Goodly Creatures: A Pride and Prejudice Deviation (76 page)

“Lizzy, what is the matter? You were not this unhappy before Bethany was born. Tell me what is causing your hopelessness?”

Lizzy told him all that had occurred in Hertfordshire and Kent with Mr Darcy. She finished by telling him of their efforts to thwart Lord Wolfbridge and Lord Elderton, and the resulting rescue of Jane. The story of Mr Darcy’s punch that broke both the Viscount’s nose and front tooth brought the first smile Jamie had observed that reached her eyes. The light was on only for a second, but soon she continued with a sombre face. “I love him, but I cannot marry him.”

For the next half hour, they talked of her fears of retaliation, exposure and the physical requirements of marriage. She told him of her conversation with her Aunt Gardiner, and he quickly gave her a second opinion… that concurred with his cousin’s diagnosis. “Lizzy, I agree with Maggie. Talk to him. You have described to me conversations that many married couples rarely have. You want something, but are afraid to grasp it, and he is the only one who can persuade you to try. Consider yourself lucky. Men and women do not communicate their feelings in our society, but you and Mr Darcy have been forced to learn how. I often wonder how many potentially delightful marriages never happen because one or the other is afraid to candidly explain their wishes… waiting for a sign that gives them hope before they proceed.”

“But Jamie, women are thought improper and vulgarly forward if they speak too openly of their desires to a man.”

“I know, and you and I are unable to solve that societal inequity, but you and Mr Darcy have already discussed many things that well-bred women should never mention… and still he wants to marry you. He is a good man. Tell him of your fears… perhaps he can make a plan to save you from your despondency, much the way he saved your sister.”

The trio of young women were due to leave for Longbourn the next morning. There was no real need for Jane and Becky to finish the Season in London, and they were anxious to begin the preparations for their weddings.

Elizabeth arose early, leaving Georgiana sleeping soundly. Looking out the window toward the square, she noted a gloomy day that perfectly matched her mood. As per the routine that had been established during her stay, she and Mr Darcy, as the early risers, were the first in the breakfast room. They were soon joined by Bethany and Lewis. At breakfast, Mr Darcy asked Miss Elizabeth if she would agree to a private audience with him on the sofa in his study… their substitute for the log at Rosings. Just as Becky had related, she was quite sure she knew what was to happen.

A positive answer continued to be something she felt she was unable to offer, but she did plan to tell him of her love—and to follow the advice of both her Aunt Margaret and Jamie to be as open and honest as possible about her fears. It pained her that she might hurt him once again.

Once seated on their ‘log,’ Mr Darcy took her hand and gazed into her eyes. “Dearest Elizabeth, my feelings are unchanged, and as God is my witness, they will never change. During our fortnight living together in this house, we established an easy routine… breakfast together with Bethany and Lewis, listening to their hopes and concerns, laughing together, discussing the news in the papers, maybe even arguing good naturedly, perhaps a walk if the weather permitted, reading in easy companionship in the library and delightful dinners with friends and family. The best was tucking
our
children in at night and together reading or telling them stories. I want you to share that life with me.”

Elizabeth agreed that the picture he painted of their routine was idyllic, and his calling Bethany and Lewis, ‘our children’ touched her. Despite her desire for the life he described, she felt compelled to say, “Since your proposal in Kent, I have realized that I too love and admire you. However, I believe we are truly ‘star crossed.’ Your family continues to present an obstacle to our happiness. How can we be sure that the contempt the Earl, the Viscount and Lady Catherine feel for me would not erupt into cruel actions directed toward either my family, or more importantly, Bethany? It seems much more prudent, especially for her, that we part and allow the animosity to subside.”

Darcy had prepared himself for this concern. “I agree my family is a major dilemma that I must face, but the only disapproval is from the three you mentioned. The rest—Georgiana, Richard, Aunt Cassandra and even Lady Wolfbridge—are on our side. They want us to be together.”

Darcy looked at the portrait of his mother and said a little prayer, before he spoke the words he hoped would allay her fears. “The principles of the Fitzwilliam and Darcy families have been at war since long before you and I were even born. These two houses, though intermarried, have a history of skirmishes to see whose values would dominate. At times, this dispute threatened my parent’s marriage; but their love prevailed. My father was forever threatening to challenge my uncle to a duel, much as I threatened Edmund. Both my mother and my aunt often had to persuade my father of his foolish notions. Our problem is just another clash in this ongoing war.”

His eyes reflected the guilt he felt for all he had put her through as he confessed. “My relationship with you has seen this battle between familial principles played out; and you were forced to endure much Fitzwilliam arrogance, disdain, conceit, and pride. But lucky for us, I am also a Darcy, and the characteristics of honour, loyalty, compassion, and humility are also present. If you will trust me, I know I can ensure we will have that marriage I described to Lady Catherine,
strong affection, admiration, respect and common purpose.
Please, let me attempt to solve the quandary presented by my family.”

Elizabeth sat in silence, contemplating his thoughts on his family. She knew she had to make an attempt to explain her other fear. She cleared her throat and looked down at their entwined hands. Her voice was barely a whisper. “I continue to feel repulsion at the thought of marital relations. I have tried to envision what the act would be like, but was unable to get beyond a certain point without beginning to tremble and experiencing shortness of breath.” She looked up and gave him a weak smile. “I did like being in your arms. I felt warm and safe, but I know I also enjoy being held and comforted by my sisters. Anything more and my mind refuses to go further. You deserve a wife you can worship with your body. I fear I can never be that to you.”

