Happily Ever All-Star: A Secret Baby Romance (72 page)

I
didn’t tell
Piper I loved her before I left.

And this was the first time I ever experienced true regret.

For two weeks, I’d dreamt about her. I fell asleep thinking of her. I woke up wanting her.

But I hadn’t told her I loved her. Instead I tried to forget her.

Everything hurt, but it wasn’t a pain I could ice away. Working out didn’t help. Resting made it worse. It wasn’t a physical ailment.

This was loneliness.

I spent my first two weeks in Ironfield alone, living in a three-bedroom apartment. Somehow it seemed bigger, emptier, more silent than the mansion. No giggles in the hall. No warmth in my bed.

No
family
.

The suspension ended Tuesday at four o’clock, and I was finally permitted to join my new team at the Rivets’ practice facility.

I was ready. I’d studied the playbook, learned their defensive strategies, and watched the films.

The uniform went on.

The leash came off.

I went to work.

I was instructed to arrive after five o’clock for my equipment fittings and tour. Some of the staff and players remained at the facility after hours. Most of them grabbed dinner in the dining hall or worked in the weight room. The linebacker coach quickly introduced himself, handed me an access card and passcode, and told me to report the next morning, bright and early, on the field with the rest of my new teammates.

I took my own tour of the locker room, stopping before an empty locker with my name hastily added to the top.
Hawthorne
. Scribbled with masking tape and a Sharpie. Not very permanent.

Maybe they thought I was going to refuse the trade. Or maybe they believed I had more respect for myself than to sign with them.

I brought my belongings for the locker, but I didn’t have much. I organized the toiletries and set a spare set of clothes into the cubby. One thing remained in my bag—the only memento I had packed for my trip to Ironfield.

And I couldn’t believe I set the toy bunny on the shelf.

It wasn’t Rose’s Mr. Bumpybottom, just one of the extras. I didn’t know why I stuffed Rumpleass into the locker. Maybe it was easier to look at the bunny than a picture of the kid. Maybe it was some sort of bullshit test for me, to try to retain the good in me that Piper and her baby created.

Or maybe it was because I loved them too goddamned much.

“You have kids?”

I recognized the voice—that charm that wavered between cocky, confident, and asshole.

“Got a boy of my own now,” he said. “Four months old.”

“Yeah.” I turned to face Jack Carson. “I heard about that.”

“Think everyone did.”

It didn’t surprise me that
Play-Maker
Jack Carson sowed enough oats to make a baby, but it seemed incredible that he actually married the woman who had it. Who’d have thought a bad boy with a worse reputation could change his image by banging his PR rep, having a kid, and getting married.

Jack liked the bunny. “I didn’t know
The Beast
had a baby.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh. Okay. I didn’t know he kept toys in his locker.”

“Consider it stress relief, so I don’t go popping off quarterbacks’ heads when I’m not on the field.”

Jack laughed—a perfect prince charming. Blonde. Blue-Eyed. Might have been the league heart-throb if he hadn’t been the thorn in the association’s foot.

But he extended his hand in a formal introduction.

“Jack Carson,” he said. “Glad you’re finally part of the Rivets.”

I didn’t bother shaking his hand. Jack took it in stride, like he expected it.

“You might not recognize me,” he said. “Usually I’m scrambling out of your reach. Hard to talk when I’m too busy throwing touchdowns.”

There was the Jack Carson I remembered. “What? Are you the welcoming committee?”

“Got the muffins baking in the oven as we speak.”

“And here I thought you were more the whiskey and strip club type.”

“I used to be.”

“What changed?”

Jack held up his hand, spinning the gold ring on his finger. “Found something better.”

Right
. “I find that hard to believe.”

“A lot of people do. A reputation is a tough thing to fix. But I know it can be done. I’m living proof.”

“There’s a difference between an image and the man,” I said.

Jack nodded, serious. First time I ever saw him not grinning like a cocky idiot. “I’m glad you agree. Looks like we’ve got work to do.”

