Grace Lost (9 page)

“They got Joey…they got Joey…oh God
they got Joey!” she repeated again and again.

“Shhhhhhh” I whispered as I tried
to calm her.  My white nightgown was now soaked and dirtied from the
stranger, but I felt a need to cling to her as she clung to me.  “You’re
safe now.  
Shhhhhhh.”
   I held
her tight.  Not knowing what to do, I looked at Boggs and Gus.  
The smell of death was once again upon us.

Gus set his shotgun down, and then
bent over to rest his hands on his knees as his adrenaline rush subsided. 
Boggs ran his hand through his sweat-soaked hair, looking mad as a hatter.

“Zoe, you have to step away from
her,” said Gus sternly as he picked his shotgun back up from the floor.

My sense of danger increased as I
realized she might be infected.

 I nodded and stood. 
Looking down at the girl’s saddened face, I whispered to her.  “It’ll be
ok.”  I looked into her green eyes and saw deep sadness that mirrored
recent tragedy.  I felt Boggs place his hands on my arm and guide me away
from her.

Gus brought his shotgun up and
aimed it at the terrified girl.  My heart was breaking. Something about
this girl tugged at my spirit and I wanted to be at her side.  I watched
Gus’ expression and realized he was in emotional turmoil himself.

“Gus,” I said sharply. He didn’t
take his eyes off of her.

“Zoe, we can’t take the chance
darlin’.  We just can’t.  
Especially not with
the blood.”

“Please, don’t shoot me,” pleaded
the girl.  “I swear it’s not my blood.  I swear.”  She was
having trouble catching her breath.

I knelt down in front of her and
looked her in the eyes.  “I believe you,” I said in the kindest voice I
could muster.  I was still weak, and the room swayed slightly.  I
prayed the men wouldn’t notice.  Not now.

“Boggs,” I pleaded.  “At
least let me look her over.  For the love of God,” I pleaded.  “Gus,
I’ll keep my distance.  Just let me look her over.”

Gus cleared his throat and
spoke.  “She’ll have to get undressed.  You’ll have to look at every
inch of her, Zoe.”

Boggs added his own voice to the
conversation.  “Zoe, I can’t leave you alone with her.”

“Just let me hold up a towel,
ok?  She’s scared to death and the last thing she needs is you guys
looking at her.”

I heard Boggs sigh deeply, almost
angrily.  I kept my sight on the girl, who still sat on the floor with tears
streaming from her eyes.  I heard Boggs’ footfalls, and shortly after he
handed me the towel I had used earlier.

“Can you tell me your name?” I
asked the girl.

The girl focused on my face. 
“Emmeline.
  Emmeline Martin.” She sniffled, her
pale green eyes reddened from crying.  “Emilie.”  She wiped a wet
sleeve across her cheek, smearing the mess that was already there.

“Emilie, I’m Zoe.  Can you
get out of your wet clothes?  I’ll hold the towel up, so no one else will
see anything.” 

She looked at both Boggs and
Gus.  “We just have to make sure you haven’t been bit. 
Please?” 

I stared at both men with a look
of disapproval.  This felt so cruel.

Emilie broke the awkward
silence.  “On my left calf, I got scratched running through the woods. 
It’s not from one of those things.  I swear it.”  She was obviously
terrified that her life was about to end.

“That’s ok Emilie.  Thanks
for letting me know.”  I stood up, and offered my hand.  She accepted
it reluctantly, and I helped her struggle to her feet.  I opened the towel
up and held it between us, blocking her from the view of the men.  Emilie
slipped her jeans and shoes off first, and turned around so I could see the
long scratch that crossed the back of her left leg.  It looked
angry.  “Ok, Emilie, it looks good so far.”  She pulled her
sweatshirt over her head and turned around again.  Her arms were crossed
over her chest.

“Zoe, you have to look
everywhere.  Arms, under her bra and underwear,” said Gus.

Emilie looked helpless,
embarrassed, and violated, but she did what it took to show me she was free of
bites. 

