Had To Be You (23 page)

Jill nodded. “Yes.”

“I almost felt like that was somehow buying me some time. Like I didn’t have to feel so guilty, and could somehow put him on some kind of emotional hold until I was ready. Because, of course, this would just end like every other relationship or little fling would end, before it ever got anywhere near serious.” Rory turned to stare out at the harbor. “Then I met Jonathan, and I let myself get distracted by other things. I let myself believe Matt was always going to be there, when I was ready. It was—it’s like he happened to me too soon, you know? Like he was supposed to be who I ended up with, not who I started with, and life somehow got the order wrong and that threw everything off, and I’ve never been able to set it right since, to get to that place.”

“Can I ask?” Jill tilted her head on a faint frown. “Have you ever told Matt any of this?”

Rory shook her head. “I couldn’t. Not after the way I left. And then I was so afraid to come home for the holidays and face him, when we both knew that, once again, I’d bailed. That he was simply being honest with me, and true to form, I got scared off. When Jonathan offered me that Park City trip as a sort of Christmas present, I chose the cowardly option to run and hide out a while longer, to give it more time to blow over. But when I got back, after New Year’s? I heard Matt got engaged.” She lowered her eyes to the table. “Part of me refused to believe it. Lindsay called and I assumed she got the story wrong. But I was afraid to call you or Kevin or anyone else to confirm it. Then Matt called.” She paused, pressing her lips together. “I didn’t call him back. I couldn’t. And I only continued to avoid his calls, thinking if I didn’t hear him say it, then it wasn’t true. Like I could
make
it not be true.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to make the calls, Rory.”

“I know.” She glanced down, discreetly wiping her eyes again. “I realize that. I was just in total denial that he’d actually go through with it. I treated it like he was testing me, waiting for me to call his bluff like when we were kids—never once letting myself realize that Matt would never, ever do such a thing. And I existed happily in that state of denial, until the invitation arrived in the mail. Then I couldn’t pretend anymore.”

She lifted her gaze back to Jill, almost pleading with her.

“His future was supposed to be with me. Don’t you see? It was
always
supposed to be us. Our timing might have been off, but it was there, in our hearts. It’s what we both always wanted, and I messed that up just because I wasn’t ready yet. That’s why I have to be the one to fix it. You have to help me!”

“Oh, sweetie…” Jill shook her head. “I have no idea how to do that. He’s getting married in less than a week!”

“He can’t! He can’t really love her.”

“Rory, did you ever stop to consider that maybe he really could?”

Jill’s words were delivered gently, but the impact still hit Rory like a ton of bricks. This was the reality too painful for her to face, the one she so childishly and stubbornly refused to acknowledge.

“Hey, look who’s joining us!”

Lindsay suddenly reappeared at the table with Casey Conroy close behind. Rory quickly gathered up the rest of her emotions, tucking each one back in its proper place before slamming the lid down tight.

“I’m finally off work!” Casey exclaimed happily, plopping herself down at their table. “And I ordered you a real drink, girl.”

As if on cue, a waitress arrived, placing a ridiculously large margarita down in front of Rory. She could actually detect the fumes of tequila wafting off it, and noticed Lindsay was now sipping from some colossal-sized cocktail as well.

Jill arched one eyebrow. “I feel this is my cue to leave.”

“No, stay!” Lindsay urged her. “It’s going to be fun!”

“I’m sure,” she replied drolly, then gave a pointed look. “Rory? Are you coming?”

She was hesitant to reply. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just stay for this one.”

“Really?”
Jill didn’t bother to hide her disapproval, and leaned in close to lower her voice. “You really think getting drunk right now is a good solution?”

To Rory, getting drunk right now sounded like a pretty damn
great
solution to her woes. But she only responded with a shrug of her shoulder. She had years of practice at hiding her true feelings, and it wasn’t going to make a difference now.

Jill gave up on a resigned sigh. “Okay, well, whatever. Just call me if you need me.”

“I will.” Rory met her eyes, trying to convey her gratitude. “Thanks, Jill.”

“Well, good night ladies.” The petite, pregnant blonde used the table for support as she moved to stand. “Do me proud.”

