Half Black Soul (24 page)

Let's drive tonight and rest during the day tomorrow, I said. We'll take turns.

Okay, Kayden said. Alexa &

Hmm?

When Kayden didn't say anything, I turned toward him. He was still staring straight ahead. I thought I saw him give his head a small shake, then, he said, Rest now, too. I'll wake you when it's your turn to drive.

I reached over and rested my hand on his leg, the touch making my fingers tingle and heat up. Thank you, Kayden. I'm sorry I was so shitty to you before. I know now that you've only been trying to keep me safe.

He smiled, and I felt my tongue flick out across my lips. What else would I have done? he said.

I tilted my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Despite all of the messed up things that were going on in my life right now, I had to be thankful for Kayden. I felt like I was a completely different person than I had been a few weeks ago. Somehow, I felt like I'd & grown up a little. And, I was no longer naÔve enough not to recognize when I had a good friend by my side. If Kayden was willing to do this for me, there was probably very little he wouldn't do for me, and whether or not that was because of what we were, it didn't really matter. I was thankful to have him with me. I loved him for it.

I just wasn't ready to tell him that yet, so hopefully, my thanks said enough.

I fell asleep faster than I would have thought possible. If I dreamed, I didn't remember it. When I came to again, my neck was a little sore and I had to use the restroom. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, noticing that the sun hadn't risen yet. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was four am, and Kayden was pulling into the parking lot of another hotel.

We here already? I asked, stifling a yawn.

We're only fifteen minutes from the Outer Banks, he confirmed.

Why didn't you wake me?

He shrugged. I wanted to let you sleep.

Kayden parked in a spot near the hotel lobby. I reached into my pocket. Let me give you some money, I said.

He opened his door and got out without acknowledging my statement. Be right back, he said.

I sat back in my seat and shook my head. I was glad that he'd come with me, but it didn't feel right to let him pay for everything. I wondered briefly if it was because he figured that we weren't going to make it through this mess I'd gotten us into, or if it was because he was just that kind of man. I guess it didn't matter. I'd given two hundred dollars to Olivia for the broken window, and spent most of my other money on food or gas before Kayden had showed up. Most of what I had left was Tommy's money, and I didn't feel right about owing him either, so either way, I would be uncomfortable. Either way, I owed them both.

I hated owing people.

When Kayden returned, he pulled the car around to where our room was located and we went inside. Just like the last place, the room was generic, and there were two queen-sized beds. Kayden didn't bother with the television this time, probably having learned his lesson last time. He just sat down on one of the beds and pulled off the hoody that he'd been wearing. I went over to the other bed and threw myself across it. Despite the nap I'd taken in the car, I was exhausted, and extremely happy to be on a real bed.

I rolled over onto my side and looked over at Kayden. My teeth snapped together with an audible click when he pulled his t-shirt over his head. I bit my lip.

He's doing that on purpose. Stop looking at him.

Yeah, okay. You stop looking at him.

Let's both stop looking at him.

Nope.

In my head, my monster rolled its eyes. I smirked. When I finished my examination of his midsection, I looked up to see Kayden staring at me with both eyebrows raised. I'm pretty sure the smirk was still on my face. My cheeks went red. Kayden didn't move.

What? I asked.

What? You were staring at me, he said, a small smile playing at his lips.

I ran my eyes down his chest, arms and abdomen. With a sigh, I flipped to my other side. Sorry, I mumbled.

I sleep in my boxers, he replied, and I heard the zipper of his jeans slide down.

I flipped back over, not caring that a silly smile was on my face. Kayden paused his undressing, and I let out a sound that was like a low growl. He laughed. I gestured with my hand. Well, by all means &

Oh God.

Hater.

When Kayden shrugged and pulled off his jeans, I did shut my eyes. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him, it was just that I wasn't sure I could stand to. When Jackson's face flashed through my mind, I cursed in my head and sat up to take off my shoes. It was a better distraction than nothing.

I was just playing. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Kayden said in a quiet voice.

I flipped my shoe off. I know. Stop saying that. You know damn well you don't make me uncomfortable . I didn't mean for my voice to come out in a growl.

Kayden sat down on the bed next to me, dipping the mattress and causing me to fall into him a little. I tried not to think about how warm the skin on his arm felt against mine. I flipped off my other shoe, considered scooting back on the bed so that we wouldn't be too close, and stayed put.

You're upset, said Kayden.

I sighed, ignoring the tingling that was beginning to make my chest swell. If my presence made him feel the same way his did me, I didn't know how he could stand it. Of course I'm upset, I whispered.

Kayden wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and my heart missed a beat. So, tell me, he said.

I looked up at him. His golden eyes seemed to burn right through me. I could tell that he was genuinely concerned, and for whatever reason, it made me want to cry. I shook my head and looked down at my hands. I don't know where to start. I & I'm scared, Kayden.

I won't let anything happen to you, he whispered.

I know I'd said that I would open up to him, but how could I tell him that I was scared because I felt like I was losing part of myself. I wasn't afraid of dying. At least, I didn't think I was. I was afraid because I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I didn't know what would become of me if I did manage to make it out of that prison. I didn't know anything about & anything. And, yes, I was scared out of my mind.

Kayden scooted back on the bed and pulled me to him. I rested my head on his chest, thinking of how easy it would be to give myself over to him right now. I could let him take my pain away, or at least shoulder some of it for me. I could forget that I had a boyfriend waiting for me, a Mother who needed my help, and a whole race of people who were counting on me to deliver them from the horrors of an evil dictator. I didn't even think that he would deny me. I could, if I wanted, if that's who I was, be & weak. Just this one time.