“I hope you’re satisfied,” I said
to both men.  I walked to the girl and wrapped her in the towel, then
helped her to the corner of the room with the woodstove.  “Emilie, I’ll
bring you some clean clothes and a washcloth.”   She nodded but
remained quiet.

 “Emilie, can Gus look at
your leg?” I signaled toward him with my head. “He was a nurse in the Army, and
should clean it for you.”  She nodded in agreement, though
hesitantly.  “I promise he’s a good guy.  He’s not as bad as he’s
acting.  And Boggs is my best friend.  He’s ok too.  I promise.”

While Gus used some cold rain
water we kept in a bucket and a wash cloth to wipe away dried blood from her
leg, he announced the wound was shallow and should heal if kept clean.  I
helped the girl clean her face and arms and afterward she slipped into a new
pair of pants and a t-shirt from the stock Gus had looted.

“You hungry Emilie?” asked Boggs.

She nodded, and was handed a bowl
of cold beans.

“Sorry it’s not hot,” said Boggs.

She ate hungrily and with her
mouth full said “it’s ok.”

“I’m really sorry about all that
Emilie,” said Gus.  “We had to be careful, and I’m sorry we scared you.”

I was handed another antibiotic
pill, and washed it down with water from my earlier supper.  I walked to a
dark corner and traded my soiled night gown for sweat pants and a pull-over
long sleeved shirt. 

Boggs suggested we all try to
rest, and talk more in the morning.

“Emilie, you can have my bed,” I
said.  I scooted over to one of the two bean bags and rested against it on
my right side, facing away from Gus and toward Emilie.  She crawled under
the covers.  Boggs closed the door to the woodstove to darken the room and
make the fire last.

Gus lay back as far as he could in
one of the camping chairs and closed his eyes. “No one go outside till morning,
and not alone.”  No one answered him.  “We’ll pack up and move
out.   Find something more secure.  Leave the dead bastards
where they lay.”

Emilie was breathing slowly and
evenly, signaling she was already asleep.  Boggs crawled over and nestled
in behind me, also resting on the bean bag.  He seemed hesitant to touch
me, and I longed for the comfort of his hand on mine.  He mirrored my body
with his and I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Zoe, please don’t be mad at me
about earlier,” he whispered.  “Please…I just needed to be close to
you.  To know you were really alive and here with me.  I can’t
explain it well.  Please, don’t hate me for crossing a line.  You’re
my best friend, Zo, and I love you in so many ways.”

I responded by reaching back and
finding his hand.  I pulled his arm around me.  He rested his head
between my shoulder and my neck, tightening his grip on me as if he feared I’d
fade into the night. 

“I’m not mad, Boggs.  I just
didn’t know you felt like that about me.  And I know it wasn’t the right
time.  I’m not sure what to think, or feel.”

He whispered one last thing. 
“Thank you for the picture of my parents.”  I fell asleep in his embrace,
as confused about life as I now was about death.

The sound of Emilie crying woke
me.  I tried to sit up, but Boggs’ arm still weighed me down.  My
body was stiff and my feet were cold.  It took me a few moments to orient myself
and recall the events from the middle of the night.

“Emilie?” I called out softly.

The two men were beginning to
stir.  I wriggled free of Boggs and crawled toward the girl, who was
gasping for breath.  “My brother, Joey,” she sobbed.  “I tried to save
him, to keep him from running ahead of me, but he fell.  There was nothing
I could do.  He was so young and so small for his age.  His screams…”
she trailed off, tears consuming her again.  “They tore him apart while he
screamed!” she moaned.

I wrapped my arms around her and
stroked her hair in an attempt to soothe her.  “Shhhh, Shhhh.”  She
rested her head against my shoulder and clung to me, shaking.  I looked to
Boggs, who was now awake.  He and Gus both watched me hold the girl, who
seemed much younger all of a sudden.  None of us said anything for a long
time.  Her tears eventually ebbed and her breathing evened.

“They were so fast.  He just
couldn’t run anymore,” she whispered.  “His screams were so loud.  He
begged for me to help him.”  Emilie took a deep, shuddering
breath.   I looked at Gus, who now knelt across from me, not knowing
what to do for her.

