Haeven (31 page)

After explaining to the nurses that he had no
idea who I was and that he could not get the information out of me
he left me there. I was terribly dismayed as I watched him walk
away. A moment later one of the nurses came around and slipped a
band around my wrist then had me take a seat in the waiting
room.

"Jane Doe," I whispered as I spun the tag
around and around. Tears sprung to my eyes and I covered my mouth
while I tried to choke back the fear that seemed to have a sudden
stranglehold on my heart.

Everything seemed so wrong, so foreign to me
- the people, the noises, the lighting - even the air had a sour
taste to it. It was overwhelming as I sat there all alone taking it
all in. The nurses glanced up from time to time and would either
try to look or say something encouraging. My mind wandered away
several times only to be startled back by a voice over the intercom
paging some doctor, patient or other.

Eventually someone approached me with a
wheelchair and a clipboard. He picked the board up from the chair
and patted it for me to sit down, "Jane Doe, right?"

"No, it's...it's..."

"It's OK," he chuckled, "we'll get you all
sorted out in no time!"

I wasn't so sure. I stood up and fretfully
met the eyes of the nurses who had been watching me from their
station. One of them nodded for me to go ahead and the other lent
voice to the suggestion. "G'won, darling. We'll be right here when
you're done."

Gingerly I took the seat and let the man
wheel me away. He brought me to another small waiting area and
while we were there he measured my height, my weight and had me
look at an eye chart to get an idea of how good my vision was. I
absently did whatever he asked and watched as he scribbled notes
onto the paper attached to the clipboard.

When we were done he brought me to a tiny
exam room where he took my pulse, blood pressure, then listened to
my heart and lungs. Afterwards he told me that the doctor would be
right with me and that I should take a seat and make myself
comfortable.

The minutes ticked by and while they did I
replayed all my memories up until then. It was so frustrating and
so disheartening. All I could recall was waking up in the park with
the strange man beside me, the trip to the hospital and everything
that had happened since. I was on the brink of tears again when
there was a subtle knock on the door.

The doctor cautiously opened it and smiling
came in and introduced herself.

"Hi there! I'm Dr. Johnson," she held her
hand out to me.

"It's nice to meet you," I mumbled unsure of
what else to say.

"So," she put her reading glasses on and
glanced at the papers she was carrying, "Jane Doe, huh? Can you
tell me what happened?"

As she said this she took my arm and pushed
my sleeve up above my elbow. She turned it over, carefully
inspecting it then repeated the process on my other arm.

"Have you been taking anything?"

At first I didn't know what she was asking
but then I realized why she was inspecting my arms and confidently
answered, "No, I've never taken anything - not even an
aspirin."

Dr. Johnson cocked her head at me, "You sound
very sure of that."

"I...I am," I nodded as I considered whether
or not I was really telling the truth.

"Hmm, interesting. Have you been
drinking?"

I shook my head no.

"Any injuries?"

Again no.

"Were you with anyone when this
happened?"

"I...I..." I thought of the man who had
brought me to the hospital but that somehow didn't seem right, "no,
I'm pretty sure I was alone."

"How old are you, Jane? May I call you Jane,
at least until we know differently?"

I shrugged, it really didn't seem to matter
to me what she called me. "I can't remember."

"Early 20's I would say. Do you go to
school?"

Her questions kept coming and I did my best
to answer them while she gave me another thorough inspection.

"I think we may need to do some tests, Jane.
Amnesia can be caused by any number of serious..."

"Amnesia?"

"Yes. Amnesia can be a symptom of stroke,
infection, degenerative disorders or any type of trauma. I think I
am going to order a CAT scan for you and we'll need to do some
blood work, too."

"Blood?"

"Yes. We'll need to test your blood for
infection and we should do a cheek swab for a DNA sample. We can
give your results to the police so they can run it through their
database and with luck we might find out who you are!"

Dr. Johnson's face was bright with optimism
but I felt completely overwhelmed. The idea of being poked and
prodded in order to discover some hidden ailment when I felt
perfectly fine was not a pleasant one. She must have seen my
sentiments and the nervous looks that crossed my face. Hoping to
ease my mind she carefully explained each of the tests she wanted
to run and how they would be performed and what I could expect
during the procedures.

I couldn't think of any reasons to object to
any of them and signed a series of papers approving them all.
Afterwards I spent the day being wheeled throughout the hospital
and feeling very much like some elaborate science experiment as the
doctors and nurses performed the various tests. Near the end of the
last procedure Dr. Johnson came and firmly stated that though there
was nothing quite apparent that was wrong she wanted to keep me
overnight for observation.

Again, not knowing any reason why I
shouldn't, I agreed to her recommendation and was given a private
room several floors above the entrance to the hospital.

Night fell and I was brought a tray from the
cafeteria and given the remote so I could watch TV while I ate.
Though the food was tasteless and rubbery I was so hungry by then
that I mindlessly ate everything they provided. When the nurse came
to check on me she was quite pleased and asked me if there was
anything more I would like.

"A shower?" I asked full of hope.

"There's nothing in your chart that would
suggest you shouldn't. I'll bring you some towels and something to
wear when you're done."

By the time I was finished I was more than
exhausted and crept to the bed, adjusted the pillows then fell fast
asleep. It was late morning by the time I woke again and I may have
gone on to sleep much longer but I heard a great deal of commotion
outside my door.

I put my hands behind my back and pushed
myself to sitting. As I swung my legs over the side of the bed so I
could try and find out what was happening someone burst into my
room.

"Emily!"

I met the stranger's eyes.

"Oh, God!" she gasped. "It is you!" and a
steady stream of tears burst from her eyes as she hurried towards
me and threw her arms around me where I sat astonished and silent
on the edge of the bed.

