Guarded Heart (2 page)

 I wasn’t sure how long I had actually cried there on my
kitchen floor. My phone had been ringing in my purse over and over .I had set
‘Sexual Healing’ by Marvin Gaye as Tony’s ringtone so the fact that it was him
gave me no desire to attempt to answer. I can say I honestly hate that song now.
I found the strength to go out and finish unloading the items from my car. I
knew I would have to face what just happened but right now I just wanted to
free my mind of it for a little bit.

 Once everything was in and put away I found the bottle
of wine that I had bought for dinner. Who needs a glass I just started drinking
from the bottle. I walked over to the stereo in the corner and turned it on. I was
feeling lost as I wondered around my home with all the things that reminded me
of a life with Tony that I would have been living. How could this have happened
I thought we were happy? I thought we had an amazing sex life and that we were
meant to be together. If he wasn’t happy why didn’t he say something?

Before I knew it the bottle of wine was now over half
gone and I was feeling a little numb. I walked into our room and started
grabbing Tony’s clothes from the closet and dragging them out into the foyer to
drop them into a pile. I grabbed the drawers and just brought them out to tip
them upside down dumping all the contents out. The pile had now grown in size
and there were scattered pieces that I had dropped along the way throughout the
hallway.

I jumped as the doorbell rang still holding Tony’s pillow
in my hand I froze. I wasn’t going to let him in I had chained the doors and he
was not staying here. After I ignored him long enough he would go away.
Hopefully! “Damn it Samantha open the door. Let me in!” Allison’s voice rang
from the front porch. I dropped the pillow where I was standing and made my way
to the door slowly undoing the chain and pulling it open. Once she saw my face
her irritated expression changed. “Oh honey what happened?” Reaching her hands
up to grip my shoulders and I just stepped aside to allow her in. She took a
step in and closed the door behind her. Once she looked around the room scanning
the mountains of Tony’s things she slowly brought herself back to meet me.

“Hey…Tony called and told me that I needed to come over
here. He never said why just that you needed me. Why didn’t you call me? What’s
going on?” I laughed lightly, “Tony called you huh? Do you mean he called you
to come over here and be with me but he didn’t fill you in and what happened?”
Allison just shook her head as she continued to look at me with so much concern.
I threw my hands up in the air in a no big deal kind of way, “Oh okay well let
me fill in the blanks. I came home this afternoon to find Tony fucking the hell
out of my cousin Heather on our kitchen table. Yeah, apparently the have been
going at it for the last month but he is sorry and he still loves me…” I
shrugged and walked back to the kitchen island to pick up the bottle of
unfinished wine.

Allison was dumbfounded “That sorry son of a bitch. Honey
Come here…” she walked over to me taking me into her arms and hugging me
tightly. “Did you beat the hell out of the little whore?” I just shook my head,
“No but I did drag her out by her hair and threw her out the front door half
naked.” She laughed, “Well that will do for now but you do know the little bitch
deserves a beat down right?” Allison was trying to make me smile. “So can I
join you in packing up all his shit?” Still hugging me tightly I pulled back
and looked at her smiling lightly. “You can help but I am not packing it. I’m
throwing it all out on the front lawn, he can fucking pick the shit up himself
I am sure as hell not doing him any favors.”

I walked over to the front door and opened it turning to
grab some of the clothes off the closest pile. I walked out and threw them onto
the lawn. When I turned back there stood Allison just watching me. I think she
thought I was joking. “Do you think that Mitch could change the locks for me?”
She nodded in response and reached for her phone to call him, “Of course he
will.” I was extremely thankful at that moment that I convinced Tony to wait
until after the honeymoon to start looking for a house and that we continued
with an extension on our lease for this rental house. At least I wouldn’t be
stuck with a mortgage. The rent on the house I could handle and I had no
intentions of allowing him to have it. This is my home he could sleep in his
truck for all I cared.

