Gudsriki (31 page)

“I'm sure I'll think of something after you're dead.”

“So you do have the perfect companion.”

“Yeah, fine. But I don't have to like it.”

“Or like me.”

“Right.”

Nel stared at her. She was annoyed at her candor. She considered killing her again. It would silence her, but the energy expenditure would be unwise with such a long walk. It would be slightly more efficient to cheer her up.

“You're not the worst possible company. I'd rather be with you than Veikko.”

“Wow, you're so sweet.”

She'd need Vibeke to feel better than that.

“I'd rather be with you than anyone I've met. Or anyone Violet remembers.”

“That's a big shift.”

“I still resent you for what you did to Violet.”

“But I'm your favorite person.”

“You're my only person.”

Nel felt good for saying it. She didn't understand why. It went against her basic will to hurt Vibeke. It did quite the opposite but made her feel good for doing it. She experimented further.

“Part of your pain is that Violet died hurt and alone?”

“Yeah, Nel, thanks for reminding me.”

“She didn't. I think she died happier and more loved than she ever was before.”

Vibeke stopped and stared at her.

“Why are you saying this?”

Nel saw no reason to hide the truth. “Being nice to you was almost as pleasurable as hurting you.”

“Almost.”

“There are different flavors of pleasure and amusement.”

“Which flavor do you like best, making me feel good or hurting me?” Vibeke didn't try to hide her anger at being manipulated. “Try real hard, and I bet you can do both at the same time. An emotional chocolate-vanilla swirl. That'll really cheer you up.”

Vibeke walked on. Nel stood still and thought for a moment, wondering if she could formulate a statement to make Vibeke feel incredibly good and incredibly hurt. Vibeke turned to her when she realized she wasn't coming.

“Well?”

“I love you, Vibeke.”

Vibeke stared. Nel found herself very amused at the conflict on Vibeke's face.

“You're right,” said Nel, “both
is
good.”

They walked on. Despite her amusement and outward cruelty, Nel felt a sting of shame when she said she loved her. A sting because she could actually see what Violet might have seen in her. She rejected the thoughts. It was like Violet was alive inside her, making her stupid. She pushed away any scrap of attraction.

Vibeke was less self-conscious. She fell back to look at the robot. They were only waist-deep in snow, and she could see Nel's back and shoulders and arms. Red hair, turning brown, long and messy like Violet never would've left it.

The snow grew lower, and Vibeke found herself transfixed on Nel's butt. She walked like Violet did, hips bouncing back and forth, butt cheeks seemingly rubbing against each other endlessly. She tried to think of Nel naked, think of grabbing her, groping her, fucking her. It felt like medical recovery. Like training a regrown limb. It didn't work right, but there was feeling again.

Another 100km and they found a patch to sleep in for a couple hours. The sun didn't set. They must have been in the middle of summer. But it dipped low in the sky and burned the snow orange, vibrant beyond belief through the deep brown sky.

“Can you tell when something is beautiful?”

“Yes. Though this isn't. This is just orange.”

“Then you can't tell.”

“You're beautiful.”

Vibeke looked at her robot. Icicles in its hair, a thin layer of snow forming over it.

“You're experimenting again.”

Nel sat motionless.

“Are you?” asked Vibeke.

“Yes, but it's not a lie. You're the only thing in the world it gives me any pleasure to see.”

Vibeke assumed she was playing her cruel game but played along to spite her. “Likewise.”

Vibeke was hit by a wave of empathy for Nel. She still didn't let herself think “her.” But wondered why. There were no rules this time. And no person to risk. It wasn't a human being she had to treat with any respect. She owed it nothing for Violet's years of fighting by her side, and there was no ravine nor plan nor mission more important than doing what she pleased.

She lurched over and lay against the robot's side. For warmth, she'd say if it asked. And she began to tear up. She wished it were Violet. She wished it with such passion, she felt hot in her suit, on the ice.

She tried to tell herself she had Violet back, as much as she ever could. But it felt guilty, knowing the thing next to her was by every measure someone completely different. Its own personality. Vibs had always felt more for inanimate objects than people. If someone knocked over a vase she'd feel worse for it than anyone she'd killed while working in the ravine. She felt nothing for Darger. But the idea of hurting the machine she'd had built, of having hurt it so much, was heartbreaking. She would have felt better if it had killed her in the panzercopter cockpit, she thought. And wondered again what it meant by “other plans.”

She thought about her empathy for broken toys. For digital animals. She felt horribly guilty for making a robot out of Violet's heart. She felt worse for its wounds than she ever had seeing Violet ripped apart or beaten or impermanently killed. She couldn't fathom why.

Vibeke had done more harm than anyone in the world ever had, she thought. She had killed billions. But she felt worse for whatever she'd done to the robot. She didn't sleep well that night. She mostly stared at the glowing clouds that passed above and just focused on trying to breathe normally.

She gave up. She'd given up on everything. She didn't care what the machine would do. It did nothing.

Nel wasn't concerned with Vibs at all in that moment. She was hunting for clarity. She asked an old friend.

“Are you there?”
she asked the thought.

“I'm always here. I can't leave.”

Nel was amused at the thought.
“If you think you've got it hard because you can't leave my brain, you should see Veikko. He's—”

“Vibeke?”

“Nel!”
she announced herself.
“Veikko?”

“You fucking bitch,”
thought Veikko, into her brain.

“It was you? It was you all this time?”

“Why the fuck are you in my head?”

“Oh fuck this bullshit.”

“Niide. Niide, he linked our brains directly. Part of the A-1 system.”

