Hanging On (28 page)

She didn’t make it sound like she would be hurt if either of them asked her to give them a few more minutes.

Licking her lip in a defiant nervous gesture, Sophia waved her closer.

“You’re fine. I’m dying to know why you’re upset, though.” She wasn’t really, not after knowing Sabrina had spent hours on the phone with Drew.

With a lightning flick of her eye, she dismissed Jonas and his bottle of beer. He didn’t take the silent hint, so she verbalized it. “Jonas, I would like to speak with Sophia alone.”

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He shook his head. “Not this time, honey.” Before either woman could protest the need for his presence, he held up a hand. “I won’t interfere until you’re both upset and crying, okay?”

Immediately, tears sprang to Sabrina’s eyes. “That’s not fair. I cry at the drop of a hat.”

The dread clenching Sophia’s stomach was the distinct desire to not have to deal with those hormones raging through her own body.

“Sophia doesn’t,” he said by way of compromise.

“Fine,” she sniffed, directing her attention to Sophia. “I thought we were friends.”

Sophia’s head started to hurt. “We are.”

“I didn’t ask you to come out with us because you always work on Friday and Saturday nights.” The tears came faster. “I thought that was your primary source of income until Ellen told me you worked as an accountant.” Jonas sipped his beer.

The string of curses wending through Sophia’s thoughts was impressive.

Only a few escaped through her vocal cords. “What did Drew say to you?”

“He said Ellen and I were your only friends, and that we did a horrible job at it.”

The throbbing in the center of her forehead felt a little better when she pressed the heel of her hand against it. “Why do you listen to him?” If they talked for hours, she wondered how long it took him to say that to Sabrina.

He wouldn’t come right out and say something so nasty, would he?

“Isn’t it true?” she asked. Her question ended with a hiccup. “You never mention other friends, or going out with them. Jonas says that when you say you have plans, you’re usually doing a scene with a submissive, and that they don’t mean anything to you. Even you say you have lovers, affairs, not relationships.”

She was not accountable to Sabrina or anyone else for her sex life. She answered what should have been the primary concern. “You’re a good friend, Sabrina. Don’t listen to Drew.”

“Why don’t you have any other friends? Why do the friends you do have tiptoe around you?” She paused to blow her nose on a tissue Jonas offered. “Don’t think we haven’t all noticed that Jonas and Ellen are careful with you. Like the other night when Drew followed you upstairs at Ellen’s house. Your brother wanted to go after you. Jonas convinced him to give
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you some time, but he kept his eyes on the stairs and his ears tuned to any sounds coming from that direction. He lost more hands than he should have.”

The ache settled behind Sophia’s eyes. She pressed the cold water bottle against her forehead and closed her eyes.

Sabrina moved closer to Sophia and captured her free hand, pressing it between her smaller ones. “Sophia, he put on a good front. They all did. But they were all jumping out of their skins with nerves until you and Drew came back downstairs and everything seemed to be all right.”

“Jesus, let it go!” Sophia snapped. The ache subsided, assuaged by the release of emotion. “My life hasn’t been sunshine and roses, but I fail to see why that’s any of your business!”

Tears tracked down both of Sabrina’s cheeks. Sophia made the mistake of looking at Jonas. Her pain tore him apart, but he was sticking to his promise to not interfere.

This was a mistake. She couldn’t be friends with both of them without coming between them. Jonas didn’t want to keep secrets from Sabrina, and Sabrina would blame the distance Sophia kept between them on whatever he wasn’t telling her, and so, on him.

Slamming the water on the bench behind her, Sophia muttered several curses under her breath. “Sabrina, this was a bad idea. I think it was a mistake for us to try to be friends. I’ll stay in your wedding to keep your numbers even, but that’s all.”

She tried to leave, brushing between Jonas and Sabrina, but they closed the distance and trapped her. Well, Jonas held her in place, and Sabrina threw her arms around Sophia’s neck and sobbed.

This was the most miserable day of her life.

“You can’t leave like this,” she managed to gasp between gulped breaths. “You can’t just end our friendship like this.”

“Yeah,” Jonas said quietly in her ear. “We’re not going to let you take the easy way out this time.”

