Great Irish Short Stories (3 page)

Now it happened that, during the time Mr. Hill was putting the foregoing queries to Bampfylde the Second, there came to the door or entrance of the audience-chamber an Irish haymaker, who wanted to consult the cunning man about a little leathern purse which he had lost, whilst he was making hay in a field near Hereford. This haymaker was the same person who, as we have related, spoke so advantageously of our hero O’Neill, to the widow Smith. As this man, whose name was Paddy M‘Cormack, stood at the entrance of the gipsies’ hut, his attention was caught by the name of O’Neill, and he lost not a word of all that passed. He had reason to be somewhat surprised at hearing Bampfylde assert it was O’Neill who had pulled down the rick of bark. “By the holy poker,” said he to himself, “the old fellow now is out there. I know more o’ that matter than he does, no offence to his majesty; he knows no more of my purse, I’ll engage now, than he does of this man’s rick of bark and his dog: so I’ll keep my tester in my pocket, and not be giving it to this king o’ the gipsies, as they call him, who, as near as I can guess, is no better than a cheat. But there is one secret which I can be telling this conjurer himself; he shall not find it such an easy matter to do all what he thinks; he shall not be after running an innocent countryman of my own, whilst Paddy M‘Cormack has a tongue and brains.”

Now, Paddy M‘Cormack had the best reason possible for knowing that Mr. O’Neill did not pull down Mr. Hill’s rick of bark; it was M‘Cormack himself who, in the heat of his resentment for the insulting arrest of his countryman in the streets of Hereford, had instigated his fellow-haymakers to this mischief; he headed them, and thought he was doing a clever, spirited action.

There is a strange mixture of virtue and vice in the minds of the lower class of Irish, or rather a strange confusion in their ideas of right and wrong, from want of proper education. As soon as poor Paddy found out that his spirited action of pulling down the rick of bark was likely to be the ruin of his countryman, he resolved to make all the amends in his power for his folly; he went to collect his fellow-haymakers, and persuaded them to assist him this night in rebuilding what they had pulled down.

They went to this work when everybody except themselves, as they thought, was asleep in Hereford. They had just completed the stack, and were all going away except Paddy, who was seated at the very top finishing the pile, when they heard a loud voice cry out, “Here they are! Watch! watch!”

Immediately all the haymakers who could ran off as fast as possible. It was the watch who had been sitting up at the cathedral who gave the alarm. Paddy was taken from the top of the rick, and lodged in the watch-house till morning. “Since I’m to be rewarded this way for doing a good action, sorrow take me,” said he, “if they catch me doing another the longest day I ever live.”

Happy they who have in their neighbourhood such a magistrate as Mr. Marshal. He was a man who, to an exact knowledge of the duties of his office, joined the power of discovering truth from the midst of contradictory evidence; and the happy art of soothing, or laughing, the angry passions into good humour. It was a common saying in Hereford—that no one ever came out of Justice Marshal’s house as angry as he went into it.

Mr. Marshal had scarcely breakfasted, when he was informed that Mr. Hill, the verger, wanted to speak to him on business of the utmost importance. Mr. Hill, the verger, was ushered in; and with gloomy solemnity, took a seat opposite to Mr. Marshal.

“Sad doings in Hereford, Mr. Mayor—sad doings, sir.”

“Sad doings? Why, I was told we had merry doings in Hereford;—a ball the night before last, as I heard.”

“So much the worse, Mr. Marshal; so much the worse: as those think with reason that see as far into things as I do.”

“So much the better, Mr. Hill,” said Mr. Marshal, laughing; “so much the better: as those think with reason that see no farther into things than I do.”

“But, sir,” said the verger, still more solemnly, “this is no laughing matter, nor time for laughing, begging your pardon, Mr. Mayor. Why, sir, the night of that diabolical ball, our Hereford cathedral, sir, would have been blown up,—blown up from the foundation,—if it had not been for me, sir!”

“Indeed, Mr. Verger! And pray how, and by whom, was the cathedral to be blown up; and what was there diabolical in this ball?”

Here Mr. Hill let Mr. Marshal into the whole history of his early dislike to O’Neill, and his shrewd suspicions of him the first moment he saw him in Hereford. He related in the most prolix manner all that the reader knows already, and concluded by saying that, as he was now certain of his facts, he was come to swear examinations against this villainous Irishman, who, he hoped, would be speedily brought to justice, as he deserved.

“To justice he shall be brought, as he deserves,” said Mr. Marshal; “but before I write, and before you swear, will you have the goodness to inform me how you have made yourself as certain as you evidently are, of what you call your facts?”

“Sir, that is a secret,” replied our wise man, “which I shall trust to you alone;” and he whispered into Mr. Marshal’s ear that his information came from Bampfylde the Second, king of the gipsies.

