Good Girl (Playroom) (38 page)

“What about your nephews?” I incredulously ask.

“That’s different. How to explain this,” Isis purses her lips and tucks a silky strand of black hair behind her ear. “I’ll go with the husband and wife analogy. You’re in college now, you should be able to follow along,” she venomously teases.

“Fucking thanks for calling me a smart idiot at the same time. That’s a real talent for sarcasm, ya got the
re,” I give it right back to Isis, and she flashes a delighted smirk.

“I knew I liked you for
a reason. You entertain me,” Isis muses while tapping her red-tipped talon on her hip. “Analogy time: A wife always has a best friend she bitches to about her lazy husband, bratty kids, and her overbearing mother. A husband always has a best friend he commiserates with about his nagging wife, greedy kids, and overbearing mother-in-law. You following along so far?” Isis impatiently asks.

“Ye
s, Isis, I’m not actually a ten year old boy,” I snidely say.

“Don’t I know it? I saw Auggie t
ap that tiny puss of yours,” Isis evilly laughs. “Anyway, they keep secrets. They love each other. But your spouse can never truly be your best friend- that’s fairytale horseshit. If you knew everything there was to know about a person, inside and out, you’d never want to fuck them again. It’d turn your stomach. You make babies with your spouse, and sleep next to them- never do you tell them your deepest and darkest. The misconception is why the divorce rate is so high. You need a little mystery to keep it fresh.”

“Get on with it, Isis, the foreplay is getting tiresome,” I groan and she glares at me.

“We all know what the future holds. You can pretend all you want for all I care. Auggie is that for me- he’s the one I bitch and complain to. I’ll never marry him,” Isis says with a large amount of disgust and shudders at the thought. “Devon and Kieren are who you’ll bitch about your husband and kids. Hell, you already do,” she snickers. “Do you understand?”

“I’m a smart idiot, remember? You think Auggie is my fictitious husband and your nephews are my confidants.” 

“Precisely,” Isis sings.

“This shit is getting old. Can’t I just go with the flow? Why does everyone think they have the right to choose my destiny?”

“Fate, my dear- pre-destiny, if you will,” Isis pulls an oracle out of her perfect ass. I exaggeratedly roll my eyes at her and she makes a pissy sigh. I may be the new and improved Willow, but you never lose your core personality. I pull that bratty bitch up by her boyshorts and give her a good shake back to life.

“So…” I drawl, setting up for the kill. “If Auggie’s your confidant, I guess t
hat makes Robbie your husband, sis.”

“Don’t you dare,” Isis
ferally growls.

And just like that… I’m no longer trapped in a small confined space with a nasty bitch- unless you count me as one, which I don’t- bratty, never nasty.

~Chapter Thirty-Six~

“Psstt… Come here,” I purr to Devon from the parlor’s pocket-door.
Uncertainty flashes across Devon’s face before he masks it with a neutral smile. I waited for him to walk by after his sadistic aunt left me alone. “Follow me,” I crook my finger in a come-hither gesture and close us in the dark parlor.

I shove Devon
on the settee and straddle his thighs. It feels so good to touch him after all the bullshit in the past twenty-four hours. I bury my nose in the crook of Devon’s neck and inhale his luscious scent- leather and vanilla musk flows in my nose and gradually seeps into my pores. It infuses my system with a calm sense of serenity that I feel from no one else. I could fall into his embrace for an eternity and be content.

“I’ve missed you, Devon,” I breathe across his throat and he shivers for me. “I was worried about you.”

“Willow,” he cries out in desperation. I take the sound as invitation and connect our lips. He hesitantly kisses me, as if the past few days since we intimately touched have put us back to where we began. I worry that the revelation of Devon’s past makes him feel less of a man. I show him with my lips, fingers, and even the rhythm of my body against his, that I find him all man.

It mentally and emotionally bruised me, seeing Devon
this afternoon when he lost control and went after Auggie. It was as if Devon was a different person, a deep-seated resentment revealed that I didn’t know existed. I don’t want Devon to think that I see him as a consolation prize.

A fluttering
of kisses on Devon’s neck turns into nibbles and evolves into the sharp bite of suction from my flesh-starved lips. His fingers are clenched on my hips, nails biting in the unprotected skin at my waist where my shirt has ridden up.

I feel crazed as I lick my
way inside the collar of Devon’s t-shirt, gently nudging it out of the way with the tip of my tongue. The taste of him makes my mouth water and causes a low moan to spill from my lips. I circle my hips in his lap as I feast on his flesh- devouring him, consuming as much of him as I can hold in my mouth.

“Willow,” Devon
sternly says, and it doesn’t register until he pries me off of him. “Don’t,” he hisses and turns his face from mine when I try to kiss his lips.

“What’s wrong?” I
breathlessly ask. Rejection is flooding my system at a rapid rate, causing tears to prickle my eyes.

