Grayson (This is Our Life Book 1) (14 page)

I look up when I hear a commotion at the door.  Dr. Barnes has Ella backed into the corner, and my instincts react.  Jumping up from the table and across the room in a matter of seconds, I wrap my arms around and through the good doctor's arms, holding him back.

“Back off, Barnes,” I forcefully shout at him. 

From the corner of my eye, I see my men moving in, encircling us, and the crowded mess hall is now so quiet you could hear a pin drop.  I look up and catch the tear-stained cheeks and anguished blue eyes of my beautiful Ella.  The hurt is etched all over her face. 

“Fuck!” 
This isn’t good.
 

My mind is racing a million miles an hour as my heart pounds out of my chest.  When it comes to Ella, I’m lost. 

I search her face for answers when she whispers, “It’s okay, Grayson.  Michael and I just need to talk.  It’s okay.  You can let him go.  You’re not helping.  You’re only hurting me.  Please, leave...just leave now.”  Ella gazes at me with pleading, determined eyes asking for me to walk away. 

Every cell in my body is screaming to stay and protect her.  But I can’t, she doesn’t want me to.  With my mind made up, I drop the good doctor's arms and walk out.  Leaving behind my heart. 

“Shit!  This is so fucked up!”  I cry out to anyone who will listen. 

Making my way down the hallway and out the front door without looking back, I take off in a full sprint.  Needing to get away from everything and everyone.  Ignoring the shouts from Johnny and Styx.  It’ll keep for a little while.  A hard run will do me some good.  Clear my head, a balm to my aching heart. I follow the long, dusty road, pushing my legs to run faster. 

I have to figure out what to do about Ella.  With other pressing matters at hand, my carefully constructed world is tumbling around me. 

Running through streets of the base, I pass by construction and organized training drills while my legs carry me further away from Ella.  My mind drifts back home.  Reminding me that just like with Ella, life can change in a blink.

“Son, I have some really sad news.  Your dad is sick,” mom relayed to me over our monthly video conference. 

I was still in New York.  Ten more days until graduation.  “What do you mean sick, mom?  You can’t come to graduation like you planned?  I understand, I do.”  I let her off the hook by not showing any of the emotions that were raging inside.

“No, no.  We wouldn’t miss it.”  Her smile faltered.  “But we just went to the third appointment this week and the second opinion that we wanted,” she sighed toward the camera, and her face fell with unshed tears rushing into her beautiful, brown eyes.

“Your dad has cancer, Grayson.” 

My mom then continued, explaining to me the experimental procedure that dad had been approved for.  I was stunned.  Shocked by the fact that this powerful man, feared by most, was dying.  I couldn’t stop from thinking maybe this was somehow payback or karma?  Fate’s way of evening the score for all the torment he had caused his family.

I’ve only spoken to my father a handful of times since I left Lakeview.  My mom and sisters kept me up on his procedures and well-being.  As of now, the old man is still kickin’.  My father came through the cancer and is in remission.  Lucky bastard!  He’s been given a second chance. 

I’ve learned over the years to let it go.  I can’t change the man he is...he’s no longer in control of me.  But I do have power over my own destiny, and that includes Ella.

Fifty-five minutes later, I’m back in front of TMC, sweat pouring down my head, neck, and back.  My team is standing at the front, lounging around like we don’t have urgent business to take care of.  “Fuck me!”  Out of breath from the push I gave my body, I make my way to them.  Grabbing my side, taking in deep breaths as I go.  I clutch my elbow to give the deep shooting pain in my shoulder a rest. 

“Fuck, Capt’n, what’s going on?”  Beauty asks the question that my whole team seems interested in knowing the answer to. “Where’d you run off to?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?  I gaze upon my team, my men.  The men I depend on with my life and who depend on me.  What can I tell them?  I’m a sap?  I’m hopelessly devoted to a woman who may never want me in return?  Nope.  I take control like always. 

