Goodbye Girl (Hidden Lane Ranch) (10 page)

It wasn’t long
before I settled into a nice routine on the ranch between work and my
relationship with Clint. I became more comfortable in my duties and was happy
to help them. Eliza and Mary were good teachers and I was soon able to help
take care of the business side of things at the ranch with little instruction
or direction from them so they could focus on other things.

Everyone on
the ranch now knew about my relationship with Clint. Honestly, I’m not sure how
much of a secret it had even been. We were openly affectionate around the rest
of the family and took turns staying in each other’s room. I still hadn’t told
him about
him
and why I left Buffalo. He would start to ask me questions
about my past, but I would blow them off and change the subject.

He hadn’t been
kidding when he said the games between us in the bedroom were just beginning. He
was insatiable and I wasn’t complaining. He’d stirred a sexual awakening in me
and every night was full of amazing sex. Sometimes he’d be hard and fast and
slow and sensual other nights.

Despite
growing up in the city, I adjusted to country living quite nicely. One of my
favorite things to do with both Eliza and Clint was to go horseback riding
around the property. Seemed I was a natural rider and took to it quickly. I
even ended up with another pair of cowboy boots so now I had one for kicking
around the ranch and one for when we went out.

And we went
out often. Eliza liked to socialize and she was constantly dragging me out with
her. Many times I could convince Clint to come, but often he would be tired
after a long hard day and would want to stay in.

It was a
Thursday night and we were cleaning up from dinner. “Eliza wants me to go out
with her tonight.”

“Again? That’s
like the third time this week and it’s not even the weekend!” he mumbled.

I shrugged. “I
know, but she wants to.” I wasn’t sure what Eliza was looking for when we went
out. She didn’t really drink a lot, so that wasn’t it and she ended up spending
most of her time with Wyatt’s friend Jackson anyway. Maybe she could meet him
out and I could stay home.

“I think you
should stay in.” He wiped his hands on a towel and leaned back against the
counter, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“Excuse me?” I
asked, putting my hand on my hip. Had he seriously told me what to do?

“You heard me;
I think you should stay in with me.” He pushed up off the counter and started
walking into the family room. “You guys go out too much. And I don’t like all
those guys checking you out or dancing with you.”

I stood there
with my mouth open slightly. I’d just left someone not too long ago that liked
to tell me what to do; I wasn’t about to put up with it again, no matter how
good his ass looked in a pair of jeans.

I threw my
dishtowel on the counter. “Well, I’m going.” I marched back to my bedroom to
get changed. I was going to go out with Eliza and I was going to make sure I
looked good. No man was going to tell me what to do. I put on the shortest jean
skirt I could find and my low-cut tank top. I slipped on my cowboy boots and
decided to leave my hair down tonight.

I was in my
bathroom putting on some eyeliner when there was a loud knock on my bedroom
door. “Rachel, open up.” I smiled at my reflection; I’d locked my door so he
couldn’t barge in.

“I’m busy. We
can talk tomorrow.” I called out to him, turning back to my make up.

“Rachel,” he
said sternly, steeling my resolve to not talk to him right now.

“Go. Away.” I
called back with clenched teeth.

I relaxed when
I heard his footsteps finally walk away from the door. I finished getting ready
and went to find Eliza. She was in her room, throwing some things in her going
out purse.

“Ready to go?”
I asked. I was anxious to leave before Clint cornered me.

“Just about,”
she replied. “What did you do to piss of my brother so bad?”

I crossed my
arms over my chest. “Nothing,” I mumbled. “He said I shouldn’t go out.”

She laughed. “That’s
it? He told you not to go so you decided you were going to anyway?”

“Something
like that,” I sighed. “Listen, before I came here, I had a boyfriend that was
very possessive and controlling. Eventually, he hit me. He gave me that bruise
I had when I first came here. I vowed that never again was I going to be with a
man like that.”

“Oh Rachel,”
she said, coming over to me and putting a hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry you
dealt with that. You know my brother would never hurt you, right?”

I nodded. “I
know, but when he talked to me like that, it spooked me.” I sat down on her bed
and put my face in my hands. I knew in my head I was overreacting, but in my
heart I had this nagging feeling; what if he turned out like Seth?

She threw her
lip-gloss into her purse and reached out for my hand. “Come on, let’s go. We’ll
dance, have a few drinks, and you can forget about it for a bit. When we get
back, you guys can kiss and make up.”

I didn’t say anything
but took her hand and let her lead me out the door. We said goodbye to Mary,
ignoring Clint as he sat on the couch flipping through the channels. I bit my
lip to fight back the tears as we got into Eliza’s truck. I’d hoped he would
stop us before we left and apologize to me for being such an ass. Guess not.

