Green Tea Won't Help You Now! (9 page)

Shit, I had forgotten for the moment that he had five of those.
 

Blimey. He actually blushed! How cute was that? "Yeah, ahem. So today's not good. But will you have dinner with me when I get back from New York?"

I felt it was time to chew my lip again, if only to keep myself from shouting
"yes, of course, you beautiful oaf! I want to shove this table away and crawl onto your lap!
"
 

What I said in the end was this: "If sashimi is involved, I might consider it."

There was the dimple in his cheek again. "I don't think that should be a problem. Are you ready to go?"

"Where?"

"I don't know. We could just walk along the promenade. I haven't been there in a while."
 

He delivered me back to my house by noon and we had quite the snogging session at our usual spot, me with my back against the brick wall. For the first time in my life I comprehended how a passionate kiss could be the perfect ending to a rendezvous.
 

I did not
want
to sleep with him anymore. I did not want to soil the purity of whatever this was. I felt so respected and so cherished by him and he was so honest and so upright. It was as if I had to protect him from me and my base desires. Simultaneously, another part of my mind was calculating the possible future permutations of our situation. If this was to turn into something serious, I would have to reveal my true identity to him. Or would I? Could I continue as Trixie Beaumont forever? No. At some point, he would have to know, but only if something important came of this. One day, when he would know me, the actual, reformed me, when he would not care too much about who I had been in the past, I would tell him. But it was impossible to tell him now, not at the current state of things. I would have to bide my time.

Eleven

"Hey!" I shouted at my computer and waved.
 

Jude, Lilly, Nicky and their two year old daughter Mia waved back at me. They sat huddled together with my brother's two retrievers on the Alaskan King-sized bed (9x9 feet) in Myrtle's master bedroom and were watching me on a giant plasma screen, normally hidden in the rosewood ceiling.
 

"Where's Tamzin? I want a close up," I demanded.

"She's inspecting the boat with her genitor," Jude frowned. "I haven't actually seen her since she exited my womb. Ryan would breastfeed her if he could."

"That's what they say about elderly fathers."

"Very funny." My sister-in-law was not amused. In her mind, only she is permitted to make jokes about her heavenly husband.
 

"Come on, tell me all the grizzly details, Popps Judes. How did it go? How long did it take? Did it hurt badly? Did you take drugs? Did my brother faint?"

"I don't remember anything," she rolled her eyes. "Ask Lilly."

Lilly and Jude, who were both German, had been best friends since the day they could walk. Today, Lilly was a fully trained obstetrician and gynaecologist and a specialist for home deliveries, at that. It had always been clear she would be the one to pull Jude's baby from her body when the time came.

Now she crawled closer to the camera, smiled her incredibly wide smile and her blue eyes twinkled merrily.

 
"Hello, my darling Laetitia, I greet you most warmly. I can see you are in love!"

The bad thing about friends who are gurus and healers and fairy princesses: you cannot hide anything from them.

"I don't want to talk about me, tell me about Tamzin!"

"Ja, ja... Tamzin was born last night on deck."

"In the jacuzzi?"

"Yes, of course in the jacuzzi. Under the moonlight. A full moon. Nicky played the drums."

"I did!" Her husband triumphantly raised his arms. As always, Nicky was robed in white cotton clothes and his head was crowned by a turban. His daughter was pulling his greying beard which he gently ignored. He was the actual elderly father on board of the Myrtle, because he had already passed fifty a couple of years ago. Nobody would ever notice, he is so lean and fit and youthful. Cold showers, vegan food and eight hours of yoga every day may have something to do with it.
 

"And where were you, Mia my love?"

"Sleep..." the girl answered without much interest.
 

"Marguerita was with her," Lilly explained. Marguerita is my brother's housekeeper. Or yacht keeper. Whatever.

"How long did it take?"

"Forever..." Jude moaned.

"No, no, it was not long. Her water broke in the later afternoon and the child was born at three thirty o'clock during the night."

"
Das sagt man nicht
three thirty o'clock
, man sagt einfach
three thirty," Jude admonished her friend in German.