“Just needed to clear my head.  Wanted to make sure this bullet wound,” I point at my shoulder, “could handle some running.  That’s all.”  I shut down the concerns and questions I see in every one of their faces.  For now at least.

“I’ve got a few things I need to see about.  I’ll meet you all back at my quarters to go over the new development with Aabdar.”  I focus on Johnny. “I need you to stay here and wait for me.”

“Yes, sir, Capt’n.”  Johnny nods and turns to lean back against the off-colored plaster building wall, shading his eyes again with his Oakleys.

Beauty gazes over at me as if he wants to say something.  I glance back at him, one brow raised, with ‘my word is final’ face.  I hope he knows to keep his mouth shut right now.  I don’t need any more fuckin’ lip from him.  There are too many things that aren’t adding up.  I’ve got to figure this conundrum out.  I can do this.  Puzzles, cat and mouse...this is what I was born to do.

I head back into TMC, searching for my target.  Leaving the men to follow orders.  At the nurse’s station, I scan the area.  Peering around with no luck of finding Ella, I continue my search through the building.  As I’m starting to give up on the search, Savannah comes bopping out of a door to the right and stops abruptly when she sees me. 

My eyes pin her in her place.  I walk forward as she crosses her arms over her chest and commits to a stubborn stare.  Battle ready.  This isn’t going to be easy. 

“Hello, Savannah,” I begin with a curt greeting that I hope will ease her a bit.

“Captain Blackwood.” 

She eyes me with aggravation. 
Fuck!
  Savannah’s not going to make this painless.  But I can deal.

“Look, I know you really don’t know much about me, and I honestly don’t give a fuck what you think.  But I need to find Ella.”  I give her the truth, because that’s all I have to offer.  “Can you please tell me where she is?”

Savannah looks at me with venom in her green eyes.  I brace for impact. 

“Well, let me just start by saying I do know you, baby cakes.  Ella has told me all about you and your games from the past.  You need to leave poor Ella be, and mozie on your way.  Sir.”  She spits out the last part with her fists gripped tightly by her side.  “Ella already has enough to worry with a stalker and Michael.  Not to mention we’re in a war zone!”  Her face is reddened from the anger she throws my way.

Wait.  A stalker?
Oh fuck, no!  This woman is hell on wheels, and I need control of the situation now!  I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture, surprise and concern bubbling to the surface.

“Whoa.  Slow down for one minute. What do you mean by stalker?”  Because that’s the only thing my brain registered.

Savannah eyes me, sadness and worry written all over her face. 

“Well, shitaki mushrooms!  Dammit, you got me all upset, sugar,” she says.  “When she left earlier, I was so upset for her.  Shit!  I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”

Savannah then apprehensively relays to me how Ella thinks someone is watching her, following her.  She also informs me they were going to go talk to security today. 

“I’ll handle the security, Savannah.  Thank you for telling me about this.  I have a lot on my plate right now, but Ella is a priority.” 

I need to go and make sure that security is aware.  I’ll talk to Johnny and Styx, bring them in the loop.

“For some strange reason, sugar, I believe you.”  She peers up at me while she speaks, her eyes slightly softer.  “But you can’t hurt Ella again.  You weren’t there to pick up those broken pieces.  It wasn’t pretty when we met in basic.  And it had been several years since you two were together.  I won’t allow anyone to hurt her like that again.  She’s good people!”

I swallow tightly, a knot moving in my throat.  I did this to her.  How or why is still uncertain, but fixing it keeps me going. 

“Savannah, not sure what happened in the past, can’t change it.  But let me assure you of this...I’m not going anywhere. Ever. Again. Now that I’ve found Ella,” I pause to reign in my emotions,  “I can never let her go.  I’ll never give up on us.”

After my ranting, Savannah gazes at me suspiciously but relents.  “I understand,” is all she says. 

Satisfied she gets me, I ask, “Can you at least tell me she’s ok?  Did she leave and go home?”

