Guardian (23 page)

Rafael couldn’t help a smile. “When it comes to trying to prove something about God, I think the conversation is never over with you,” he said wryly.

I grinned back. “You know me so well.”

But we were silent on the ride back home, even after we picked up Colton and Grace. Rafael, for his own contemplative reasons, and me, well, I was quiet because I knew what I wanted most in the world now. I wanted Rafael to share his light with me, to love me and let me help him. I wanted to become a Fallen.

Two days later I was leaving the school gym with Natalie after helping the dance committee and other members of student council to decorate for the Halloween dance that Saturday. Natalie was talking a mile a minute as usual, but this time I was actually paying attention.

“I mean it, Lyla, this is our senior year and we don’t have to help out at the dance. We’re almost
eighteen
, we’re going to be in college next year! You need to just step up to the plate and get a date to the dance. Or else
I
will find one for you. I will not allow you to feel like a third wheel, or suffer in vain like martyr. You’d probably enjoy giving up your suffering to Jesus.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that one, but inwardly I cringed. Natalie was going to the dance with a basketball player named Mark who was about seven feet tall, and Austin was taking Breanna, our student council secretary. I’d always had little to no interest in boys, or at least, I hadn’t been interested until Rafael came along. For just a flash of a second, I envisioned taking Rafael to the dance. But that was ridiculous… wasn’t it? I tried to imagine the idea as we walked toward the school parking lot where Natalie’s car sat next to the Hummer.

I’d gotten used to driving without a valid license, but it still gave me a thrill of unease to do it without Rafael in the car as my get-out-of-jail-free card. Still, some days he was busy or had walked Colton and Grace home for me, like today, so they wouldn’t have to wait endlessly at school for me to finish.

“So remember,” Natalie said, backing away from me toward her car and narrowing her eyes, “if you don’t have a date by tomorrow evening, I’m finding one for you. It’s short notice, but most guys go stag anyway so I’m betting Mark has a friend who’d totally be willing. You’re a catch, Lyla! It’s time you realized it!”

I laughed and waved before getting into the car for the short drive home. The idea of being hooked up with a basketball player date that would have to bend over in order for me to put my arms around his neck for a slow dance made me shudder. I also hated the awkward conversation that I knew would accompany an arranged date, and inwardly sighed at the way Natalie would be nudging me and sending secret looks the whole time.

I pulled into my driveway and saw Colton, Grace, and Rafael outside in the yard, jumping into leaf piles they had raked up. There weren’t many trees in our yard, so the piles were small, but I could tell Colton and Grace were having a blast anyway at the novelty of it all. Rafael stood to one side, arms crossed and laughing with them, ever in the stance of the guardian. For just one minute, I fantasized about actually doing it. Asking Rafael to the dance. But he surely wouldn’t say yes, would he? I hopped down from the car and my siblings ran up to me, both of them rosy cheeked from the chilly air and eyes aglow with delight.

“Lyla, Lyla!” they cried together, and then Colton was the first to get a word in, “Mr. Rafael took us to the store and we got sprinkles and cookie mix! Can we make Halloween cookies tonight? Please, please, please?”

“Pleeeeasseeeeeeee?” Gracie echoed from next to Colton, her hands clasped in front of her in proper angelic stance.

I heaved an overly dramatic sigh, rolling my eyes upward. “I don’t know…”

“Lylaaaaaa!” they both wailed.

“Okay, fine,” I relented. “Get inside and wash your hands, I’ll be there in just a second.”

Colton and Grace raced inside, and I finally turned to Rafael. “Thank you for watching them today.” I’d barely seen him the past two days, since our big talk about the Fallen. He’d driven us to and from school, but there had been little time to talk then.

“You’re welcome,” he said, studying me closely.

I squirmed a little, realizing I was actually going to do it. I
wanted
to do it, to ask Rafael to a school dance. “Do you have any leads on Damian?” I asked, delaying the question.