Behind the woman two men came in, just as
awestruck and unbelieving as the woman that was holding me. One was
much older and I guessed him to be the father of the younger man.
They were both smiling and fighting back what appeared to be joyful
tears.

"I can't believe it's you!" the woman cried.
She pulled back and full of hope looked into my eyes. Her face fell
a bit when she realized I didn't recognize her. "It's me, Emily!
I'm your mother."

A twinge of recognition rippled through me as
she grasped my shoulders and studied me for a moment. She stepped
back and the man came up to me and took my hand in both of his. He
smiled and gave me an emotional squeeze then kissed my
knuckles.

"This is the happiest day of my life," he
sobbed.

Then it was the young man's turn to approach
me. Nervously he looked down at me, "I've missed you so much,
Emily!" and much like the woman he threw his arms around me and
held me close. "Thank God," he mumbled into my hair. "Thank God
you're alive!"

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't find any
words to express how I was feeling. They were all strangers to me.
I couldn't, didn't remember any of them and just stared back in
confusion as they bit their lips and cried their tears and told me
how thankful they were. It was utterly disconcerting. They were all
so sure and so happy and I felt exactly the opposite.

Soon they started asking questions that I
couldn't possibly answer and telling me things I had no knowledge
of whatsoever. My heart was racing, my head was pounding again,
then one of the little alarms on one of my monitors started beeping
and to their very earnest protests the nurse came running in then
shooed them all away.

While she checked all my vitals to make sure
I was alright a new doctor came in. I started to recover myself
once the strangers who called themselves my family were gone. The
doctor did a cursory check of my pulse and shined his little
penlight in my eyes along with a few other token inspections.

"I think we had better limit your visitors
for the time being. It's probably just too much stress for you
under the circumstances. I'll talk to the nurses."

"Thank you," I mumbled then slumped back down
onto the pillows. "My family," I thought to myself. "I have a
family," but for some reason I just couldn't believe that they were
it.

My mother was the first to return. She came
in alone and sat on the edge of the bed clutching my hand and
smiling.

"Oh, Emily! It is truly a miracle to see you!
I have never given up hope and here you are...seven years later and
here you are! I wish you would say something. Anything! Anything at
all."

"I'm sorry," I said shaking my head, "I just
don't know what to say. I...I don't remember you. Any of you."

Fresh tears sprung to her eyes, "It's OK,
honey. It will come back. It will all come back. We'll help you
however we can. We'll get the best doctors and find the..."

I sighed and looked away.

"I know it's hard to talk about just yet. I
won't force you until you're ready but the police are here and they
have a lot of questions. I'm afraid you'll have to speak to
them."

I turned back to face her, "Why? I won't be
able to tell them anything. They probably know more than I do!" I
buried my face in my hands.

"Well, we'll put them off as long as we can.
Daddy would like to see you. Would you mind if he came in for a few
minutes?"

"Daddy?!" I said to myself, "Is that how she
expects me to think of him. What am I 12?" I reluctantly
acquiesced.

My mother stepped away and after a few
minutes she returned with my father. He was clearly ill-at-ease and
for the most part just stood nearby and watched while my mother
bombarded me with a whirlwind of conversation. Her thoughts and
ideas came one after the other and there was no cohesiveness to
anything she was saying. It was wrenchingly painful. I was so
overcome that I couldn't bring myself to take much of a part in the
conversation. Besides no matter what she called herself, this
person was a stranger to me and it was unbearably uncomfortable
having someone speaking to me as though they knew me intimately
when I had no idea who they were.

About an hour later the police finally
finished talking with the doctors and staff and knocked on the
door. I felt a wave of relief wash over me thinking that speaking
with the police would be infinitely more enjoyable than listening
to this strange woman that called herself my mother and watching
the intense emotions playing on the features of the man that was
supposed to be my father.

"I'll send them away," my mother assured me
and rose to speak with them.

"No!" I stopped her in her tracks. "I...I
think I would like to get it over with."

"Oh. OK, sweetheart. If you're sure you're
ready."

I nodded.

My dad slipped up to the bed as she walked
away, "Just give her some time. It's been quite a shock for her,
for us all. Once she's had a chance to recover she'll settle
down."

I smiled, "Yes. Of course."

"I'll go see how Evan's doing," he patted my
hand and kissed my forehead and I felt the first hints of a
familial connection with them all.

He brushed my mother's cheek with a kiss as
she returned with one of the policeman and let her know where he
would be. After a final encouraging smile my dad left the room. My
mother introduced the police officer and though she tried to
persuade him otherwise he insisted that she needed to leave the
room.

As I expected I couldn't answer any of his
questions. When he finally concluded the interview he handed me a
card. "If you think of anything, any time day or night, please let
me know."

"I will," I said. "Thank you."

"Would you like me to send for your
family?"

"Actually," I feigned a tremendous yawn, "I
think I could use a little rest."

He just nodded and walked away. Once I was
alone again I had a chance to think about and consider my
circumstances. So far every test the hospital had run had come up
empty. They had no explanation for my loss of memory and as far as
they could tell I was the picture of health. Dr. Johnson seemed
confident that I could be released at any time.

"But where will I go? Home? With...with
them?" There seemed very little alternative. I had no recollection
of where I had lived for the past, "7 years," my mother had said.
There was nowhere else for me to go and as far as I knew I had no
viable resources to use in order to obtain an alternative. I closed
my eyes and tried to imagine a life with the three of them, my
mother, my father, Evan.

I sat there quietly contemplating my decision
then rang for the nurse. Later that evening my parents checked me
out of the hospital. My dad drove us home while I sat in the back
seat with Evan and watched the world zip by. I tried hard to
recognize the landmarks my family pointed out as we went along but
there wasn't even an inkling of familiarity about them.