Guardian Demon (GUARDIAN SERIES) (32 page)

She couldn’t take this. She’d never wished that she could fly more. She’d just form her wings and get away, but instead she was stuck on this balcony bawling into her hands. Then Joe’s arms were around her and she was sobbing against his shoulder instead.

“Hey, kid.” Gently, he patted her back. “You’re right. Jesus, you’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laid that on you.”

And that made her cry harder, until there was nothing left but her shuddering breath. She pulled back, took the handkerchief he gave her, saw his own eyes were wet.

“I’m sorry, Andy.”

“I know.” She mopped her face, stared back over the rail. “I just . . . it’s all fucked up in my head. And it has been for a while.”

“For six years, I guess. Since we first ran into Hugh and Lilith.”

“And the nosferatu tearing those kids apart, and Lucifer . . .” She trailed off, because there was too much to start listing now. “And I keep thinking that if I can just be human again, maybe I can get back to normal. Just move to a different city, find a new job. Maybe everything will straighten out.” She glanced at him. “And it’s not the vampire thing. Savi’s my friend. She’ll always be my friend. You’ll always be my partner, my mom will always be Mom. But everything else . . . it just messes me up.”

“You really think getting away will change that?”

“I don’t know. But I wonder if it’s worth a shot.” Taylor finished wiping her nose, then laughed as she realized, “Maybe I can just ask Michael to take all of those memories out. I can forget I ever knew. That I was ever a Guardian, that he was ever in my head, that I was ever in Hell.”

That she’d ever been so twisted up and stupid.

Joe frowned. “You’d really do that?”

“No.” She sighed. “And I knew you might be disappointed if I decided to Fall. I also understand why you’d worry for my mom. But to be an asshole about it and take it out on me? That’s not you. So what’s really going on?”

“Dammit, Andy.” He shook his head.

“Don’t clam up on me after I open my guts to you. My snot’s on your shirt, so spill.”

“You give me one of those first.” He pointed to her cigarette lying abandoned on the balcony rail, and his hands shook as he lit up. “No reason not to.”

Not because he planned to become a vampire, Taylor realized. And the weight he’d lost wasn’t just because he’d cleaned up, fallen in love.

“Joe,” she whispered. “Jesus. What is it?”

“A tumor right up against my heart. Inoperable, so I’m taking blood transfusions from Jack and Annie every week to stay on my feet. Chemo is an option . . . but I want this anyway.”

Taylor knew he would have. It had probably only taken him so long because vampires needed bloodsharing partners, and that meant sharing a bed, too.

“Does my mom know?”

“No.” He glanced at her. “I hope you don’t think that’s what me being with her is about. We were already together when I found out, and we were already talking about the transformation. But I don’t want her to feel obligated because of this thing if she decides to change her mind.”

“I wouldn’t think that of you. And anyway, the way you feel about her leaks through your shields.”

He gave her the side-eye. “All of it?”

“I hope not.”

Joe barked out a laugh and pushed out the cigarette in one of the flowerpots. “She’s really something, Andy. It was like I got two miracles all at once. Getting a chance of forever with Carolyn, then living through something that should kill me.”

And now he was worried that her mom might change her mind if Taylor decided to Fall. In his place, she would have been terrified, too. “I think you’ll be great together. But, Joe—I’m not going to hide this from her. She can’t base that decision on whether I’m going to live forever, because even if I remain a Guardian, I might be dead the next time I run into a demon.”

Though worry added new lines to his face, he nodded. “I know it. And you’re right. So let’s go in, yeah?”

Taylor glanced up before following him through the door. Faint orange light traced the edges of the clouds. Her chest tightened again.

She wasn’t surprised to see that Michael and her mother had moved into the kitchen—or that he stood with his back to the wall and the balcony door in his sight. Her mother was smiling up at him, as if in response to something he’d said, and Taylor wished she had enough experience to participate in one conversation while listening in on another. She had no doubt that he’d heard everything that had passed between her and Joe.

His gaze searched her face as she crossed the living room. Somehow, he was taking up all of the space in the kitchen, because even though her mom fit in there, even though he was off to one side, she couldn’t seem to see anything else.

“Everything all right, Andy?” Warm concern creased her mother’s face.

