Half Wild (16 page)

I spend the night going over and over the memory. Looking for more clues. I see Mercury’s home clearer every time. It’s not a castle, country house, cottage, or eyrie—it’s much more difficult to find than that. It’s a bunker. Completely underground, completely out of sight, inside the hill.

The next morning I try to describe the place, the lake, and the hill. Gabriel says, “Can you draw it?”

That I can do. Everyone watches as I draw the lake with the iceberg floating in it. The land around is undulating; there are no trees or shrubs, just yellowed grass and bare ground; patches of snow lie in wide hollows. As I draw I realize that there’s a sign by the road that runs along the lake.

“Can you see the place name?” Van asks.

I don’t know what the sign says. I close my eyes and describe what I see. “It begins with a V and is a sort of medium-length word.”

“Well, that’s a big help,” says Nesbitt. “It’s somewhere cold and begins with a V? Sure rules out a heck of a lot of places—”

“Yes, it does, thank you, Nesbitt,” Van interrupts. “We need maps. Can you read maps, Nathan?”

“Yes. There’s something else as well. I know the shape of the word.”

“The shape?” Nesbitt laughs. “Well, why didn’t you say that before? The
shape
of the word . . . that makes all the difference.”

“Nesbitt, if you can’t contribute positively do you mind awfully not contributing at all?” Van turns back to me. “The shape?”

I shrug. I draw it in the air with my finger.

“Good. And how long is this word? Do you know the number of letters?”

“Or what the letters are?” Nesbitt chimes in again. “I mean, that might be a question worth asking.”

“The sign was by the road, a long way off.” But I know it wasn’t
that
far off and it’s just that I can’t read the sign and, every time I try to remember it or focus on it, it goes to a jumble of black on white.

Gabriel gives me a book, saying, “Which word is it most like?”

Nesbitt flaps his arms and shakes his head. “I can’t believe this.”

I put the book down and stare at him. Van and Gabriel stare too.

“What?!”

“Why don’t you bring the atlas, Nesbitt,” says Van. “Then prepare lunch and go for a long walk.”

While he’s gone I look through the book and try to find a word that reminds me of the place name that I saw. I don’t find any.

Gabriel brings scissors and cuts up some letters. He rearranges them until I say stop.

“That’s sort of what it’s like. What does it say?”

“Volteahn. It doesn’t mean anything. And”—he’s leafing through the atlas index—“it isn’t listed as a place.”

“Is there anything similar?” Van asks.

Gabriel studies the index.

I get up and go to the kitchen. Nesbitt is slicing a loaf with a bread knife. He glances up when I enter.

“Hey, mate.”

I guess I don’t look too happy because he says, “You know I didn’t mean anything.”

“I can’t read, OK?” I walk up to him. The knife is pointed at my chest. It’s a bread knife but it could still kill me.

I walk further so the point of the knife is hard against my skin.

I push. The point begins to go in but then Nesbitt pulls the knife away. There’s blood on the tip.

“OK?” I insist.

“Yes, sure, Nathan. I was just kidding around.” His voice is the same, and his stupid grin, but now I’m close to him I see that his eyes have lost their movement: the flow of blue and green is frozen. He’s afraid.

And I’m so surprised that I stop. I never realized he was scared of me.

“Nathan, what’s happening?” Gabriel asks as he comes into the kitchen. He hesitates, then says, “We think we’ve found it. The place.”

“Seems I don’t need to be able to read,” I say to Nesbitt. “And,” I add, “your soup is too salty.” I turn and walk away.

Nesbitt says, “Too salty? Too salty? I . . . but . . .”

As I walk out of the kitchen I notice Pers. She’s sitting in the corner on the bench. She must have been there all along. I recognize that look in her eyes again and she bares her teeth to hiss at me as I leave.

* * *

Gabriel points to the name of the village on the atlas. “Is that it? Veltarlin. Is that the name you saw?”

“I can’t be sure. It looks the same. The lake seems right but I’d need a more detailed map to be certain.”

Nesbitt joins us at the table. “You got it?”

I say, “Yes. It has to be the place: it’s cold and begins with a V.”

“Righto.” Nesbitt grins at me.