“He said after he got done at work he would stop by the
hardware store and get the things to change both doors and head over tonight.”
Allison looked worried as she looked at me. I was not going to break I refused
to allow Tony to break me. “Thanks babe that will help then I won’t have to
call a locksmith.” I hollered back at her as I continued to throw out Tony’s
clothes creating a scattered mess on the front lawn. She stood and watched me
from the hallway which led back to the bedrooms. “Sam, take a break for a
minute honey please.” She placed he hand on my shoulder and made me look into
her eyes. “Breathe…just breathe for a minute. How on earth are you not falling
apart right now? You are worrying me.” I brought both of my hands up to her
face placing one on each cheek, “It has a lot to do with the alcohol babe…just
let me do this okay. Let me be childish and immature. Let me break his shit and
throw all his fucking crap on my front lawn and then call him to tell him. I
need to do this because if I don’t create this wall I will cave. I will lose it
and be a lost mess and I’m not sure how I will pick up the pieces...Please just
let me do this.” Allison just agreed by nodding her head and I continued to
remove Tony’s things.

My front lawn was scattered with every piece of clothing
I could find that belonged to him. Mitch had arrived and was working on
switching over the locks when I saw headlights flash through the front window.
I turned just in time to see Tony getting out of his truck and walking up the
drive. The look on his face was of pure shock as he took in the items scattered
throughout the front yard. Allison looked worried as she exchanged glances with
Mitch. “Don’t worry Alli, I am fine. I’m a little tipsy and it is actually
making me feel a little more brave than normal.” I scrunched up my forehead and
kissed her on the cheek, “I got this girl…don’t worry I’m a big girl.” I walked
to the front door and opened it just as Tony was about to ring the doorbell. I
didn’t say anything I just shrugged my shoulders and looked out into the yard
and then back to him. “Sam, can we talk please?” He appeared to be wearing the
same clothes as he was when he left and his hair was still a mess as if he had
been continuously running his hands through it. I stepped out the front door
onto the porch forcing him to take a step backwards. I crossed my arms and
leaned against the now closed door behind me, “What could there possibly be
left to say Tony?” He looked up at me and his eyes appeared glossy and I
quickly turned my head away from him to keep from breaking down. “Sam, look at
me please…please!” He stepped in closer and I turned to him giving him a look
that I only hoped made him realize that he was close enough. He dropped his
hands back down to his sides. He quickly lowered his head and ran his hand
through his hair pausing before once again dropping them.

After taking a deep breath he spoke again, “Baby I…” I
had to cut him off “Don’t you dare call me baby. I used to think that was a
sweet term of endearment but after I walk in my own home to find you fucking
Heather and hearing you call her…Baby…don’t you dare call me that again.” I was
glaring at him with such hate. I felt like I should punch him or spit on him
throw something at him. Anything but I just stood there staring with anger. “…I
am so sorry this happened. I’m sorry I hurt you. I love you Sam so much and I
screwed up. I know I did…I wish I could change it but I can’t. I will regret it
for the rest of my life. Samantha I want to fix this please…let me fix this.” I
could not believe what I was hearing. Did he honestly think that he would show
up here and say a few apologies and I could just get over it. “You know what
Tony this has to be a joke. Do you not realize how much you have hurt me? You
didn’t just forget an anniversary or get drunk and kiss some girl Tony…you
repeatedly had sex with my cousin for the last month. While I was planning our
wedding you were fucking around behind my back. I mean were you just going to
marry me and still keep screwing Heather?” He was shaking his head back and
forth. “No, no it was over I told her I couldn’t do it anymore and then one
thing led to another and…” I laughed out loud, “What…let me guess you just
tripped and impaled her with you dick…oh and she just happened to be laying
there with her legs open to securely wrap them around your waist…ya and the
fact that you were moaning in pleasure was you telling her it was over…did I
get it all right?” I was now standing upright as tears ran down my cheeks. He
brought his hands up to rest them at my waist trying to pull me closer and I
jerked away. “Don’t fucking touch me you asshole. We are done…over. Get your
shit and get out of my life.” I turned quickly and opened the door I heard him
say from behind me that he will not stop loving me and that he was going to fix
this. I ignored his plea and closed then locked the door behind me.

I found my way to the bedroom and crawled up onto the bed
curling into a ball and crying all over again as if it just happened. I felt
the bed give a little from behind me as Allison found her way onto the bed with
me. She lightly rubbed my back and told me how sorry she was that this happened
to me. Allison ended up spending the night with me which was great but it made
me feel guilty for taking her from her life with Mitch.

