GreekQuest (11 page)

131

 

“How very kind of you,” you remark politely. “I could do with a bit of home cooking.”

Which is exactly what you get when you arrive at Pericles' (that's his name) home. The first course is a plate of sea urchins garnished with olives, garlic and radishes.

“A toast to Dionysus!” calls your host, pouring goblets of wine.

You're still fighting to keep the radishes from making rude noises in your stomach when the second course arrives - herb-stuffed tuna cooked in sea water and really delicious.

“A toast to love!” exclaims Pericles, refilling the glasses.

“That was excellent,” you remark, wondering what's for pud, as the third course arrives. This turns out to be lamb flavoured with cheese and aniseed, a pungent combination not entirely to your taste. With it comes vegetables, roast garlic, fruit and a salad made from dandelions.

“A toast to fighting!” shouts Pericles, slurring a little.

By the time the meal is rounded off with some of the most amazing pastries you've ever eaten, you've taken so much wine you're not sure what the next toast is all about, although it sounds as if it might be politics.

You stagger from the table and collapse on a couch while female hetairai put on an entertainment of song and dance accompanied by tambourine, pipe and lyre. The evening begins seriously to blur when the women leave and your host begins a discussion on philosophy. You have a vague recollection of impressing him deeply with the phrase cogito ergo sum (which won't be heard again for several centuries and even then not in Greece) before throwing up violently and passing out on the floor.

 

A fairly disgraceful end to the evening, but at least you have the decency to creep out the following morning before anyone is up to select another destination from your map at
61
.

 

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132

 

“Chaaaaarge!”

You hear the call from somewhere behind you and swing round to discover several thousand armoured soldiers are bearing down upon you, swords and spears waving wildly in the sun.

You swing back. In front of you are several thousand soldiers in slightly different armour, also charging, also waving spears and swords.

Everyone is running, but, ironically, there is nowhere for you to run.

 

These warriors aren't in the least bit interested in killing anybody except each other, but that's small consolation when you've been trampled by several thousand men, twice. Go to
13
.

 

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133

 

“Listen,” you whisper, “why not go for Hera? I know she's a bit of a bag-lady, but Europe and Asia sounds like a really good deal.”

“Pick Hera?” shrieks Athena, who obviously heard every word despite the whisper. “You're supposed to be working for my father!” The owl on her shoulder flies off in sudden panic.

“You're Zeus's daughter?” you gasp. “But that makes Hera your mother, since she's Zeus's wife. You can't object to his picking your mother!”

“She's not my mother!” howls Athena. “I sprang fully-grown (and heavily armoured, I might add) from my father's forehead. He was so pleased to see me he let's me use these -”

With which she releases a stream of thunderbolts in your direction.

 

Go to
13
.

 

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134

 

You move to lurk behind the door in order to use the old lurking-behind-the-door trick, which is probably fairly new in Ancient Greece. After a moment the door opens to a rattling of keys and a bearded warrior walks in carrying a tray of slops in one hand and a sword in the other.

“Hello,” he says, looking at the empty pile of filthy straw where you were lying, “where's the prisoner gone? I do hope he's not stupid enough to try the old lurking-behind-the-door trick.”

With which you leap out from behind the door and hurl yourself upon him.

 

You'll still have to roll for first strike since he knew all about the old lurking-behind-the-door trick. The guard has 50 Life Points and can do +4 damage with that sword. But he can do even more damage if he succeeds in hitting you with the tray of slops (+6) although thankfully he can only use it once and if he misses, you've only the sword to worry about. Should you win the fight, you can make your break from prison to the (comparative) safety of
61
. Should you lose, you will reach the absolute safety of
13
where nothing more can happen to you.

 

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135

 

Dappled sunlight. You're in a clearing in the woods.

 

Paths lead south to
84
, south west to
143
and west to
112
.

 

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136

 

“What's all this about your friend?” you ask curiously.

“Poor Patroclus,” Achilles sighs, suppressing a tear. “He borrowed my armour to lead the Myrmidons into battle and like a fool I let him go. That swine of a Trojan, Prince Hector, killed him. I won't rest until I've avenged him. Thank you for agreeing to help me.”

“Don't mention it,” you murmur. “But where are we going to find this Hector character?”

“No worries,” Achilles tells you. “I've already challenged him and his finest warrior to single combat. They're waiting for us outside camp.”

You follow him with some trepidation to find that he's right. A massively built giant of a man who looks every inch a Trojan prince is waiting in the open field. Beside him is a little titch who looks as if a single puff of wind would blow him over. If this is the finest warrior Troy has to offer, the Greeks are bound to win the war.

“I'll take Hector,” says Achilles. “You dispatch the other one.”

“No problemo!” you exclaim, drawing your sword and heading towards the little warrior.

“That's Hector,” Achilles whispers. “Yours is the big one.”

 

You can rely on Achilles to kill Hector since Achilles' Mum dipped him in the River Styx to make him an immortal and the only place he can get wounded is his heel where she held him. Whether you can rely on yourself to kill the big bloke is another matter. He has fully 70 Life Points and a +3 sword. If he kills you, go to
13
. If you survive, turn to
94
.

 

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137

 

“Sorry, old boy,” you shrug, “nothing I can do. I mean it's not like I'm king here or anything, so you'd better just push off.”

“Spawn of the netherworld!” exclaims Pheidippides, “I'll kill you for this!”

