Goth (32 page)

“Natsumi, this is for you,” she said, holding out the can of soda.

“Th-thanks,” Kitazawa Natsumi said, hesitantly taking it.

“I apologize for my bad temper earlier. I should’ve talked with you longer. I hear you were able to make things right with your sister.”

A lot of people were glaring at us, unable to get through the gate. Station attendants had noticed the commotion and were pushing toward us. I tugged Morino’s arm, trying to drag her away, but she resisted, refusing to move.

“I was also fighting with my sister, when … well, the circumstances weren’t exactly … I wanted to congratulate you, that’s all.”

And with that, she allowed me to pull her away from the gate. She was really light, like she was weightless. A flood of people passed around us. Kitazawa Natsumi was instantly swallowed by the crowd; but just before she vanished, I saw her smile, thanking Morino.

Morino followed my lead listlessly, as if exhausted. She’d lost her bag somewhere.

I looked around and found it sitting against the wall where we’d been standing earlier.

I pulled her hand until we were standing in front of the picture of a foreign lady again. It was hard work pulling her through the crowd. I had to keep a firm grip on her to keep us from being separated. She stared at the ground, never looking where she was going. Her lips were moving, muttering something, but I couldn’t make it out over the noise of the crowd—not until we left the crowd and had reached the spot where she’d left her bag.

“I think you’re my opposite, Kamiyama,” she was whispering, over and over. She was going to have to get home alone from here. I had to take the train, so she would have to walk by herself. But it seemed highly dubious that she could manage that in her current condition.

“At first, I thought you were like me. You reminded me of my sister. But you aren’t. We’re nothing alike.”

Morino’s bag was a simple black one. I picked it up and put it in her hand. It fell to the ground a second later.

I picked it up again, putting her fingers around the handle, but it was useless: She was too out of it to hold on. Her fingers couldn’t stand up to the weight of the bag, and it slid right out of her hand.

“Sometimes I think you’re smiling with nothing inside you at all, Kamiyama. I’m sorry if you take that personally, but that’s what I always think when I see you acting happy around everyone else. And sometimes, I feel really sorry for you.”

She said all this without looking up at me. Her voice was trembling, like a child about to burst into tears.

“But I’m the reverse.”

She looked up now, looked me right in the eye. I was taller than her, and from this distance, she had to look up at me. Her expression was as blank as ever, but her eyes were a little red, and they seemed damp.

“I know,” I said.

For a long moment, she stood in unmoving silence. Finally, she lowered her head and nodded. “Okay then. I’m sorry I babbled on like that.”

I held out her bag, and she took it like nothing had happened. This time, she held it firmly and didn’t drop it.

She looked at the crowd passing by, people heading to our left and to our right. I didn’t know exactly what she was looking at, but there was nothing in front of us but the crowd.

She opened her mouth and said quietly, “I’m genuinely glad for Natsumi. And I envy her.”

Morino was herself again, no longer needing my guidance. We moved in opposite directions, without even saying goodbye.

Hello, I’m the author. This is the Bunko edition of a book I wrote called
GOTH
. For reasons I don’t quite follow, it was divided into two volumes for this release. My editor, A-san, said, “Write an afterword—something interesting and easy to read.” I get requests like this because I used to enthusiastically write funny and interesting afterwords. I’m starting to get fed up with it.

†

Anyway. I wrote
GOTH
the year after I graduated from college; I believe I was twenty-three at the time. I wrote the short story called “Goth,” collected in
Yoru no Sho
, and my editor really liked the characters; suddenly, I found myself creating other stories with them. The short stories that resulted from this all have the main characters getting involved with gruesome murders. Together, they formed the work known as
GOTH
collected here. Killer after killer appears, secretly taking lives—and the more I wrote, the more worried I become that these events just seemed terribly unrealistic. In the real world, it’s absolutely unthinkable that so many crazy people could live in the same town.

I was trying to write a dark fantasy, like the series
Youma Yakou
, published by Kadokawa Sneaker Bunko. In that series, each story involves a unique
youkai
causing trouble, and I was trying to write my own version of that without the consent or permission of Group SNE (the company that created the series). I do apologize, SNE-san! So the killers that appear in
GOTH
are not human, but youkai. And the male protagonist is also a youkai, with the same power as the enemies, whereas the female lead has a powerful psychic gift that attracts youkai. As I didn’t use any items or jargon to suggest that this was not our world, people tend to believe the book is set in reality; but in my mind, it absolutely is not.

Because I wanted to write about killers as if they were monsters, I wasted no time talking about their reasons for killing or traumatic pasts. If I wrote about their motives, I would be writing about humans, and that seemed to be rather missing the point. Writing about what led them to the desire to kill sounds inherently fascinating, but that seemed like something I should do in some other work. This was a battle between monsters. Clash of the youkai. Add a little romance, and you get the rather slapdash work known as
GOTH
.