“That so?”

“I’ve got a dynasty to build. You’re gonna be part of it.”

I tossed the rest of my shit into the locker. That damn Rumpleass Bunny stared at me.

The beginning of the end. At least the kid was too young to remember me.

I slammed the door. Jack didn’t flinch as I stared him down. He was a big guy, not one of the delicate and fragile quarterbacks I used to hunt. He didn’t blink as I scowled.

“Maybe you ought to get out of my way,” I said. “Let me get to work.”

“And maybe you should sit the fuck down and listen to what I have to say.”

“Look pretty boy, I know you’re hot shit with the championship under your belt and the sponsorships and everyone thinking you’re
reformed
, but I know why I’m here.”

“Do you?”

“Pretty obvious.”

Jack shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m on your side. Together, we’re gonna do this
right
.”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Win,” he said, simply. “And we’ll do it our way. The right way.”

“I don’t need you to tell me how to do my job.” I pushed past him. “I’ve got that part figured out.”

He frowned. “I don’t want
The Beast
on my team.”

“What a coincidence,” I said. “I don’t want to be here.”

He took the insult well. Just meant I hadn’t hit him hard enough.

But Jack held my stare. “I don’t want
The Beast
, but I do want
Cole Hawthorne
on my team. I know the reason Coach Thompson traded for you. What he thinks you’ll do, who you’ll hurt.”

“Figured it out, huh? Smarter than you look.”

“It’s not going to happen, Cole.”

“That so?”

“The Rivets had a proud history, and, for three years, I single-handedly destroyed it,” Jack said. “I blew every chance I was given on partying and women and
fun
. It wasn’t just my reputation that suffered, it was the team’s. I changed, but I’m still pulling us out of the mud.”

“What’s your point?”

“The Rivets went from the league’s proudest organization to the villains. We have more players with criminal records on our roster than any other team. These are men with bad reputations who nearly ruined their chances and deserve every negative article and opinion about them. And you’re no different.”

“You don’t know a thing about me.”

“No. I don’t. No one here knows you. Hell, no one in the
league
knows you. The rumor is you’re a loner asshole with an attitude problem who was having the greatest season of his career until he hospitalized Jude Owens.”

“Sounds about right.”

“So what changed in you?”

“What?”

“What made this your best season?”

I didn’t answer. Jack glanced at the locker, where I kept the bunny safe and hidden.

“You had a reason to play harder, to do better,” he said. “Same thing happened to me. I met my woman, I had my son, and now I’ve gotta keep my ass in line for them. Coach Thompson can scout for talent all he wants, but he’s not on the field with us. I gotta know I can trust you. I want to play with men who share my motivations.”

“What motivations?”

“You tell me. What’s the most important thing to you? Winning? Becoming a better player?” He raised an eyebrow. “Or do you want to become a better man?”

If only it were possible.

“That’s what I thought.” Jack shrugged. “It’ll all start with you…and the help of a decent PR firm. This can be your second chance. I want this team to be represented by men who understand what a
privilege
it is to play this game. Every man deserves the opportunity to prove himself. Are you in?”

Sure, it sounded like puppies and rainbows, but I was a realist. “And the instant I hurt someone?”

“Call me crazy…” Jack pointed to my locker. “But I think you’ve hurt more people than just Pierce Jarvis and Jude Owens.”

I didn’t answer, didn’t want to think about Piper. I gritted my teeth.

“Never thought Jack
Play-Maker
Carson was so
insightful
.”

“Never thought Cole
The Beast
Hawthorne would have a baby’s stuffed bunny in his locker.”

“Guess we’re both full of surprises.”

Jack held my gaze. “The choice is yours. You have a home here if you want it, but we do it together. Practices are communal. We work out as a group. We eat as a family. We win as a team. I get that you’re a solitary guy, but as of now, you’re part of the Rivets. And I want that to
mean
something.”

Jack offered his hand. I didn’t hesitate before shaking it.

“Welcome to Ironfield.”