“No.” Rafael’s eyes instantly darkened, and I regretted my question. “There’s still no sign of him.”

“I’m sure something will turn up soon,” I said softly. “I would imagine a Fallen couldn’t stay hidden for long with so many people searching.”

“I hope so,” Rafael said, his voice full of that awful despair that came over him so often.

“Anyway,” I said, hoping to draw Rafael’s attention away from worrying about his friend. “I kind of have a favor to ask of you.” I looked at the ground, because I knew Rafael would probably turn me down, this was so juvenile. He was nearly
two thousand
years old. A high school dance was definitely not something that would interest him.

“Of course. Anything,” Rafael said instantly. “Except,” he added after a pause, “if it involves buttered movie popcorn.”

We both laughed and I promised it was nothing of the sort. Then it became quiet once more. I hugged my arms around myself and looked down, scuffing one of my new gray Converses against the sidewalk, clearing my throat. Warm fingertips slid under my chin and Rafael lifted my gaze to his. The amethyst flecks in his glorious eyes seemed to pop more than usual with the fall colored leaves behind him.

“What is it, Lyla?” he whispered.

“Will you,” my voice was a croak, and I cleared my throat once more, “will you be my date to the Halloween dance on Saturday?”

It seemed I had finally surprised Rafael. He blinked at me and didn’t say a word.

Heat rushed to my cheeks, and I hurried to clarify. “Not like a real date of course,” I babbled. “Usually I just help work DJ and refreshments and have to tear down afterward so a date is really unpractical, but this year Mrs. Talbot released the three of us, Austin, Natalie, and me, I mean, from duty because we’re seniors and she says we need to enjoy our last dances, so Natalie said I
had
to have a date, and you’re… well, you’re the only…”

Rafael was grinning now. “The only person you can ask that knows better than to get the wrong idea from what Natalie will instantly assume is a romantic date?”

I let out a long breath, glad he assumed the reason I had hoped he would, but wishing that he would get the
right
idea, the one I wanted him to get. That I loved him. Loved him more than Colton and Grace, loved him more than life itself.

“Exactly,” I agreed. “It’s a costume dance, though. And, well, we would probably have to meet up at Natalie’s for pictures and go out to dinner with her and Austin and their dates.”

Rafael made a face. “I’m not very fond of-”

“Austin, I know,” I said, sighing but inwardly grinning. I shook my finger at him like he was a little boy. “You would also have to be on your best behavior.
If
you want to come.”

Rafael gave me a strange look. “Of course I’ll come,” he said, as matter of factly as though he had already agreed. “But, what costumes will we wear?”

“Well,” I explained, fighting back a full-fledged smile now, “you already have part of the costume. I thought we could go as angels.”

Rafael looked at me for a long moment, and then he began to laugh, long and hard. And I couldn’t help but join in.

The day of the dance dawned bright and clear, cold but crisp, and I rode with Natalie to the mall early in the day to get our costumes and get our nails done. Rafael had handed me his well-used American Express the day before, telling me that Mrs. Talbot was right, and I should enjoy my last high school dances and get whatever I needed. I, of course, almost turned him down, but the way he was smiling at me changed my mind. I trusted Rafael, and I knew he genuinely wanted to help me. Why should I turn down his generosity? So I took the credit card, and the excitement in Natalie’s voice when I had called her up and asked her to go to the mall with me the next day for an all girls pre-dance shopping trip had definitely made it worth it.

And while I had control of the credit card, I went ahead and for the second time in my life, did something solely for myself; I bought a dress at Jessica McClintock for the party. It was expensive, but absolutely perfect, and I couldn’t help but picture Rafael’s reaction when he saw me in it. It was white satin, strapless and tight around my torso. The skirt was made of tulle, poofing out in three layers to just above the knees. A large swatch of silver glittery lace covered the very top flare of the skirt all the way over my waist to just under the bottom curve of my chest. A wide light blue sash tied in a bow to one side around my waist completed the dress.

