause. Eyes front.
] May one still speak of time? [
Pause.
] Say it is a long time now, Willie, since I saw you. [
Pause.
] Since I heard you. [
Pause.
] May one? [
Pause.
] One does. [
Smile.
] The old style! [
Smile off.
] There is so little one can speak of.
[
Pause.
] One speaks of it all. [
Pause.
] All one can. [
Pause.
] I used to think . . . [
pause
] . . . I say I used to think that I would learn to talk alone. [
Pause.
] By that I mean to myself, the wilderness. [
Smile.
] But no. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off.
] Ergo you are there. [
Pause.
] Oh no doubt you are dead, like the others, no doubt you have died, or gone away and left me, like the others, it doesn’t matter, you are there. [
Pause. Eyes left.
] The bag too is there, the same as ever, I can see it. [
Pause. Eyes right. Louder.
] The bag is there, Willie, as good as ever, the one you gave me that day . . . to go to market. [
Pause. Eyes front.
] That day. [
Pause.
] What day? [
Pause.
] I used to pray. [
Pause.
] I say I used to pray. [
Pause.
] Yes, I must confess I did. [
Smile.
] Not now. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Pause.
] Then . . . now . . . what difficulties here, for the mind. [
Pause.
] To have been always what I am—and so changed from what I was. [
Pause.
] I am the one, I say the one, then the other. [
Pause.
] Now the one, then the other. [
Pause.
] There is so little one can say, one says it all. [
Pause.
] All one can. [
Pause.
] And no truth in it anywhere. [
Pause.
] My arms. [
Pause.
] My breasts. [
Pause.
] What arms? [
Pause.
] What breasts? [
Pause.
] Willie. [
Pause.
] What Willie? [
Sudden
vehement affirmation.
] My Willie! [
Eyes right, calling.
] Willie! [
Pause. Louder.
] Willie! [
Pause. Eyes front.
] Ah well, not to know, not to know for sure, great mercy, all I ask. [
Pause.
] Ah yes . . . then . . . now . . . beechen green . . . this . . . Charlie . . . kisses . . . this . . . all that . . . deep trouble for the mind. [
Pause.
] But it does not trouble mine. [
Smile.
] Not now. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Long pause. She closes eyes. Bell rings loudly. She opens eyes. Pause.
] Eyes float up that seem to close in peace . . . to see . . . in peace. [
Pause.
] Not mine. [
Smile.
] Not now. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Long pause.
] Willie. [
Pause.
] Do you think the earth has lost its atmosphere, Willie? [
Pause.
] Do you, Willie? [
Pause.
] You have no opinion? [
Pause.
] Well that is like you, you never had any opinion about anything. [
Pause.
] It’s understandable. [
Pause.
] Most. [
Pause.
] The earthball. [
Pause.
] I sometimes wonder. [
Pause.
] Perhaps not quite all. [
Pause.
] There always remains something. [
Pause.
] Of everything. [
Pause.
] Some remains. [
Pause.
] If the mind were to go. [
Pause.
] It won’t of course. [
Pause.
] Not quite. [
Pause.
] Not mine. [
Smile.
] Not now. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Long pause.
] It might be the eternal cold. [
Pause.
] Everlasting perishing cold.
[
Pause.
] Just chance, I take it, happy chance. [
Pause.
] Oh yes, great mercies, great mercies. [
Pause.
] And now? [
Long pause.
] The face. [
Pause.
] The nose. [
She squints down.
] I can see it . . . [
squinting down
] . . . the tip . . . the nostrils . . . breath of life . . . that curve you so admired [
pouts
] . . . a hint of lip . . . [
pouts again
] . . . if I pout them out . . . [
sticks out tongue
] . . . the tongue of course . . . you so admired . . . if I stick it out . . . [
sticks it out again
] . . . the tip . . . [
eyes up
] . . . suspicion of brow . . . eyebrow . . . imagination possibly . . . [
eyes left
] . . . cheek . . . no . . . [
eyes right
] . . . no . . . [
distends cheeks
] . . . even if I puff them out . . . [
eyes left, distends cheeks again
] . . . no . . . no damask. [
Eyes front.
] That is all. [
Pause.
] The bag of course . . . [
eyes left
] . . . a little blurred perhaps . . . but the bag. [
Eyes front. Off hand.
] The earth of course and sky. [
Eyes right.
] The sunshade you gave me . . . that day . . . [
pause
] . . . that day . . . the lake . . . the reeds. [
Eyes front. Pause.
] What day? [
Pause.
] What reeds? [
Long pause. Eyes close. Bell rings loudly. Eyes open. Pause. Eyes right.
] Brownie of course. [
Pause.
] You remember Brownie, Willie, I can see him. [
Pause.
] Brownie is there, Willie, beside me. [
Pause. Loud.
] Brownie is there, Willie. [
Pause. Eyes front.
] That is all.
[
Pause.
] What would I do without them? [
Pause.
] What would I do without them, when words fail? [
Pause.
] Gaze before me, with compressed lips. [
Long pause while she does so.
] I cannot. [
Pause.
] Ah yes, great mercies, great mercies. [
Long pause. Low.
] Sometimes I hear sounds. [
Listening expression. Normal voice.
] But not often. [
Pause.
] They are a boon, sounds are a boon, they help me . . . through the day. [
Smile.
] The old style! [
Smile off.
] Yes, those are happy days, when there are sounds. [
Pause.