Mr. Marshal instantly burst into laughter; then composing himself, said, “My good sir, I am really glad that you have proceeded no farther in this business; and that no one in Hereford, besides myself, knows that you were on the point of swearing examinations against a man on the evidence of Bampfylde the Second, king of the gipsies. My dear sir, it would be a standing joke against you to the end of your days. A grave man, like Mr. Hill; and a verger too! Why, you would be the laughingstock of Hereford!”

Now Mr. Marshal well knew the character of the man to whom he was talking, who, above all things on earth, dreaded to be laughed at. Mr. Hill coloured all over his face, and pushing back his wig by way of settling it, showed that he blushed not only all over his face but all over his head.

“Why, Mr. Marshal, sir,” said he, “as to my being laughed at, it is what I did not look for; there being men in Hereford, to whom I have mentioned that hole in the cathedral, who have thought it no laughing matter, and who have been precisely of my own opinion thereupon.”

“But did you tell these gentlemen that you had been consulting the king of the gipsies?”

“No, sir, no: I can’t say that I did.”

“Then, I advise you, keep your own counsel, as I will.”

Mr. Hill, whose imagination wavered between the hole in the cathedral and his rick of bark on one side, and between his rick of bark and his dog Jowler on the other, now began to talk of the dog, and now of the rick of bark; and when he had exhausted all he had to say upon these subjects, Mr. Marshal gently pulled him towards the window, and putting a spy-glass into his hand, bid him look towards his own tan-yard, and tell him what he saw. To his great surprise, Mr. Hill saw his rick of bark rebuilt. “Why, it was not there last night,” exclaimed he, rubbing his eyes. “Why, some conjurer must have done this.”

“No,” replied Mr. Marshal, “no conjurer did it; but your friend Bampfylde the Second, king of the gipsies, was the cause of its being rebuilt; and here is the man who actually pulled it down, and who actually rebuilt it.

As he said these words, Mr. Marshal opened the door of an adjoining room, and beckoned to the Irish haymaker, who had been taken into custody about an hour before this time. The watch who took Paddy had called at Mr. Hill’s house to tell him what had happened, but Mr. Hill was not then at home.

It was with much surprise that the verger heard the simple truth from this poor fellow; but no sooner was he convinced that O’Neill was innocent as to this affair, than he recurred to his other ground of suspicion, the loss of his dog.

The Irish haymaker now stepped forward, and with a peculiar twist of the hips and shoulders, which those only who have seen it can picture to themselves, said, “Please your honour’s honour, I have a little word to say too about the dog.”

“Say it then,” said Mr. Marshal.

“Please your honour, if I might expect to be forgiven, and let off for pulling down the jontleman’s stack, I might be able to tell him what I know about the dog.”

“If you can tell me anything about my dog,” said the tanner, “I will freely forgive you for pulling down the rick; especially as you have built it up again. Speak the truth now: did not O’Neill make away with the dog?”

“Not at-all at-all, plase your honour,” replied the haymaker: “and the truth of the matter is, I know nothing of the dog, good or bad; but I know something of his collar, if your name, plase your honour, is Hill, as I take it to be?”

“My name is Hill; proceed,” said the tanner, with great eagerness. “You know something about the collar of my dog Jowler.”

“Plase your honour, this much I know, any way, that it is now, or was the night before last, at the pawnbroker’s there, below in town; for, plase your honour, I was sent late at night (that night that Mr. O’Neill, long life to him! was arrested), to the pawnbroker’s for a Jew, by Mrs. O’Neill, poor cratur! she was in great trouble that same time.”

“Very likely,” interrupted Mr. Hill: “but go on to the collar; what of the collar?”

“She sent me,—I’ll tell you the story, plase your honour,
out of the face.
She sent me to the pawnbroker’s, for the Jew; and it being so late at night, the shop was shut, and it was with all the trouble in life that I got into the house any way; and when I got in, there was none but a slip of a boy up; and he set down the light that he had in his hand, and ran up the stairs to awaken his master; and whilst he was gone, I just made bold to look round at what sort of a place I was in, and at the old clothes, and rags, and scraps; and there was a sort of a frieze trusty.”

“A trusty!” said Mr. Hill; “what is that, pray?”

“A big coat sure, plase your honour: there was a frieze big coat lying in a corner, which I had my eye upon, to trate myself to; I having, as I then thought, money in my little purse enough for it. Well, I won’t trouble your honour’s honour with telling of you now how I lost my purse in the field, as I found after: but about the big coat, as I was saying, I just lifted it off the ground, to see would it fit me; and as I swung it round, something plase your honour hit me a great knock on the shins: it was in the pocket of the coat, whatever it was, I knew; so I looks into the pocket to see what was it, plase your honour, and out I pulls a hammer, and a dog-collar; it was a wonder, both together, they did not break my shins entirely: but its no matter for my shins now: so before the boy came down, I just, out of idleness, spelt out to myself the name that was upon the collar; there were two names, plase your honour; and out of the first there was so many letters hammered out I could make nothing of it, at-at at-all; but the other name was plain enough to read any way, and it was Hill, plase your honour’s honour, as sure as life: Hill, now.”