But, if there was one thing I still knew about myself, if there was one part of me I knew hadn't slipped away, that I knew wouldn't change no matter what this crazy life threw at me, it was that Iwasn't weak. I was a Warrior. And, okay, in many ways, I was still just a little girl, and I didn't want my first time to be when I was too messed up to really consider what I was doing.

So, I just let him hold me, and took comfort in the fact that his strong arms made me feel safe. And, that would be enough for now. When I woke, it would be time to save my Mother. When I woke, I would try my best to be whole, to be strong, and to hold myself together. When I woke, I would remind myself that this man, whose arms seemed to fit so perfectly around me, more than likely didn't love me in the same way I did him.

But, tonight, I would sleep, and pretend that none of it mattered.

Nelly

Another day in full swing. Another day without my sister. It was lunchtime, and since I couldn't keep skipping the period and ignoring my boyfriend and friends, I sat at in the cafeteria and pretended to sip blood from a foam cup. Daniel had been upset with me about not showing up at his place last night, but he'd taken my apology and let it drop. He really was a great guy. I wouldn't be able to deal with boyfriend troubles right now with everything else going on.

I hadn't slept very well. How could I? I kept replaying the conversation at the meeting over and over in my head, trying to make sense of it all. I was starting to think that if Alexa didn't come back soon, I was going to leave Two Rivers and go looking for her. This place was seriously starting to scare me.

You want to try again, asked Bethany, breaking into my thoughts.

I'd forgotten that I'd told her we could practice Searching while we ate lunch, but she certainly hadn't forgotten. She'd been waiting by the door to the cafeteria when I'd entered. And, now, I had to sit here and pretend like I was struggling to pull stupid numbers out of her head when all I really wanted was to be left alone. When Jackson heard what we were doing, he had shot a curious look at me, as if he wasn't sure I should be openly practicing Searching with another student. But, after I gave him a don't worry about it look, he'd sat back and stayed silent.

Why don't you try, I told Bethany. I didn't sleep very well last night. It's a struggle for me to try to get your number right now.

Bethany grabbed her Styrofoam cup off the table. Let's just take a break. Lunchtime's almost over anyway. We did good today.

I nodded, relieved that she was finally ready to give it a rest. I relaxed my shoulders and let the extra walls I'd put in place to keep Bethany from certain information in my head fall away. It took more energy to let her in enough to just get a number I was thinking of while blocking her from the rest of my soul than it did to just block her off completely. My walls are always in place. Letting someone slip around them took extra concentration.

But, when I felt an unmistakable prod, I reinforced my walls and snapped my gaze toward Bethany. She sat back, her brows furrowed. I was too agitated at the moment to let that slide. Why did you do that? I snapped. Daniel, Jackson and Tommy looked up and tensed.

Bethany's eyebrows rose innocently. Do what?

I thought you said we were done for the day. Why did you just try to Search me?

Bethany sat back and pushed her hair out of her face. Relax. Your soul is like a freaking fortress. It's not like I could get in. Besides, how did you know that I just tried to Search you?

I swear I almost growled. That's not an excuse. Searching people without their permission is downright rude. And I knew because you're not good enough to Search someone without them knowing it. Especially not me.

Bethany pushed back her seat and stood up. You know what, you're right, and I shouldn't have tried to without your permission. It was just that I felt like every time I did manage to pull the number from your head it was because you let me. I wanted to see if I could get past your walls when you weren't paying attention, that's all. But you don't have to be a bitch about it. With that, she stalked off.

I sat back in my seat. Was she kidding? She was the one who'd tried to Search me, and then she had the nerve to call me a name. I wished Alexa were here. She would have popped her in the mouth for that one. Maybe I should have, but I probably would have just ended up breaking my wrist. I could see why Alexa never had any use for female friends. They were annoying.

Across the way, Jackson was looking at me like I needed to calm down. I flipped my hair over my shoulder. What? I snapped.

He held both of his hands up. Nothing.

I sighed. Sorry, I mumbled. It's not you I'm mad at. I guess I am kind of being a &,

Bitch, Tommy provided.

I scowled. Thanks.

Tommy smirked. No. I didn't mean that you were being a bitch. I was saying it because I knew you wouldn t. You were right. She shouldn't have done that. Definitely not cool.

Daniel wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I took his hand and squeezed it. You're just upset right now, he said. You have every right to be. And Tommy is right. That wasn't cool.

I looked over at Jackson, who nodded. Yeah, Nell. Not cool at all, he added, and by the way he said this, I could tell that he meant that I needed to be more careful. I gave a small nod to confirm that I agreed.

Somehow, I made it through the rest of the school day, and now it was time for the real work to begin. I had learned a lot yesterday, but I was no closer to finding my sister, so I was in no way done. My plans for today were simple. First, I would practice again in the woods. Then, I planned visit Mark at the hospital, if he was indeed at the hospital. Not so much because I needed to Search him, but because I know Alexa would want me to check up on him. I was saving the hardest thing for last, but it had to be done. Later, I would go find Tommy's father, and Search him all the way down to the pit of his soul. I had to know if Gavin's suspicion was right. I had to know if he really had tried to kill the Queen and my sister that night when the podium had blown up.

After school, I slipped into the trees behind the Searcher school building easily enough and began making my way back to the spot I'd practiced at yesterday. I tried to move quickly, but I found that these woods still scared me as much as they had before. I got the feeling that no matter how much time I spent out here, I would never really be comfortable. I just kept thinking that I really shouldn't be in these trees alone, or at all, for that matter.