Gus knee-walked
across the mattress, causing us to bounce, and settled on the other side of the
girl.
  “Emilie, I’m so sorry about
your brother.  There’s nothing else you could have done,” he said in a
soft tone.   She looked at him and wiped tears from her eyes. 

“He was my responsibility.”

Gus took her hand in both of
his.  “You did all you could.  You have to believe that.”

In that moment, my heart softened
toward Gus.  I watched them look at each other, and knew that Emilie and
Gus had just connected on a critical level.  I looked over to Boggs, who
was focused on me.   He reached out and stroked my hair.  
His touch was comforting.

The little room we were now
calling ‘home’ was crowded and smelled bad, a combination of our own lack of
hygiene and the rotting bodies that lay outside.  We began discussing
options.  Leaving was a first choice for all.  With four of us now,
it was decided we’d pack only the supplies that were most necessary.  We
ventured outside once the sun had fully risen, moving bodies aside to make a
clear path to the SUV.  It was nauseating and harrowing work, but we all
did our share.  The rain had stopped and the overcast gray sky had been
replaced with sporadic fluffy white clouds.  Extra ammo, medicine,
clothing, blankets, bottles of water, and boxes of food went into the rear of
the Explorer.  We left the tent behind, knowing it would offer no
protection from things that go
bump
in the night.  Emilie and I
managed to tuck rolls of toilet paper under the seats, trying to utilize every
square inch of space the vehicle had to offer.   I noticed a couple
of shoe boxes were nestled between the front seats.  I kept quiet about it.  
Firewood was carefully rolled into a quilt and tied down to the top of the car,
using the roof rack as a frame.  None of us saw any signs of little Joey,
which was for the best.  We didn’t need Emilie falling apart right now. 
There would hopefully be time to mourn later.

We shut the door to the stone
shack behind us, leaving it unlocked in case other survivors came across it in
need of refuge.  Emilie and I slid into the back seats, allowing the men
the roomier front.  The four of us left, not looking back.  For me,
it meant leaving behind new memories, not all of them bad.  For Emilie, it
meant leaving behind her brother, or what had been her brother.  The CD
player was the only working part of the radio unit, and accompanied us back out
to the highway quietly playing
Adele
.  Gus and Boggs talked about
where to head next.  The discussion always seemed to lean toward the
northeast, which would be farther from populated areas and higher into the
mountains.  Boggs had already started out northbound and followed the
curves of the isolated highway.

Emilie had spent the hours in the
car by quietly staring out the window.  She hadn’t spoken since we
left.  The mood inside the SUV was somber.  Without warning, Emilie
spoke, startling me.

“My ass is sore from sitting.”  
That’s all she said.  
Nothing more, nothing less.

I turned and looked at her. 
She looked back at me, her face showing no hint of emotion.  I laughed,
hard.  She stared back at me like I was crazy.  Finally, she wrinkled
her freckled nose and laughed back.  I heard Gus chuckle and before long
the four of us were uncontrollable.

Boggs slowed to a stop, trying to
keep control of the vehicle.  We sat in the SUV, laughing until tears fell
from our eyes.  I don’t think any of us knew what was funny, and as soon
as the laughing had nearly died one of us would begin again.  It felt good
to let loose, if only momentarily forgetting about death, tragedy, and the need
to constantly run in fear.

The episode finally over, Gus
stepped out of the car and stretched.   He left his door open and
walked to the edge of the road, overlooking a valley.  Watching him enjoy
the view, he could almost pass for just another traveler on a normal day
enjoying a normal vantage point.  I realized he was relieving himself and
looked away.  Boggs joined Gus at the overlook, and I looked at Emilie and
wondered what stories she had to tell.  I hoped in time I’d find out.

Gus came back to the SUV and
leaned in the back window.  He had a bruise on his face from Boggs
punching him the night before.  It oddly suited him.  “It looks clear
all around.  Not a dead bastard in sight.  You girls should get out
and stretch, and take care of needs before we get back on the road.”  He
winked at Emilie before he walked to the back of the car and opened the rear
door.  “I’ll grab some snacks for a quick lunch while you girls go do
girlie time.  I’ll keep an eye out.”