“
C
ool
!” Rose held up Mr. Bumpybottom and showed Dad. “
Cool
!”

“Yes, Rosie.
Gnarly
.” I patted the bunny and debated tossing it away like a puppy toy. Problem was, Rose was more obedient than a dog—she’d bring him right back.

Cole and I had tested it…and laughed a little too hard.

Dad smiled. He was never good with his granddaughter, but he tried. She toddled to me and hugged my leg before plopping onto the floor with a grunt.

“
Cool
!”

“She’s getting bigger.” Dad twisted his phone in his hands. Nervous. “That’s my fault. I should have seen her more.”

I wasn’t going to comfort him. “Yeah. You should have.”

His office was busy, but he actually closed the door and silenced his cell so we could talk in peace. Rose played on the floor, singing to herself and the bunny.

“I want to apologize,” Dad said. “Really, I do.”

Good. It only took him a month to do it.

“Why are you apologizing?” I asked. “Is it because you
humiliated
me in front of the league, the Monarch coaching staff, and my client? Or are you apologizing because you said something hurtful and completely inappropriate for a father to accuse of his daughter?”

“Can I apologize for everything?” he asked.

“You can try.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. But I’ve always…wanted the best for you, Piper.”

“You thought the best for me was appeasing me with college until I could be married off.”

“And when that didn’t happen, I thought I could help by giving you some tough love.”

Rose grinned at me. “
Mama!
”

“Tough love?” I laughed. “I balanced a laptop on my belly while
in labor
so I could do more work for the agency. I didn’t need my life to be any harder. I already handled doctor’s appointments—alone. Finding an apartment—alone. Buying baby furniture—alone. And, I gotta tell ya, raising a newborn alone? That’s the toughest love I was ever gonna get.”

“If I had raised you differently—”

“Dad, stop thinking of my life as a series of
mistakes
. I knew when I got pregnant things would change. But I worked hard to give Rosie a good life.” I paused. “And I was grateful that you gave me a job.”

“But I should have given you
help.
” Dad heaved a breath. “I see that now. I should
still
be helping you.”

“It’s not about the help, Dad. I just…I want Rose to know her grandfather.”

“Is there still a chance that can happen?”

There shouldn’t have been. Not now, not ever. But I’d already lost Cole. I didn’t want to lose anyone else we cared about.

“What you did to me during that meeting, the things you said…I won’t let it come between you and your granddaughter.” I pointed at him, a warning. “
But
if you
ever
hurt her the way you hurt me, we’re through.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You called me a
whore
.”

“I didn’t understand. I didn’t see how much you cared for him.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “Email Cole and ask if he’ll accept your representation again. If he does, send me the paperwork, and I’ll sign him over to you.”

Dad didn’t let me leave. “I don’t want Cole Hawthorne for a client.”

“Why?”

“Because I rather have my daughter as an employee.”

“I’m not an agent, Dad.”

“You could be. And a damn good one.” It was one of the first compliments he’d given me since before Rose was born. “The way you controlled the meeting with the league was spectacular. Everything. The presentation you gave, how you conducted yourself—Piper, that was quality work. I couldn’t have expected that from anyone else in my agency.” He winked at me. “And if you were honest with yourself—you’d realize you enjoyed it too.”

“I was helping Cole,” I said. “Nothing more.”

“So, you can help others. You’re smart, Piper. You understand contracts. You do your research. You are polite and intelligent and persuasive. This could be your calling. Come to work for me again.”

The words were hard. “You and I don’t see
eye-to-eye
on a lot of things, Dad.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t think we ever will.”

“I hoped it would get better.”

“If I work for you, it will never change. I don’t want to be your employee. I want to be your
daughter
. I want to be your
friend
. I’m not a little girl waiting to get married off, and I’m not an underling trying to get you a new contract. I’m
family
. If you want that, I’m here. If there’s no room in your life for that then…”

Dad nodded. He looked to Rose, a touch of sadness in his voice. “We’re not alike, you and me. That’s probably for the best. I’ve never been a good man or father. I’m too practical. Too number-oriented and bullheaded. But you amaze me, Piper. You’ve always searched for happiness in places I’d never think to look. Education. College. Raising your baby alone. I worried about you, always seeking adventure but not watching where that first step would land.”

