Great Call of China (S.A.S.S.) (17 page)

This was how it played in her head, over and over again, as Jenny walked everyone through the caves. By the time the group finished and returned to the hotel, Cece’s doubts had only grown worse. She sat at the table for their “special” lunch at the hotel’s restaurant, where she became convinced nothing even remotely disgusting would be served.

Kallyn nudged Cece. “Hey, you’ve had a permanent wrinkle in your forehead since you woke up this morning. Try to relax, okay?”

Cece whispered in her ear. “I don’t think I can go through with this.”

Kallyn whispered back. “Yes, you can.”

Jess and Lisa joined them at the table, followed by Chris, Dreyfuss, Alex, and Will.

Will took a seat next to her. “Hey, Cece.”

Cece gave him a weak smile, then realized she was so nervous that the act of his sitting beside her had abso lutely no incremental impact on her heart rate, sweatiness, or body temperature.

“You know, you don’t look so hot,” Will remarked. He glanced at Kallyn. “Kallyn, what do you think?”

Ugh.
She really didn’t feel good. She knew Will was trying to help, but at that moment, she wanted to stop the whole thing. She put a hand on her stomach.

Kallyn studied Cece up and down. “Will, I think you’re right,” she said loudly. “Cece, is something wrong?”

Cece tried to find her voice. “Kallyn, I think . . . ”

“What is it, Cece?”

Just then, the servers started bringing out the food. One laid down a giant fish with bulging eyes and its jaw gaping open.

Oh, man.
“I think . . . ” She put a hand over her mouth. “I’m going to throw up.”

Everyone pushed back from the table.

Kallyn stood. “Hold on. I’ll get you to the bathroom.”

Will got up, too. “Let me help.”

Cece took deep breaths. She didn’t want a repeat of her first night in Xi’an.

“I’ve got her,” Kallyn said quickly. “Will, why don’t you get Jenny instead?” She threw an arm around Cece and steadied her as she walked her out of the dining room.

As soon as they got to the hotel’s restroom, Cece’s head began to clear. It was good to be away from all the noise, the people, the food. She sat in a chair in the lounge area.

“Man, you’re good,” Kallyn said. “Seriously, you could have won an Oscar.”

Cece rested her head against the wall. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t really acting.”

“Really?”

She closed her eyes. “But I’m better now.”

“Cece, if it’s that bad we really need to get you upstairs.”

Just then Jenny walked in. “Are you all right, Cece? Will said you might be sick.” She looked at Cece with concern. “Do you need a doctor?”

“No,” Cece replied, opening her eyes. “I just. . . um. . . have a weak stomach when it comes to... Chinese delicacies.”

Jenny felt Cece’s forehead. “It is no trouble to take you to a doctor. Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

“Positive.”

“Then let’s take you to your room for now, okay?”

“I’ll help,” Kallyn volunteered.

Jenny and Kallyn got Cece up to her room and in bed. Kallyn brought her a glass of water.

“I will talk to Mark and see if I can stay with you,” Jenny said. “Though I’m not sure how he will run the tour without me—”

“You don’t have to do that,” Cece said. “I just need to rest. That’s all.” She took a sip from the glass.

“I would feel better if you were not alone.”

“Hey, Jenny,” Kallyn said. “Why don’t I stay with her? We’ll just hang out here until the group comes back.”

Jenny considered this for a moment. “But don’t you want to see the Forbidden City?”

“I’ve already been there. I saw it last year with my mom,” Kallyn said.

Cece looked at her and raised a brow.

“If anything comes up,” Kallyn continued, “I can call you.”

“Well . . . ”

“Really. It’s okay,” Kallyn said.

Jenny thought it over.

“All right then,” she said, reluctantly. She wrote on a notepad and handed a phone number to Kallyn. “The group will be back at seven. Then we’ll go to the train station.” She got up and made for the door. “Cece, I hope you feel better. Kallyn, thank you.”

After Jenny left, Kallyn leaned against the door. “I thought she’d never leave. What time is Peter coming?”

