Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook (6 page)
Read Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook Online
Authors: Kim West
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Infants & Toddlers, #Parenting, #General
• Arrange some extra pillows on the floor for safety.
• If you can fit the new bed and the crib in the same room, you can start with reading books on the bed or have him nap in the bed. Then pick the big night where he sleeps in the bed at night. Once he’s sleeping in his bed for naps and nights, you can remove the crib.
Some other things to keep in mind, no matter how you decide to make the transition:
• Consider putting a gate on the bedroom door, at least at the beginning, as both a training device and a safety measure. The gate delineates boundaries, helping a child understand that he has to stay in his bed. It will also prevent him from wandering around and possibly getting hurt in a dark house in the middle of the night.
• Make sure the room is safety proof now that he can get out of bed unsupervised.
• Let him pick out new sheets or a quilt (or at least give him a choice between two or three sets that meet your aesthetic requirements!).
• Explain the privileges but also review the rules. Make sure he understands that you will still put him to bed, but then he’s expected to stay there.
• Be consistent from day one. If your tot gets out of bed, take him right back without any fuss.
• Reward him in the morning for staying in bed: Give him lots of stickers and let him call his grandparents to brag about the new bed.
If you’re about to embark on my Sleep Lady® Shuffle or some other major nighttime changes, like taking away a bottle or pacifier, consider whether it would be easier if you kept him in the crib a little longer. It keeps him in a safe and familiar environment while you’re changing other aspects of his sleep, and it may be simpler if you don’t have to worry about him getting up and out of bed while you’re trying to teach him how to sleep in it.
SLEEP-TIGHT TIPIf you have a new baby on the way and you’ll need the crib before you think your toddler will be ready to give it up (even though he meets all the criteria that make it safe for him to do so), make the transition at least two months before the new sibling is due, or four months after he’s born. If your older child still isn’t ready to give up his crib, borrow one for the baby or buy a safe used one.
CHAPTER THREE
The Sleep Lady® Shuffle
For children over 6 months, a central aspect of my program is the Sleep Lady Shuffle. Think of it as a kind of weaning for sleep: You’re easing your child from bad habits, like needing to be nursed to sleep, and establishing good sleep practices, like self-soothing—without resorting to techniques that may be hard for you to stomach (like letting your child “cry it out”) or that don’t fit in with your lifestyle (such as bringing your baby into your bed).
The Shuffle can work for kids of all ages, but is most often used for babies and toddlers (you’ll find guidelines for using it with older children in beds in Chapter 9 page 76). Here’s how it works:
• Start at bedtime, after a good day of napping. Go through a nice, calming bedtime routine—nursing or bottle-feeding, a song, etc.—in the child’s room with a light on.
• Turn
off
the lights (a dim nightlight is okay) and place your child in her crib drowsy but awake. For many children this may be the first time they’re put down while aware of what’s happening, and they may well protest with crying and tears.
• For the first three nights, position a chair beside the crib where you can sit and easily comfort and reassure your child (see “Guidelines for Sitting by the Crib”).Guidelines for Sitting by the Crib1.
Don’t try to make your child lie down (if she’s old enough to stand).
You won’t win! Pat the mattress and encourage her to lie down. When she does you can touch her and say soothing things like “Sh, sh,” “Night-night,” “It’s okay,” and so forth.2.
You can stroke, sh-sh, pat, rub, etc. your child
intermittently
through the rails of the crib
—but not constantly—until she falls asleep. She’ll expect the same treatment when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Take your hand away when you notice your child starting to fall asleep.3.
You
must control the touch
. In other words, don’t let your child fall asleep holding your finger or hand, because when you move she’ll wake up and you’ll have to start all over. Pat or stroke a different part of her body.4.
It’s okay to pick up your child if she becomes hysterical.
Stay in her room and hold her until she settles down. Be careful that you don’t hold your child for so long that she falls asleep in your arms. Once she’s calm, give her a kiss, put her back in her crib, and sit down in the chair. One note: If you pick up your child and she
immediately
quiets down, then you’ve been “had.” Instead of you training her to sleep, she trained you to pick her up. Next time, wait a bit longer. You’ll know within a night or two whether picking her up helps or further stimulates her.5.
Stay beside her crib until she’s sound asleep at bedtime, and during all night awakenings during the first three days of the Shuffle.
If you rush out of the room the minute your baby closes her eyes, chances are she’ll wake up and you’ll have to start over again. (This is especially true of children over a year old.)6.