“This time?” When had she ever been given the option of an easy way?

“Yeah, this time,” he echoed. “I watched you throw away every friendship you had before we met, and I was too caught up in my own problems to call you on your cowardice. I’ve watched you reject every person who showed a romantic interest in you. I thought you were going to

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kill me when I pushed you toward Drew, but Sophia, it’s time to let the past go.”

“He’s a good guy,” Sabrina said. Her sobs were a little less vehement. “I wouldn’t have encouraged you if I didn’t think you two were perfect together. Drew has his quirks, but they seem to complement yours.”

“And if I thought he was capable of hurting you, I wouldn’t have let you start anything with him.” Jonas’s mumbled assurance worked to soothe her nerves. “You know I’ve got your back, Sophie. Always.”
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The rest of the day hadn’t gone much better. Sophia managed to let Jonas and Sabrina extricate a promise that she would try with Drew. The entire time, she shot covert, curious looks in Jonas’s direction. She
was
trying with Drew. She was giving him a chance, but the deck was so stacked against him that it wasn’t fair. She didn’t want this thing with him to end, but it would eventually.

Somehow, she managed to leave without having to divulge her shameful secret to Sabrina. Thinking back to some of the sessions in which she participated before and after the self-defense classes, Sophia realized her behaviors were self-destructive.

Telling her family and friends once had been difficult enough. Enduring the range of reactions, from revulsion to fear to pity, wasn’t an experience she ever wanted to repeat. When would it stop mattering?

She tossed and turned for most of the night before dropping off into a troubled sleep close to dawn. Before too long, she opened her eyes to a horrible smell.

“Daniel, you’re so gross.” She pushed his face away and rolled over to get away from his odor. “I can’t believe you’re a year older than me.” He laughed wickedly. “It’s noon. Get your lazy ass out of bed. Mom and Dad will be here soon, and you’ll never hear the end of it if they find you still asleep.”

It was her turn to host the monthly family gathering. David and Anna DiMarco would be in the kitchen no later than one thirty, finishing the dessert that both preceded and followed dinner. Sophia desperately wished for chocolate.

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“What did you eat?” The disgusting smell that disturbed her sleep had been his breath. “I have extra toothbrushes and a brand-new bottle of mouthwash. This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Garlic pickles. You had them in your fridge. And I could have a girlfriend if I wanted one. There are too many beautiful women out there to settle for just one.” He was uncommonly happy. Sophia experienced a sinking sensation.

Ignoring the last part of his statement was the wisest move she could make. She flung back the covers and gathered her clothes for the day. “You ate the whole jar, didn’t you?”

“I was hungry.”

“You’re always hungry. Did you check the expiration date? I’ve had those for a long, long time.” Not even Drew had touched them. Sophia disappeared into the bathroom.

The door opened and closed again. The bang of cupboards told her Daniel was rummaging around for that toothbrush, or at least for the mouthwash. The smell that woke her was far worse than the onions Drew had burped in her face. That man was too mired in the sibling torture minor leagues to compete with the things Danny put her through. His mom was a shrink. She probably made them play nice.

He gargled, and she endured the temporary spike in heat as he rinsed.

“It’s not like you to keep food once it’s gone bad. You know how much I trust you.”

She showered quickly, not worrying about details like double-checking her legs after she shaved them. Drew wasn’t due back until tomorrow. Even then, their sex life might not survive the coming fight. Interfering with her friendships and making Sabrina feel like shit weren’t nice things to do.

Danny left. Having finished showering, she dressed and threw on shorts and a light cotton shirt. The trail of toothpaste that leaked from her mouth necessitated a change in shirt. She opted to forego makeup, a little treat to herself. Her father would be happy.

Daniel lounged at the foot of the bed. He had straightened the covers.

She studied him for a moment before rifling through a drawer.

He was twenty-six. Except for his family, he eschewed anything that might tie him down. He lived in a loft above his studio instead of purchasing a house, even though he could easily afford one, and he never dated a girl
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for more than three weeks unless he really liked them. Once he had gone as long as three months with the same girl, but he had broken it off when she talked about exchanging keys.

