Hannah's Dream (15 page)

James had installed a metal sink with faucets instead of a pump.

"I wanted to have them installed in our kitchen back home, but other things came first."

"It was Miles' idea.  He thought it would be easier for..."

"I heard about Mr. Smiley's comments concerning women."

"He didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm sure he didn't."

James looked at Marian and noted her smug smile.

"He's been a bachelor a long time, Marian.  He isn't going to change."

"That's unfortunate."

"I hope you don't think you're going to change me."

"I had no intention of trying to change you.  I understood
that
when I heard you were building me a house."

"Was it that obvious?"

She laughed.  "A little.  But no worries.  I like my privacy, too."

"Do you think you'll ever marry again?"

"I don't think about it very often.  I am content the way I am."

"But you're young enough, if you want more children that is."

"I've thought about that.  But now I have a girl and a boy, and I'm content."

"Speaking of that boy, you said you adopted him.  Who are his parents?"

Marian stared at the mountains.  She had hoped James would never ask, but now that hope seemed foolish.  Of course, he would be curious.

"He's Randall's child," she said.

"Oh," he replied.

He never asked again.

Chapter 25

The world seemed far away as Hannah stood on the hill overlooking the falls.  The cascading water inspired her to draw and she was glad she'd brought the large journal Marian had bought her to record their trip to Denver.  Instead of recording her thoughts, Hannah sketched what she saw on its pages.  She sat on the grass and pulled a pencil from her lunch basket.  As the pencil moved across the empty page, the waterfalls began to appear.

Since she'd begun painting with Louise, Hannah had become adept at creating realistic scenes.  She was still envious of the passion Louise imparted to her canvases, but Hannah's paintings were praised by the other students for their realism, and Margaret Mason had actually sold one to an acquaintance in New York.  Hannah loved to think about that painting, a depiction of the ocean at sunset, hanging in the rich matron's drawing room.

Sitting alone on a hill in Colorado, though, her fingers weren't obeying her eyes.  She wanted to show the power of the waterfall, but as she held the journal in front of her, it looked tame as a baby's bath.  Hannah sighed.  She placed the journal next to her and looked at the mountains in the distance.

The trip from New Jersey had been exhausting.  Marian had endeavored to save money on the journey by booking beds in the Pullman car, but during the day they had to sit on the seats in the passenger cars.  They were hard and as they were also in the public view, the women had to mind their posture and by the end of the day, Hannah was so stiff her muscles would ache.  She tried to sketch things she saw along the way, but her fingers were clumsy and the train would jerk, creating long black lines across the page.  She gave up trying to draw as they rode through Ohio and didn't pick up the journal again until today.  Perhaps she'd lost her ability to draw when she left New Jersey.

"That's ridiculous," she said.

"I think it's pretty good," Adam said.

She turned her head and saw him standing behind her.  His horse was a few feet away.  He was looking at the journal.

"Where did you come from?" she asked.  "I didn't hear you ride up."

"I saw you up here and thought I'd say hello."

"Do you think it looks like the waterfall?"

"Well, I knew what it was."

She closed the journal.  "I'm not happy with it.  It's...boring."

Adam sat and picked up the journal.  He leafed through the pages and stopped at the waterfall.

"I don't think it's boring," he said.  "It looks like a waterfall."

"But there's no power.  You're supposed to feel the waterfall."

"If I want to feel the waterfall, I'll go to the waterfall and put my hand in it."

"No," Hannah said shaking her head.  She put her hand on her chest over her heart.  "In here.  You're supposed to feel it in here."

Adam looked puzzled.  He put his hand on his chest.  He felt his heart beating.  He didn't feel water.

"Well, I think it looks good," he said.

Hannah sighed again.  "I want it to be more than just good.  I have a friend who paints and everything she does is amazing.  When you look at her paintings, it's as if you're in the painting, experiencing what she felt when she painted it.  I want to paint that way."

"But what if you can't?" Adam said.

"What do you mean?"

"What if you can't paint that way?  What if your paintings are just nice to look at?"