We drove to
the saloon in silence. I didn’t really feel like talking and I was trying to
figure out what I was going to do next. Should I leave? I would hate to do that
to Eliza and Mary after all they’d done for me, but maybe I’d read too much
into what Clint and I had going. Maybe now that he had me, he would become
controlling; after all, life on the ranch seemed a little bit old fashioned in
the roles of women. The men went out and worked all day while the women stayed
and took care of the house.

“It’ll be ok,
I promise,” Eliza assured me as we pulled into a stall downtown. I nodded and
got out of the truck. I really didn’t feel like socializing but I’d be damned
if I was going to stay home like Clint expected me to.

We walked
inside and found Jackson and Steve at our usual table. Wyatt was out on a date
with some new girl tonight and said he might be joining us later.

Eliza pulled
up a stool next to Jackson and took a swig of his beer. What was up with them? She
kept telling us all she had no interest in him because she’d known him since
they were kids, but she sure spent a lot of time around him when we went out
and when they danced, they acted like two people that were way closer than ‘just
friends’.

“Hey boys!”
she exclaimed over the loud music. I smiled and waved hello.

“I’ll go get
us some beers,” I leaned over and shouted in her ear. She gave me the thumbs up
and I weaved through the crowd to the bar.

As I stood and
waited for our beers, Seth’s face flashed before my eyes. I shivered, thinking
about the way he looked at me that night he hit me. If he hadn’t been
interrupted by one of his friends who had some sort of drug business to
discuss, I don’t know what he would have done to me.

The bartender
set my beers in front of me and I shook my head, getting all the thoughts of
Seth out of my head. I paid for my beers and took them back to the table. Eliza
and the boys were already gone to the dance floor. Normally I would’ve joined them
right away, but tonight my heart wasn’t in it. Besides being upset about the
fight with Clint, I hadn’t been feeling that great. I’d been tired and my
stomach was queasy. Maybe it would better if I just went home.

I found Eliza
and pulled her off of the dance floor.

“What’s up?”
she asked.

“Can I have
your keys and go home? Could one of the guys take you home?” I asked.

“Why? Don’t
let my stupid brother get to you. Don’t give him the satisfaction of coming
home already,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her.

I shook my
head. “I don’t feel good. I took one sip of my beer and I thought I was going
to yak. I just want to shower and climb into bed.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes, I
promise.”

“Ok, my keys
are in the front pocket of my purse.” She leaned forward and hugged me tight. “Feel
better.” She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at me. “Try to sneak in without
Clint seeing you.”

I laughed. “I’ll
try.”

“Good.” She
patted my cheek and wiggled her hips back out to the dance floor.

I smiled and
shook my head. She was so crazy and full of life - like the sister I’d never
had. I wished I had half of her energy.

As I walked
out of the bar I bumped smack dab into Clint. “Rachel,” he said, reaching out
to steady me.

“Checking up
on me?” I asked defensively. What the fuck was he doing there?

He scrubbed
his face with this hand. “Listen - “

I put up my
hand. “Clint, I don’t want to hear it. I’m tired and I don’t feel good. I’m
going back to the ranch and going to bed. Don’t come after me.”

I brushed past him, my resolve almost
breaking as I heard him call my name out after me. I wasn’t going to give in
though. Not this time. Not ever.

I watched her
walk away from me and get into Eliza’s truck. I was frozen in place. I hadn’t
expected to run into her so soon or for her to be so cold to me. I had come out
to the saloon to find her and apologize for my earlier behavior. I was tired
and looking forward to a quiet night with her watching a movie and falling
asleep with her in my arms that I was annoyed she was going out with my sister
again. I felt bad I’d been such an ass.

I walked over
to the table I knew my sister and her friends usually occupied and waited for
her to get off of the dance floor so I could ask her what was up with Rachel. I
watched her impatiently through a few songs; I thought about getting a beer,
but I wanted to keep a clear head. I was about to drag her back when she
finally came off of the dance floor laughing and out of breath.

“Big brother,
what are you doing here?” she asked, taking a sip of her beer.

“I came to
apologize to Rachel but she stormed right past me. What’s wrong?”

She widened
her eyes. “You can’t be serious, Clint. You really don’t know?”

I shrugged my
shoulders. “I know she’s mad at me about earlier, but for her to be so cold;
it’s not like her.”

“She said she
wasn’t feeling well and you freaked her out. I think you should go back to the
house and ask her about her old boyfriend. Maybe that would help explain it
all.”

