Goodnight Mind (9 page)

Yoga may be a good practice for you because it combines breathing, muscle relaxation, and imagery, described above. As with any relaxation practice, commit to practicing for at least a short while every day, but set your expectations low for the first several weeks. If you are too attached to the idea of instant and deep relaxation, you may become frustrated quickly and give up before you are able to reap the rewards of these practices.

Other Relaxation Practices

The choices for relaxation are endless. Enjoy exploring all the other forms of relaxation available to you. These may include:

• Tai chi
  
• Relaxation sounds or music CDs
  
• Massage
  
• Chanting (e.g., “ohm”)
  
• Meditation
  
• Warm baths
  

Summary

In this chapter, you learned that you can address the problem of a noisy mind by learning to quiet your body, or reduce muscle tension. When your sympathetic nervous system is activated because of perceived danger—when your body is “stepping on the gas”—the resulting increased heart rate, quickened breathing, and so on make it difficult to sleep. By practicing relaxation techniques, you can figuratively step on the brakes when you wish to reduce your tension and anxiety.

In this chapter, we described progressive muscle relaxation, belly breathing, imagery, and yoga, but these are not the only strategies you may use. Choose which technique or techniques work best for you, and try to make time to practice every day. If you are careful to have reasonable expectations, you will find that after a while sleep does come more easily.

Chapter 7

Manage Your Overactive Mind without Counting Sheep

Y
ou may be reading this book because you want a strategy for counteracting the frustrating experience of lying awake worrying. Hopefully you have learned from the preceding chapters that multiple factors can contribute to bedtime worrying and that there are things you can do to make your sleep system run optimally and make bedtime worrying less likely. In this chapter, you will read about strategies to “put your worries to bed” so that you can have a more restful sleep.

Put Your Worries to Bed

Do you have a busy life? Do you remain so busy throughout your day that you have the chance to think about what is happening in your life only when you get into bed, a place that is quiet and dark and free of distractions?

When you are half asleep, you are not at your problem-solving best and you may be even more prone to imagining unlikely disasters and worrying about things over which you have little control. The solution? Problem solve intentionally at a time when you are better able to generate good solutions. Give yourself a time to address your worries earlier in the day so that bedtime is no longer your only available time to think about the day’s events.

Schedule a Worry Time

If you give yourself time earlier in the day to deal with unfinished business, your worries will be less likely to follow you to bed. Start by scheduling a time in the early evening when you can have about twenty to thirty minutes of uninterrupted time. Divide a sheet of paper (or an electronic document) in half by drawing a vertical line down the middle. At the top of the left-hand column write “Worries or Concerns.” Label the right-hand column “Next Steps” or “Solutions.”

What typically worries you at night? Is there something on your mind right now that may bother you later? Do you have a problem for which you have not yet thought of a solution? These are all good candidates for your “Worries or Concerns” column. Once you have recorded a worry, think of the next step you could take toward resolution. Try to think of several possible solutions for each problem. Once you have generated several solutions, focus on the best “next” step that you can take. For example, if your worry is that you have a bill that is due soon and you are not sure whether it was paid, ultimately the solution is to pay it if it remains outstanding; however, there are intervening steps that you should write down. For example, you will need to look on the computer or wherever you track your bill payments to see whether the bill was paid. This is just a small step toward paying the bill, but it makes the process more manageable.

Most people who worry can generate good solutions to problems; however, their problems seem so overwhelming that they fail to actually take steps to solve them. Breaking a solution or a goal down into smaller steps increases the likelihood that you will move toward it. You may find that accomplishing the first small step inspires you to move to the next step, helping you meet your goal. If you have several unmet goals, you may be prone to feeling anxious, frustrated, or even depressed. Try breaking them down and working on them in this way, and you may feel better.

You may choose to work on only one worry per day, or you may use your worry time to generate a “to-do” list to solve mini-worries. Simply take time to work on whatever problems come up.

Some problems may not have immediate solutions or may be entirely out of your control. When a solution cannot be immediately pursued, thinking about possible solutions and making plans for different scenarios may help you feel less stuck. If the problem is entirely out of your control, however, constructive solutions are not realistic. In this case, it helps to just write about the problem and accept that a solution is not within your control. Let’s say you are looking for a job. You have already created a plan for identifying and applying for jobs, worked on your CV, and done everything else that you possibly can. Yet you are still worried about getting a job. At this point, things are out of your control and it is best to focus on taking care of yourself so that you maintain the energy and optimism to wait until one of your job prospects pays off. Sometimes actively reassuring yourself that things will be okay is the next best step to resolving a worry. If worries about finding a job persist, do some free writing about them.

When your worry time is up, fold the paper in half and put it away. Reassure yourself that you have done the best that you can do for now. Re-remind yourself of this if the worry intrudes into your nighttime routine. That is, remind yourself that you already dealt with the problem when you were at your problem-solving best earlier in the evening and there is nothing that you can do about it now, when it is time to sleep.

Write about Your Concerns at Bedtime

Some people find that, despite their earlier evening problem solving, they worry again at bedtime. You may find that writing before you go to sleep helps you let these things go and allows you to fall asleep more readily. This strategy allows you to organize your thoughts about something that is on your mind, process it, and then let it go.

As before, set aside twenty to thirty minutes for this purpose. Start by writing down thoughts, concerns, or simply things on your mind. Be as honest as possible, openly exploring your deepest feelings and thoughts about matters that bother you. Some people find it easier to write openly if they plan to shred their writing when they are done. Include as much detail as possible and freely explore every aspect of what you are writing about. Do not censor yourself or tell yourself that your thoughts are too “silly” to put down on paper; whatever you write about is okay. Once you have completely explored the topic, put your paper away (shred it if you wish).

