Goodly Creatures: A Pride and Prejudice Deviation (69 page)

He tried to speak several times, but each time the words stuck in his throat. When he was composed enough, he said, “Miss Elizabeth, I do not know what I should say to make amends for my behaviour. I am so ashamed that I thought you to blame all these years despite the fact that I think I have loved you from the moment I met you. It was inconvenient to confront my feelings for you, so I think I kept them at a distance by believing you mercenary. You told me that your sister and my sister thought we had been involved in an affair that resulted in Bethany. You were shocked that they thought us so wanton. What if I told you I often imagined us in that way, even before Anne died? My guilt has caused me to experience Macbeth’s ‘fitful fever’ many a night.”

“Mr Darcy, unlike Macbeth, you did not act… you only thought. Yesterday, I told you I would kill your cousin, and that was only the latest instance of disposing of him by murderous imagination… I also thought of killing Lady Catherine. Words and thoughts are not actions. You and I are not like Lord Wolfbridge.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. Finally, Darcy gathered enough courage to ask the question that had plagued him all night. “Miss Elizabeth, yesterday you said that under different circumstances, you could have loved me. Why do you say that, considering my cruelty toward you?”

“You have been naive, witless, arrogant and insufferable, but you have never been cruel—except maybe the night of our waltz.” Elizabeth chuckled at the memory, but noticed her laughter had caused Mr Darcy to become very interested in his shoes. “Even then, you apologized the next morning. Sometimes you have even been very generous. I believe you paid Edmund’s three thousand pounds and added another three thousand. For many years I wondered why you followed me to Cheapside. As I knew you better in Hertforshire, I decided you were being protective. You are nothing like Lord Wolfbridge.”

She lifted his chin so she could see his eyes when she continued. “We both know there is an attraction between us. We have talked of it before. When we met that night at the theatre, something drew us toward each other, but you were a little too married and I was a little too young. The next thing I knew, my life had changed irrevocably because of your cousin. If we had met for the first time when you came to Hertfordshire—what then? Elizabeth gave him a shy smile. “That same spark would have ignited, and there would have been no obstacles. You and I would have danced at the assembly, and our affection would have grown. We are well suited to each other and enjoy the same things. Our life could have been what you told Lady Catherine about Kitty and John’s—affection, admiration, respect and common purpose.” Her smile deepened. “In addition, I could have made you laugh.”

Darcy marvelled at her touch. He was amazed that she and her sister had remembered his words. As he had listened to her scenario of love blossoming in Hertfordshire, he was not as confident as she that he would have acted appropriately. The same pride that had prevented him from seeing the truth about her rape might have kept him from acknowledging her worth despite his assessment of her inferior connections. Still, he answered her smile with a glorious one of his own.

They sat in silence finishing their tea. Elizabeth finally felt brave enough to pursue something she had wondered about for six years. “Mr Darcy, could I ask you a question? I am leaving in a few hours to go to Jane. She has been in company with Lord Wolfbridge and the Earl, and I fear for her. I know your cousin is dishonourable, but I do not know how to sketch your uncle’s character. He once said something to me that I did not comprehend, and I have felt over the years that I should have understood it, and if I did, I might have known not to trust your cousin. They both thought it very humorous and seemed to enjoy my naiveté. Please do not think me disrespectful, but I want to know what he meant.”

“You do not need to worry that I will disapprove of you. Tell me what he said.”

Elizabeth repeated the Earl’s remark about the two heads.

Darcy’s face clouded with ire. She was unsure why he was angry, and became afraid she was the source of his fury. With fear in her eyes, Elizabeth said, “Please, Mr Darcy, I did not realize how disrespectful I was being to tell you that story. Please do not think poorly…” She got no further. He enveloped her in his arms. Too startled to respond, she thought she felt him kiss her hair, and next heard him murmur over and over and over, “I am so sorry… I am so sorry… I am so sorry…”

Darcy continued to hold Elizabeth, saying nothing until he finally whispered in her ear. “Dearest Elizabeth, I do not think poorly of you, and there is nothing that could ever make me think poorly of you again. What my uncle said was highly improper… especially to one so young. If he were here before me, I would beat him until he wished he were dead, even if he is the head of my family. He deserves no honour from me.”

Darcy finally released Elizabeth. “I apologize for my forwardness just now. I know you do not like to be touched. I beg your forgiveness.”

Elizabeth could only stare at him and nod. She had felt apprehensive at first, but with every ‘I am so sorry,’ she began to feel warm and safe. When she thought he had kissed her hair, she felt a shiver and a little tug way down at the bottom of her belly—so many new sensations. He had called her ‘dearest Elizabeth,’ and it did not cause her to feel anger toward him, as it would have yesterday. Her mind was a jumble, and she was having trouble concentrating as he began speaking again.

“You are not going to London by post. You are going in my carriage with Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana. Darcy House has been alerted to expect the three of you, and Georgiana’s companion, Mrs Annesley is in residence there.”

Darcy tried to gauge how Elizabeth was reacting to his plan. She could decide his arrangements were officious. Her face was still wide-eyed and registering disbelief with what was happening. He decided to forge ahead. “Richard and Georgiana will go with you on Wednesday to his parents’ house. If Miss Bennet comes to tea, the three of you will be there to protect her. I assume my aunt and Lady Wolfbridge will be there. If they are, it will be fortuitous. Neither Edmund nor my uncle would be that bold as to propose an assignation with your sister in their presence.” He paused to make certain she was at least listening to his instructions. “But, I suggest, in the interest of Miss Bennet’s safety, you persuade her to leave immediately. Make absolutely certain she spends no time alone with my uncle. She is too old to interest Edmund, but she is just what my uncle craves. I have written to both Mr Bingley and Sir Gareth to tell them of my fears. I also confessed my persuasion based on totally false beliefs to Bingley.”