"Then I'll stop painting," Hannah said.

She pushed herself off the ground and stood.  She reached down and grabbed the journal out of Adam's hands and picked up her basket.

"It's a nice waterfall," Adam said as she walked away.

Becky was setting the table for lunch when Hannah returned.

"You look fit to be tied," Becky said.  "What happened?"

"Nothing," Hannah said.  "Just Adam giving his opinion of my drawing."

"Not an art lover, is he?"

"He's a rube.  He thinks my drawing is nice."

"And that's bad?"

"I want it to be grand!"

"Oh, grand is it.  Well, the man lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere.  You can't expect him to understand how you've suffered."

Hannah tilted her head back and glared at Becky.  "That's not the point, Becky.  He said it was nice.  That's like saying it's acceptable.  I want to draw something that will make people weep."

"I think you shouldn't be so hard on the boy."

"He's hardly a boy."

Hannah left Becky and went to her room.  She closed the door and sat on the bed.  She felt very far from home.

"Did I hear Hannah?" Marian said as she came into the dining room.

"She was mad at that hand, Adam.  He insulted her drawing."

"He did?  He doesn't seem mean-spirited.  What did he say?"

"He said her drawing was nice."

Marian nodded her head.  "Oh, I see."  She smiled.

"She wants to make people weep," Becky said.

The women laughed quietly.

"Poor Hannah," Marian said.  "She can be so serious sometimes.  I think she misses Louise.  Louise would have understood."

"Maybe we can invite her to visit," Becky said.

"That's a good idea.  But it would have to be soon.  James said once it snows we may not be able to get to Denver for months."

"You mean we'll be stuck here until spring?"

"I'm afraid so.  He said last year he and Adam were snowed in for six weeks.  They couldn't even go to town in High Bend."

"Then we'd better start stocking supplies," Becky said.

"I'm going up to check on Hannah," Marian said.

Marian climbed the stairs and went down the hallway to the last bedroom.  She found Hannah lying on the bed.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Mama," Hannah said.

Marian could hear she was crying.  She walked over and sat in front of Hannah, who moved to let Marian sit.  She stroked Hannah's hair and wiped away her tears.

"I want to go home," Hannah said.

"I know.  I've been watching you."

"I need to see Louise.  I need to be with people who understand what I'm feeling."

"I know it's hard, Hannah, but this is our new home."

Hannah sat with her back against her pillow.  "But I'm eighteen now.  Why can't I live on my own?"

"Because you're a single woman.  People would think, well, that you were...it wouldn't be appropriate."

"I'm so tired of hearing what I can't do!"

Hannah got off the bed and went to the window.

"There's nothing here, Mama.  I can't spend the rest of my life here.  Surely there is some way I could go back east."

She turned to face Marian.

"Don't we have a relative I could stay with?"

"We are staying with the only relative we have."

"But what about Papa's family?"

"Randall's mother is old, Hannah, and she's never shown the slightest interest in you."

"Why?"

"Because she felt Randall...married beneath his station."

"You never told me that, Mama."

Hannah came to her mother and sat next to her.

"My father arranged the marriage.  Randall was young and a bit wild, but he had money and position.  My father met your father at his club.  He suggested the marriage to Randall when he overheard your father say that in order to come into his inheritance, he would have to get married.  I guess Randall saw it as a way to fulfill his father's wishes, but she thought my father was a tradesman and never forgave him."

"A tradesman?"

"They were very wealthy, Hannah.  Randall's parents were old money.  My father made his fortune by investing in the railroads and other businesses.  We were considered nouveau riche and therefore beneath them.   It was a bit of a scandal at the time.  Randall thought his mother would be happy he had settled down, but she was appalled.  It was a very difficult time."

"I'm so sorry, Mama."

"Oh, I got over feeling bad about it a long time ago.  But you can understand why you can't stay with her, can't you?"

"Yes.  And there isn't anyone else?"

"No, dear.  We are your only family.  You're stuck with us, I'm afraid."

Marian smiled.  Hannah looked at her mother and she smiled, too.

