Guided Love (Prick #1) (26 page)

After cleaning up breakfast, I had to run and get changed so that Ellie and I could start our morning walk. Yep, a morning walk at seven; I tried to tell her I was going to check flight times, but yeah that wasn't going to happen.

“We have lots to do,” she keeps saying. I rummage through my suitcase and grab a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. I rush to the bathroom and get finished up as I hear Ellie yelling down the hall at me. “Come on, doll face, we have to move it.” I rush to finish and run down the stairs to a waiting Ellie wearing her a hot pink jump suit with a fanny pack and holding two bottles of water.

Ellie hands me the keys to her Cadillac Deville and we get in.

“Okay, doll face, let’s get this party started.”

I start up the car and get directions to the local park where we will be meeting her walking buddies. The radio is blasting as I back out of the driveway; instead of Naughty by Nature, she has Snoop Dog blaring through the speakers. This woman honestly is the coolest 84 year old woman I know. With a smile, I drive to our meeting point.

We arrive and it’s packed. Ellie wasn't joking when she said that she had a huge group of walking buddies. There must be at least 25 to 30 people, all older, who are standing around and waiting. Ellie grabs her bottle of water and takes two Advil that she has in her glove compartment for her headache. She then gets out of the car and heads down to the group.

“Hi everyone, sorry I am late, my baby girl here was taking her time getting ready. Everyone this is Sam, Sam this is everyone.”

In unison, I hear the group of elderly say, “Hi Sam.” It was honestly the cutest thing I have ever seen and heard.

“Hi everyone, sorry I made Ellie late.”

I am shocked that all of these people were waiting around for Ellie. She walks around and talks to everyone there. She honestly knows everyone and what is happening in their lives. She is wishing people well and asking how their children are; she truly is a blessing to all of these people, a real friend. After she has spoken to all of her buddies, we are on our way. We all head down to the track and we are off. Ellie actually takes us out of the group and we are walking the track ourselves.

“Lesson number two is complete, baby girl. You need to take time for yourself, get out of the house, and get your body moving. The more you move, the more energy you will have and the more confidence you will have in yourself. Walking every morning gives me a fresh start. It gives me time to think about all the stuff that is weighing on my mind, while walking and looking around reminds me of the blessings that I have. I look at the trees, listen to the bird’s chirp, hell I am thankful that I am able to use the two legs that GOD has blessed me with. So, lesson two, my dear, is complete.” I smile and realize that she is right once again. She seems to always be right. I need to start taking care of myself, because no one else is going to do it.

After our five-mile walk, we head back to the house. I walk up to the room I am staying in to grab some clothes to change into after my shower when I hear a faint knock on the door. Opening it, I see Ellie standing there holding an old typewriter.

“Okay, well here you go, baby girl.” She walks past me and places the typewriter on the desk. “This was Tony's and now it’s yours. I know it’s not one of those fancy computers like all the kids have, but it definitely will help put your story on paper. There is some paper in the drawer and if we need more we can pick it up on our way from the store.” I don't know what to say, so I bend down and grab her.

“Thank you, Ellie, I really appreciate it. I would be honored to use it; I just don’t have anything to write.”

“Oh, my dear, didn't something just happen to you? Something that you haven't opened up to me about. Well, until you feel like you want to discuss the issue, you need to get it out and what better way to do that than through your words. Write it down, let your soul start to heal.”

With tears in my eyes all I can say is, “Thank you.”

Ellie pats my hand. “Create wonderful stories, baby, pour your soul into it and I can guarantee that you will have all the success in the world. I will give you some time, we have lunch at 11:30; I will make sure to come and get you.”

“Thank you again, Ellie.”

Ellie shuts the door and I stand there staring at this gorgeous antique typewriter. I slowly run my fingers across the keys and close my eyes at the feel of them. A faint beeping sound takes me out of my thoughts when I realize it’s my phone. I open my suitcase and find it stuffed into the pocket, along with the charger. The phone is about to die so I grab it and plug it into the charger. 35 missed calls, 30 voicemails along with 10 text messages and one email alert. Wow, before I even look to see who has been blowing up my phone, I open my email and I see that I just received a reply from Gabby. I take a deep breath, open it up, and burst into tears when I read it.

Sam,

It's about freaking time I heard from you <3 <3 You have no reason to apologize, I get it, I really do. I am sorry that I said what I said to you too. Either way, chica, you are my best friend, so no worries, you hear me? What is going on with you? What happened between you and Camaron? Whatever it is everything will work out. Remember, you are his “anchor” (yeah I so said that in my snarky voice like usual Lol) Just know that you are NOT alone. I am always a phone call away. Please message or call me, I am a little worried.

Love you,

Gabby

I am so happy that everything is fine between us. I don't think I would have been able to accept another friendship that I destroyed. I type her a quick reply explaining that right now I am staying with another friend, where I am trying to figure myself out. I tell her what happened with Camaron and me and how we slept together and I thought that it would have been more to him and that he said “I love you, Roni,” rather than Sam. I found that while I was typing I wasn't crying as hard as I thought I would be. I told her I would see her soon. After hitting send on the email, I open up the phone log. All the missed calls were from Camaron, except for two, which were from Carrie and Paul. The text messages were also from Camaron, Paul and actually Allen. I open up Allen’s message and it reads:

Rice Cake dont know whats happened but I do know that you need to get ur ass back here ;)

if u need me just call

Paul’s read:

Hey RC, Carrie is falling apart here, please message us to let us no u are ok. Sam we are here for you~Paul

I skim through the other messages from Camaron, they are pretty simple just
please call me, where are u? I am so sorry.
There was one that caught my eye, it was really long so I stopped and read it.