Cece glanced at the clock. It was one ten. “We’ve got twenty minutes. But you don’t really think I should go through with this now, do you?”

“Um, yeah,” Kallyn said.

“But I think I might really be sick.”

“All right, all right.” Cece pushed back the covers and headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

When Peter arrived at the hotel, Cece met him downstairs, and they got into a cab. Peter gave the driver the address and soon they were off. Peter turned to her. “Are you ready, Cece?”

“Not really,” Cece said. “I’m too nervous.”

“Then you must find your focus, Xiao Mei.”

“I don’t think I can, Peter. My focus is completely shot.”

“Maybe you need something to remind yourself why you are doing this. Take out your photograph.”

Cece pulled her wallet from her purse, then took the picture out. “Here.”

“No,” Peter said. “You keep it. I want you to look at it, Cece.”

“Okay . . . ” Cece stared at the image.

“Now do you remember why we are here?”

“I remember.”

“No, think harder. Why have you come all this way?”

Cece looked at the picture. “I’m here to find out why I was given up for adoption.”

“And?” Peter said.

“And . . . ” Cece glanced at her parents in the photo. “I want to know who my birth parents are, too.”

“And?”

This time, Cece studied the girl, her innocent face... like before, she wished she could connect with her. “And I guess I’m tired of not knowing who I am.”

She took in a breath. She hadn’t expected to say that. It was almost painful to think of it that way. But wasn’t that what she wanted in the end?

“Cece,” Peter said, “are you more focused now?”

“Yeah.” Cece sighed and put the photo away. “A little.”

“Good.” Peter smiled. “That’s what Da Ge is for.”

Soon, the taxi pulled up to the curb.

“This must be it,” Peter said.

Cece looked out her window. Suddenly, what little calm she had felt all but evaporated. “No, this can’t be right.” All around her were high-rises. It looked like a business district, with company names and logos marking the buildings. Where were the cobblestone walk and the concrete building from the picture? “Peter, do something.”

Peter checked the address again with the driver.

The driver sounded agitated, but he didn’t move the car.

“No, Cece, this is it,” Peter said. “We need to get out. The taxi is blocking the road.”

Cece paid the driver and opened the door. “This has to be a mistake though, Peter.”

They got out of the cab and stood on the sidewalk. “He says this is the building.” Peter pointed at a fifteen-story high-rise that couldn’t have been more than a few years old. “The address is correct.”

“But . . . ”

Then Cece realized what had happened. “Oh, no, Peter. The orphanage must have been torn down.”

Peter stepped closer to the building. He read the directory by the door. “No, Cece, I think it is still here. There is a children’s welfare center on the fifth floor.”

“That isn’t the same.” Cece gestured at the new roads and the shiny buildings. “Where I grew up is gone. . . . It’s like everything has been erased.” Tears began to well up in her eyes. “It’s like a part of
me
has been erased.”

“You cannot think that way,” Peter said. “I know this is not what you expected, but we should go in and see what we learn, okay?”

Cece wiped at her face. “I don’t know, Peter.”

Peter gently pulled her toward the building. “You just follow me. I will see what I can find out.”

Cece nodded, letting Peter lead her inside.

They took the elevator to the fifth floor and entered a hall where they found the door to the orphanage. Cece pushed back her hair and tugged at her shirt, trying to get herself back together again.

“Are you ready?” Peter said.

Cece took in a breath. “Yeah.”

Peter pressed the buzzer.

A young woman opened the door. Peter talked to her in Chinese, and the woman’s face brightened. Cece tried to understand what they were saying, but, like her visit to Peter’s house, the pace was much too fast. She could pick up only a word here and there. Finally, the lady asked them to come in.

They stepped inside, and right away, Cece was taken aback by what she saw. She hadn’t expected to see something that looked like a day-care center in the middle of a high-rise. But here, toddlers ran freely and plastic toys were everywhere. Different rooms branched from the lobby, where Cece could see small beds and children playing with staff.