As the others called out their well-wishes and goodnights, Rory felt a bit guilty watching her go. She exhaled softly, trying to blow out that lingering weepy ache inside her chest. It only left her feeling hollow.

The moment Jill disappeared out the door, Lindsay immediately turned to her. Her bright, full smile seemed like it might burst at the seams. She obviously had some gossip to share, just like back in high school.

“Guess what?”

“What?” Rory took a tentative sip of her drink.

“We’re going to crash the bachelor party!”

She coughed, nearly choking, as she sputtered out her reply. “We’re going to
what
?”

Lindsay immediately deflected the blame, also very much like in high school. “It was Casey’s idea!”

“Luke has been texting me all night.” Casey glanced up from the cell phone tucked away in her hand. “They’re on their way back to his house right now. He wants us to come over.”

“I can’t wait to see Bobby’s face.” Lindsay narrowed her eyes to savor the thought, and then returned to her bubbly enthusiasm. “So, are you in or what?”

“She’s in,” Casey answered for her.

Rory frowned, feeling like it had already been said, and downed a much bigger gulp of her drink.

“I guess I’m in.”

FIFTEEN

Matt was drunk.

In fact, there were probably only a handful of times in his life that he had gone out with the express purpose of getting this inebriated. That’s not to say he didn’t achieve this somewhat lofty goal on nights where he hadn’t made it his sole reason for being, but tonight he definitely exceeded all prior expectations.

It all started with the short-lived trip to the strip club that never should have happened. Maybe it was just one too many made-for-television movies on the Lifetime channel, but he quickly discovered he was unable to look at a scantily clad women offering him a lap dance without imagining that she was putting herself through school after her parents were tragically killed by foreign spies, or saving up to pay for an operation to give sight to her blind golden retriever. It sort of put a damper on the whole exotic fantasy element for him. So, instead he drank.

Now he was drinking some more. They were at Luke’s rental place, a ramshackle little weather-beaten cottage on the same strip of beach as his brothers’ house, although their place was located on the much more exclusive, private end.

Through the sliding doors that led off the kitchen, he could actually see the glow from distant porch lights across a mile of darkened beach. For some reason, against his will, his attention kept focusing there, imagining which one was theirs, where she was.

In this not-so-great Gatsby state, it got to the point where he could understand why mosquitoes and other little flying insects are dumb enough to let themselves get zapped on those outdoor electronic bug control devices, because giving in to that feeling of being drawn to her would end up in the same result—a fatal electrical charge to his heart, rendering him helpless, immobile, dead.

“Matty, your deal.”

Bobby passed him the deck of cards, following it with a puff of smoke from his cigar. He, along with Luke, Kevin and his brother Danny, were the last ones left playing cards at the kitchen table. They’d lost Johnny Mac, Pat and the other guys along the way, although his sister Maura’s new boyfriend, Kyle, was still with them—just passed out on Luke’s couch. (They’d managed, however, to restrain themselves from tampering with his body in any way in deference to her.) His dad even joined them for a couple of congratulatory beers early in the evening.

All in all, he supposed it had been a good night, and he’d had fun, although Matt couldn’t quite shake that feeling that something was missing. Maybe it was just because Murph couldn’t be there. Maybe it was something else.

He glanced up to notice movement at the slider doors, and suddenly they opened to the beach breezes. He arched an eyebrow in mild surprise as Casey Conroy and Lindsay stepped through to enter the kitchen.

“Hello, boys!”

“Hey, babe. You’re here!” Luke practically leapt up from his seat, immediately going over to wrap his arms around the buxom blonde.

“Well, now wait just a minute…” Matt chuckled good-naturedly as he shuffled the deck. “If any beautiful women are showing up tonight, don’t you think they should be here for m—”

His voice stuck in his throat, halted by the sight of Rory appearing behind them.

Aw, hell.

Zap.

“Hey, ladies!” Kevin lifted his beer with a happy cheer of greeting.

While Lindsay promptly plopped herself down in Bobby’s lap, Rory just smiled, tentatively raising her hand in a small wave. On the other side of the kitchen, Luke and Casey were now busy exchanging whispered words and kisses, laughing softly together as he began guiding her backwards towards his bedroom.