Sam—I have called and filled your voicemail. I wanted to talk to you—really talk to you not type this, but I need you to know. Sam, I am so fucking sorry that I fucked us up. I am sick knowing that I have hurt you. I fucked up and lost my best friend, the one person who has always been there for me. I am numb knowing that I have caused you so much hurt; even when Axel kicked the shit out of me, for what I have done, that pain doesn’t compare to what I am feeling knowing that I have let you down, that I have disappointed you, that I lost you. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. I was selfish and didn't realize what I was doing. I am a horrible fucking friend and I completely understand why you don't want to talk to me. I do—I get it; I was a selfish bastard that has always expected that you would be always be there for me. I never looked at your feelings and I am so sorry. I was taking everything from you; I don't think I ever gave anything. You have been my rock and my anchor and I have been the storm that has caused all of your damage and I am so fucking sorry, Sam; I never wanted that, really. In your letter you mentioned that you weren’t good enough for me; but, Sam, you are so fucking wrong. I am NOT good enough for you. You are a beautiful soul that I was lucky enough to have you as my best friend. Please call, Sam, I need to know that you are okay. I am going out of my mind sitting here. I don't know where to look; please, please, just let me know you are safe. Please call or message me ~Cam

Tears are streaming down my face. I don't know how to respond, I don't know what to say. I close the phone and head down to the kitchen to help Ellie with lunch and dinner.

After our light lunch, Ellie shared her lasagna recipe with me. We put it in the oven and we are off again; I honestly love the fact that Ellie has some much energy.

We head out back and she hands me a hat with a huge bill and a pair of gloves.

“Here, baby girl, you are going to need these.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Well, we are going to weed, it’s important that we weed out the things that cause a hindering to our growth. Have you ever weeded before doll?”

“No, I have never had a garden or flower beds. Just point me in the direction and tell me what to pick and I will.”

Ellie smiles up at me and guides me into her gorgeous garden. Really, she has everything from broccoli, corn, and radishes and even beautiful rose bushes on the other side. She truly has a green thumb, as everything is flourishing. She shows me where to start and what I need to start picking. Some of the weeds look like flowers.

“Are you sure that I should pick these? They look like pretty little flowers.”      

“Oh, doll face, don't let that fool you. Just because it looks pretty doesn't mean that it won’t suck the life out of you. If you don't pull that weed, then the growth of my vegetables will suffer.”

“Okay, got it,” I say as I start pulling the weeds out of the ground.

“Good, lesson number three is complete.” She is smiling and smelling her roses and snipping a few to put in her basket.

“Ellie? How many lessons are there?”

“Oh, doll face, there will be as many as needed. I am an old woman, I have plenty of knowledge to share.” I start laughing and keep on weeding. I hear Ellie lightly humming and I start to share with her. She stops, walks towards me, and just listens. She listens to everything. I skip over the details of Cam and I being intimate, she knows that we were together and that he couldn't look me in the eye. I also told her that I knew I disgusted him; I didn't tell her how I knew and she didn’t ask. She just sat there and listened. Telling her everything felt like a huge burden lifting from my shoulders. I cried, but this time I didn't sob.

“Before I came down stairs, I read a text he sent. He said that he is sorry for what he did and that I am his anchor. I really thought, Ellie, being the one person that was a constant in his life that I was the most important person to him. I guess I was wrong.”

“Well, doll face, you have to understand something. You know what an anchor is right?”

“Of course, it helps a boat weather the storm, keeps them grounded.”

“Exactly, baby girl, it keeps them grounded.”

I look at her with the most confused look that she snorts and shakes her head.

“Okay, doll face, think of it this way. When you find the one love of your life, that person will not be your anchor. Well, at times he will be, but he will be your compass, your North Star, sweetie. He will be your guide home. A ship doesn't want to be held down, it wants to sail the ocean waters, and it wants to have wind guide its sails.”

Her words hit me, they truly touch my soul. She is so right: the anchor keeps them grounded, I never thought of it like that. Camaron has always told me that I was his anchor, I was his best friend the one that kept him safe. I wasn't the wind in his sail or his compass; I was always the anchor. I keep weeding when I hear Axel's voice and look up to see him walking towards us.

Dinner was delicious; as expected, Ellie is truly great at everything she does. We sat around the table and I listened to Ellie talk about Axel growing up. When he was rebellious and when he tried to convince them that they were supposed to turn the clocks back two hours, not one. I couldn't help but laugh as he really thought that it would work.

“It would have worked if I remembered to unplug the television. I forgot that they always reminded you before ending the broadcast,” Axel laughs as he is takes a drink.

“Oh it wouldn’t have worked either way, Axel, we are not that naive. We would laugh at all of the scams you would come up with to get your own way. Sometimes your Pop would bet me what you would come up with next. I always won,” she looks over at me and winks.

“What would you win?” I had to know as I kept laughing every time I looked at Axel and he looked wounded.

“Oh, I won a lot. I actually won the deck; the one that Axel built for me. ”