This story was related in tones, and with gestures, which were so new and strange, to English ears and eyes, that even the solemnity of our verger gave way to laughter. Mr. Marshal sent a summons for the pawnbroker, that he might learn from him how he came by the dog-collar. The pawnbroker, when he found from Mr. Marshal that he could by no other means save himself from being committed to prison, for receiving stolen goods, knowing them to be stolen, confessed that the collar had been sold to him by Bampfylde the Second, king of the gipsies.

A warrant was immediately despatched for his majesty; and Mr. Hill was a good deal alarmed, by the fear of its being known in Hereford, that he was on the point of swearing examinations against an innocent man, upon the evidence of a dog-stealer and a gipsy.

Bampfylde the Second made no sublime appearance, when he was brought before Mr. Marshal: nor could all his astrology avail him upon this occasion. The evidence of the pawnbroker was so positive, as to the fact of his having sold to him the dog-collar, that there was no resource left for Bampfylde but an appeal to Mr. Hill’s mercy. He fell on his knees, and confessed that it was he who stole the dog; which used to bark at him at night so furiously that he could not commit certain petty depredations, by which, as much as by telling fortunes, he made his livelihood.

“And so,” said Mr. Marshal, with a sternness of manner which till now he had never shown, “to screen yourself, you accused an innocent man; and by your vile arts would have driven him from Hereford, and have set two families for ever at variance, to conceal that you had stolen a dog.”

The king of the gipsies was, without further ceremony, committed to the house of correction. We should not omit to mention that, on searching his hut, the Irish haymaker’s purse was found; which some of his majesty’s train had emptied. The whole set of gipsies decamped, upon the news of the apprehension of their monarch.

Mr. Hill stood in profound silence, leaning upon his walking-stick, whilst the committal was making out for Bampfylde the Second. The fear of ridicule was struggling with the natural positiveness of his temper; he was dreadfully afraid that the story of his being taken in by the king of the gipsies would get abroad, and at the same time he was unwilling to give up his prejudice against the Irish glover.

“But, Mr. Mayor,” cried he, after a long silence, “the hole under the foundation of our cathedral has never been accounted for; that is, was, and ever will be, an ugly mystery to me; and I never can have a good opinion of this Irishman till it is cleared up; nor can I think the cathedral in safety.”

“What,” said Mr. Marshal, with an arch smile, “I suppose, the verses of the oracle still work upon your imagination, Mr. Hill. They are excellent of their kind—I must have them by heart, in order that, when I am asked the reason why Mr. Hill has taken an aversion to an Irish glover, I may be able to repeat them:—

“You’ll oblige me, Mr. Mayor,” said the verger, “if you would never repeat those verses, sir, nor mention in any company the affair of the king of the gipsies.”

“I will oblige you,” replied Mr. Marshal, “if you will oblige me. Will you tell me, honestly, whether, now that you find this Mr. O’Neill is neither a dog-killer nor a puller down of bark-ricks, you feel that you could forgive him for being an Irishman, if the mystery, as you call it, of the hole under the cathedral is cleared up?”

“But that is not cleared up, I say, sir,” cried Mr. Hill, striking his walking-stick forcibly upon the ground with both his hands. “As to the matter of his being an Irishman, I have nothing to say to it; I am not saying anything about that, for I know we are all born where it pleases God, and an Irishman may be as good as another. I know that much, Mr. Marshal; and I am not one of those illiberal-minded, ignorant people that cannot abide a man that was not born in England. Ireland is now in his Majesty’s dominions, I know very well, Mr. Mayor; and I have no manner of doubt, as I said before, that an Irishman born may be as good, almost, as an Englishman born.”

“I am glad,” said Mr. Marshal, “to hear you speak almost as reasonably as an Englishman born, and as every man ought to speak; and I am convinced that you have too much English hospitality to persecute an inoffensive stranger, who comes amongst us trusting to our justice and good-nature.”

“I would not persecute a stranger, God forbid, Mr. Mayor,” replied the verger, “if he was, as you say, inoffensive.”

“And if he was not only inoffensive, but ready to do every service in his power to those who are in want of his assistance, we should not return evil for good, should we?”

“That would be uncharitable, to be sure; and, moreover, a scandal,” said the verger.