“What about
him?” Was he the one that had given her that bruise she had on her cheek when
she first came to the ranch? I clenched my hands at my sides.

She pushed my
shoulder. “Go. It’s not my place.”

“Fine,” I said
before turning to leave. I pushed my way through the crowd and out to my truck.
I gripped the steering wheel, thinking about what Rachel must have been through
before coming to us. I shook my head; then I had to go acting like a
controlling ass. No wonder she got upset with me.

I tried not to
speed, in a hurry to get to her. Ever since Hope had left me, I had trouble
letting anyone in. In fact, before Rachel, I didn’t. I’d closed myself off to
everyone other than my family until she came along. I couldn’t mess up the best
thing that ever happened to me.

I turned into
the driveway of the ranch, relieved when I saw Eliza’s truck parked near the
house. I threw my truck into park and shut it off, leaving the keys in it, and
ran inside. My heart fell when I saw Ma alone on the couch watching the news.

She turned
around to look at me. “Are you looking for Rachel?” she asked softly.

I nodded and
kicked off my shoes. I started walking towards the hallway when she called out
again. “I wouldn’t go in there.”

I slowly
walked towards her. “Why not?”

She patted the
couch next to her. “Come here, we need to talk.”

I came around
the couch and sat down with a sigh. “What’s up?”

“I know Rachel
left here upset with you, because you acted like a total jerk. I can’t believe
you were trying to tell her what she can and can’t do. I raised you better than
that. Well, she came back from the bar upset and didn’t want to talk about it. She
said she was tired and going to bed. She asked me to tell you to leave her
alone tonight.”

My heart fell.
“Why?”

Ma sighed and
turned so she could look at me better. “The way you acted tonight brought back
memories of her old boyfriend - the one she left, the one that hit her.”

I sucked in my
breath, feeling the rage build in me. What asshole would lay a hand on her? “She
never told me.”

“I know. And I
probably shouldn’t be telling you that now, but it might help you understand. She
told me he was controlling and possessive and the last straw was when he hit
her. She managed to sneak away in the night and drove from Buffalo until she
got here.”

“Jesus,” I
muttered. “I had no idea.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I mean, I figured it
was a boyfriend that hurt her, but now that I know for sure…”

Ma reached out
and took my hand. “There’s more. You know that her mom died when she was
nineteen, right?”

I nodded,
bracing myself for what Ma was going to tell me next. I wasn’t so sure I wanted
to hear it.

“Well, her mom
was with a man that was very controlling and abusive. He actually ended up
killing Rachel’s mom.” Her eyes were filled with tears and she squeezed my
hand.

“Oh my God,
Ma,” I mumbled, my eyes beginning to water as I thought about the pain Rachel
had been through. No wonder she got so angry with me when I tried to tell her
what to do. I released Ma’s hand and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and
my head in my hands.

“I think you
should give her tonight, Clint,” Ma advised.

“I don’t think
I can.” I lifted my head to look at her. “I need her to know I’m not like that.
I’m not like those men.”

“I think she
knows that deep down. Remember, you guys sort of have a unique relationship. You’ve
essentially lived together since the start of your relationship. It’s made
things go faster than they would if you were traditionally dating.”

“I love her,
Ma. I need to tell her.”

“I know you
do. And she loves you. I think you two have been in love since day one if you
ask me,” she smiled and rubbed my shoulder. “If you must talk to her, you can
try, but don’t push her, ok?”

“I won’t. I
will just knock on her door and if she tells me to go away, I will. I have to
try though.” I didn’t wait for her reply, getting up from the couch and walking
down the hall to her room.

I stood in
front of it for a minute, my mind processing everything Ma had told me. We both
had put up these walls around our hearts, not really letting each other in. Well,
after tonight, I was done with that. I was going to let my guard down
completely and I hoped she was going to do the same for me.

I knocked
softly on the door. “Rachel,” I said softly, holding my breath as I waited for
her answer. When I heard nothing, I knocked again, a little bit louder. “Rachel,
please. Give me five minutes. That’s all I ask.”

There was no
answer, but I thought I heard some rustling. Please let her come open the door.
My heart was racing when I heard the click of the door and she slowly opened
it. She looked like hell, her eyes red and her hair disheveled. I wanted to
wrap her up in my arms and tell her it was all going to be ok, but I had a
feeling that would be pushing it.

She turned
around and went back to sit on the bed and I followed behind her. I sat on the
chair in the corner. “You have five minutes and then I’m going to bed. I’m
exhausted and not in the mood.”

I nodded and
wiped my hands on the palms of my jeans. “Rachel, I’m sorry about tonight. I
had no right to tell you what to do and I was an ass. I wasn’t checking up on
you at the bar; I came there to apologize. I hated how things were when you
left and I wanted to make them right.”