] When I hear sounds. [
Pause.
] I used to think . . . [
pause
] . . . I say I used to think they were in my head. [
Smile.
] But no. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off.
] That was just logic. [
Pause.
] Reason. [
Pause.
] I have not lost my reason. [
Pause.
] Not yet. [
Pause.
] Not all. [
Pause.
] Some remains. [
Pause.
] Sounds. [
Pause.
] Like little . . . sunderings, little falls . . . apart. [
Pause. Low.
] It’s things, Willie. [
Pause. Normal voice.
] In the bag, outside the bag. [
Pause.
] Ah yes, things have their life, that is what I always say,
things
have a life. [
Pause.
] Take my looking-glass, it doesn’t need me. [
Pause.
] The bell. [
Pause.
] It hurts like a knife. [
Pause.
] A gouge. [
Pause.
] One cannot ignore it. [
Pause.
] How often . . . [
pause
] . . . I say how often I have said, Ignore it,
Winnie, ignore the bell, pay no heed, just sleep and wake, sleep and wake, as you please, open and close the eyes, as you please, or in the way you find most helpful. [
Pause.
] Open and close the eyes, Winnie, open and close, always that. [
Pause.
] But no. [
Smile.
] Not now. [
Smile broader.
] No no. [
Smile off. Pause.
] What now? [
Pause.
] What now, Willie? [
Long pause.
] There is my story of course, when all else fails. [
Pause.
] A life. [
Smile.
] A long life. [
Smile off.
] Beginning in the womb, where life used to begin, Mildred has memories, she will have memories, of the womb, before she dies, the mother’s womb. [
Pause.
] She is now four or five already and has recently been given a big waxen dolly. [
Pause.
] Fully clothed, complete outfit. [
Pause.
] Shoes, socks, undies, complete set, frilly frock, gloves. [
Pause.
] White mesh. [
Pause.
] A little white straw hat with a chin elastic. [
Pause.
] Pearly necklet. [
Pause.
] A little picture-book with legends in real print to go under her arm when she takes her walk. [
Pause.
] China blue eyes that open and shut. [
Pause. Narrative.
] The sun was not well up when Milly rose, descended the steep . . . [
pause
] . . . slipped on her nightgown, descended all alone the steep wooden stairs,
backwards on all fours, though she had been forbidden to do so, entered the . . . [
pause
] . . . tiptoed down the silent passage, entered the nursery and began to undress Dolly. [
Pause.
] Crept under the table and began to undress Dolly. [
Pause.
] Scolding her . . . the while. [
Pause.
] Suddenly a mouse— [
Long pause.
] Gently, Winnie. [
Long pause. Calling.
] Willie! [
Pause. Louder.
] Willie! [
Pause. Mild reproach.
] I sometimes find your attitude a little strange, Willie, all this time, it is not like you to be wantonly cruel. [
Pause.
] Strange? [
Pause.
] No. [
Smile.
] Not here. [
Smile broader.
] Not now. [
Smile off.
] And yet . . . [
Suddenly anxious.
] I do hope nothing is amiss. [
Eyes right, loud.
] Is all well, dear? [
Pause. Eyes front. To herself.
] God grant he did not go in head foremost! [
Eyes right, loud.
] You’re not stuck, Willie? [
Pause. Do.
] You’re not jammed, Willie? [
Eyes front, distressed.
] Perhaps he is crying out for help all this time and I do not hear him! [
Pause.
] I do of course hear cries. [
Pause.
] But they are in my head surely. [
Pause.
] Is it possible that . . . [
Pause. With finality.
] No no, my head was always full of cries. [
Pause.
] Faint confused cries. [
Pause.
] They come. [
Pause.
] Then go. [
Pause.
] As on a wind. [
Pause.
] That is what I find so
wonderful. [
Pause.
] They cease. [
Pause.
] Ah yes, great mercies, great mercies. [
Pause.
] The day is now well advanced. [
Smile. Smile off.
] And yet it is perhaps a little soon for my song. [
Pause.
] To sing too soon is fatal, I always find. [
Pause.
] On the other hand it is possible to leave it too late. [
Pause.
] The bell goes for sleep and one has not sung. [
Pause.
] The whole day has flown—[
smile, smile off
]—flown by, quite by, and no song of any class, kind or description. [
Pause.
] There is a problem here. [
Pause.
] One cannot sing . . . just like that, no. [
Pause.
] It bubbles up, for some unknown reason, the time is ill chosen, one chokes it back. [
Pause.
] One says, Now is the time, it is now or never, and one cannot. [
Pause.
] Simply cannot sing. [
Pause.
] Not a note. [
Pause.
] Another thing, Willie, while we are on this subject. [
Pause.
] The sadness after song. [
Pause.
] Have you run across that, Willie? [
Pause.
] In the course of your experience. [
Pause.
] No? [
Pause.
] Sadness after intimate sexual intercourse one is familiar with of course. [
Pause.
] You would concur with Aristotle there, Willie, I fancy. [
Pause.
] Yes, that one knows and is prepared to face. [
Pause.
] But after song . . . [
Pause.
] It does not last of course. [
Pause.
] That is what I find so
wonderful. [
Pause.
] It wears away. [
Pause.
] What are those exquisite lines? [
Pause.
] Go forget me why should something o’er that something shadow fling . . . go forget me . . . why should sorrow . . . brightly smile . . . go forget me . . . never hear me . . . sweetly smile . . . brightly sing . . . [