“Yes. Except it’s heading toward sunset,” she said. “And I hate to cut this short, but Savi’s about to wake up, and I just can’t pretend I’m not thinking of her and sick out of my mind. So I’m going to join Michael when he goes to do the psychic sweep.”

“Of course. Let me wrap your plate up.”

“You don’t need to. I can put it in my hammerspace.” She caught her mom on the way to the dining room, hugged her tight. “I’m so glad for you and Joe.”

“Oh, baby. I’m glad for us, too.”

Taylor drew back. “Good. Because I just want you happy. But listen. I don’t know if I’m going to be a Guardian this time next month. And even if I am, maybe I’ll die on the job. It’s not much different from being a cop. So if you make this choice, don’t do it because I might live forever or because I won’t. Don’t do it for Jason. It has to be for yourself. Immortality is too long to live it for anyone else.”

“That is true,” Michael said softly.

“See? And Michael knows because he’s a billion years old.” She’d probably learned it from him, too. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Her mother’s palms caught her cheeks. “But you don’t need to worry. Do I want you to live forever? Of course. But this is a decision that I made for myself. The only worry I struggled with was whether I was being selfish. And maybe I am, but I’m not hurting anyone. So I’m happy to live with that.”

“That’s good, too, because you’ll have to live with it for a very long time.” Taylor grinned, kissed her forehead. “I’m going to say good-bye to Jason, and then we’re going to go. If you need anything—”

“I’ve got my alarm.” She touched her pendant.

“Well, that, too. But I was going to tell you I had a new phone number. You have it, Joe?”

“I’ve got it. And I’ll keep you updated on those interviews tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” She looked to Michael. “Can you anchor to Khavi yet?”

“No.”

So no finding out whether Khavi knew about the demons attacking Colin and Savi, or even where they might be held. She’d seen into their futures before. Maybe she’d seen where they were.

It would also be really freaking nice if Khavi saw that they needed to talk to her and showed up soon. But maybe that was why she was shielding her mind now.

Taylor’s worry carried her the short trip to Jason’s room, where she intended to joke with him about being forced to listen to Joe and Mom work out their bloodlust in the next room, to push her fingers through his hair as she always did, but she only stood staring at him, her hands in her pockets.

“It’s safe to touch him,” Michael said, and he took up all the space in this room, too. Not even looking at him, and he did. “And it’s safe to touch your mother, your friends. Me.”

So he’d noticed how she’d balled up her fingers with every hug, every touch. But of course he had. He couldn’t tell her the color of her mother’s plates, but he probably knew how many breaths Taylor had taken.

Maybe he knew this, too. “If I used my Gift now, what do you think I’d see?”

He looked at Jason now, too. “I don’t know.”

She sighed. “I can’t really decide which is better—to see all those glowing threads, or to find out that they’re gone. And I can’t even bring myself to look.”

Strong fingers caught her chin, tilted her gaze up to his. “Then don’t.”

God, he made it sound so simple. Maybe it was.

She nodded against his hand, stepped away to kiss Jason’s brow. “I’ll stay longer next time,” she told him. “But we’ve got vampires to save and demon ass to kick. Hopefully. So be good.”

Because Taylor would know it. Like Santa.
You’ve been naughty or nice.
But instead of lumps of coal, she gave the gift of Hell.

Or Heaven. Michael slipped his arm around her, drew her in against his broad chest. They didn’t immediately jump. His dark gaze searched her face. His big hand cupped her jaw, thumb sliding across her cheekbone—as if wiping away tears.

Because he’d heard. On the balcony, with Joe. He’d heard her crying.

“Don’t,” she whispered.

He didn’t listen. His head dipped toward hers. Heart pounding, she closed her eyes. His warm breath feathered across her lashes. His lips brushed her eyelids. Left, right. Not even a kiss. Just a whisper of one.

The pain in her throat almost choked her. She couldn’t bear this tenderness now.

Then his arms surrounded her, tucking her cheek against his shoulder. He held her against his chest, his jaw against her temple. His harmonious voice wrapped her in an embrace as soft as his body was hard. “You’ll be all right, Andromeda Taylor. Whether human or Guardian.”

