Half Black Soul (18 page)

So, I opened the tight box that I usually lock my mind in, and sucked my breath in harshly when it bounded outward like an unleashed puppy. My head tilted back slightly and I ran my tongue over my lips. It was good to be free.

I could feel the minds and souls of the life that dwelled in the forest, and even the concentrated buzz of all the people's souls in the city in the distance to my east. So much energy, and complexity, and beauty, I was overwhelmed to be sensing them all. In my head, behind my closed lids, they seemed to me to be dots of energy that surrounded me in all directions. I felt like a bug drawn to a porch light, and reached a blind hand out to touch one, laughing out loud at my stupidity. A huge smile stayed on lips. I knew the locations of everything with life that was within an estimated fifty yard radius of me, from the plants to the bugs and animals. Each one was distinct, and I knew them all at once.

The closest was a small rabbit, which was currently munching away at some greenery in a bush ten yards to my east. I decided this rabbit was as good as anything else, and concentrated solely on it, zeroing in like a well fired missile. My awareness of the other life around me faded, becoming fuzzy like a poorly transmitted radio signal, while my feel for the rabbit intensified. I commanded the muscle in my mind to grab hold of the creature, and to my immense delight, it latched on rather easily. Animals were much more simple-minded than humans.

Now, to make it come to me. The action seemed as natural to me as breathing, and even though I'd never done this on purpose before, I didn't have to think about how to carry out my task. I wrapped a mental hand around the rabbit's soul, and tugged it to me as if it were attached to a thick rope; hand over hand. When I felt it's presence a few feet in front of me, I opened my eyes.

There it sat. Tan and brown colored with its big feet and long ears. It watched me, but not in a way that seemed intelligent, in a way that was robotic; controlled. I could sense its discomfort with our proximity, but I wanted it stay to put, and so it did. I reached out and took it into my arms, commanding it to stay still, and trying to calm it by gently running my hands through its fur.

Sleep, now, little rabbit, I commanded in my head, and the rabbit's body went slack and relaxed in my arms.

I didn't plan to kill it. I would take only a sip or two of its blood, and then repeat the process with the next animal I could call to me. I had never fed from an animal before, but I figured that blood was blood, and I was so hungry at the moment that I didn't care to be picky.

Biting through the fur on the rabbit's neck grossed me out a bit. In fact, most of the feeding I'd done in my life had been from a plastic bag or microwaved coffee cup. My Mother had been clever with the stuff, always managing to get it to me without alerting Alexa to the situation. But, now, I couldn't go to the school cafeteria and grab one of the Styrofoam cups and fill it with my preference of blood type. I had to be resourceful.

I sank my fangs through the rabbit's neck as gently as I could manage, but it twitched a little in my arms. One swallow, then another, and even though the blood had an off taste about it, I was so hungry that it was hard to pull myself away and place it back on the ground. But, I knew that its heartbeat was growing weaker, and it wouldn't be able to survive if I stole much more of its blood.

After I laid it down, I commanded it to wake up and released my hold on its mind. Slowly, it raised its head and found its feet. When it looked around and saw me, it shot off into the brush and disappeared from sight. I needed more; much, much more. An idea struck me, and I wasn't sure if it was possible, but it was worth a shot.

I flung my mind back out again; blanketing the surrounding forest with that muscle and closing my eyes once more. A small gray fox was not too far away from me, but on the edge of my awareness, I could sense a whitetail deer. The deer is what I wanted; the bigger the animal, the more blood I could take. But, I was curious to see whether or not I could control them both; at the same time. That was something I had never, ever done before.

I was able to grab both of them, but my hold was considerably weaker than it had been with just the rabbit. Come, I thought. And, slowly, both animals began to draw nearer. By the time I opened my eyes, my forehead was dripping with sweat, but both animals stood before me.

The whitetail deer was medium-sized, but majestic. It stood watching me, much the same as the rabbit had, with its big round eyes and perked ears. It wanted to run as well, but only its tail twitched. The gray fox was simply adorable, with a salt and pepper gray colored coat, a white throat and a bushy tail. It stood only a little over a foot tall, and I wondered at how such a small thing could be such an efficient predator in these enormous woods.

Seeing them both standing there, unable to move on their own volition, made me feel &special; powerful. Their souls were simple, much less complex than that of a person, but they were glorious nonetheless. I felt like I was holding them both in the palms of my hands, rolling them around between my fingers, and admiring them like rare marbles. I felt guilty as well, of course, but surprisingly, I feltright.

I told the fox to sit, and it settled back on its hind legs. A smile spread across my lips. I stood, and tried to calm the deer as I had the rabbit. Then I told it to sleep as well. I drank much more from the deer, and stopped when I felt its energy dwindling. My headache went away and the strength returned to my body. I actually felt full, but since I would need to feed again tomorrow, I decided that next time I would bring a container to store some blood back in my dorm room. I'd have to find a cooler as well.

Since I didn't need to take from the fox, I released it and sent it away. Then, I woke the deer and told it the same. I glanced at my watch once more. Only an hour had passed. To be safe, I decided it was time to head back to the city. I'd done good work today, and I had a new idea for tomorrow's practice. In hindsight, I wish I would have just been happy with my progress and stopped there. But, the next day, I would return, and things would get way out of hand.

Nelly

It took me an hour to make my way back to the city, and the whole time I had to keep my mind stretched out and concentrated on the buzz of all the souls there to be able to find my way. So, by the time I stumbled out of the line of trees near the rear of the Searcher school building, I was exhausted.

It also worried me that I had trouble reining that muscle in my mind back in. It didn't want to be caged again, having tasted such freedom in the woods. But, I couldn't go running around a city full of Searchers with my mind doing as it pleased, so after some strained effort on my part, I felt it settle back down, and my awareness of the souls went away. I'd had to stand at the edge of the trees for a full ten minutes to do it, though.