He had broken the hearts of more than a few of her friends. She had warned them, but Daniel DiMarco was an exceptionally handsome man, and her friends invariably ignored the warnings. During her sophomore year of high school, Sophia became aware of the number of girls pretending to be her friend as a way to wrangle an introduction to Daniel.

It made her wary of making new friends. That wasn’t a new thing.

The few friends Jonas watched her push away were college friends.

Nothing beyond sharing a beer or a bra had ever developed, so losing them didn’t matter so much. Letting those friendships lapse meant nobody was looking at her as if rape was a disease that could be transmitted through contact.

“You don’t look so good,” he said.

“Neither would you if you woke up to that smell,” she shot back.

He stood up, but didn’t come any closer. “No, I mean, you look…disturbed. Restless. What happened yesterday? What did Sabrina want?”

With a sigh, she spilled the story. Daniel was one of the few people to whom she could say almost anything. By the time she got to the group hug portion of the story, his mouth was twitching with the attempt to not laugh.

“Danny, this is serious. He can’t go around calling my friends and telling them they suck. She cried forever. I didn’t get away from her until after the fitting.”

That smirk didn’t fade. “But you’re still friends. You let her stop you from throwing that away. Sophia, you’re making progress. Drew has been good for you. I wasn’t sure at first.”

A month ago, she would have flounced out of the room to get away from the idea a steady man could be considered good for her. Now, she wasn’t sure. The urge to flee was still there, but it wasn’t insistent. It was manageable. No headache pressed behind her eyes, and her stomach looked forward to whatever pie her mother would to make that night.

“Still,” she said in an effort to salvage her pride, “I’m going to kill him.”

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Daniel hugged her cheek to his chest and pressed a loud, smacking kiss to the top of her head. “You have to invite him to dinner, Sophia. Mom is going to piss herself when she finds out you’re dating a chef.” In the kitchen, she made a cup of tea. Daniel looked at her sideways because he’d already started the coffee before cleaning her out of pickles.

The early pregnancy test languished somewhere in the bottom of her purse, and none of the usual signs her period was imminent appeared.

A killer headache waited just behind that thought. She was only twenty-five. Her fledgling business was only a couple weeks old. Her relationship with Drew wasn’t much older. He’d made it clear a pregnancy wouldn’t drive him away, but she couldn’t help but think he wasn’t ready for a child, either. He was twenty-nine. His business was successful, but his show was only in its second season.

Daniel knew Sophia was a coffee junkie. Maybe the headaches were caffeine withdrawal. Ignoring the questions in Danny’s eyes, she ate a bowl of cereal and sipped decaffeinated tea. Her phone rang, interrupting the silent interrogation. She ignored that, too.

“Aren’t you going to get that?”

“Nope.”

“It’s Drew, isn’t it?”

That was his ringtone. She was a firm believer in giving the people who called the most their own ringtone. “He’s in Los Angeles. Let him stew.”

“Head games,” Daniel hissed. He had more fire in his eyes than she’d ever seen. “I can’t stand women who play these kinds of head games.” That caught her interest. Ignoring Drew’s calls sent a pretty clear “I’m pissed at you” statement. Daniel’s anger was personal. Somebody was getting under his skin. “Who is playing head games with you?” His eyes narrowed. He confided in her as much as she confided in him.

“Alaina.”

The pretty, little brunette who drove Sophia’s car home from Drew’s house the night she had a meltdown. She was spunky. Sophia liked her. “I didn’t think she was your type.”

“Why?” He seemed offended. “I date all kinds of women.”

“As long as they’re tall, skinny, and blonde,” she clarified. “I don’t think Alaina is the kind of person who’ll put up with your shit.”
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She hit something because he came back with a low blow. It was true, but low. “Like Drew puts up with yours?” Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t feeling charitable toward Drew. “I warned Drew several times that he was in for a world of trouble. He said he isn’t going anywhere.”

Daniel leaned back in his chair, hooking one arm over the back, and studied her curiously. “You’re in love with him.” Sophia shrugged. “It won’t last. Nothing good ever does.” Doors slammed in the driveway. The sounds of their parents’ chatter drifted through the open front door and windows, interrupting anything Danny might have said. The conversation was saved from taking an irreparable downturn.