“Yep, sugar.  Ella and the doc left right after your ‘lunch’,” she replies, using air quotes.  Sighing, she looks at me one more time. “It won’t be easy for ya, Grayson.  Nothing worth having ever is.”  She walks away without a backward glance.

She’s right, and Ella is worth it!

Michael walks through the front door of our living quarters, slamming it closed as his temper flares from the earlier confrontation in the mess hall.  I know he is hurting, but I’m not sure if I’m going to help make the situation better or not.  There’s a war raging inside my body.  My head is screaming Michael is my future, but my heart’s yelling louder that I have to give Grayson a second chance to explain his side of our story.  I glance up and see Michael staring warily at me, and I know it’s time we talk.  He’s calm for now.

“What was that all about earlier, babe?” Michael asks.  “Why were you eating with the Captain, or better yet, why the hell did you let him touch you?  You seemed awfully familiar around each other.”  His eyes are desperately looking for answers from me.

I’m at a loss for words.  As I search for the right things to say without hurting the man I’ve come to know and care deeply for, I realize this isn’t going to be easy, fair, or quick.  What I have to say will change the outcome of my future, and I’m not sure I want to delve into the abyss just yet, but Michael deserves to know the truth. 

I take a deep breath and begin.

“I knew Grayson when I was younger. We went to high school together. You could say we were best friends for most of the time until the end of his senior year...that’s when things changed.” I look directly into his saddened eyes and continue. “When he left for college, we made promises to each other, but only a few months later, he sent me a letter saying he had found someone else.  I was left hurt and broken.  Mom died, we moved, and things just spiraled from there…”

I’m back there once again as my tears begin falling and my shoulders shake from the wrenching sobs escaping me. 

The next moment, Michael has crossed the room and his warm embrace begins comforting the woman in me.  He knows there’s more, and he’s giving me the time I need before continuing.  He deserves better.  Oh yes, he deserves someone better than me.  Someone who will never doubt her love.  Never cause him pain.  Even if things don’t work out for Grayson and I, I know that I can’t continue living with Michael.  I try to shake the feelings of nostalgia from my mind.  It’s time, and my heart is bleeding with anticipation of the pain I’m about to deliver.

“When I met you...you helped me find a tiny piece of myself that I thought I had lost forever.”

I close my eyes tight while my head shifts left to right, trying to escape his stare. “Michael, you made me believe in fairy tales again, and I really believed I could move on.  I’m so, so sorry.  I just can’t do it.  I’ve been so selfish. You need someone to love you unconditionally, and after seeing Grayson again, I know I’m not that person…” My sobs begin again. 

Michael releases his hold on me and begins pacing in front of the couch.  His head is hanging from his shoulders, and I know I’ve wounded him. Why is life so complicated? We were happy until Grayson showed up.  Am I making the wrong decision?

He locks his hands behind his head and looks down at me. 

“I can’t let you go, Ella.  You’re it for me.  I can offer you time, if that’s what you need, but please...don’t ask me to let you go,” he pleads.

My thoughts are jumbled up, and I truly want to agree with him, but I can’t.  It’s not right or fair to the wonderful man standing before me. 

“I can’t…”

He interrupts me, kneeling in front of me. “I’ll give you space. Take all the time you need, and I’ll be waiting for you, Ella.  No questions asked.”

Oh god! He’s breaking my heart and slowly disarming me from my resolve. Am I crazy? Should I walk away from the life we’ve built together?  The life I’ve worked hard to establish? 

My fingers absentmindedly find the charms hanging around my neck, and I begin caressing the objects.  The reminder I need to finish what I’ve started.  I’ve been given a gift, and turning my back on it would make me regret my actions for the rest of my life.

“You’re too good to me, Michael. You’ll always hold a part of my heart.  But I’ve made up my mind and I’m not changing it.  I know you deserve better than what I can give you, even if Grayson weren’t in the picture and...I’m not sure he is.”