Return to your Shuffle position and follow these rules each time the baby wakes during the first three nights
(as long as you and your pediatrician have decided to end night feeding). Go to the crib, give him a kiss, encourage him to lie down if necessary, and sit in the chair. Do this at each awakening until 6:00 a.m.
• Every three days you will move the chair farther from your baby’s crib (see “Recommended Chair Positions”).
• During the Shuffle, when you’re no longer by your child’s bedside, but are sitting by the door, for example, and your child wakes at midnight—go over to her crib, reassure her, give her a kiss, encourage her to lie down (if she’s standing), and return to your chair by the door. You may go back over to the crib to pick her up if she becomes hysterical, but hold her only until she’s calm, then put her back in the crib and return to your chair.
Recommended Chair Positions
Position 1 Beside the crib Position 2 Halfway between the crib and the door (if the room is very small or the crib is close to the door, you should instead go ahead to Position 3 by the door). For children in beds skip this chair position. Position 3 Beside the door inside the room. Position 4 In the hallway, where your baby can still see you. Position 5 In the hallway, out of your child’s view but where she can still hear you.
Within a couple of weeks, you’ll be able to put your baby down to sleep, say, “Good night,” and leave the room knowing that she’ll happily and easily get herself to sleep without needing your help.
A Note about Multiple Caregivers during Sleep Training:As I’ve said, it’s fine for parents to establish somewhat different bedtime routines (maybe Mom isn’t into singing but Dad’s a pro at lullabies, or Dad would rather tell a story than read a board book). Even so, the bedtime routines of a baby’s various caregivers (including babysitters, nannies, and family members who’re around on a regular basis) should at least be similar. But while you’re sleep training, it’s generally a good idea to have one parent in charge each night. If, for example, you’re on day five of the Sleep Lady® Shuffle, and Dad is sitting in a chair halfway across the room, Mom shouldn’t switch places with him after ten minutes. This just stimulates and confuses the child. That said, it’s not necessary to have one person “on duty” all night for middle-of-the-night awakenings. Some couples split the night up or trade off because of their own sleep needs and body rhythms, Mom taking, say, midnight to 3:00 a.m. and Dad taking 3:00 to 6:00 a.m.
Virginia, age 6½ months
CHAPTER FOUR
Nap Coaching
If your child is over 6 months and you need to get his daytime sleep on track,
start on day two, or the morning after the first night, of the Sleep Lady
®
Shuffle. Some things to keep in mind:
start on day two, or the morning after the first night, of the Sleep Lady
®
Shuffle. Some things to keep in mind:
•
Make sure you’re timing your child’s naps correctly,
based on his age (as laid out in Chapter 2). Also, be aware of his sleep cues and windows of wakefulness.
• Do an abbreviated version of his bedtime routine, then put your baby in his crib drowsy but awake. Sit beside the crib and soothe him just as you would during the night.
Try for one hour to get him to sleep.
•
Try the nap in the crib twice a day (and once a day if your child is on one nap) before going to a “backup nap plan”:
You go to a backup plan if you check your sleep log around 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. and realize that your child hasn’t had enough day sleep. You want to make sure that he sleeps one way or another for a decent interval before the afternoon is over, so that you’re not set up for a bad night. A backup nap can take place in the car, stroller, swing, or carrier, but try to make it different from a habit you’ve been trying to break. For instance, if you’ve been working on ending co-sleeping at night, don’t put him in your bed for his backup nap. Try a car ride or walk in the stroller instead. Ideally, the backup nap will last at least 45 minutes, and your child will be awake by 4:30 p.m. so that he’s ready to sleep at his regular bedtime.
•
No naps before 8:00 a.m.—
even if your child has been up since 5:00! It will throw off the entire day and ingrain in him the habit of getting up too early. I realize this is a tricky dance and your child may get overtired, but it’s worth it in the long run.
• Your baby’s
morning nap should be no longer then 1½ hours
. Wake him if need be. I know this goes against the rule of “never wake a sleeping baby,” but I only want you to do it for the morning nap to help regulate your baby’s sleeping times.
• Follow the same chair positions for naps as you do at night.
• If you have an older child who can’t be left alone while you sit in your baby’s room, you can do
timed checks—looking in on your baby at regular intervals.
Base the timing on your little one’s temperament and be consistent. If you have no idea where to start, then try checking on him every seven minutes, slowly increasing the time. When you go to his crib, be reassuring but quick. You’ll defeat the purpose if you pat him until he’s asleep during your crib-side check.
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