Gossamurmur (5 page)

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Authors: Anne Waldman

Tags: #Poetry

BOOK: Gossamurmur
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rubble in late fall

she took this man of mine and then she took that one

It was a time of
Gos
= goose

+ summer

Swedish
sommer trad

a summer thread

silk goose down

Mädchen Sommer
girls’ summer

Filmy…and took the women too

Alter ego

Bi-locator

Capgras delusion

Clone

Fetch

Ikiryo

Vardøger

struggle for Marriage Equality

and escaped to scope the Tundra

seeing the shape of a monster to come

she studied these things

Poet did this and then she did that

she didn’t really want this or that

but she did it this and that way

anyway for the verbal motion of that and that movement and motion, the participial -
ing
for the sake of being in a verb

Decider wanted blood in cunning

and the possibility of poetic emblem, rune, insignia

a symbol—a device—a ruse—of power to hold a master language together

A world domination, Decider thought

If he could but get the right word or words, he mused, the right combination of vowel of consonant of phones of phoneme of melopoeia

and translate them all into every language in the world…

he would know…he would hold…he would prosper

but she withheld her knowledge

and plotted the rescue of the tapes that would be held hostage

my doppelgänger knows not the magic formula of

look closely,
the undertaker said:

serpent ring entwined upon itself with ruby eyes,

        
shapely waist, not as dainty as the others

an amber “stone” the Poet had purchased at the Goddess Conference that magnetized wary opponents to her cause

The Capgras delusion theory is a disorder in which a person holds that a friend, spouse, parent, or other close family member has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor

Cases in which patients hold the belief that time has been warped or substituted

have also been reported

It occurs most frequently in females


They have taken her place!


I will lock my bedroom door!

Psychologists have hypothesized that patients with Capgras delusion may have mirror images of “prosopagnosia”

The conscious ability to recognize faces is intact

but they might have damage
no emotional arousal

This could result in the experience of recognizing someone while feeling something was “not quite right”

A phantom on my brain

Not quite right

replica, spits image,

facsimile identity

duplicate papers

not quite right

a ghostly counterpart

ghost wife in debt or offered

substitute in old revenge

a double walker

a double goer

left temporoparietal junction

conceptual elaboration kicks in

blue as an iconographic polysemic reading

space =
akasha

shining and clear

keep it that way please

you out there? in my brain?

wanting to be who you are in the right body

marry the one you love

body against a boundary of space

peripheral vision

bi-location

in need to project a body off my own

let
her
take blame

or credit

  entwine

not quite right

cryogenized?

devices of Moroccan sky and geometry

women cover themselves in hand of caution of curtain

richly adorned

undulate across public space

Jamaa el Fna

dressed like a hippie

one in wig, bell-bottoms, with instrument case

but down under, raging terrorist

not quite right in the Argana Café time machine

impostor you sing of

secret knowledge in the medina

impostors trick

then leave you,

endarkened prison cell, who gets inside

subterranean bondage

tit for tat

I give you “bullet”

you give me “stash”

I give you numbers

passwords, key codes

identity papers

people die

more people die

you give out

murder in broad daylight

as I pass through Switzerland

dead faces of their youth

in and on the blunt news and media channels

artifact: a fruit vendor setting himself on fire in Tunisia

The Deciders are concerned about damage control

They are concerned about everything as the day comes to a close

Day’s end, they say


At day’s end
…”

Deciders of the upper echelon are hidden inside towers

and protected by radioactive shields or hunkered down

in caves like secret cities

Deciders send their signals all over the world

They are themselves all over the world

with passwords like “destiny” and “tintinnabulation”

But the lower echelon workaholic Deciders

spend long hours hallucinating an enemy

of flesh, sinew, bone, of poetry and its portents

They will design their clones to be mortal enemies

They will wear the clothes of the superpowers

Dark uniforms with powder-blue helmets

They will create policy upon policy for pepper spray


Just give them some gunpowder,
” they say

They could also put a well-dressed provocateur in the Deciding-Way

In the midst of a situation


A situation at day’s end,
” they like to say


in
our
Deciding-Way

This is quite a feat, creating and visualizing an enemy:


A situation at day’s end in our Deciding-Way

You have to have a keen imagination

You study hard to know how to do this, creating enemies you will need to destroy

What color should they be

Atom by atom you put the enemy together

Giving your factotum gestures and dark poetic substance

Or maybe he/she/it remains invisible

A game in cyberspace

And then you give him some attitude

and he/she/it takes off

He seems to be a player in the spectacle of life

The upper-echelon Decider observes

“Job well done”

It has become quite clear the enemy will progress with attitude and firepower

You can summon any machine to be activated in the Deciding-Way

At the end of the day they always say it’s what they really mean that dreadful “at the end of the day”

A tombstone, at the end of the day

what use have we of spies and they be hanged for less

look-alikes created

in order to delude someone into believing

that someone

  actually absent

is present

(
reset the electronic security device
)

for example, a princess appears as wife of Taladhyaja

you see?

her sandals leave no prints…

she walks above the ground

carefully, slowly in trance

her sari a sheaf of gold

and this story might circulate

how to beware of her

her theme of illusory “double”

might shake confidence in the uniqueness and solidarity of

her waking persona

jolt her awake

peculiar ambiguity of dream

where the dreamer sees herself

simultaneously as subject

and as object

the way the soul in limbo watches its own corpse in the Tibetan text

way I touch you, gossamer,

streaks    strands    hair filament

splash in raw daylight

dragonfly

signal of gnat-life

and with light

striation

expands    explodes

further

to complex variant

double of the dreamer who is both author and character behind the waterfall

and press against outlying reaches,

splash the boundary of allegory

web of gossamer light

to have a scrim of water separate from the space under the cavern and outsider worlds

to melt a line between

observer and observed

the droplets disperse nearby to replicate the same way again

what lives  is harvested

double in myths   dreams

or illusion between duplicadas

walk this earth

shell of emotion

makes possible witnessing of the dream process

protects the dreamer

from dangers of complete solipsism

of enclosing herself in a world

in which she is the only citizen

the living living

living living living living

the living living dreaming dreaming

dead dead walking living dreaming dead living

the living thread

and in the laboratory grow life

with a glint of DNA

“I am the only one at day’s end,” the Poet might say

dream double combats solipsism

by providing a second person to serve

working her way out of nothing

as a corroborating authority

but that person is another aspect of the dreamer and does not

combat the logic of solipsism

impossible to surmount

her arm an arc of water air earth fire

face-to-face combat

bootstrap logic? pull her up out of the watery mirror

and we have our magic replications

duplications’ reflections

the wise text says:

sorrow will not bring enlightenment

the sage will try scripture

the sage will try illustration

the sage will transform into a new woman

to mouth these words

I went to play my lute for Decider Vishnu

and found him engaged in erotic play

with wife Lakshmi

and when he saw me he had her vanished

I have conquered illusion

but you can’t say this you can’t say I have conquered illusion

no one, not even the gods

may conquer illusion

I beg you Vishnu show me what illusion is

he took me to a beautiful pond and invited me to bathe in it

I entered the pool as Vishnu instructed and became woman

this is illusion,
he said

a master of erotic skills

made love to me night and day

lost all sense of time

drinking wine

rapt in pleasure

twelve years a single moment

I forgot my former body

and life as a sage

eight sons many grandchildren later

I was happy—no—couldn’t name my sorrow

lot of a woman

I bred I bred

estranged not-come-to-joy

reads-many-books

went to know the world as a woman

ask a woman, ask others

women had tenderer thought?

is it not a gentler feeling for the world?

one day an enemy attacked

family all dead I rage wept I fled

lot of a woman they said

weaker weaker woman

Decider Vishnu came to me

why are you so sad?

remember what I said

this is delusion

who are you and whose bodies are these strewn about?

perform the rituals for the dead

you are not what you seem

this is not what it seems

in the allegorical dimension of your struggling text

went to the lake called “Male-Ford”

glanced in, saw a text of light

(
pumtirtha
)

It said:

You had millions of sons who died in

life

after life

millions of husbands and fathers too

for whom you grieve

it is all a mistake and arises in your own mind as a dream

I entered the ford and instantly became a man

with a lute in my hand

I remembered I was a transformer in the Patriarchy

I sang:

as a woman I experience the misery of worldly existence

as a man I create more suffering

om ah ah

experience in the illusory world is a nightmare from which one wishes to escape

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