I’d gawked a little at buying it, but Natalie declared it was absolutely perfect and found silver high heels bedazzled with rhinestones before I had even emerged from the dressing room. When she found out ‘mom’ hadn’t put any kind of limit on my costume, she practically twisted my arm to convince me to buy the dress. I bought everything.

Natalie had loved the costume idea for Rafael and me. I’d explained he had his own wings, but they were dark and odd, so he was going to be a fallen angel, and I was going to be a good one. She said the dress was perfect for my message, angelic looking, but the shorter skirt made my connection to the dark side more believable. I’d told her she was being overly dramatic.

Rafael had had a strange reaction to my idea, however. I’d explained it to him, and he had smiled and told me nothing could be closer to the truth about the two of us. I had blinked at him in confusion and blurted, “But I’m not an angel.”

He had smiled again and brushed my wildly blowing hair behind my ear, making me shiver a little. “But I’ve fallen,” he pointed out, “and you, Lyla, have not. Your faith is so strong, you are so sure about the promise of heaven, you embody what a real angel should.”

“But that’s because of you!” I protested. The bleak look was back in his eyes, the one I absolutely hated. The one he got when he spoke of how he felt that all hope was lost. I knew he was wrong, but he couldn’t seem to accept that. “It’s because of you that my faith has grown even stronger! How many people actually get a chance to find out God and heaven and angels are
real
? That it isn’t just blind faith, that all the effort is worth something and all the words are true? That is
priceless
, Rafael!”

But he had only shaken his head, smiling a little, and it had infuriated me.

Now, allowing Natalie to do my hair so it curled around my face and cascaded down my back from gathered pins, I began to feel a little nervous about going to a high school dance with Rafael, especially since Natalie wouldn’t shut up about it.

“-still can’t believe you’re taking him to the dance,” she was saying, saturating my head with glittery hairspray. “I knew you guys hung out all the time, and I
suspected
and all, but he was just so
old
and I figured you were smart enough to-”

“It’s not like that,” I cut in automatically.

“Lyla,” Natalie said with great patience, “how old is he again?”

“Twenty-five,” I lied. It was the age Rafael and I had agreed upon.

“A twenty-five-year-old guy does not agree to go to a high school dance with a girl unless he likes her. All
I’d
like to know is how long he intends to keep you on a string like this before making it official, because I am less than pleased with-”

I listened to Natalie with one ear as I considered what she had said. Could it possibly be a little true? Yes, Rafael did ‘favors’ for me all the time, looking after Colton and Grace while I was in Alabama, saving us from my parents when they were at their worst, but this, this was very different. This was… well, the best way I could think to describe it was that Rafael wasn’t doing this to better his chances of getting into heaven. He was doing this for me, and me alone.

Didn’t that mean he liked me, in the way I wanted, just a little tiny bit?

Rafael was on his best behavior through pictures and dinner, and I was grateful. He’d apparently been struck speechless by my glammed up appearance, and Natalie had also noticed, elbowing me painfully in the side and waggling her eyebrows suggestively. I didn’t want to – couldn’t let myself – read too much into his reaction. That would only work against me in the end. I had to remain level headed about the whole situation.

Still, I walked bashfully up to Rafael and shyly smoothed my hands down over my ballerina skirt. “Do I look like a real angel?” I teased.

But Rafael gave me a serious answer. “You always have,” he said quietly.

It was one of those moments where I could only smile up at him, because there was no other appropriate response. And then we had begun the evening. Rafael was dressed in his normal outfit of dark-wash jeans, a black t-shirt and boots, but no leather jacket. This was because his shirt had holes in the back, through which his wings poked at half mast, of course, to make it easier to maneuver. Everyone assumed he wore a wing harness under his shirt, which was what I had told them.

My wings were white and feathery, tall and traditional opposed to Rafael’s bird-like plumage. After finding my dress I had worried Rafael would look too casual in jeans and a t-shirt, but I found I liked the contrast, especially between our wings. I felt it only made the point of our costumes more evident.