Grace Alive: a Christian Romance (15 page)

This. Whatever this was. Was God.

I love you, Zoe. Can you feel My love? I
want you to know Me, Zoe. This is who I am.
When the girl was
done with her melody, the drums kicked in and the electric guitar
began to build. A kickin’ praise song erupted from the speakers. I
didn’t recognize it, but it was easy enough to catch onto. The
music wasn’t perfect, but something in it made me want to shout! It
felt real. It felt really, really real. Branson reached for my hand
during a worship song, and I held on tight. He lifted his other
hand, and I watched tears pour down his cheeks. I could feel the
love he had for God. I had never seen such a strong love on
anyone’s face before.

Tears came to my eyes, and I started crying
next to him. I had always felt so guilty, unworthy, and like I
could never do enough when I would worship God. But here at Grace
Alive I felt…joy. Just pure joy. I looked at these imperfect
people, and I could see something on their faces. There was no
condemnation here. No judgment. Freedom.

The music quieted down, and Pastor Dom came
up while the music still played. The girl who’d been singing swayed
as she softly whispered a love song to Jesus. She simply sang, “I
love You, Jesus, You are mine. I love You, Jesus, You are divine.”
She sang the tune over and over as Pastor Dom stretched his hands
out to heaven and began to sing with her. Soon the whole church
raised their hands to God and joined in on this lovely song. How
did they just simply worship God without fear? They looked like a
mess. But they just worshiped God like this. How? I trembled and
Branson looked at me.

“You okay?”

“I don’t get it. How can these people worship
so freely? Aren’t they in sin? Don’t they feel condemned to come
before God like this? I have to pray more, Branson. I want to know
God like this.” I played with the ends of my hair.

“Zoe, it says to come boldly to the throne of
grace. They are just coming boldly to God because they know He has
forgiven them for everything they’ll ever do wrong.” He put a hand
on my back.

“It only works if you beg God to forgive you
for your sins, Branson. Are they all so perfect?” I asked, and my
voice sounded angry.

“No! They are not perfect! That’s the beauty
of it! Remember what I said? There is no condemnation if you’re in
Christ Jesus!” The power in this place was rocking me. Pastor Dom
stopped singing and went toward a simple wooden pulpit. The people
remained standing as Pastor Dom rested his head in his hands. The
silence in the room was thick, but it felt more like a warm blanket
than anything.

“I hear the Lord saying to someone this
morning. I love you, child. You’ve always felt like you couldn’t
measure up, that you were never good enough, and that you had to
earn My love for you. You felt you had to work for it. When you
messed up you thought I wanted to punish you. I’m here to say to
you today, child, that you are perfect in My eyes. You are My
bride, you are My child, and I love and cherish you. Come to me
with your heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” He looked up at
his congregation, and I could see tears in his eyes.

I felt the words he said hit me in the chest,
and I crumpled to my knees. I started sobbing like a little girl.
He said exactly how I’d always felt. I was never a good enough
Christian no matter how hard I tried to do it.

“Come up here, Zoe,” Pastor Dom said very
gently. Branson helped me to my feet and made his way up front with
me. What was going on? What was this? I’d never cried in church
like this before. I felt like my insides were being pulled out of
me. All the emotions of how my dad had always treated me started
gushing out. I started sobbing. I needed to stop! Pastor Dom put
his hands on the sides of my head.

“I hear the Lord say, Zoe, you are just the
way I’ve created you. You don’t have to work for My love, anymore.
My plan for you is of perfect peace. I’m leading you down this
path, Zoe, and I have your hand in Mine. Don’t worry about tomorrow
for My heart is to bless you. I’m a good Daddy, and My hands want
to hold you. I love you, Zoe, I love you,” he finished, and I felt
a strange pull at my body. I felt weak-kneed and fell down. Hands
caught me from behind, and I lay on the floor wondering what was
going on. I’d heard of stuff like this before. People called it
slain in the spirit or something weird like that, but I’d never
actually felt the presence of God like this. It was like a warm
blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I could feel the love of God
so thick that all I could do was cry and cry.