Darcy laughed to himself as he realized what he was about to admit to this woman he so desperately loved. A year ago, he would not have believed he could talk about such things with her. He too cleared his throat and looked at their hands. “I understand your concerns, but I believe there is a solution for this dilemma as well. When Anne and I married, she was very frightened. The ‘act,’ as you call it, was not enjoyable to her at all. That part of our marriage required time, trust, patience and communication before we ‘worshipped’ each other. My love for you is so much stronger than anything I ever felt for Anne. My feelings for you have endured six years of stupidity.” He too looked up and smiled at her. “In my mind, you were always arguing with me… making me rethink all my insufferable arrogant opinions.” After a few moments of silence his face lost its smile but gained determination as he told her what was most important. “Even if Edmund has ruined this part of marriage for us, I still want your companionship.”

Elizabeth brought his hand to her lips. “You are a good man, Mr Darcy. I will think about all you have told me.”

Darcy’s smile returned and broadened to include a dazzling display of dimples. He said, “I believe it time I told you about my father’s proposals to my mother.”

Elizabeth laughed. “Actually, Anne told me about their courtship the day she persuaded me to give up Bethany. She said he was very persistent.”

“Yes, he was. For six years, you have put up with the Fitzwilliam side of my character. Well from now on, it will be my Darcy traits you will contend with. I will be as relentless as my father. Elizabeth, do not trifle with me. If you are unable to withstand my numerous proposals, tell me now. One word from you will silence me forever on the subject of marriage.” Darcy knew this was a risky gambit, but her answer would allow him to determine whether there was hope.

Elizabeth smiled at him and said teasingly, “I am willing to put up with your relentless offers. However, I continue to be unsure whether I will be able to accept, but I must admit the thought of your pursuit presents a sort of delightful diversion to anticipate. Are you certain you are willing to endure any Bennet barbs I may throw if I am displeased with your approach… or are you smugly relying on my mother’s side to my character to take control and win the day?”

Mr Darcy laughed, and felt immensely relieved to see mirth had replaced her despair.

“Mr Darcy, I have one final question. May I call you Will?”

He answered, “Yes,” and enfolded her in his arms for the second time in their acquaintance. He thought of attempting a kiss, but decided they had come too far today to risk any backward progression caused by precipitous actions.

The second day Elizabeth was back at Longbourn, an express arrived from Miss Darcy.

Darcy House, London
18 April 1812
Dear Lizzy,

You are so missed. Everyone is walking around with sad faces since your departure. For my part, the delicious taste of sisterhood was so enticing while you were with me and now I am left bereft.

Richard leaves in a fortnight for Brighton. He has planned a visit with his friends, Colonel Forster and Colonel Bledsoe before his next assignment. We all hope it is Yorkshire but fear he will be sent back to Spain as originally planned. Jamie is still in London spending time with Mr and Mrs Gardiner, but we rarely see him. Much of his time is spent accompanying Lady Elderton to meetings with charitable organizations. Their mission is to find funding for the hospital they hope to establish.

Sir Gareth, Sian and Jamie will join us in a caravan back to Derbyshire. I look forward to returning to Pemberley. Next year when I come out, I will have to endure the entire Season. I pray I will be as fortunate as Jane and Becky. An early betrothal would mean I could be spared pretending enjoyment of the elegant madness of the best upper set.

Will has enclosed some words for you, and Bethany and Lewis have drawn pictures. Lew has drawn his pony, and Bethany drew a picture of a boy, a girl, a woman and a man holding hands. The woman has hair exactly the same colour as the little girl’s. I think that means I am not the woman.

Love to all your family. I look forward to meeting them soon, at one of the three upcoming weddings. Will is talking about all of us spending the entire month of September in Hertfordshire.

I love you,
Georgiana

Elizabeth’s smile was followed by the inevitable tears as she observed the childish drawings from Bethany and Lewis. Lewis had put a little boy on the pony, and Lizzy felt he had tried to make the rider wave at someone. Confirming her suspicion, Georgiana had written the legend ‘Lewis on Little John, waving at Miss Lizzy’ at the bottom of the picture. Bethany had labelled her picture, ‘my family’ by herself. The woman was holding the little boy’s hand, who in turn was holding the little girl’s hand, who was holding the man’s hand. They were stick figures, whose gender was identified by their clothes and hair. All four were depicted wearing very big smiles. The woman and the little girl did indeed have the same colour hair, as did the boy and the man.

Mr Darcy’s letter was not long, but very moving.

Dearest Elizabeth,

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little. Please know, I have promised myself that is the extent of my maudlin meanderings in this letter.

My other promise to you involves my eleventh commandment, ‘I will not sit idly by,’ and I want you to know, I have hired the same Mr Thatcher your uncle engaged six years ago to look into my cousin’s dalliances. I think perhaps you were not the only very young woman he hurt. Knowledge of the extent of his depravity is a weapon against any urge of Edmund or my uncle to retaliate. Being a rake can be quite fashionable, and the same is true of keeping mistresses; but I doubt the rape of a child will be accepted so readily by high society. I have to assume that at least the mothers and fathers would cringe at the thought that such a predator is about. As we discussed before you left, my uncle is not so indifferent to public opinion as to have the Fitzwilliam name associated with degeneracy.