“Then,” said Mr. Marshal, “will you walk with me as far as the widow Smith’s, the poor woman whose house was burnt last winter? This haymaker, who lodged near her, can show us the way to her present abode.”

During his examination of Paddy M‘Cormack, who would tell his whole history, as he called it,
out of the face,
Mr. Marshal heard several instances of the humanity and goodness of O’Neill, which Paddy related to excuse himself for that warmth of attachment to his cause that had been manifested so injudiciously by pulling down the rick of bark in revenge for the arrest. Amongst other things, Paddy mentioned his countryman’s goodness to the widow Smith; Mr. Marshal was determined, therefore, to see whether he had in this instance spoken the truth; and he took Mr. Hill with him, in hopes of being able to show him the favourable side of O’Neill’s character.

Things turned out just as Mr. Marshal expected. The poor widow and her family, in the most simple and affecting manner, described the distress from which they had been relieved by the good gentleman and lady. The lady was Phœbe Hill, and the praises that were bestowed upon Phœbe were delightful to her father’s ear, whose angry passions had now all subsided.

The benevolent Mr. Marshal seized the moment when he saw Mr. Hill’s heart was touched, and exclaimed, “I must be acquainted with this Mr. O’Neill. I am sure we people of Hereford ought to show some hospitality to a stranger who has so much humanity. Mr. Hill, will you dine with him to-morrow at my house?”

Mr. Hill was just going to accept of this invitation, when the recollection of all he had said to his club, about the hole under the cathedral, came across him, and drawing Mr. Marshal aside, he whispered, “But, sir, sir, that affair of the hole under the cathedral has not been cleared up yet.”

At this instant, the widow Smith exclaimed, “Oh! here comes my little Mary,” one of her children who came running in; “this is the little girl, sir, to whom the lady has been so good. Make your curtsey, child. Where have you been all this while?”

“Mammy,” said the child, “I’ve been showing the lady my rat.”

“Lord bless her! Gentlemen, the child has been wanting me this many a day to go and see this tame rat of hers, but I could never get time, never; and I wondered, too, at the child’s liking such a creature. Tell the gentlemen, dear, about your rat. All I know is, that let her have but never such a tiny bit of bread for breakfast or supper, she saves a little of that for this rat of hers; she and her brothers have found it out somewhere by the cathedral.”

“It comes out of a hole under the wall of the cathedral,” said one of the elder boys; “and we have diverted ourselves watching it, and sometimes we have put victuals for it, and so it has grown in a manner tame like.”

Mr. Hill and Mr. Marshal looked at one another during this speech, and the dread of ridicule again seized on Mr. Hill, when he apprehended that, after all he had said, the mountain might at last bring forth—a rat. Mr. Marshal, who instantly saw what passed in the verger’s mind, relieved him from this fear by refraining even from a smile on this occasion. He only said to the child, in a grave manner, “I am afraid, my dear, we shall be obliged to spoil your diversion. Mr. Verger, here, cannot suffer rat-holes in the cathedral; but to make you amends for the loss of your favourite, I will give you a very pretty little dog, if you have a mind.”

The child was well pleased with this promise, and at Mr. Marshal’s desire she then went along with him and Mr. Hill to the cathedral, and they placed themselves at a little distance from that hole which had created so much disturbance. The child soon brought the dreadful enemy to light; and Mr. Hill, with a faint laugh, said, “I’m glad it’s no worse; but there were many in our club who were of my opinion; and if they had not suspected O’Neill, too, I am sure I should never have given you so much trouble, Mr. Mayor, as I have done this morning. But I hope, as the club know nothing about that vagabond, that king of the gipsies, you will not let any one know anything about the prophecy and all that? I am sure I am very sorry to have given you so much trouble, Mr. Mayor.”

Mr. Marshall assured him that he did not regret the time which he had spent in endeavouring to clear up all these mysteries and suspicions, and Mr. Hill gladly accepted his invitation to meet O’Neill at his house the next day. No sooner had Mr. Marshal brought one of the parties to reason and good humour than he went to prepare the other for a reconciliation. O’Neill and his mother were both people of warm but forgiving tempers; the arrest was fresh in their minds; but when Mr. Marshal represented to them the whole affair, and the verger’s prejudices, in a humourous light, they joined in the good-natured laugh, and O’Neill declared that for his part he was ready to forgive and to forget everything, if he could but see Miss Phœbe in the Limerick gloves.

Phœbe appeared the next day at Mr. Marshal’s in the Limerick gloves; and no perfume ever was so delightful to her lover as the smell of the rose-leaves in which they had been kept.

Mr. Marshal had the benevolent pleasure of reconciling the two families. The tanner and the glover of Hereford became, from bitter enemies, useful friends to each other, and they were convinced by experience that nothing could be more for their mutual advantage than to live in union.