I named the book
GOTH
for the entirely arbitrary reason that the lead female seemed to be sort of Goth-y. When I was a teenager, I had Goth friends, and we often loaned each other that kind of book, so Goth culture was as familiar as air (to me). But at the same time, it wasn’t well-known (among the general public), and any number of people asked me to explain it. I nearly panicked when I saw someone post on a friend’s home page, asking if I had made up the word. Of course not! And if I gave the impression that I had, I must sincerely apologize to everyone who loves Goth culture.

It was not a well-considered title. As you will understand once you read the book, there is little to no description of Goth culture in the work itself. As a result, I have created a connection between Goths and murders. Paying no attention to the soul of Goth culture, I’ve simply added a superficial aspect of the fashion as a selling point for my book. I knew I would have to write something apologizing for that eventually, as I’ve received a letter telling me off for it. Everything written in that letter was absolutely true, and I found myself bowing apologetically as I read it. I wanted to write back, but there was no return address, so I’ve been forced to use this space to offer my apology. I am extremely sorry for having taken advantage of Goth culture.

There is one other thing I must not forget to mention: This book was awarded the Honkaku Mystery Award. I never imagined that a book like this would win an award, and I didn’t even know that the Honkaku Mystery Award existed. I received a letter informing me that my book had been selected for the final round but had been so convinced I wasn’t the type to win awards that I completely forgot about the letter, and I never even mentioned it to my editor.

That bears further explanation.
GOTH
was originally written as a “light novel.” Defining the term “light novel” is fraught with danger, but the point is that, at the time I wrote it, there were no prizes for which light novels would even be considered. In other words, the possibility that
GOTH
would win an award was absolutely out of the question. All light novelists are writing under the assumption that their work will never win any prizes, and I was just one of those.

So I may be forgiven for completely forgetting the date on which the prize was announced and going to see a play with a friend of mine. It was completely impossible, after all. The judges were all die-hard mystery fans and would never vote for a light novel. Yes, it was published as a nice hardcover with no manga-style illustrations, or any illustrations at all—but the stories “Goth” and “Wrist-Cut” (collected in the other [Bunko paperback] volume) were originally published in a light novel magazine, so it seemed like everyone would assume the work was a light novel.

I went to see a play with the writer Y-san. I have only just remembered, but the play we went to see that day starred Yukiko Motoya-san. I’ve spoken to Motoya-san four times since then, and her conversation speed is frighteningly fast; for someone like me, who rarely speaks, it’s rather like being caught in a tornado. At the time, however, I hadn’t met her, nor even seen her on stage, and she hadn’t yet become a radio personality, nor had I ever heard her on the radio.

At any rate, I was headed to the spot where I’d agreed to meet Y-san. On the way, my cell phone rang. “You appear to have won the Honkaku Mystery Award,” my editor said, sounding quite perplexed. My editor had been unaware the book was even up for the prize until she was informed that it had won, so she was naturally quite unprepared. “Get over here, now.” I was forced to abandon plans to see a play and hurried directly to where the prize was being awarded. All kinds of astonishing events awaited me there—but what, exactly? You’ll have to read the afterword in the other [second paperback] volume of
GOTH
to find out.

—Otsuichi

June 2005

Hello, I’m the author. I’ve been forced to write an afterword for the second half of the Bunko edition of
GOTH
. The deadline is tomorrow, and I haven’t written a thing. Instead, I’ve spent the day returning DVDs to Tsutaya, eating a
natto
set at Sukiya, putting away my kotatsu, and generally procrastinating—much like the astonishing amount of cleaning one does before exams. Like I mentioned in the afterword for the first half, I was asked to write something interesting and funny. This is my own fault for once actively trying to write that kind of afterword. I have no idea how to stop.

The book known as
GOTH
was awarded the Honkaku Mystery Award. This afterword will begin by talking about that prize.

†

I know little about the publishing industry and had no idea what kind of prizes actually existed in Japan. So when
GOTH
won the Honkaku Mystery Award, the first thing that went through my head was surprise that such a prize existed in the first place. The Honkaku Mystery Award was created by the Honkaku Mystery Writer’s Club and is given to the best Honkaku Mystery novel published that year.

“Honkaku Mystery? What’s that?” many of you are probably thinking. Everyone I knew in college certainly did. Honkaku Mystery is a subgenre of mystery focusing on deductions, tricks, and the surprising moment in which the truth is revealed.
Kindaichi Case Files
or
Case Closed
probably qualify (the actual definition seems to vary from person to person, so I’m not really sure about this … ).