 

Sparta definitely seems to be one of those places where everybody sorts out disputes by killing people. But you probably don't have to worry too much here since Pheidippides is obviously on his last legs after running the 200 kilometres from Athens so you should be able to take him easily at
121
. Alternatively, of course, you can simply refuse to fight at
111
.

 

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138

 

Splish-splosh. You plunge into the pool and dive smoothly down to the dark shape which looks so much like a crocodile only to discover ....

It isn't a crocodile, but some weed that doesn't even look a bit like a croc close up. You swim back to the surface feeling very pleased with yourself, very happy, very energised.

 

As well you might since this is a healing pool. If you were low on Life Points when you plunged in, you are now back to your maximum. And the good news is, the pool will restore Life Points each time you visit it. Now the paths leading out of this place go north to
93
, east to
58
, south east to
18
, south to
67
and north west to
107
.

 

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139

 

You take a deep breath. “Okay, I'll come with you for whatever good it will do you.”

“Thanks,” says Paris. “You're a pal, even if you do sound like a barbarian.”

Together you walk across to a grassy hillock where the three goddesses are pacing about impatiently. “Ah, there you are!” exclaims Hera to Paris without so much as a glance in your direction. “We want you to decide which of us is the most beautiful - myself, Athena or Aphrodite. And may I add by way of encouragement, if you pick me, as any red-blooded man would do anyway, I shall ensure you become ruler of Europe and the whole of Asia.”

“Here, just a minute!” calls Athena. “If we're into bribing the judge, let me tell you, young man, if you pick me I'll help you lead Troy to victory against the Greeks.”

The third goddess sidles up to Paris and looks deep into his eyes. “If you pick me,” she whispers in a husky voice, “I'll give you the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Paris looks round at you in panic. “I don't know what to say!” he wails. “You'll have to advise me!”

 

Ever get the felling that whatever you say is going to be wrong? You can advise him to pick Hera at
133
, Athena at
124
or Aphrodite at
115
.

 

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140

 

Ignoring the bawling baby, you start to walk away in the direction of the valley.

“Waaaah!” shrieks the child.

“Shut up, Kid, I've got problems of my own,” you mutter hard-heartedly.

“Waaaah!” shrieks the child again, but the noise is definitely fading as you make your way down the hillside and by the time you're approaching the tree line, you can't hear the bawling at all. You start to wonder where you are and what sort of training Zeus has planned for you.

Suddenly five muscular young men step out of the trees, led by a plumpish woman of about thirty-five. She fixes you with a gimlet eye. “Have you seen a baby anywhere?” she asks.

 

Oh-oh! How do you answer that one? If you admit you have (at
40
) she's going to ask why you left the poor thing defenceless. If you deny it (at
90
) it could be the sweet little mite's last hope of rescue.

 

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141

 

You make your way down the tiers of seats to the training ground below. “I'd like to have a try at that,” you tell the man in charge, nodding towards an area of grass on which two young men seem to be trying to strangle one another.

“Spoken like a Spartan!” he exclaims. “Off you go then.”

You blink. “But what are the rules?”

“There aren't any,” he tells you. “Just try not to kill anybody.”

 

Well, that seems clear enough. Once you step onto the field, roll one die to find out how many opponents you'll be facing. Each has 20 Life Points and since nobody's supposed to be killed here, bringing anybody - including you - to 10 Life Points or below counts as a win and the fight stops, with that opponent at least. If somebody accidentally brings your Life Points to zero, go to
13
. If you win all your fights, or lose even one of them by having your Life Points brought to 10 or below, you're free to go back to
61
to select another destination. But before you do, you're entitled to one free bottle of medicine and two free jars of ointment from the vendor, that being why you get yourself into this mess in the first place.

 

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142

 

“Here,” says a gruff voice by your ear, “how did you get here?”

Since you're not entirely sure yourself, you say nothing. You seem to be standing outside an impressive temple on the slopes of a picturesque mountain.

You shake your head to clear it of clutter. “Where am I?” you ask. “What's the name of that mountain?”

The gruff voice belongs to a tall thin man in priestly robes. “The mountain is Parnassus,” he tells you, “and you're at the Temple of the Oracle at Delphi.”

Which is where Zeus said he was sending you, so that makes sense. But what has the old geek let you in for? You decide to play dumb. “The Oracle at Delphi?” you repeat dumbly.

The priest nods his head impatiently. “That's right. You know - the one founded by the god Apollo.”

“God Apollo?” you echo dumbly.

“You might know him by his first name, Phoebus,” the priest says. “Sun god. God of divine distance.” He catches your imbecilic expression and says, “Well, anyway, Delphi is at the exact centre of the earth, as you're probably -”

“Exact centre?”

“- well aware and there used to be an oracle here to the Earth goddess Gaea. But Apollo threw her out because one of her snakes annoyed his mum when she was pregnant. Set up his own oracle in her place. I suppose you've come to consult it?”

“Yes,” you say quickly.

“Well, you can't,” the priest tells you firmly. “We only do oracles on the seventh of the month, that being Apollo's birthday, and we never do them at all during winter because he's off visiting the Hyperboreans in the north and can't talk to anybody. So you'd better just go home and call back at a more convenient time.”

 

This is not going according to plan. Since you obviously can't take the priest's advice, you'd better decide on an alternative course of action. You might, for example, try arguing with him at
157
. Or you could simply beat him to a pulp at
123
. Or maybe you should pull rank and simply tell him Zeus sent you at
106
.

 

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