“Do you still worry?”

“I don’t have to. I couldn’t imagine you any other way, Piper. You’re a brilliant woman, and you’re an excellent mother.” He looked away. “And if Cole couldn’t see that, you’re better off without him.”

It was amazing how one little sentence could rip through me. I hoped my voice didn’t catch, but a month separated from Cole hadn’t healed the ache in my chest.

“It was amicable,” I said. “We broke it off when he left for Ironfield.”

“Any reason you didn’t go with him?”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

Dad snorted. He distracted himself with his computer, checking an email. “Don’t go looking for Prince Charming, Piper. Do you know what happens when you wait for fate to drop the perfect person in your lap?”

“What?”

“A lot of unnecessary trouble. Fingers pricked on spindles. Apples lodged in throats. Shattered glass slippers tearing up your feet. Forget what’s meant to be. Make your own
happily ever after
.” He raised his eyebrows. “Go get him.”

I didn’t let my heart beat with that flicker of hope. “I have everything I need in life with Rose. She’s the one who needs the
happily ever after
, not me. I’m going to make sure she gets it. No princes required.”

I stood and shouldered my purse, taking Rose’s hand before she climbed every piece of furniture in Dad’s office.

“Wait,” he said.

Dad rifled through his filing cabinet and pushed a folder towards me. His writing scrawled a name over the top.

Lachlan Reed

“He’ll go first round in the draft,” Dad said. “You should represent him.”

“I don’t need charity.”

“It’s not. I can’t handle him. He’ll need a
lighter
touch. I wouldn’t trust him with anyone but you.”

Uh-oh. “Is he another Cole?”

Dad laughed. Hard. “Couldn’t be more different. You’re the best suited for him, I think. I’ve been courting him, but…he’s yours. His contact info is in the folder. Give him a call.”

“I can’t deal with both Cole and now…” I looked at the folder. “
Lachlan
.”

“Looks like you’ll have to start your own agency.”

“Dad—”

“This has been fun, but I’m very busy, Piper. I gotta get out of the office before Monday Night Football.” He eyed me. “You shouldn’t miss it.”

Yeah, right. Rivets versus Cyclones. Cole Hawthorne’s Ironfield debut would take place live on national television.

Where everything could go wrong.

My heart couldn’t take it.

I tucked the folder into Rose’s diaper bag. “Thanks, Dad.”

We weren’t the hugging sort. We waved
buh-bye
, and I left the agency for the last time with a little more confidence than when I’d entered. I loaded Rose into the car and let her babble to Mr. Bumpybottom for the ride home.

Or…at least, what was passing as home.

I had a lead on an apartment that would open up in a few days, but the hotel worked for a temporary stay. I couldn’t wait at Cole’s home anymore, despite his insistence that I remain until I was settled.

The house. The beds. The garden. Everything had wrapped me in his presence. I couldn’t handle it.

But even when I finally left, when Rose and I settled at the hotel, I still dragged memories of Cole into our life. My clothes smelled like him. Sports Nation wouldn’t stop talking about him.

I’d dreamt of him. I’d hated him.

I’d stared at my phone waiting for him to call.

He didn’t.

I knew he wouldn’t.

When was it supposed to stop hurting? When could I go five minutes without thinking of him or worrying about him or getting
angry
with him?

Everyone talked about broken hearts as if they shattered once and were lost. It wasn’t true. Every day apart from him only splintered me more. The pieces got smaller, turning to dust. Not much remained for time to heal. Maybe these wounds were just too deep.

I shouldn’t have watched the game, but I think I wanted to know if it still hurt.

It did.

Rose should have gone to sleep before the game started, but I didn’t mind her company. It’d be nice to have a girls’ night, just me and her sharing an order of fast food chicken nuggets.

