Happily Ever Addendum (2 page)

Curling up beside to her, I took a large
breath, exhaled, and fell into a restful sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lilli

I was trying so hard to seem invested in
all of the baby conversation, but my heart wasn’t into it. How could I tell
them I wasn’t feeling any connection to pregnancy? That I wasn’t happy at all?
I couldn’t, not when everyone else looked so excited.

Instead, I forced smiles and made
conversation until I was able to retreat for the evening. Aidan seemed to pick
up on my mood, but I didn’t know how to talk to him about how I felt either.
There is no way he could understand all of these emotions. Hell, I don't
understand them.

After the bath, which I soaked in until I
was a prune, I headed to the library with one of my pregnancy books. Most of
them discussed postpartum depression, but didn’t focus on women with partum
depression or feelings of disconnection.

Putting down the book, I turned to my laptop
for answers. Finally, a website that discussed women not feeling connected to
their pregnancy. There was even a blog where women held discussions. I joined
and read a few of the posts. Relief coursed through me, relaxing every tense
muscle. I wasn’t the only person who felt this way. Reading further, I found
that most of the women had a traumatic experience around the discovery of their
pregnancy or had a prior traumatic experience with pregnancy in general. I was
pretty sure that my experience was unique, but just knowing there were others battling
these same feelings of disconnect made me feel like I wasn’t alone any longer.

The site went on to state that about
half of the women start to relate more once they feel the baby move, some when
they found out the sex and saw the ultrasound, while others didn’t connect
until after birth. I really hoped it didn’t take that long. I did not want to
feel this miserable throughout the entire pregnancy. Closing the laptop, I reopened
the pregnancy book and flipped to the chapter on fetal movement.

The book said that first time pregnant
women typically felt movement around four months, though all were different.
The fact that I was having what the book called a multiple birth, I could
possibly feel the babies move earlier. And, sometimes, first time pregnant
women felt movement without realizing what it was.

Placing the book in my lap and my head
back against the arm of the couch, I tried to think about any movements or
mistaken feelings.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Waking up in the bedroom was a little
disorienting since the last thing I remembered was being in the library.
Looking over my left shoulder, I found Aidan sleeping. My stomach began to
gurgle. Thinking I was going to be sick, I prepared to hurry to the bathroom, but
then quickly realized I was starving.

Quietly, I slipped from the bed and
walked downstairs. Rachel was in the kitchen at the small desk, writing in the
black daily menu book.

"Mrs. Iver…Lilli, good
morning." She smiled brightly.

"Good morning, Rachel." I
returned her smile.

Opening the refrigerator, I pulled out
the milk. "Please tell me we have cereal or something in a cabinet
somewhere." I whined, eager to eat.

"Ummm…yes, I believe we do in the
pantry." She stood up and walked into the large pantry. I was right behind
her when she turned with a box of Apple Jacks. "These are what my son
eats." She smiled meekly.

"They are perfect!" I grinned,
taking the box from her hand.

"I can make you something to eat—"

"Cereal is fine. Plus, I need to
eat or I will get sick." Rachel smiled knowingly.

"I completely understand. Would you
like some orange juice and toast?"

"Oh, Rachel, I love you!" I
smiled widely.

I was shoveling the cereal into my mouth
when Alex came bouncing into the kitchen.

"Morning, Mom!" He hugged
Rachel. She kissed the top of his head. My chest warmed watching their sweet
mother and son moment.

He turned his attention to me.

"Those are my favorite!" Alex
exclaimed, eying my cereal bowl.

"Get a bowl and join me." I
waved him over.

Rachel handed him a bowl and he hurried
into the chair next to me. He poured the cereal into his bowl and into my now
empty bowl. I poured the milk.

"Thanks." He took a bite and
then smiled, milk dripping down his chin. I laughed.

"Alex." Rachel scolded
lovingly, "don’t talk with your mouth full." She wiped his face and he
rolled his eyes. "And don’t roll your eyes at your mother."

He smiled bashfully. "Sorry, Mom."

She smiled. "Hurry and eat. Your
bus will be here soon."

He groaned.

"Don’t you like school?" I
asked.

Shrugging he responded. "It’s
alright, I guess." He scooped another bite of cereal and crunched away.

The mention of school made me think
about the classes I'd had to cancel when I left to take care of my dad. Aidan
didn’t know yet and I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be.

Then my current situation truly hit me.
What the hell am I going to do for the rest of the day? As I was turning that over
in my head, Aidan entered the kitchen. He looked fan-fucking-tabulous and my
hormones immediately decided to introduce me to the ultimate horniness my
pregnancy book mentioned. I bit my lip and looked down into my cereal.

"Good morning." He smiled at
Rachel. I watched, through my peripheral vision, as he walked towards me.

Please don’t touch me. Please don’t
touch me. My body will combust.

If he touched me, I was going to burst
into a hormone induced sexual craze. Alex really didn’t need to see that.

"Good morning." Rachel chimed
back.

"Morning." Alex mumbled around
a mouth full of cereal.

"Didn’t I just tell you not to talk
with—?”

"Sorry." He said before she
could finish.

"I was wondering if I would see you
before I left." He stood, smiling down on me with his perfect looks.

Heat swelled in my chest. As he walked
around to the empty chair next to me, he leaned down and kissed the top of my
head. I clenched my thighs together, trying to control the heat flowing lower
south.

"Sorry, I was hungry." I said,
quickly, turning my attention back to my cereal.

"Those look good." Aidan stood
and got a bowl, joining Alex and I for breakfast. I watched his fine ass the
whole damn time, every flexed movement.