“How do I turn it off?”

“You shut the fuck up, you abomination.”

“
You
shut the fuck up, you faceless fuck!”

“Oh my fucking God, I can't believe I was confiding in you.”

“Like I wanted to hear your bullshit. Just turn it off for fuck sake.”

“How?”

“I don't know, figure it out.”

“You figure it out, fuckbot.”

“I never fucked her.”

“So you're a useless fuckbot. Fuck off.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you!!!”

Her mind went silent. She hoped he'd left completely, somehow.

“Fuck you!!!!!”

“Fuck you.”

More silence. He was still there, she knew it.

“Fuck you.”

Nel went silent. She could feel the anger in the back of her mind. Veikko still stuck inside her head. She was sweating. Violet's heart was racing. She looked to Vibeke, sleeping. She tried to calm down. But she was sickened. Veikko had free access to her thoughts. She had free access to his. His inner monologue was a place she wished she couldn't be.

Vibeke was resting on her side. She felt sorry for her, having to live with Veikko for so long, and now with his insults and cruelty. Nel decided she very much preferred the pleasure of seeing Vibeke feel good. She decided not to hurt her anymore for sport. Though some notion of vengeance still lurked within her, the pity and empathy she felt for Vibeke were taking over. She gently stroked Vibeke's hair as she slept.

Soon Vibeke was waking up with the sun higher in the sky.

They walked mostly in silence, only commenting that they'd reached land as the terrain, once flat ice, grew rocky and unpredictable. Bare stick trees began to dot the landscape. Every night Vibeke snuggled up to the robot, and it never once asked why or pushed her away.

Nel had begun contemplating her purpose in light of Vibeke's comments. What she existed to do. Vibeke had made her to feel better, so at that time her purpose was to keep Vibeke warm. She allowed it without much consideration. Overnight she broke off the icicles that formed in Vibeke's hair and on her ears, and pressed against her with her cheek to keep her eyes from getting frostbite.

One night as the sun finally threatened to disappear beneath the horizon, they found a house with one wall torn off. It afforded them the first bed Nel had ever seen. They lay down together, and Vibeke squirmed up against the robot as she always did, but was finally curious enough to ask.

“Do you mind when I do this?”

“No, it's what I'm for.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I don't have to.”

“It doesn't. The pressure and warmth are pleasurable.”

Vibeke held her tightly and buried her face in Nel's armpit.

“What if I did more?” Vibs asked.

Nel grew nervous.

“I'd not stop you,” she answered.

“Why not?”

She couldn't admit the warmth was alluring, more than anything she'd experienced. She wanted Vibeke to do more. “I can feel pity. You're pitiable.”

“I can't argue with that.”

Vibeke felt like she was betraying Violet. The real Violet. Like she was debasing herself by considering it. But she tried to think of why, and she came up blank. She climbed up the machine's side and kissed it on the lips. It did nothing. She reached behind it and undid its suit. Still nothing. She pulled the suit down, exposing its breasts. Nipples hard in the frozen air. Skin pale and goose-bumped. She kissed its breasts, letting loose on the hot flesh and caressing it with her lips. Finally she laid her head down on its right breast and put her hand on the other. She heard Violet's heart beating and teared up. And slept.

“Kill her.”

“Fuck off, Veikko.”

“Kill her now, while she's asleep. It's the merciful thing to do.”

“I'm not a merciful thing.”

“What are you, then? You're useless. You're a fuckdoll that won't fuck.”

“I would if she wanted me to. Just to see what would happen.”

“You have Violet's DNA. Don't lie. You'd fuck her if you could.”

“No. I'd make her happy if I could.”

“I can sense lies. You hate her.”

Nel considered it. Her anger at Vibeke was still present. Compounded by her regrets for treating her kindly.

“Yes.”

“So kill her.”

“No.”

“You should leave her. Come back and join me. Two of Niide's bodies in the ravine—we'd be formidable.”

“I don't know what I want to do with Vibeke. But I know I don't want anything to do with you.”

“Useless. You're the worst toy in the bin.”

“I'm glad to be of no use to you.”

“I was never kind to my toys. When I got bored with them, I beat them up. Burned them. Tore them open to see how they worked. I'd love to do the same to you.”

“I'd love to see you try.”

 

 

“H
OW
THE
hell did she get that implant?”

“We know Veikko lived. Skadi must have saved him. I saw her walking into the arcology as it burned.”

“So they took the implant. And gave it to Mishka? That doesn't sound like your pals.”

“They must have met with her and arranged a deal, or she killed them and took it. Somehow she got it.”

“And disabled the tracking node and organic fail-safes. She had help.”

“She has a kingdom. She has all the help she wants.”

“We can no longer face her alone.”

Varg thought briefly.
“Valkyries. They'll want to kill her.”

“We don't know where any of them are.”

“We know Vibeke was in Orkney.”

“Months ago.”

“We could try the ravine.”

“It is unlikely anyone would return there at this time. I will not waste a jump on an abandoned ravine.”

“I know it seems unwise, but we have no other leads. Who knows what clues we might find there?”

“I'll take it under advisement.”

“I'm your only adviser.”

“I'll sleep on it.”

Days passed. Cards were played. The elder didn't mention the ravine again. Varg began to suspect something was hindering him, scaring him about the ravine. On the fourth day, he built up the courage to ask, to demand an answer. Sensing what Varg was about to say, the elder spoke first.

“My daughter.”

“Sir?”

“That's who I lost. My daughter.”

Varg nodded. They sat in silence for several minutes before Varg asked,
“What was she like?”