"I rather like being stuck with you.  I just wish we were stuck in New Jersey."

"Marry well and persuade your husband to take you there."

"He'd have to have a lot of money, wouldn't he?"

"Of course," Marian said with a smile.

"And rich men are just falling out of the trees in Colorado."

They both laughed and Marian put her arms around Hannah and hugged her.

"I'm glad to see you smile.  You have a lovely smile, Hannah."

Marian pulled away from Hannah.

"Do you ever think of John?" she said.

Hannah thought for a moment.

"No," she replied.  "You know something, Mama?  I loved John as a friend, but I don't think I loved John as a man.  Do you know what I mean?"

Marian nodded her head.

"I think I liked being someone's girl, being betrothed.  It made me feel special.  But I wonder if I would have married him when the time came."

"I'm glad to hear this, Hannah.  I was worried you had been heartbroken."

"I was shocked that he'd marry that way, without his family present, and to someone they'd never met.  But John must have known we weren't meant to be, too.  I wish him well, Mama.  I truly do."

Marian put her arm around Hannah's shoulder and Hannah rested her head on Marian's.  They looked out the window and saw a hawk circling in the sky.

"Lunch," Becky called from the bottom of the stairs.

"I never ate the lunch I took this morning," Hannah said.

"Then come down with me," Marian said.

They got up and walked down the stairs together.

"Well?" Becky said.

"I'm fine," Hannah said.

"Good, let's eat."

Chapter 26

Blue snorted as they rounded the bend and headed toward the ranch house.

"What's wrong, fella?" Adam said.  "Got dust in your nose?"

Adam called the black horse Blue because when the Sun shone on his coat, it had a blue sheen.  He'd had the horse since it was a colt.

Adam passed the new "women's" house and went to the stable next to the barn.  He was thinking about that Hannah, the one he'd seen on the hill, and he couldn't understand what had put her nose out of joint.  He thought the picture was nice.  Was that a bad thing to say?

He slid off Blue's back and took the horse into his stall.  He brushed him down and filled his stall with fresh hay.

"I'll be back," he said.

He went to the ranch house and walked to the kitchen.  James usually had bread and cheese in his larder and Adam would make himself a sandwich before heading out to the pasture where he would check on the other cowboys, Willie, Rufus, and T.J.

The house was empty.  James had gone to Denver and left Adam in charge.  As he passed the parlor, his eye caught the glint coming off the silver frame around Hannah's picture.  He stopped and walked over to the fireplace.

He looked at the picture.  Hannah had struck a serious pose, but her eyes showed a hint of mischief.  Adam took the picture from the mantle and looked closer.  He ran his finger over the outline of her face.

When he went with James to the train station to pick up the ladies, Adam had stayed in the wagon while James went to fetch his sister and her family.  As they walked toward the wagon, Adam saw Hannah for the first time.  His experience with women was limited to his monthly visits to the saloon in Denver, during the spring and summer months, where the women upstairs charged two bits an hour.

He was a cowboy and a ranch hand.  He didn't expect to get married.  He thought he would punch cows the rest of his life and be like James, a bachelor with a small ranch and a porch where he could smoke his pipe and watch the sun go down.

But that curly-haired strawberry blonde had taken him by surprise.  She wasn't beautiful, but there was something about the way she smiled that made him blush.  She smelled good, too.  Since bringing her home to the women's house, he thought about her all the time.  When he saw her on the hill alone, he tried to think of something smart to say.  When he saw the picture, he told her it was nice because it was, and she'd acted like he'd insulted her.  Now he wondered if she'd ever talk to him again.

He put the picture back on the mantle and went to the kitchen.  He made a sandwich and ate it alone at James' small wooden table.  The kitchen window faced the women's house and he saw Hannah come out the front door and stand on the porch.  She was a petite little thing and he thought about putting his arms around her and he sighed.

Chapter 27

New Beach, New Jersey

Margaret Mason sipped her tea as she read the Red Bank Register.  She found the articles dull and put the paper aside.  Louise came down for breakfast and Margaret smiled.