"I say it the way I want it, shut up, please. Three thirty O'CLOCK."

I briefly tried to think of what I had done at the time. I had been standing outside my studio with Alex.
 

"So you were with your new man at the time?" Lilly asked.

"Can't one have a private thought?" I was blushing furiously.

Jude and Nicky whooped.

I ignored them. "Weren't you afraid something could go wrong?"

"What should go wrong? It is the most normal process in the world. Women had babies in the street in Haiti after the quake. I know it, because I was there."

"I'm talking about medical complications."

"Yes, I know you are. We would have taken her downstairs into cabin three. It has been transformed into a surgery. I could have performed a C-section there if necessary. You might as well remember that Nicky is among other things a certified nurse. Seriously, Laetitia, I thought we had healed you from the silly prejudices about birth."

"Yes, yes. Where was Ryan during the delivery? Was he with you in the jac, Judy?"

"Good gracious, no. I would have murdered him."

"I was banned to the sidelines but allowed to cheer," came an unmistakable sneer from the off.

"Ah, here she is." Lilly stretched out her arms. Ryan gave the child to her, reclined elegantly on the bed and began kissing his wife.

"Stop it, you just got one!" I jeered. "Have a little patience!"

"You are shameless, Laetitia!" Lilly laughed. "There are children present. Now let me introduce you to you my godchild: Tamzin Imogen Frederica— what was the fourth?"

"Luz de la Paz."

"Ah yes. Light of Peace! Tamzin Imogen Frederica Luz de la Paz Richmond Jerez-Jerez Corvera-Fabergé."

I nodded in appreciation. "Almost as long as ours."

"Really?" Lilly blinked. "I never heard your full names. Are they so long?"

"Haha, yes, but Ryan's name is far better than mine. He's actually—"

"Don't!" My brother roared.
 

"Rupert Ryan Basil Lucius Pio Clemente Augustus Richmond Jerez-Jerez Corvera-Fabergé."

"And I thought Nicky was strange, being Baghwandas Joshi Singh."

"I was born Nikolaus Müller, my blossom."

Ryan's eyes shot daggers at me. "Right of you to speak, Laetitia Portia Elizabeth Mercedes Montserrat Richmond Jerez-Jerez Corvera-Fabergé. You have two car brands in your name."

The tiny Tamzin was, as yet, unconcerned by the antics of her elders. So far she had not budged. She slept deeply and only her little nose twitched from time to time. But, of course, her mother grew restless. "Is there a remote possibility I might have my baby back?"
 

Lilly unhanded the bundle and faced me. "No more excuses. Who is he?"

"Who?"

"He!"

"HE!" cried the rest of the group.

"I won't talk about it! Leave me be!"

"Ryan says he did not want to cuddle with you? You know what I mean, we cannot use explicit language because Mia understands and remembers everything."

"It's fine, really."

"Did you cuddle now?"

"No we did not cuddle and it's fine."

"It sounded very different yesterday," my brother interrupted. "We were worried you had lost your mojo."

"I decided not to cuddle him."

"Never?"

"Yet."

"Very good," praised Nicky. "You are making wonderful progress. A few years ago you would have obsessed over the man for days on end, you would have stalked him on the internet and done such silly things. I am happy you have found a more relaxed way of approaching your love life."

"So am I," I replied, perhaps a little too fast. "But let's not use the L-word, please."

"Love, love, love... love, love, love... " Lilly sang.

"Keep John Lennon out of it."

"You are blushing again. Come closer to the screen, I want to look at your irises."

"I refuse."

"Do it!"

I obeyed and leaned forward until my eye was only two inches away from the camera.

"I can see a strong man! Strong inside and outside. But he is also vulnerable."

I shut my eyes. "Stop your voodoo right now. I don't want my soul stripped in front of everybody."

"All right. Will we see you for Christmas on Pink Pebble Cay?"

"Yes."
 

Pink Pebble Cay is my brother's private island in the Caribbean, near Antigua, in case you wondered.

"All our parents will be coming there this time," Lilly elaborated, "and all my siblings and their wives and boyfriends and the kids. We will be a great crowd. Thirty people! Tina and her parents and Gus with his people. Everybody!"

