Had To Be You (40 page)

He decided that maybe if he just went into work, shut his office door, and didn’t come out again until she left town, he would be just fine.

As always, his plan worked out to perfection.

“Matt?”

He glanced up from tapping his pen against a stack of monthly invoices and halted in surprise, the ballpoint flying from his fingers to spin across the desk. “Rory.” He cringed, grabbing for it as it bounced and rolled towards the floor. “What, um—what are you doing here?”

She was in a loose floral tank with shorts and sandals, her tanned legs long and lovely, afternoon sunlight tangled up in the silky locks of her light hair.

“I was hoping if I stopped by before the bar opened, you might have time to talk.”

“About what?”

He needed to avoid looking directly into her eyes, which were always his undoing.

“You left so abruptly last night,” she said, pausing to frown. “And you haven’t called—or taken one call from me, for that matter—all day. I just wonder if we’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” He shrugged with forced nonchalance from behind the safe barrier of his desk. “I’ve just been busy.”

She shook her head, obviously not buying it. He caught a glimpse of the hurt in her eyes, and hated to acknowledge he’d put it there.

“I’ve been trying really hard to be honest here, Matt, and I’m just asking that you be honest, too.” She kept her voice at a quiet, even tone. “Maybe it was wrong of me to read too much, or too soon, into the fact you wanted to spend time together. If that’s it, please just tell me, because there are some things I need you to know, as well. Things that might change the way you feel right now.”

He looked away, his chest heaving on a silent sigh. If he was incapable of being honest with himself, how could he ever be honest with her?

“Rory, you’re going back to New York any day now and—”

“I don’t have to.”

His head jerked back, eyes narrowed in disbelief.

“What?”

“I don’t have to go back. That’s what I need you to know. I won’t, if you just ask me to stay.”

“I—I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s your life! All the things you worked really hard for—your career, your plans. I can’t tell you what to do. And I’m not going to be the one to stand in the way of that. Don’t make me that guy!”

“You wouldn’t be! I can have a career anywhere. And how could you possibly think you would hold me back when all you’ve ever done my whole life is support me? The things I want to do, Matt…I’m not limited to just one place. I have nothing to tie me to New York on any kind of permanent basis. It was simply my first foot in the door, that’s all! It was my first job out of college, and I’m ready to move on!”

He shook his head in refusal, almost not wanting to believe her, always feeling set up for the fall.

“Matt, I told you how I felt, that night on the beach. And then, the next day, you told me that it was too late because you were getting married. But the thing is…” Her voice trembled with emotion. “You didn’t get married. So, the question remains—is it still too late?”

“You think that’s the only question we’re left with?” He stood from his desk chair and started to pace the floor, gesturing with his hands, questioning everything he’d ever believed in his life at this point. “Are you serious right now, Rory? That it could ever be that simple, or that easy?”

She took a step towards him, pleading softly, “Why can’t it be?

“Because
nothing
with you is
ever
easy!” he burst out in angry frustration, releasing a little more raw bitterness than intended.

Her face fell. She immediately withdrew, taking a step back.

“I’m sorry if that’s how you feel. It’s not my intention to make things more difficult for you right now.” Her voice trembled, lowering to a raspy whisper as she turned to go. “I’m…I’m really sorry.”

Matt felt his whole body slump in defeat. Hesitating too long before following after, he only emerged from the back office in time to catch a glimpse of her disappearing out the front doors.

Casey stood by the specials board, and frowned at him.

“What was that? She looked pretty upset. Shouldn’t you be going after her?”

He only shook his head, his expression troubled and dark. He felt stuck again, trapped in a place he didn’t want to be.

She turned back to the bar. “You know what, Matt? I think you probably did one of the smartest things you’ve done in your life when you walked away from that wedding. But letting her just walk away right now?” She gave him a pointed look. “That might turn out to be one of the dumbest.”

***

Rory narrowed her gaze to stare at the fine print of the used paperback novel in her hand, finding it hard to read in the dim light of her bedside lamp. Her eyes were red and aching, her tears spent. She changed into a camisole tank and pair of cotton shorts, giving up on this day, ready for bed before the sunset even faded from the sky.

Glancing at her cell phone, her mouth curved down in a small frown. She knew he had the number, and had to admit she at least expected him to call, especially since he’d made no effort to come after her when she left. Even if he didn’t want any more to do with her, Matt would never let them leave off badly. That’s just the kind of guy he was—the kind of guy she’d blown it with.

Suddenly, she thought she heard something from out in the kitchen and hesitated, tilting her head to listen.

This wasn’t exactly the city, so she felt safe staying out here at the beach house alone. But since Kevin was already off with Joshua for the night and Danny was pulling a double detail, it was still a little disconcerting to hear a strange noise.

And then there it was again. Except this time it sounded very much like a knock.

Carefully placing the book down, she swung her legs over the side of the bed to pad down the hall in bare feet, not bothering to turn on any lights. She slowed to a stop when she reached the end of the hall, lingering in the twilight shadows of the kitchen.

He was standing at the back door in the fading glow of a golden beach sky, looking down at his feet with hands shoved in his pants pockets, but glanced up in that moment. Their eyes met.

Holding his gaze, she slowly walked across the room to open the glass door. A light sea breeze drifted in as she felt the muscles in the pit of her stomach clench, her nipples constricting to tight peaks against the cotton fabric of her flimsy top. Rory wasn’t sure if it was a physical reaction from the contact with the cool ocean air, or from the intense look in his deep blue eyes as his heated gaze traveled over her like a sensual caress.

“What do you want, Matt?” she said, keeping her voice as even as possible.

“It’s how I feel.”

She narrowed her achy eyes, uncertain if she even heard him correctly. “
What
?”

