Hang In There Bozo (12 page)

YOU:
‘Have you ever been to the Canary Islands? They have wonderful hats
there.'

{Means: Boy, is this guy ever the biggest yawn yet?
Let's beat it my friend before we lose the will to live.}

Or just:

YOU:
‘I'm telling you, when I found these shoes marked down to half
price, I must have looked like the cat that got the canary.'

{Means: If you don't get me outta here quick,
I'm gonna turn into this guy.}

Or even:

CREEPY VILLAIN:
‘So, would you like to stay for dinner at my remote castle? I'm
sure I can find a bite… or two… to eat.' Shifty look.

YOU:
‘You're too kind! Here I am chirping on like a canary when
you're obviously hungry and looking for nice warm prey, I mean praying for a nice warm meal.
No, we'll just get out of your lair… I mean hair… and leave you to it.
We'll catch up some other time.'

{Means: This guy is gonna kill us for sure –
he's obviously some kinda vampire. Let's beat it before he tucks in.}

 

 

You've nearly made it, bozo…

 

 

SO, THE BASIC RULES OF SURVIVAL ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Keep a cool head – don't panic.

If you're with others then work as a team.

Find shelter, warmth and water.

Think sideways – the obvious solution is not always the best.

Improvise – don't be defeated.

And above all tell yourself you're gonna make it out of there no matter what.

 

 

OK, so this isn't everything, not by a long shot, but it might be enough to make you see that a lot of survival is all about attitude and if you know that then it might encourage you to get some.

So, you're walking along one day sniffing roses when all of a sudden a rhino charges, but you give him the slip by turning suddenly, he's wrong footed, you run in the opposite direction only to find yourself falling through air, you reach out and now you're clinging onto a cliff edge by the fingernails and feeling a tad thirsty...

What do you do?

STOP.

THINK.

DECIDE TO BE CALM.

FOCUS ON THAT GLASS OF ICE-COLD LEMONADE.

 

S
O SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU'RE READING THIS GUIDE AS AN EBOOK.
How do I know? Spectrum have their ways, buster. Anyway, what you might not know is that an ebook reader can be a
valuable survival tool.

 

How to use your ebook reader in an emergency situation

You're being chomped by a shark? Simply search for ‘shark' in your ebook for handy advice on your predicament.

Your ebook reader is backlit? Super. You've got yourself a torch!

Weight down your sheet shelter with it.

Um… throw it at attacking bears?

 

In short, an ebook reader could just save your life and has many, many uses – it's just I can't think of any others.

 

No, wait!

 

Use it to download my two full-length adventures:
Ruby Redfort: Look Into My Eyes
and
Ruby Redfort: Take Your Last Breath