“If you heard all that, you know I’m not.”

“You will be.” He lifted his head to look down at her, his gaze inescapable. “You are too strong for anything else.”

No. She wasn’t even strong enough to stop this. She wasn’t strong enough to step out of his arms—or to look away.

But that was okay. This was where she needed to be right now. She’d figure out how to do the rest later.

“I just want to find Savi,” she said.

Without a word, Michael formed his wings and they jumped.

*   *   *

The world tilted and spun into cold wind, the steady vibration of metal, the rumble of traffic far below, the scent of the sea—and nothing but air beneath her feet.

Michael’s pectoral formed a hard pillow for Taylor’s cheek. She opened her eyes. The ocean stretched out ahead, the orange sun shimmering above the horizon. She glanced down and closed her eyes, suddenly dizzy again.

She swallowed and made herself look. “We’re above the Golden Gate Bridge.”

“Yes.” His wings beat at the same slow, steady pace as his heart. “My sweeps have more range up here. In the city and on level with the sea, I’m blocked to the north.”

Because of the Marin Hills. “Too much stone? That’s why you couldn’t anchor to Irena in the caverns, even though her shields were open.”

“Yes.”

She looked to the west. The sun hadn’t yet touched the horizon. “How much time before it sets?”

“About eight minutes. But it could be more or less for Savi, depending upon her location.”

God. And now it was just waiting, hoping that when Savi woke up, she might surprise the demons, get through the shields, call for help. If Taylor didn’t distract herself until then, she might go mad.

She looked down. The orange bridge was just a ribbon, the Presidio a patch of green edged by concrete. “You know, there are always tourists with telephoto lenses down there. Someone might see you hovering.”

“I’ve been photographed before. The pictures are always called fakes.”

“I’m not thinking of that. I’m thinking that they might get a look up your toga. And maybe a picture of your junk is going to be splashed across the cover of a supermarket tabloid. Like angel porn.”

“You’re obsessed with porn.”

Taylor snorted. “True. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re dangling your bits over the bridge.”

Amusement curved his mouth. “Nothing is dangling. I wrap linens beneath.”

“Really?” She tried to picture that, came up with an image straight out of a gladiator movie, complete with gleaming muscles, blood, and dirt.

Thumbs-up to that.

“Look if you don’t believe me.” His gaze challenged her to.

“That’s okay.” But now she wanted to. “I know there has to be a reason, though. Something to do with fighting and not making yourself vulnerable. Even though you can’t get hurt down there.”

“Yes, I can.”

“When we were in Hell, I kneed you hard enough to smash through rock. You didn’t even flinch.”

“Because I instantly healed myself with my Gift. Though if a human kicked me, it wouldn’t hurt. A Guardian or demon could damage me.”

“So you tuck it away before you fight.”

“Of course. If it’s swinging around, there’s a greater chance that my opponent’s sword will cut it off. Then I have to track down the severed pieces to heal myself properly—and if I can’t find the missing part, wait until it grows again.”

She choked, then buried her face against his chest and howled her laughter, felt the answering shake of his.

“Oh, my God.” She wiped her eyes. “Really?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Unfortunately?
“It’s happened before?”

He nodded, his smile fading. “A few times when I have been tortured, or after giving myself up to save another Guardian. Demons assume that I care more about my penis than my head or my heart—or that it hurts more than removing something else—so they always cut it off first. And in battle, I can’t think of any part of my body that hasn’t needed to be healed or replaced. I’m fortunate that I can heal myself very quickly.”

Yes, he was. And that wasn’t so funny, now. Taylor shifted, lifting herself up against him so that she wouldn’t have to crane her head back so much to see him. Face-to-face, her arm curled around his neck, her thighs lightly squeezing the sides of his ribs to steady her position. He braced his forearm beneath her bottom, giving her a seat.

The wind caught her hair, blew the tangled strands across her cheek and into her eyes. She dragged it back. “Was healing your first Gift?”

“Along with teleporting. But that was the same for all of the grigori.”

Lucky them. “And Khavi received foresight, and Anaria truth. Why did you get healing? Do you know what part of your life it reflected?”

“It’s impossible to know for certain,” he said. “But I can guess.”