Rachel slid a plate of toast and sat a
large pitcher of orange juice on the table. I grabbed a piece of toast and
slathered it with the strawberry jam Rachel sat out.

Taking a huge bite, I was reveling in
the strawberry wonderfulness when I heard Alex giggle. Realizing I'd moaned out
loud while chewing, the heat in my chest flushed my cheeks. Aidan chuckled next
to me.

"Leave her alone." Rachel
scolded both of them. "She’s allowed to be like that. You have no idea
what it’s like."

"Yeah." I said, smacking
Aidan’s arm playfully for emphasis. Then I reached out for my orange juice.

He put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry." He grinned and
continued to eat his cereal.

"So, Rachel…"

"Yes, sir?" She looked up from
the counter she was wiping.

"Do you know how to make chow mien
noodles?"

"I believe I have an Asian recipe
book around here somewhere." She began looking around some cabinets.

"It's okay, Rachel." I said
quickly. "Don’t worry about it. I can take care of it." I smiled, apologetically.

She waved me off and went back to
looking around.

 "Whatever the pregnant woman
wants, she gets."

"I couldn’t agree more."
Aidan's lips pressed against my temple. "I’ll check in on you later."

"You don’t have to do that. I'm not
an invalid."

"Just humor me, okay? Those are my
babies you've got in there."

"Okay, okay." I said.
"That doesn’t mean I have to like it." I stuck my tongue out.

He laughed, grabbed his briefcase and
left. I huffed.

"Oh, honey, let him take care of
you. It’s the least he can do since he can’t be the pregnant one." She
laughed. "And trust me, I would never want to deal with a pregnant
Aidan." She shook her head, laughing harder.

"That bad, huh?" I giggled.

"Just wait for the first time you
experience him when he’s sick." She laughed louder, "he is so
whiney." I laughed louder when even Alex concurred with a nod of his head.

After breakfast, I returned to the
bedroom to get dressed for the day. On my way to the closet, I noticed the
message light on my phone flashing. Picking it up, I saw a missed call and
voicemail from Viola.

"Lilli, I plan to visit the
children's home this afternoon.  Give me a call if you would like to join
me?"

I called her back immediately, hoping I
didn't miss her. I was relieved when she answered and said she be by in about
an hour. Hanging up, I hurried to clean myself up and get dressed.

While waiting for Viola, I received my
first phone call from Aidan.

"You’ve been gone for barely two
hours and you’re already calling me?" I answered.

"Can you blame me for wanting to
make sure you're okay?"

"I’m at the house, Aidan. What the
hell is going to happen that you wouldn’t get a call from someone like, Rachael
or Jay?" I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see the gesture.

"Look, I still can't believe your
back home. Maybe
I
just need some reassurance you’re really here. That
you aren't still lying in a hospital bed or worse."

His words were sweet and I was being a
bitch. Taking a deep breath, I calmed my hormonally intensified emotions. "I’m
here, I'm fine. Okay?"

"Okay." He mumbled. "I
love you." The words fell effortlessly, as if he'd always ended our phone
calls with the sentiment. Not knowing how to respond, I stayed very quiet.

"I’ll see you tonight." He
said abruptly, hanging up before I could process how those three words made me
feel.

Viola arrived and I slipped into my coat
before heading to her waiting car.

"Good morning." She smiled as
I climbed in with her.

"Morning." I replied.

"Feeling good?"

I nodded.

"Good, I wasn’t sure if you would
feel like going with me today after all of your traveling yesterday." She
patted my leg as we drove away from the house.

"Listen, I know shopping isn’t your
thing and that you are a little
down
about
things.
However, we're
all going shopping on Friday. I am taking you and Elora out to buy some
things." She smiled so warmly I couldn’t, wouldn’t, dare to refuse her.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Lilli, dear, I know things are
crazy right now and everything that has been happening seems to be taking a
toll on you, but I want you to know we all love you and are simply trying to
make things easier, better, happier for you." She pulled me into a tight embrace. 
Tears slipped over my cheeks.

"Oh, Viola, why can’t I be a normal
pregnant woman who is
excited
and
glowing
?” Close to sobbing, the
sadness in Viola’s eyes only made me feel worse. Very abruptly, her eyes
hardened into a determined stare.

"You sure as hell are a normal
pregnant woman, Lilli!" She sighed. "I know that this situation is
crazier than all hell, but everything you are feeling is normal given
everything that has happened. Don’t you see that? How do you think any woman
would react?" Her arms held firmly as she started rocking us.

Wiping at my tear soaked face, I
sniffled. "I guess."

"It’s not a guess. It’s the
truth." She said firmly. "It will all come to you in time. Believe me,
it will."

Later that evening, after returning from
my day with Viola, I was soaking in the tub again. Aidan hadn’t arrived home
yet, but I could smell Rachel cooking. The smell of the food caused my stomach to
groan in impatience.

Climbing out from the tub, panic brought
both my hands to cradle my small bump. When I felt it again, a feeling crept
throughout my body making my scalp tingle. The fluttering feelings the book
discussed, I feel it. They're in there. My babies are moving.

Chapter Two

Breathe

Lilli

Sitting on the edge of the tub, still
naked, tears slipped over my cheeks. Amazement and awe at the fluttering in my
abdomen consumed every sense.

"Lilli?" I faintly heard my
name called. "Lilli! Are you okay? What’s wrong?"

I jumped when Aidan burst into the
bathroom rushing to my side. Realizing I was still naked, I grabbed for my robe
and pulled it up over the front of my body.