They met their parents at the door eagerly. Each carried a fruit pie. Anna had baked apple-walnut with a caramel topping for Sophia and cherry for Daniel.

She planted a kiss on Danny’s cheek and handed the pies to Sophia.

“Danny, go and get the rest of the groceries from the trunk.” Sophia took the pies to the kitchen and put them on the table. Her father followed her through the living room, his arms full of things that would turn into a huge dinner. He tossed the bags on the floor and turned toward her with his arms spread.

Like Daniel, David DiMarco was a tall man with dark coloring.

However, Danny’s muscles were longer and leaner because his workouts consisted mostly of practicing the martial arts. David’s business involved a lot of heavy lifting. The sheer bulk of him testified to that kind of life. She’d witnessed her father lifting huge boulders that three of his crew struggled to scoot along the ground. He’d hoisted it as if it had been made of Styrofoam.

She stepped into her father’s tight embrace. No matter what anyone said, she was her father’s little girl. He squeezed her tight and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I don’t see you enough, Sophia. You call your mother like a good girl, but it’s not the same.”

There wasn’t an answer to that. Italians were masters of giving guilt.

This was his way of saying he missed her. Stretching to the tips of her toes, she kissed his freshly shaven cheek. “I missed you, too, Daddy.” He let go, and Anna swept her up next. She was the odd duck in the family. David, Daniel, and Sophia were dark Italians. Anna was light.

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Blonde hair, light brown eyes, and a light complexion made her seem like she didn’t fit, but she did. Her people originated in northern Italy, whereas David’s were more centrally located.

“Baby, you look tired.” She patted Sophia’s shoulder, and then pushed her back to pinch at her stomach. “And you’re too skinny. We bought extra food, Sophia. You never have anything to eat in the house.”

“I eat fine, Mom. I just had a bowl of cereal.” The assurance was lost on her. Sophia refrained from mentioning that she worked out. In addition to wielding the whip, she ran at least four days a week. She preferred to run outside, but she had a treadmill in the basement for when it was too cold or too hot or too dark outside.

Sophia absolutely hated weight discussions with her mother. She thought working out was akin to a cardinal sin. It was her unrelenting opinion that the Pope didn’t work out, so neither should anyone else. Daniel and David were excused from that unissued edict because they were doing their jobs. Sophia bit her tongue every time the urge to tell her that being a dominatrix was physically demanding work. She would spend the rest of her life crossing herself and muttering prayers under her breath, pleading for Sophia’s soul.

Anna’s build was rounded with generous curves and a large rack she neglected to pass on to her only daughter. At least she inherited something in the hips.

Daniel came in with the rest of the groceries. Anna wasn’t kidding when she said she went grocery shopping. Sophia didn’t mind. It saved her a trip.

An impish part of her wondered if Drew would give his shopping list to her mother. Anna might smack him upside the head, but she would probably get him the things on the list.

Laughter and talking filled her modest house. Anyone listening in would probably guess there were ten people inside, but it was just the four of them, all talking at once and interrupting one another.

They finished off the two pies in no time, and Daniel brought mugs of coffee for everyone. Her mother spooned four sugars into her coffee and handed the sugar bowl over to Sophia. David and Daniel drank it black. It was a man thing. Sophia and her mother loaded theirs with sugar.

Absently, she fixed the cup how she liked it, but all she did was stir it. It smelled really good, and she wanted some badly, but she refrained.

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Casually, she wandered to the sink and poured out her cup, rinsed it, and filled it with water before popping it in the microwave.

“What’s wrong with the coffee?” Anna asked, sniffing her cup suspiciously.

“Nothing. I’ve been on a tea kick lately. Do you want some?” Mom frowned, thinking. “Let me see what kind you have.” They were discussing the sampling of tea Sophia had when there was a knock on the front door. David was the closest. He lumbered to the door with the attitude of a man who knows it’s someone selling something he doesn’t want. Her father’s size made him forbidding. His attitude only sharpened that image.