Several care workers, holding the hands of young children, came in to look curiously at Peter and Cece. While Peter spoke to them, Cece studied the children’s faces. They looked healthy and happy, interested to know who Cece and Peter were. Cece was surprised. Somehow she imagined the kids would be sullen and unkempt. But it was obvious they were well cared for and loved. Cece wondered if she had been treated as well when she was an orphan.

Peter turned to Cece. “One of the care workers will get the director.”

Cece nodded.

Soon a formally dressed woman walked in and talked to Peter. As Peter replied, the expression on the director’s face became stern. Cece heard,
“Bu xing.”
She knew what that meant:
That’s not okay.

“What’s wrong, Peter?” Cece asked.

“Stay here,” Peter said.

The next thing Cece knew, Peter and the director were walking out of the center. “Peter?”

He shook his head as if to quiet Cece, then closed the door behind him.

The care workers and the kids were still staring at Cece. Some of the children began talking to one another. Then one of the kids spoke to her. Her voice was cute.
“Ni shi shei?”

Who am I?
Cece cleared her throat, “Uh...
wo jiao Cece.”

The children began talking to one another once more and giggled as though Cece had just said the funniest thing. Cece blushed.

The door opened again, and Peter and the director returned.

“Everything is okay, Cece,” Peter said. “The director is happy to have her administrator give you a tour. Afterward, the director will try to answer any questions you might have.”

Cece looked at the director, who smiled, and she wondered what Peter had done to make the director change her mind. But she knew now was not the time to ask.

The director left the room, and moments later, a young lady, holding a clipboard, introduced herself. “Hello, I am Chang Hui.” Her accent was heavy. “Excuse me, Cece?” she said. “My English not so good. Okay I talk to your friend?”

“That’s fine,” Cece said. Chang Hui turned to Peter and began speaking.

Peter translated. “She says the orphanage was taken down only a couple of years ago. Now it is reestablished here.”

Chang Hui took them to a large playroom, where kids between the ages of two and four were running about. As soon as the children saw Cece and Peter, many of them gathered around like the others had done. They began speaking animatedly in Chinese. This time Cece only partly understood them. They wanted her to do something, but she didn’t know what. “What are they saying?” Cece asked.

“They want you to play a game with them,” Peter said. “Pretend games. You can be the princess.”

Princess?
The idea that these kids wanted to play make-believe with her made her heart warm. Then she noticed something about them that gave her pause.

“Peter, everyone here is a girl,” she whispered.

Chang Hui had heard her. “Yes, we have many girls,” she said proudly. “Only three boys.”

“Cece?” Peter said. “Are you all right?”

Cece forced a smile, and they continued the tour. But as they moved from one room to the next, she kept thinking about what her father had said about the one-child policy. Girls given up in favor of boys.

No, that can’t be true for everyone,
Cece reminded herself.

They went through the preschool room, the cafeteria, and the sleeping rooms for the older children. The last stop was the nursery, where row after row of cribs had been lined up. Cece refocused her thoughts on what Peter was saying.

“Chang Hui says the most seasoned workers care for the babies,” Peter said. “They are assigned to only two infants at a time, so everyone receives proper attention.” Indeed, there were about fifteen staff members in their forties and fifties here, holding, rocking, singing to the little ones. “Many of the workers have been here since the orphanage opened in 1980,” he went on. “Around the time when China first allowed foreign adoption.”

“So it’s possible,” Cece said, “that someone here may have taken care of me?”

“Yes,” Peter said, smiling.

Cece scanned the room on the slim chance that someone might seem familiar to her, but nothing roused her memory. “Maybe we can ask the director if someone here knows me.”

Peter nodded. “We will.”

Chang Hui finished the tour and led them back to the director’s office. Along the way, a staff member asked Chang Hui a question. As she answered, Cece whispered to Peter, “What did you talk to the director about earlier?”

“She was upset that we hadn’t made an appointment. She told me an orphanage visit must be planned, and it costs money. So I let my money talk.”

“You bribed her?”

“Bribe is not the right word, Cece. This is how you must sometimes do business in China. I scratch your back—”