“Now what?” asks Gabriel.

Van stands up, stretches back in a stiff arch, and then paces round the room. She takes her cigarette case out but plays with it rather than opening it. “We’ll head there. We can get more detailed maps on the way to ensure you’re correct. Assuming it is, Nesbitt will form the advance party.”

“An advance party of one?” he asks.

“Don’t pretend that you’re anything other than flattered.”

“With the aim of . . . ?”

“Scouting it out with extreme care. Watching. Observing. Locating the entrance or entrances. Looking to see if anyone goes in or out. Assessing what spells Mercury might be using as protection. Most importantly, making sure that you’re not seen. And then returning to base.”

“And where’s base?”

Van comes back to the atlas and places the tip of her finger, her perfect fingernail, on a place a few centimeters from Mercury’s hill and her bunker.

We’re at the base, another vacant home, several miles from Mercury’s bunker. We’ve checked the place on a detailed map and I’m certain now that it’s right. We’ve been here for seventy-two hours and Nesbitt has been gone for seventy-one and a half. Van has spent all the time making a persuading potion that she can use on Mercury to make her wake Annalise. She’s mixing and sampling, and glaring at us if we make a noise. Pers is still full of hate and evil stares but I give as good as I get. Gabriel and I keep to ourselves, hanging out in his bedroom or the kitchen.

I slept outside the first two nights. We’re north, far north, and it’s cold. The first night I wondered if I’d transform but nothing happened. The second night I sat cross-legged on the ground and watched the sun set and went over what I could remember of when I’d been in animal form, when
he
had taken over, and I thought of what it was like to be inside the other me and to see things in a different way. Nothing. But then I went back to the vision I’d had when I was helping Gabriel. I remembered being in Wales, the stake through my heart, connecting me to the earth and to him, the animal me. And then it happened; I felt the animal adrenaline slowly build in me, and I did welcome it and I transformed.

I remember most of being the animal, not all. I didn’t hunt anything. It was as if he was showing me around, helping me work out what it’s like, helping me get used to it, but I was always the passenger; he was in the driver’s seat. I was just in his body, though I don’t know what the body was. Judging by the paw prints, I think I was a wolf or large dog.

I feel like I’ve gained some control over when I can transform. I’m sure I can stop it now and I can make it happen too.

So tonight I’m staying inside, as me, partly cos I’m hoping Nesbitt will be back and partly because I don’t want to transform again so soon. I’m lying on one of the two beds in Gabriel’s room and I’m feeling positive.

Positive Thoug
ht Num
ber 1

I am alive. I have my Gift and I’m beginning to be able to control it. This is a big deal.
I am alive. I have my Gift and I’m beginning to be able to control it.

That is super positive.

Positive Thought Number 2

I like Annalise. I’ve been thinking about her quite a bit and I like her. A lot. She likes me too. I think.

Positive Thought Number 3

Annalise is probably not in pain or suffering at the moment. She’s in a death-like sleep and it’s dangerous but the death-like bit of it is probably not obvious to her.

Positive Thought Number 4

We know where Mercury’s bunker is now. If Annalise is in there I really believe we’ll find a way to get her out safely. We have a good chance of beating Mercury. Four against one are pretty good odds. She’s on home turf but we have the element of surprise. She’s very powerful. We’re quite powerful. We’ve a good chance. Of course she could just freeze us all instantly in some ice storm or blow us away—literally—or, I don’t know, send giant hailstones down to beat us to death.

Positive Thought Number 5

There are four of us against Mercury, which means that I haven’t killed Nesbitt yet. And I don’t think I will kill him now. He doesn’t get to me like he used to.

Positive Thought Number 6

If we live through this I’ll be with Annalise. I know all our troubles won’t be over and there’s the whole Alliance thing, and living a quiet life is still a long way off, but I will be with her. I really want to kiss her for real, and do other things I’ve thought of doing with her for years and never even had the chance and—

* * *

“You OK?”

It’s Gabriel. He’s here with me as always.

“Yeah. Just thinking about stuff . . . you know. Positive stuff.”

“Oh, right. You’re thinking about her. Annalise.”

“A bit. I think we have a decent chance of making this work. Of saving her. And of living through it.”