“Last night.” His husky voice broke softly, tearing another piece of her heart. “When you asked? It’s not how I felt. It’s how I still feel…about you.”

Without another word, he stepped inside to bring his hands to her face, and lowered his head to capture her lips in a soft, tentative kiss. Rory was almost knocked over with the hidden depth of passion he tried to conceal in its tenderness.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she had to gasp when he broke away, like coming up for a gulp of air after being submerged in the deepest, sweetest ocean. Then his lips were on hers again, lingering a little longer this time, following with a succession of soft, sensuous kisses that carried on and on until Rory felt weak in the knees, her whole body aching with unmet need. She finally flung her arms around his neck, opening her mouth to him with a trembling sigh as he slid his tongue in along hers, burying his hands in her hair.

His hands drifted down to her waist, and he edged the camisole up until he could just graze the underside of her breast with his thumb. With his other hand, he eased the strap over her opposite shoulder as his mouth broke away from hers to travel down her neck, softly devouring the tender flesh.

Gradually guiding her backwards, he pressed her up against the kitchen counter, pinning her there with his body to kiss her, hard and hungry. His caresses traveled over her warm satin skin, smoothing down her ribcage to her waist then back up to curve slowly over her round breasts. He swallowed her moans as his tongue tangled with hers in slow strokes in the delicious heat of their mouths.

She shivered under his touch, his mouth moving down her neck again. Her breath hitched in her throat, a muffled gasp trembling along her pulse points to reverberate against his lips. His large hands skimmed down to her waist, easing lower until he cupped the curves of her bottom. Then, in one smooth, swift motion, he lifted her body right off the floor to set her onto the granite countertop. Whispered pleas melted into moans as she wrapped her long legs around his hips to pull him in close against her.

They broke apart at the same time, panting for breath as they stared at each other in the dim silence of the evening kitchen, chests heaving as their hearts pounded in desperate rhythm.

Matt whispered her name as he leaned in to kiss her again, now soft and slow and deep. She sighed into his mouth, lifting up off the counter to help him ease her shorts down and off before she dove back into his arms.

In this moment there was no right, no wrong, no past, no future.

There was only this.

THIRTY-TWO

“How do you know?”

He stirred slightly, hand tucked underneath the smooth hollow at the small of her back, his head resting on her stomach, their bodies tangled loosely in a soft fleece blanket.

“Know what?” he murmured in response.

“Earlier, when you said you’ll always feel this way. That in ten, twenty years, you’re still going to feel the same about me.” Fingers threading through the back of his short hair, her expression was only half illuminated in a shaft of moonlight from the porthole window. “How could you possibly know that?”

His answer came with no hesitation. “I just do.”

Her voice softened in that way she reserved just for him. “It’s a long way away. People change, Matt.”

He nestled in closer, using her body as his pillow. “Maybe, but the way I figure it? A guy gets to be absolutely, one hundred percent certain about at least one thing in his life—maybe only one thing. And you’re my one thing.” He smiled slowly with sleepy, lidded eyes. “Also, with you? I’ve never felt anything else. Well, aside from some mild annoyance or aggravation from time to time, perhaps a little nausea or indigestion here or there…”

She paused in her gentle caresses to give him a light tap off the head. “Always the romantic.”

“Aren’t I, though?” he said in a comically agreeable tone.

She glanced down at him, playing with the back of his hair again.

“You’ve been with other girls.”

“I prefer the term women, thank you.”

“Excuse me—women,” she amended with a roll of her eyes, “that you’ve been with. And I know nothing about that.”

“There’s nothing to know.”

“Which actually means there’s nothing you want me to know.”

He lifted his head off her briefly, laughing with quiet incredulity. “And what do you want me to tell, exactly?” he asked before his tone softened. “Look, there’s only one person who matters now—or ever—and she happens to be right in this very bed. I’d be happy to discuss her at length.”

“I told you about—”

“Eh, you can stop right there. I’m well aware of who you dated this year. Don’t need to discuss it again. I’m good, thanks.”

“It’s weird,” she finally admitted. “To have all this…unknown. We never had that between us before.”

“Okay, you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

Matt eased back, rolling onto his side to rest partially against the berth wall as he propped up on one elbow.

“Looking for things that aren’t there and ignoring what’s right in front of you.”

“And what’s that?”

His fingertips caressed her skin as he held her in the warmth of his smile. “Me.”

She gazed at him with nighttime shadows in her eyes, and then lifted up to meet halfway in a sweet, slow kiss.

“Look,” he said, breaking away, “we’re both coming back into this thing, and we have our history together, but we now also have our own separate little histories apart. For better or worse, that’s just the way it is.” He paused on a thoughtful frown. “We had our breaks, took some time apart. I dated a few people, you allegedly might have—but none of that has anything to do with the fact I want a future with you, Rory. That hasn’t changed. If anything, it just confirmed for me what I already knew. You’re the one I want. So, all that other stuff? We just have to get past it.”

She smiled reluctantly, softening.

He brought his hands to her face, sliding them up into her long hair. “And now,” he whispered against her lips, tugging at the blanket, “if we could just get past this.”

It fell away as Rory’s arms went around his shoulders, his hands brushing the curves of her breast and waist, gently touching her face. After several long, slow kisses, she broke away, her quiet, rapid breaths filling the space between as their eyes met in the moonlight.

Matt’s gaze drifted over her body before he returned his eyes to hers. Sliding his hand down from where his fingers were tangled in her hair, he traced a caress against her cheek, his voice soft and thick.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

The corner of her lips curved up slyly. “Is that your attempt to get me off the subject?”

His smile shifted; the tenderness in his eyes sparked by a light of mischievous amusement. “Actually, no. It was more like my attempt to get you on me.”