"All except our mother, I presume."

"My parents won't be coming either," Nicky added.

"Yes, but because they're dead," his wife retorted mercilessly.

"Can you remind our father to send new mallets to Hamburg, please?" Ryan asked. "He never listens to what I say, I think his ears are trained only to react to female voices."

"Sure, sure. Hey, peeps, I'd love to chat with you forever, but any minute, Jacob's house elf is going apparate with a parchment for me. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Take care, pet!"
 

"Bye!"

"Byah!"

"
Gute Nacht!
"

Craig O'Neal, the carrier pigeon, showed up ten minutes later. I greeted him coolly and swiftly signed the documents he presented me with. I reminded him in strong accents of the lawyer client confidentiality and forbade him explicitly to let anybody know where I currently lived. He left on his hands and knees, his forehead touching the floor. Well, at least in both our minds he did... Then it was time for my evening classes and soon the day was over. Many, many, many things were rotating in my head when I went to bed. For once, I followed the poisonous Linda's advice. I let my thoughts pass like the clouds over my head and finally I fell asleep.

Twelve

"Who's Drake?"

Unfortunately, at the same time Alex asked the question, I dabbed my tuna maki into too much wasabi, stuffed it into my mouth and was no longer able to reply.

"Hold on..." I yapped.
 

"Hot?"

I nodded and blindly grappled for the little porcelain cup buried somewhere beneath the bowls and plates. Alex grinned, reached across the table, found the cup and held it out to me. "There you go. But green tea won't help you now. You have to wait it out."
 

I shook myself and closed my eyes, awaiting the sneeze. It hit me full power and I buried my face in my napkin.

"Why do you always cry when I'm with you?"

"Bastard," I wheezed.
 

We were in Beverly Hills at the "Onu Raw". It was a sleek place, with sleek polished granite walls and sleek polished granite blocks serving as tables. The waiters were sleek Japanese, wearing black, and the crockery was sleek and, you guessed it, black. The guests were kneeling on, surprise, sleek
red
cushions and everybody felt altogether very sophisticated. The sushi was mediocre. The stuff my ten-dollar Venice take away produced surpassed it by light years. It was the old dilemma. Eat well or sit well. I did not comment on the sushi's quality though, because I really could not care less. Alex, who had been at the office all day, had taken off his jacket and loosened his tie. His blond locks were tousled around his tanned face, his mouth was constantly smiling and his eyes were flashing mischievously. He kept stealing my food and blamed me for not eating fast enough.

"Who's Drake?"

"He's my student."

"I think I know him. Is he a physician?"

"He's Dr. Logan Moore. Everybody knows him. "

"What does he treat?"

"Mostly boredom."

"Boredom?"

"Yes. He's the Rich and Ruthless doctor."

"An actor. I should have known. Guys who look like that are always actors."

"He looks fantastic for his age. It's because he practises yoga everyday."

I thought I saw a shadow pass over Alex's handsome countenance. "How old is he? He looked mid-forties to me."

"He's sixty."

"Sixty. Wow."
 

"Yes, sixty. He's been Dr. Logan Moore for twenty-five years."

"Really?

"Yes, really." I emphasised with a chopstick

"All right."

"Why do you ask?"

"Why shouldn't I ask? He's the only friend of yours I met so far."

"No, he's not," I said peevishly. "The only friend of mine you ever met was my lawyer. For reasons you're well aware of."

"Do you like him?"

"Drake? Yes, I like him, he's harmless."

"Does he like you too?"

I hesitated. "I believe so, yes."

"But you never..."

"What? Do you think I'm into geriatrics? Most certainly not."

He stole another maki from my plate.
 

"This is unheard of!" I protested and tried to recover it, but he had swallowed it before my chopsticks could reach him.
 

"Sorry. You let your guard down."
 

I had to get back at him. "Hmm, well, of course it's not as if I never dated an actor."

Now I had his full attention. Too bad he could not speak because his mouth was still full. He swallowed hard. "Who?"

"Forget it. No one." It had been a ruse, I had never dated an actor. But why not tease the lad a little?