He doesn’t reply.

“Don’t you think?”

“Mercury will try to kill us and I think she’ll try very hard. She’s good at it.”

I’m trying to keep things positive, so I say, “And I think the Alliance has a chance too. I mean, this could be a huge change. In a year’s time the whole witch world could be different.”

Gabriel gets up and I turn to look at him. He leans against the wall, staring out the window. The sky is dark, overcast. The room is glowing faintly green from Van’s nightsmoke.

He turns to look at me, then back out the window. His movements are stiff, jerky, as if he was going to say something but changed his mind.

“Are you angry?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer straightaway but then says, “A bit. Possibly a lot.”

“With me?”

“Who else.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to die, Nathan. I don’t want to die saving a girl I despise. A girl I don’t trust. A girl who I think has betrayed you and will betray you again. And being selfish for a while”—he turns to look at me—“I don’t think you’re even vaguely interested in what I want, are you?”

I try to think of things to say, how much I like him, how I appreciate him, how I know he’s helped me. Crap words but maybe better than nothing. I start to say, “Gabriel, you’re my friend. You’re special. I couldn’t—”

He interrupts me, loud now. “Do you know how special I am? Do you even care? You’re so caught up in your own dramas that you don’t see anything around you.”

“Gabriel—”

“The first person I killed,” he interrupts again, “I shot in the head. Point-blank range. She was kneeling at my feet; I’d tied her hands, her ankles. She was crying. Begging. Begging me to let her live. I shot her in the head, standing facing her, barrel of the gun to her forehead. She was looking up at me. I lowered the gun, pointed, pushed the gun against her skin, and pulled the trigger. To make sure, I shot her again through the side of the head, as her body lay on the ground. To make really sure, I pushed her body onto its back and shot her again in the heart.”

“You’re trying to shock me.” I get up and go to him but I’m thrown for a second by how he looks.

He looks harrowed.

“Who was it?” I ask.

“A girl. Someone who betrayed my sister to White Witches. Her name was Caitlin. She was a Half Blood my sister trusted, whom I trusted. And you might say at this point, ‘Oh, so Gabriel makes mistakes; he trusted someone who betrayed him—he’s not perfect at judging people.’ And you know what I say to that? I say, ‘You’re right. Of course you’re right.’ People are hard to read and you know what’s really tricky about them? They change, Nathan. They change. My sister trusted Caitlin and she was right to because Caitlin was good and kind and nice and she was trying to help. She was on our side, at the start. But you know what? They made her betray us. They do that; they turn people.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s happened with Annalise.”

“No, it doesn’t. And I may be wrong, Nathan. She may not have betrayed you. But, when I see Annalise, something about her reminds me of Caitlin.”

“Gabriel—”

“To be fair, I realize Caitlin didn’t have much choice, but she did have
a
choice. She was half White Witch and if she didn’t do what they wanted then they’d have made her life hell. But because of her they caught my sister. My sister loved a White Witch. Caitlin carried messages between them. But then my sister went to see him, went onto White Witch territory. She was always impulsive, full of life and excitement. They caught her. She was seventeen. The boy was too. He was imprisoned for a month and released. My sister was hanged. I don’t know what they did to her before they killed her. What do you think they’d do, Nathan?”

I don’t reply. I know he doesn’t want an answer.

“I still hate Caitlin. For weeks after I shot her, I wished I could do it again, so I could do it slower, cause her more pain and fear, make her suffer like my sister suffered.”

I go to him. Hold him. It’s the first time I’ve done this—gone to him.

I think he might break, might cry. But he pushes me away and stares at my face. “I think of my sister a lot, how much she suffered, what they would have done to her. I love you more than my sister, Nathan. I never thought that would be possible but it’s true. And I think you’re right. I think we do have a chance of beating Mercury, and I even think the Alliance has a chance. But more than that I think you’ll be killed, Nathan, and I think you will die a bad death, a painful, long, slow death. And I’m helpless to stop it because you can’t see that Annalise is wrong for you. You refuse to see it. So all I can promise is that I’ll try to help you and if I fail, if you die, I’ll cause whoever did it more pain than I gave Caitlin.”

He walks out.

So that was positive.