Watching the game.

Pretending to care about anyone and anything but the man wearing the black, number ninety-two jersey.

The pregame was in full-swing, and the announcers made sure they got a close up of Cole Hawthorne, warming up on the field in his new Ironfield uniform.

His hair was tied back, but he’d wear it loose for the game. Wild. He said it intimidated his opponents, and I believed him. His nose had finally healed, despite the bit of crookedness. It suited him.

He looked fierce, focused. But something was different. The camera cut away just as quarterback Jack Carson walked through the warm-up, shouting to his men. Cheering them on. Firing them up.

And Cole
responded
. They pounded each other’s shoulder pads and shook hands before the game.

The Beast
and
Play-Maker
?

Were they…friends?

My mouth dropped open, but I didn’t close it in time. Rose stuck a piece of previously chewed chicken nugget between my lips.

At least I hoped it was a chicken nugget.

I spat it out and sipped my soda, staring at the TV though they had long since panned away.

She bounced the bunny next to me. “
Cool
!”

Was it possible Cole had looked…happy? It wasn’t just him getting pumped. He was
eager
to start the game.

“
Cool
!”

“Bodacious, meatball. Totally rad.”

“
Mamamama
.”

I should have turned the game off. I shouldn’t have watched.

Seeing Cole pained me in ways I hadn’t imagined.

But the time apart from him destroyed me more.

I allowed myself one night of weakness. I snuggled into the bed, Rose at my side, and together we watched the game.

Cole didn’t play in the first quarter, but I hadn’t expected him to play at all. The game was an important mid-season matchup. Cole was gifted, but could he really learn the entire Rivets’ defense in two weeks?

I never should have doubted him.

He took the field in the second quarter, lining up to blitz on a third and long. The ball snapped, and he exploded from the line, leaping over the offensive line. He twisted from a hold and dove over the Cyclones’ quarterback. The ball popped out, and he leapt over the fumble with a superhuman speed.

I shrieked, tumbling out of the bed and nearly bouncing my toddler off the side. I cheered with the Ironfield crowd. Rose loved the excitement. She bounced with me.

“
Cool
!” She clapped her hands. “
Cool
!”

“I know, Rosie! It
was
a cool play!”

My child looked at me like I was an idiot. And maybe I was.

“
Cool
!”

I plunked onto the bed and stared at her. She wiggled under my attention, but that devious smile told me everything I needed to know.

I tried to speak, but the words came out as a whisper.

“
Cool
?” I asked her.

“
Cool
.”

My heart broke once, and Rose gathered the pieces together just to shatter it again. She had been babbling all week, speaking that word
over
and
over
again. Tears prickled my eyes.

She wasn’t saying
cool
.

“Rosie, do you mean…
Cole
?”

She squealed, clapping as I finally understood what she said. She repeated his name, singing each word with an excited flourish.

“
Cole. Cole. Cole
.”

Oh God.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

I
was the one who was supposed to be crushed, falling for a man I shouldn’t have loved.

Not my baby. Not a little girl who loved him like he was her…

I couldn’t even think the word.

Of course
Rose would love a man who had shared his breakfasts with her. Read to her. Danced with her. Looked after her. Spoiled her with toys and furniture.

He’d showered her with the devotion and care and affection that he’d denied himself. And she
remembered
. She wanted him back.

“Do you miss Cole?” I whispered.

Rose nodded.

“Momma misses him too.”

Her little fingers poked at my lips, trying to make me smile. I owed it to her. I owed it to myself. But I had no idea how to be happy unless I was with him.

And he
had
to feel the same way. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. I should have never left without making him say it.

Screw it.

I wasn’t living a life of regrets.

I’d forced my way into his home to help him once.

This time, I’d find a way to save him.

“Do you want to go find Cole?” I asked.

Rose nodded.

“Good. You and me? We’re gonna go get him.” I pulled her in for a tight hug. “And we’re not going to leave until he says
I love you
.”