Do this whenever you find yourself worried before or in bed.

Banish Worry from Your Bed

If you worry in bed, it may become an unwanted habit and you will be more likely to continue to worry in the future. Below are some tips that will make it less likely for worry to occur while you are trying to sleep.

Get Out of Bed

Worrying in bed may have several causes. Perhaps bedtime represents your first opportunity to process the day’s events, because during the day you either pushed your thoughts away or were too busy to think about things. Perhaps your bed has become a place where you struggle night after night and therefore you approach bed feeling alert or anxious. In this state of mind, you are more likely to start thinking about things that worry you.

Whatever the reason, worrying in bed can become a habit. One of the most effective ways to break this habit is to get out of bed once the worrying starts. This strategy is described in full in chapter 4; however, we will review the rationale here as it pertains to worrying in bed. If your bed has become associated with worrying, problem solving, list-making, or ruminating about things that went wrong in your day, you need to protect your bed from being paired with these unwanted mental habits. To do so, get out of bed and go to another room until this mental activity (worrying, problem solving, list-making, or ruminating) subsides.

It is possible that when you first start to use this strategy you will spend a lot of time out of bed at night and sleep even less, but this will be a short-term side effect and a relatively small price to pay for solving the problem in the long run. The sleep deprivation that may result from getting out of bed when unable to sleep will increase your sleep drive (the pressure to sleep), and if you do it consistently you will quickly start sleeping better. Your bed will be associated with sleep rather than worry, and as a result you can expect improved sleep for many more nights in the future.

A rule of thumb is if you worry for what feels like longer than fifteen minutes (do not watch the clock) or if you are feeling wide awake in bed, it is best to leave the room and not return to bed until you are sleepy and not worrying.

Occupy Your Mind

Racing thoughts and a tense body make it difficult for you to have restful sleep. You may try to deal with this problem by trying to force yourself to feel less anxious; in other words, you may simply try to will yourself to stop worrying.

We would like you to do the following exercise: When you reach the end of this paragraph, close your eyes and try
not
to think about a banana split. Do not imagine the cold ice cream. Do not imagine the scent of banana. Do not think of the chocolate syrup drizzling on the top. Do not picture how the sweet juice bursts out of the maraschino cherry as you bite into it. Also do not think,
I will not think of banana splits
. After all, thinking of the absence of a banana split also constitutes thinking of banana splits.

You get the picture. The answer to this conundrum is to find alternatives to “stopping” unwanted thoughts from occurring. We will discuss several, and in a later chapter we will discuss the power of being open to the experience. First we discuss the strategy of finding something compelling to occupy your mind.

Have you ever been told to count sheep to help you fall asleep? Try this little experiment right now. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Imagine a field with a single fence. What does your fence look like? What color is it? How high is it? Is it made of wood? Does it stretch the entire vista of your mind? Or is it only one or two sections of fence? Once you have a clear vision of what the fence looks like, imagine a sheep approaching the fence and jumping effortlessly and slowly over the fence. As the sheep’s front feet touch the grass on the other side, a second sheep jumps with exactly the same height and velocity. As the second sheep’s feet touch the ground on the other side, a third sheep begins the jump. Watch a fourth sheep jump. And a fifth sheep. And a sixth sheep. All of your sheep jump with the same form, speed, height, and arc. And then a seventh sheep jumps. And an eighth. A ninth and a tenth. Then open your eyes and read on.

What did you notice? Some people find the monotony of this visual experiment relaxing and notice nothing except the image of the sheep jumping. Others are distracted by thoughts during the exercise. Perhaps you had thoughts such as “This would never work at night” or “This is boring,” or perhaps you thought of other things that were on your mind.

What does the sheep exercise tell us? Engaging your mind in an exercise in which you picture something in your mind’s eye occupies space in your busy mind. However, this exercise also tells us that if the picture is boring, you may become distracted by unrelated thoughts. In other words, there is a strategy here: engage your mind in a visual image that will compete with other thoughts. Perhaps sheep jumping over a fence isn’t quite engaging enough to hold the attention of your overactive mind, particularly in a dark, quiet bedroom. What, then, may work better?

Consider the human fondness for stories. Many of the things people like to do to unwind involve following a storyline. People generally seek out stories—whether told on the radio, in a book, on television, or in some other form—for diversion and entertainment. You may be surprised to learn that there is a way you can enjoy stories in bed without using your eyes or ears.

Tonight when you get into bed, think about a story with particularly compelling characters or a fascinating plot. It can be a story from a book, a movie, a television show, a play, or your imagination. Follow the plot from whatever point you like. You may like to imagine what happens after the end of a favorite movie or book. Or you may like to come up with an alternate ending. If you have a vivid imagination, you may imagine a completely new story for a character you find compelling. The only rule is to avoid selecting a story that is likely to be so exciting that it would keep you awake. You want something that will hold your interest more than sheep jumping over a fence, but not so much that you become wide awake. Be sure to focus on the details in your imagined scenes. Details help make the image vivid and engaging. What are people wearing? What are they saying? What does the room or setting look like? Focus on what would happen next. Occupy your mind and enjoy the story you create. If you find it difficult to think of a story, you may like to incorporate a hobby. For example, imagine that you are decorating a home room by room on an unlimited budget or that you are golfing a perfect game on a fantasy course. As long as it is not too exciting, it doesn’t matter what you visualize.