I decided to just head back to my dorm room, rather than visiting Daniel right now. I was tired, and I had to get ready to attend Patterson's and Gavin's meeting. I knew how to get there, because I'd made sure to steal that information from Patterson's head as well, but I wanted to find a spot to hide before either of them showed up. So, really, I would only have about an hour to rest anyway. I would try to stop by Daniel's room after the meeting. I'd feel bad if I blew him off again.

To get to my dorm building, I had to pass by the Council building. It wasn't a far walk, but I was glad that the rain had kept at bay for most of the afternoon. A few other people were out, heading to one place or another, but I paid them no mind, and they returned the favor, which made me relax a little. I knew that no one had seen me in the forest, or even when I'd exited, but I always get nervous when I do something that I know can get me in trouble. I feel like the guilt is written on my forehead and my hands are bright red. I always think I'll get caught. I didn't know how Alexa could stand it.

So, I kept my head down, eyes on the clean concrete of the sidewalk I was strolling. I had a lot to think about. For one, I'd just done some pretty amazing things in the woods. I wasn't exactly proud of myself, because I didn't think my abilities were a good thing. No one should be able to command another soul, and it didn't help that I knew the only reason I could was because I was half of a monster. Still, I would be lying to deny the fact that it was amazing, or even to say that I didn't like it. But, no, I wasn't proud. I was more so impressed. And, physically, I felt better than I had all day.

My head seemed to be clearer too, as though a thin film that had made everything just a tad blurry had been removed from my mind. And, with this clearer mind, came a new light that seemed to fall over the city. When I'd first arrived at Two Rivers, I'd been in awe of all its beauty, but now, I felt as though the buildings and flowers and structures were & off somehow. I felt like the very place itself was hiding something, and that maybe it didn't like me because it knew that I was someone who couldn't be lied to. A threat.

Or maybe I was just overreacting.

So, I kept my eyes primarily downcast, until a flannel pattern in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned my head to the right, and saw Jackson descending the stone steps of the council building. Our eyes locked on each other, and for some inexplicable reason, I got a flash of an impression that he was not happy to see me. It vanished when Jackson's handsome smile lit up his face. He waved to me.

Hey, Nelly, he said, when he caught up to me on the sidewalk.

Hey, Jackson, I replied.

What was he doing in the Council building?

Where you heading? he asked.

I shrugged. Back to my dorm. Didn't get much sleep last night. I thought I'd go take a nap, I told him. Rather than just Searching him, I decided I'd ask the obvious question instead. What were you doing?

Jackson gave a small smile. He pointed to one of the robed statues that lined the walkway to the Council building. You see that statue? he asked. I nodded. He was the ruler of our people before our current one. I have to write a report about him in my history class, so I stopped by to see what information I could pick up from the plaque down by the statue's feet.

I nodded again. Oh, I replied. I can't say why, but I wanted to Search him. Sometimes, like with the Queen, my mind seems to strongly suggest to me that I do something. In her office, before I left, I'd been very tempted to Search the Queen. Now, listening to Jackson's explanation, I got the urge once more. Jackson wasn't a Searcher, so there was very little risk of him knowing if I did. And, even though it was a crappy thing to do, I decided that I needed to act on my instincts. Until my sister was back, safe and sound, the rules I usually play by were off. Jackson was hiding something. I was sure of it.

Want me to walk you back? he asked. I saw that show Victoria put on in the cafeteria earlier. You have to be careful around that girl. She's nuts.

I smiled. Perfect. Sure, I said, and then I dove in.

The first time I'd done a real Search of Jackson had been when we were hiding in that cave near my house after the Lamia attack. I'd Searched him to prove to myself and my sister that we could trust him. His mind had provided that we could. Now, as I dug through his feelings and thoughts, his story about his history report was confirmed. So why did I feel like he was lying? I pushed in a little deeper, but there was no deceit to be found. Then, I pushed too hard, and beside me, Jackson winced.

I didn't say anything. Jackson did. You could have just asked, you know, he told me, and I couldn't determine what the tone of his voice meant.

I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows, pretending I didn't know what he was talking about. It's okay, Nell, he said. I know you're kind of on edge right now with everything that's going on, but you need to be careful with that. You don't want people catching on to the things you can do. He glanced around and lowered his voice. You have a very important secret that we need to keep.

My cheeks flooded with heat. What are you talking about? I didn't mean to snap.

Jackson looked at me like I was being silly. He spoke quietly once more. I know what you are, he said, and when my face must have displayed my horror, he held his hands up. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I promised Alexa that I would take care of you, but it will make my job harder if you're Searching everyone who comes within ten feet of you.

How did you know? I whispered.

He chuckled. How could I not? I heard you tell Alexa that you were only half Searcher when we were driving to Olivia's house after the Lamia attack. I've seen the way she protects you. And, I will say that you're great at it. In fact, I didn't even feel your Search just now. I just knew because you always get this look on your face when you do it. You had it on your face just a second ago.

I sighed. Okay, so he knew. I'd Searched him twice now and both times he'd passed. I knew that he loved my sister, and that he was doing his best to protect me as he'd promised. So, why did I have the nagging feeling that he was hiding something? Maybe my nerves were just too tangled up at the moment. I knew Jackson. I could trust him. And, even if I couldn t, what could I do about it now? He knew what I was, and he hadn't told anyone or turned me in. I was probably just paranoid.

I'm sorry, I said. I usually don't make a habit of Searching people without their permission. It's just that I'm worried sick about Alexa. I want to know where she went and why she left. Forgive me?