I woke up to Allison cleaning my kitchen from my drinking
binge last night. “Hey Sunshine, how’s the head?” I scrunched up my nose
“Shh…not so loud please.” I had called my boss last night and explained what
had happened she so kindly told me to take some time before coming back and I
already had taken two week vacation after the wedding so I guess I get three weeks
off to get myself pulled together.

Alli insisted on sticking around with me all day and I
finally convinced her that it was okay, that I was okay and I just wanted to go
back to bed. I just needed a long hot shower and a bed. My mother tried calling
and the last thing I wanted to do was hear her tell me what I did wrong. My
mother was a spoiled brat after my father passed away when I was three she
found herself a rich new husband that supports her spending habits and
regardless of what he does or should I say who he does she just turns the other
cheek and goes shopping. Judgmental of my every move is how I would explain my
mother. No matter what I did she always told me how I could do it better. After
she had tried to call me at least seven times she finally left a voicemail,
‘Samantha it is your mother, call me or I will be forced to drive over to your
home and shake you silly for throwing Tony out of his home. He messed up dear
you owe it to him to allow him to explain. He just wants to make it right. You
are acting like a child.” Argh I just wanted to scream how dare her act as if
this is okay. She may allow her husband to bang every female who walks within
five feet of him and choose to pretend it didn’t happen but I refused to live
that life. I would not allow her to make me feel guilty about throwing Tony
out. He did this not me!

I chose to just go to bed even if she did show up here I
could just ignore her and she would eventually leave. No one else had a key now
but Allison and she hates my mother. I found myself wondering how I would let
everyone know that the wedding was off. How could I do this and save face? My
mind was racing and the anxiety of the entire situation was setting in.

I woke to the doorbell and knew it was probably the
wicked witch herself coming to shake her finger at me in disgust. Slowly easing
my way down the hall after crawling out of bed to find a Florist delivery van
in the drive I opened the door slowly. “Can I help you?” The young guy looked
up at me I was sure I looked a mess, “Yes I have a delivery here for Samantha
Riggins…would that be you?” I rolled my eyes knowing exactly at that moment
Tony had sent them they were my favorite, yellow and pink roses. “Well that
depends are they from a guy named Tony?” The Young guy looked at me and
shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not sure ma’am the delivery conformation doesn’t
disclosed that…just tells me where to deliver.” I felt a little sorry for
hassling him he appeared a little nervous. After I signed for the flowers he
handed them to me and made his way back to his van.

I sat the flowers on the kitchen counter and grabbed the
card after taking a deep breath I opened it…

‘Sam, I am sorry I hurt you. She means nothing. Please
forgive me I love you.’

I knew I had a point to make so after I got myself
cleaned up and presentable I grabbed the vase and my keys to take a little road
trip. There was one little bitch that I still needed to handle. Pulling up into
the apartment complex my heart jumped when I looked ahead to see no other than
my ex fiancé’s truck parked next to Heather’s car. After taking a few deep
breaths I grabbed the flowers and got out.

I knocked lightly but stood off to the side so Heather
could not look through the peephole. I heard some shuffling around and could
only imagine what exactly I was interrupting. The stunned look on Heather’s
face was great but looking passed her to see Tony adjusting his pants and then
raising his eyes up to meet mine was even better. I just smiled, “Oh wow, I am
so sorry am I interrupting…I just wanted to deliver these personally seems they
were delivered to my house by mistake.” I handed the flowers off to Heather as
she continued to stare at me saying nothing. “Have a great night.” I turned and
left…I could hear her screaming at him as I walked out. I had almost reached my
car when I heard Tony. “Sam wait…” I stopped and turned to face him. “Sorry if
I pissed your girlfriend off Tony she’s a skanky slut though I am sure if you
apologize enough she’ll still suck your dick so you’re safe.” I reached for the
handle opening the door and then I paused. I wasn’t sure why I even cared but I
couldn’t help but ask, “Can you just tell me why? I mean I thought things were
great between us. I wasted all this time on you and in the end…why?”