Mr Darcy grasped Elizabeth’s forearms and forced her to face him squarely. “Miss Elizabeth, are you willing to accept my plan to protect your sister? Please say something, so I know I am not offending you once again.”

Elizabeth looked up at him and wished she could be back in his arms. The warmth and safety she had felt had been reassuring. Her whisper was almost inaudible. “You are not offending me.”

48 GOOD WOMBS HAVE BORNE BAD SONS

Elizabeth was strangely silent to her companions as the carriage set out. Neither Georgiana nor Colonel Fitzwilliam knew of their early morning conference in the grove. But both had heard from Darcy of her fury the day before. They assumed she was still revisiting the finer points of her rejection. In truth, her mind was both more and less pleasantly occupied. After savouring the memory of being in his arms for some time, her six-year denial of any possibility of romance reasserted itself. Once she embraced the obstacles on a path to marriage, the remainder of the distance to London flew by.

Richard spent his time planning a strategy for confronting Edmund and his father. He hoped his mother had not left town in disgust. He needed her to become an ally. At Elderton, she was able to avoid the Earl. Her hours were filled with visiting tenants and playing a role in the village church and local charities—doing those things Darcy’s were revered for in Derbyshire. Lately, she had been devoting a significant amount of time helping Dr Wilder establish a hospital for the poor. In London, she was forced to be much more involved in his father’s public life; and though the Countess had become very adept at playing a role for the
ton,
she despised the disguise.

Cassandra Darcy Fitzwilliam had been forced early in her marriage to choose which persona the world of her society would perceive. Should she be the naive wife who was oblivious to her husband’s indiscretions—or the wife, who had never had any illusions that she had made or even desired, a love match? She had chosen the latter. The acting skills she had honed as a child at Pemberley were put into play when she was required to pay homage to the fashionable notions of the importance of connections, titles and property over the fleeting pleasure of actual affection and passion.

Richard reflected on the family history he had pieced together from youthful eavesdropping augmented by skilled intelligence gathering he had been taught in the army. His uncle, George Darcy, had learned of his sister’s anguish early in her marriage. The Earl had flaunted one of his mistresses in her face, and his uncle George had wanted to challenge his brother-in-law to a duel. His sister, Richard’s mother, forbade him—the publicity over such a display would only add intense gossip to the injury of her humiliation. Over the years, Lady Elderton had returned to Pemberley, often taking Richard with her, to find solace in the remembrance of things past while spending time with her brother, her sister-in-law and their children. Her visits continued after George Darcy and Lady Anne’s deaths, and currently one of her favourite activities was spending time with her nephew’s children. She had grown distant from her husband and her first-born, but had developed a strong bond—based in mutual empathy—with her daughter-in-law.

Richard suppressed a sigh, as he remembered his mother’s greeting upon his return from Spain. She had embraced him with the whispered words that he was the one validation that her marriage had not been without its achievements—adding that it seemed so unfair that she had to share him with England’s need to defeat Napoleon. Her laughter had been tinged with hysteria as she finished by saying, “All in all, I would prefer to dote on your children.”

Fitzwilliam Darcy’s sister contemplated her new relationship with her brother as she watched the countryside pass. Elizabeth had been the catalyst for the change, but yet she was not ready to embrace the life she worked diligently to achieve for others. Elizabeth’s rejection of Will had at its core the belief it was not possible for her to be a wife. What had Edmund done to her to make her so fearful?

Georgiana had heard Bethany and Lewis’s requirements in a mother—Elizabeth fit them perfectly. Mary agreed with her that their siblings could find happiness together. Now, all she could think to do was be the very best friend to Elizabeth. Will had told her several things to make her stay at Darcy House more comfortable. That was a good place to start… that and making sure Elizabeth knew
he
had thought of the kindnesses.

The outside of the house was even lovelier than the first time Elizabeth had visited. However, she preferred to study the new brick and think of her profit, rather than recollect the past. Once inside, she concentrated on the flowers atop the hexagonal table in the entryway. They were full of the promise of spring… multi-hued tulips and flowering cherry stems accented with new growth ivy.

Elizabeth lingered in the hall. Her face belied the fear she felt as she looked up the stairs. Georgiana noticed her reticence to follow her and decided to implement the first act of kindness her brother had suggested. “I will not leave you alone. Will warned me you might be apprehensive. He thought perhaps you might like to sleep with me in my room. It is as it has been since I was six.” She said the next bit of information with a giggle. “It is very little girlish, with pink flowered wallcoverings and many dolls.”

“You call your brother Will?”

“I do. Fitzwilliam was too difficult for me to say as a child.”

Elizabeth moved away from thoughts of Mr Darcy and pictured her friend’s room. “I like pink, and I like flowers; but I only ever had one doll. Her name is Portia. She is a cloth doll my mother made to look like me. She gave her green eyes and reddish gold hair. I am not as fond of Shakespeare’s Portia as I once was. However, I still love that doll.” Lizzy now giggled. “Besides, what’s in a name? A doll you love, regardless of what you call her, can still be your sweet comrade in sleep.”

“I should warn you my pug, Bianca, is here in London, and she will likely share our bed… especially since Will is not arriving until tomorrow. He frowns on Bianca sleeping with me. He says it sets a bad example for Bethany and Lewis. He fears they will insist Bottom share theirs.”

“My father will not even allow Caliban in the house. He is a very large and very ugly dog, but he is my fiercest defender. On cold nights, I go down the back stairs, and let him in the servants’ entrance. He sleeps on a rug in front of the fire in my room. I believe Papa knows, but since I do it clandestinely, he overlooks my disobedience.”