Branson knelt beside me and put his hands on
me. I could hear him praying but didn’t really know what he was
saying.

“Let’s praise the Lord!” Pastor Dom said, and
the music got loud again as Branson kept praying over me. I saw
memories invading my thoughts of my dad and the way he always
looked at me. I was a huge mess as God began to talk to me about
everything that had happened since I was a kid.

It was never My heart, Zoe. It was never
My heart to condemn you. I love you, Zoe. I died for you.
I
kept seeing my dad wagging his finger at me, and then suddenly I
had this image of Jesus. He grabbed me off the ground and held me
against His chest. It was such a strong image that I gasped and
started crying again. I could feel His love. Physically feel the
love of God. I’d never felt that before! I’d always felt if I
worked for it God would love me, but never just a love without
condition. Wow! After the music died down quite a bit, I got to my
feet, and Branson and I went back to our seats. They took up the
offering, and I just sat in my chair with this warm feeling going
through me. I could hardly move. I pointed to my purse, and Branson
grabbed it and handed it to me. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill
and handed it to him. He went up front and dropped it in the bucket
along with his tithe. There were a few announcements, and then
Pastor Dom came back up.

“Wow! How much God loves us!” Pastor Dom said
and threw up his hands. “Let’s turn to
Romans 5:17
.” People
pulled out their cell phones and Bibles. “
For if by the one
man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who
receive abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness will reign
in live through the One, Jesus Christ.
The gift of
righteousness!” Pastor Dom’s voice boomed. He paced the floor with
a grin. “Can you earn a gift? If I bought you a birthday gift and
handed it to you would you turn around and pay me for it?” Heads
shook back and forth.

“Of course not! It’s a gift! You didn’t earn
that gift! I gave it to you because I love you.” He came back
toward the middle of the crowd. His words hit me in the face. The
gift of righteousness. How come I never saw that verse before? I
yanked out my Bible and found the passage. Wow. It was there.

“We can’t earn God’s grace anymore than you
can earn a birthday gift! You either receive it freely or you
reject it!”

Branson leaned over and hugged me lightly. I
smiled at him. Pastor Dom kept going, practically jumping off the
ground in excitement.

“
Hebrews 10:12-14
let’s go there!” He
raced back to his Ipad that was sitting on the pulpit. He touched
the screen and grinned like a kid. “
But this Man, after He had
offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand
of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His
footstool. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who
are being sanctified.
” Pastor Dom walked over to the right side
of the room and pointed at a man.

“So you mean Christ made a sacrifice once for
our sins? It says that He perfected us forever those who are being
sanctified? Ah! Can you imagine? Wow! How awesome is that! So even
when I screw up, Derek, God still loves me?” The man nodded back at
him with a smile.

“Say what? He isn’t going to throw a
lightning bolt at me?” Chuckles were heard throughout the room. “So
I’m perfected forever? How long is forever, Brenna?” he asked a
girl sitting on the other side of the room.

“A really, really long time, Pastor Dom!” she
said and laughed.

“Let’s look at another one! This is good
stuff!
Ephesians 2:4-6 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of
His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in
trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have
been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in
the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
” Pastor Dom started
jumping up and down, and people in the crowd started shouting.

“Ah! Look at that! We have been saved by
what?”

“Grace!” the crowd shouted at him.

“Wait, I can’t earn His gift of grace?” he
asked the people again.

“No!” they said, and I found myself chiming
in. After church, I felt twenty times lighter than when I walked
into Grace Alive. Pastor Dom came running up to me and Branson.
Literally he ran. He grabbed us both in a big bear hug.

“How did you like the service, Zoe?” he
asked. I smiled as I looked up at him. This tattooed man had a huge
heart.

“I really loved it. I enjoyed your message,
Pastor Dom. I’d like to learn more about the grace of God.” I
really meant every word I said too. I wanted more.

“Well, come on back next Sunday!” he said and
warmly patted my back.

“I would love to, I just…” I looked at
Branson. How was I supposed to tell him that my dad was the pastor
of the largest church in the city, and he’d surely chew me out for
leaving there for this barn church?