The O’Shea brothers tilted their heads to watch them disappear down the hall, chuckling under their breath.

“Guess he’s happy to see her, huh?” said Kevin.

Danny raised an eyebrow, his eyes on his cards. “You can say that again.”

“Guess he’s happy to see her, huh?”

Matt only stared and smiled at Rory for a long moment, his eyes narrowing in curiosity. “Oh, you’re still around?” he tossed out. “I thought you’d be long gone by now.”

“So did I.”

“Well, looks like you’re up,” he finally said, motioning towards the abandoned chair. “Park it over there, sister.”

She smirked dubiously, but moved to sit all the same. “You want me to play poker?”

“No, I think Luke’s got that covered,” he quipped with a quick grin.

She just gave him one of her looks. He leaned back in his chair, balanced precariously on two legs, and reached behind for the refrigerator door to retrieve a cold bottle of beer. He slid it across the table to her.

Kevin offered up a bowl of bright, neon orange snacks. “Can I interest you in a savory cheese puff?”

“No, thanks.” Rory shook her head in response, still holding Matt’s gaze as she cracked opened the beer.

Matt wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it was he saw in her eyes. He settled back into his seat and picked up the cards. “I just hope you’re ready to play with the big boys, Finn.”

“Oh, I am. But for now, you’ll do.”

He only smiled again as he dealt out the cards.

Lindsay took a long swallow from Bobby’s beer before fixing them all with a playfully judgmental sneer. “And how was the strip club?”

“It was okay,” Matt replied. “You should have joined us there, too.”

“Yeah—right, Rory?” she chirped with comical skepticism. “You and me at a strip club?”

“Hey, I went,” Kevin pointed out.

One corner of Rory’s mouth curved up slightly as she exchanged amused glances with him. “True. And at least there’s the remote possibility that we may have actually enjoyed it.”

Matt was lifting his beer but paused to frown at her. “Oh, now that’s just mean.” He sighed dramatically. “Well, that’s it. Just so you’re aware, now that you’ve put the girl-on-girl visual in my mind? I’m forced to start thinking dirty thoughts about you.”

“You’re
forced
?” she responded in muted sarcasm. “Yeah, like I’m really holding a gun to your head.”

“You can hold anything you want,” he replied, studying his hand. “Because I’m already packing some heat.”

Lindsay giggled, hooking her arm around Bobby’s neck. “Let’s turn this into strip poker, then, and find out if the rumors are true!”

Matt glanced at her.

“What rumors exactly are we talking about?”

“That for an Irish boy,” she laughed, “you’re definitely not a victim of the infamous Irish
curse
.”

He hesitated, amusement tugging at the corner of his small smile, before he stole a quick glance at Rory across the table. She was studying her cards carefully, remaining silent, but her cheeks were suddenly bright pink.

His lips parted, but the comment remained there on the tip of his tongue and he let it pass.

“All right, who’s in?” he said. “Because I am on a roll, my friends.”

“Then put your money where your mouth is.” Bobby tilted his head towards the pile of crumpled bills in the middle of the table. “Talk is cheap.”

“And so is Danny,” Kevin added quietly.

Danny frowned as his eyes drifted over his hand, rubbing thoughtfully at his chin.

“I’m out,” he finally said, dropping his cards to the table.

“And so is Kevin,” Matt said.

“Screw it. I’m out, too. And I need another beer.” Bobby threw his cards down before standing up from his chair, lifting his girlfriend up with him in a hug. “Hey, you should have seen these girls digging on my boy tonight at the bar,” he said with a grin. “He was
da man
. But that’s how it goes, right?” He rubbed his hand over Matt’s dark hair as he headed for the refrigerator. “Once they know you’re taken, that’s when they want you the most. One of those unexplainable mysteries.”

“Yes, let’s get Sherlock Holmes on the phone,” Rory drawled under her breath.

Matt leaned forward to meet her eyes.

“So, how about you? Do you find yourself strangely attracted to me right now?”

Rory reached for her beer and almost knocked it over. Though she caught it before any spilled, he thought he detected a shaky tremble in her hand.

“I don’t even find myself
normally
attracted to you,” she replied, giving him a sarcastically sweet smile before ducking behind her cards.