“Ella, you sound so certain...this isn’t like you.  Making rash decisions.  Quickly changing the course of your life at the drop of a hat.  Take your time, babe, think about how good we are together…”

“No.” 

I won’t let him believe he can change my mind.  He’s taught me to live life with no regrets, and if I don’t follow my heart, I will regret it.  This much I know for certain.

“I can’t watch you be with someone else, Ella, it would rip me apart.  I won’t be…”

“I’m going to be Ella.  Me.  Not Michael’s fiancée or Grayson’s anything.” 

“Damn, you really aren’t going to change your mind, are you, babe?”

“No.  It’s made up,” I calmly state again.  This time with more force in my voice.

“I won’t be second to him, Ella, I can’t be.”

“I know.  I’m not asking you to be.  I’m just asking you to let me go…” I whisper as I slip his engagement ring off my finger and lay it in the palm of his hand.  His fingers close around the ring, forming a fist as he lifts it to his lips.  Anguish seethes through his movements as he stands and leaves the room.  I hear him in the bedroom, opening and shutting dresser drawers.  He’s packing. 

Moments later, he’s back holding his bag. 

“I’m going to the hospital.  I’ll put in a request for temporary housing...not sure how long it will take, but I’m sure I can bunk with Steve, if necessary...see you around, Ella.” And then he’s gone.

Quiet surrounds the room as I drop to my knees on the carpet and cry.  Cry for the pain I’ve put Michael through.  Cry for the loss of the wonderful man and friend he’s been to me the past years.  Cry because I know he deserves someone who will love him with all her heart.  And then I cry because I’m utterly terrified of what’s to come...

Johnny and I leave the security shack and head straight to Ella’s.  I continue to fill him in on the way there. 

“Ella thinks she’s being watched.  I haven’t heard it from her, but to hear it from Savannah, she’s scared shitless.  We’ve got to keep an eye on her.  Nothing can happen to her, man.  You, of all people, know what I’m saying.  She’s important.”

“You always were inseparable.  Never could understand what happened between you two,” Johnny ponders.  “She moved after her mom died, and we all lost track of her. Like she vanished off the face of the earth and didn’t want to be found.  So weird, man.”

“I tried, but like you said, she disappeared.  She told me that I sent her a letter.  Not sure what the fuck that’s about, but I plan on finding out real soon.”

Saying it out loud has me questioning this letter more and more.  I was stunned at first when she accused me of sending a letter, but the more I think about it, the more I know she was genuinely upset and believed what she was saying to me.  I go back to a conversation I had with my dad before I left for college.

“She will never carry the Blackwood name, Grayson, never!  Not as long as I’m alive!” my father shouted at me. 

I had just arrived from taking Ella home, and he was at it again.  He didn’t approve of Ella, but the rest of my family loved her.  Even though his temper had settled down lately, he still managed to go off at the slightest things. 

“She doesn’t have the pedigree.  Not from good stock, son, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure of that.  You can bank on it.” He was calmer and breathing heavily.  He turned and sats back in the recliner.

The way things are looking now, he kept good on his word about keeping us apart...my fucking father!

“Motherfucker!” I yell.  I’m livid.  If he were here right now, I would hurt him.  Johnny raises an eyebrow, questioning me, but I shake my head, letting him know I’m not ready to discuss it.

After several deep gulps of fresh air to clear my head, I’m ready to tackle Ella’s situation. 

“Need a rotation for Ella’s security.  I know security is planning to watch her, but I’d feel better if we ran this.  Any questions?”

Johnny nods his affirmation, and I know things will be taken care of by my friend.  My phone starts ringing and I see it’s from TMC.  “Blackwood here,” I answer into the phone and listen as the nurse gives me the news.

Hitting the end button, I update Johnny, “Aabdar is awake and asking for me.  Need to head over there.  You good here?”

“Yes, sir,” he smirks, and I’m headed back to TMC.