“Her dad is the pastor of Light on the Hill
Church,” Branson explained. “I’m going to go grab Bree Bree, I’ll
be back, Zoe.” He headed toward the nursery, and I was face to face
with this grace preacher who my dad thought was ridiculous.

“Did that word hit home for you, Zoe?” he
asked. People weaved around us some of them smiling at me and
Pastor Dom.

“Yeah, it did. I’m dealing with a lot right
now with my parents. God has spoken to my heart to do something
they are against. I just need peace and help to go about it in the
right way. I don’t want to hurt them, but I have to follow God
too,” I said and felt embarrassed that I was telling this pastor
this. He just listened intently.

“You’re welcome here anytime, Zoe. Take care
of Branson okay? He’s a great man!” Pastor Dom was off to talk to
someone else. The people around me were so different. There was
groups of teens mixed with adults as old as 70. There was one guy
who looked like he belonged in my church. He had white hair, a
checkered dress shirt on, and a huge smile. Branson soon returned
with Bree in his arms. She was grabbing at the necklace he seemed
to wear often.

“Ready?” he asked. We said goodbye to his
friends, he’d introduced me to, and picked up the twins from
children’s church and got into the car.

“What’d you think?” he asked after he’d
strapped Bree and the girls into the backseat.

“It was amazing. I’ve never heard that
preached before.” I felt alive for the first time. I didn’t feel
the shame that I’d carried around forever. I wanted to hear
more!

“Isn’t Pastor Dom awesome?” he said as we
turned onto the main road. I watched buildings fly by as we
went.

“He’s really awesome! I wish I could come
back next Sunday and hear more.” I shifted in my seat. Man I wished
that so bad!

“You could, Zoe,” Branson softly said. I knew
he really wanted me to come, but what about my dad?

“Do you want to catch a bite to eat?”

“Sure,” I said.

He glanced at his little munchkins in the
back.

“Want to go to McDonalds, guys?” he asked. A
resounding excited scream came from the backseat. He laughed, and
we turned into the fast food restaurant. I helped him unstrap the
kids, and we all headed inside. He ordered his girls happy meals,
and I got a McChicken sandwich with fries. We all sat down at a
booth, and he ripped up pieces of chicken for Bree. We chatted
lightly about the service.

“Zoe? Zoe Reed?” I heard a voice. Oh crap.
That was…um…Jacob. Maybe if I ignored him he would think he was
mistaken.

“Hi, Zoe! Where were you today at church?” he
asked. I slowly turned. Dang it! He looked at me like I had punched
a baby. Condemnation stared me in the face. “I can’t believe you
skipped church! Who’s this guy?” Jacob jabbed his finger toward
Branson.

“Jacob, this is Branson Tate,” I said as I
bit into my McChicken. This could be interesting.

“Wait, this is the guy? The guy who stole you
from me?” Shoot. Jacob came right up to him.

“What did you do to her to get her to court
you? Did you threaten her? And these kids? Who’s are they?” Jacob
accused holding up his long finger.

“Mine.” Branson’s tone turned deadly. “Get
lost, buddy.”

Jacob freaked out. He threw up his hands in
anger.

“You’re going to go to Hell, Zoe Reed! Do you
understand! You’re living in sin! You’re dating a sinner! How could
you do that to your mom and dad? How? You chose him over me? He’s a
loser!” Jacob was shaking with anger.

Branson remained surprisingly calm until
Jacob poked one of his kids.

“Your daddy’s a slut! You’re going to be one
messed up ho one day!”

Holy crap.

CC started crying and reaching her hands out
for Branson.

“Daddy!” she screamed, big tears dripping out
of her eyes.

“Don’t touch my kids.” Branson came out of
the booth, and his fist found Jacob’s sneering face. Branson isn’t
small to say the least. Jacob wasn’t small either, but he
definitely didn’t have the muscle mass that Branson had. I don’t
think he expected Branson to jump him either. Branson shook his
fist as Jacob lay sprawled out on the floor of McDonalds. Wow,
things just went from 0 to 60 real fast. Jacob scrambled to his
feet, his face flushed with embarrassment.