She took a
deep breath and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tight around
herself. I tried to get a read on her emotions to figure out what she was
thinking. Did she believe me? Or was she going to tell me to fuck off?

“Ma told me
what you’ve been through.” Her head snapped and she looked in my direction. “She
told me about your mom and how she died and your ex-boyfriend.” She opened her
mouth to say something. “Don’t be upset with her for telling me; she cares
about both of us.” She closed her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. She
buried her face in her knees and I heard a sob tear through her. Her body
started shaking as she cried and I didn’t know what to do. Do I go to her? But
she was mad at me? Or would she get mad at me for
not
trying to comfort
her?
Fuck it
. If she pushed me away, so be it, but I was going to try.

I got up off
the chair and went over to her, sitting next to her on the bed. I wrapped an
arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me. Much to my relief she didn’t
resist but buried her head in my chest. She continued to sob and I let her. I
had a feeling she had a lot of emotion pent up and it was all finally getting
out.
 
I soothed her hair with my
hand and planted tiny kisses on her temple, whispering little words to try to
comfort her. It broke my heart that she was hurting so bad because of the
asshole men in her life.

She finally
pulled away from me and looked up at me with a tear-stained face. I turned and
grabbed a tissue off the bed, giving it to her. She blew her nose and wiped her
eyes before leaning back with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice
shaky with emotion.

“Why are you
sorry?” I asked.

She shrugged
and waved her arms. “I’m sorry for this whole mess and not telling you about it
sooner. I wasn’t trying to hide anything; I just didn’t want to deal with it. We
were having such a good time and you made me happy; I didn’t want to wreck
anything.”

A small smile
played on my lips. “I made you happy, huh?”

She smiled
back and nodded. “Yes, you made me happy - you make me happy.”

I took her
hand in mine. “Good.” I reached out to brush a stray piece of hair that had
fallen across her forehead. “You can tell me now if you want.”

“But I thought
your mom told you everything?”

“Well, she
probably gave me a more condensed version. I’d like to hear it from you if
that’s ok.”

She blew her
nose again and took a deep breath. “Ok. I told you that it had always been Mom
and me because my dad was an asshole, right?” I nodded when she stopped and
waited for my answer. “I say it was just us but really, she had a hard time
being alone. She was constantly dating someone new, trying to find the right
one. I love my mother, but she had horrible taste in men. Some seemed no better
than my father from what I’d been told.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “She
never dated an abuser until I was eighteen. She had dated some controlling
assholes before him, but no one raised a hand to her before and I realize now I
was lucky none of those assholes she kept parading in and out of our apartment
laid a hand on me.”

I felt the
muscle in my jaw twitch as she spoke about her childhood. I was so lucky to
grow up here on the ranch with my family. I was so sorry she had to deal with
that.

“She met this
guy where she worked. His name was Jack. He seemed perfect at first, bringing
her flowers all the time, taking her out, even bringing me a few things. I
thought it was ridiculous since I was eighteen, but he made her happy. Then one
night I came home from work and I could hear him yelling at her. She was
cowering in the corner of the living room while he was towering over her,
screaming.” She shuddered and closed her eyes. I squeezed her hand as she
relived the memory. “I was furious. I called the police immediately. They came
and hauled him off, but my mom was furious with me and it wasn’t long before he
was back.”

She opened her
eyes again, her eyes wet with her tears. “My mom became a shell of herself. She
quit work and he moved in. She never saw her friends and she lost a lot of
weight. I didn’t catch him hurting her, but she would have bruises and
cigarette burns all over; he would do it when I was at work or at my friends.” A
tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. “I couldn’t
quit work because I was saving for college but I didn’t go over to my friends’
anymore; I was too scared of what would happen to her when I was gone.”

“Rachel, I’m
so sorry,” I said softly. My heart was aching for her and her mother, having to
live in fear like that.

“One day I
came home from work and the apartment was strangely quiet. Mom barely left
anymore, so I knew something was wrong. I went into her bathroom and found her
lying on the floor. I called 911 immediately, but it was too late.” She was
crying openly now as she relived that horrible day. “She had fresh bruises and
I guess he’d beat the shit out of her and she fell and hit her head on the edge
of the tub, dying on impact.”

She crumpled
then, sobs consuming her again. I gathered her into my arms again and held her
into me while she cried. “I hadn’t been there to stop him. I should have gotten
her out of there. I tried so many times but she wouldn’t listen to me. She
wouldn’t leave his sorry ass.” Her voice got louder as she spoke through her
tears.