“We can’t do this anymore,
Willow. We just can’t,” Devon spitefully hisses as he yanks me back until we are a good foot a part with me sitting on his thighs.

“
What’d I do?” A stunned whimper flows from my lips.

“Jesus,” Devon
sighs out. “You didn’t do a damn thing wrong. We just can’t go on like this any longer. I don’t know how to tell you this without hurting you. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Willow, but obviously not like a boyfriend should.”

“I love you, too,” I say in confusion. “I don’t wanna lose you, either.”

“I slept with someone else last night,” Devon blurts out as if he couldn’t contain the information for another second. I stare at Devon in the dark parlor. I can barely make out his features, but his face is imprinted in my mind, so there is no need for illumination. His behavior over the past twenty-four hours comes into sharp clarity.

“You cheated on me,” I mutter in shock.

“How can you cheat on your fake girlfriend, Willow?” Devon nastily snaps. “There is no nice way about this. For fuck’s sake, you’re with Auggie.”

“I haven’t been with Auggie since weeks before you and I became intimate,” I blurt out. “We’re not together.”

“Yeah, my girlfriend is living in some sugar-daddy’s house, sleeping in his bed, and she says to me, ‘
we’re not together
.’ Really?”

“What?” I breathe in
stunned mortification. “What?”

“I’m being a nasty prick
because I’m pissed at myself, alright? I’m not even going to apologize for it. You
are
my best friend, and I love you. But not like that. How can you call it cheating when it’s okay for you to seek out sexual partners? I’d love to say I don’t feel guilty, but my name’s not Auggie. I could make excuses and blame it on being high, or upset about reliving my past. But the simple fact is, I’m a twenty year old guy, and I’m not going to spend my life being with the only girl I’ve ever slept with- that dream is fucking gone after last night,” Devon bitterly hisses. “I’m not going to go to the roving
Playroom
and pretend that fucking random strangers isn’t cheating.”

“No, of course not.
You’re just going to go behind my back, and then spit it in my face afterwards. How deviant that the Playroom has rules and guidelines. Instead let’s just fuck whoever, whenever, and wherever we please,” I snidely say.

“Don’t be bitter, Willow,” Devon
chastises me and it takes everything in me not to punch him in the fucking face. “You’d screw Kieren in a heartbeat, and then go give Auggie a blowjob afterwards, let’s get real.”

“That wouldn’t be abo
ut emotions- there is a huge distinction. Let’s get real, Devon. Why don’t you tell me what the fuck is really going on?”

“Details, sure, why not?
” Devon flippantly replies. “I was walking down the street after running like a coward- high out of my mind, when two girls I went to school with pulled over to give me a lift. It was a two-seater, so one had to sit on my lap. They were both drunk, but I didn’t give a shit, I was a coward- and cowards just don’t care. I immediately found out that the girl on my lap was only wearing a skin-tight dress- no bra since I blinked and my mouth was latched on her tit- no panties, because before I knew it, my hand was between her legs. Before we drove two blocks she was already riding my cock. My high mind reasoned that if I could fuck one, why not the other. We pulled over and I fucked the driver, too. I won’t lie to you, Willow. It was a thrill. It was the first time I’ve fucked anyone, and I didn’t have to worry about freaking out. It was pure lust.”

“I… I…” All I can do is stutter
in disbelief.

“Did I feel guilty…
do I still feel guilty- fucking yes. But I can’t change it. If I really loved you like I thought I did, I shouldn’t have been able to do such a heinous thing. But it’s too late. You might be able to forgive me, but I’ll never forgive myself. I’ll always wonder in the back of my mind if I was with you by default, because they asked us to date, not because we were fated to. It was twenty minutes of my life. Twenty minutes that changed the path of my life. While my brother was tearing his heart out by telling you our shame, I was cheating on you. What makes it worse is that you called me right after. I’d just got done scrubbing my shame away, and you called to see if I was okay. That was the lowest point in my life. After trying to go about my day without killing something, Kieren runs me down to tell me what Auggie did to you. Yeah… I’m a fucking scumbag. Both of us irrevocably fucked you over last night.”

I don’t cry, or scream, or lash out. I’m numb. I’m speechless. If I could think, I don’t know what would be r
unning through my mind at the moment.

“When I punched Auggie today, I was punching both of us. Willow, do me a favor, and never take either one of us back. Save yo
urself from our destructive patterns. My train wreck of a brother is barreling towards you right now. Get the fuck off the tracks before he destroys you, too. Meet some nice guy at college, fall in love, and make a life for yourself. I
want
to be your best friend. I
need
to be your best friend. But I’m not good enough to be your anything else. Hell, a best friend wouldn’t do the heinous thing I did to you last night. I’ll spend the rest of my life repenting for it, and it will never be good enough. You deserve better than a coward, and you deserve better than a controlling, arrogant bastard.”

I crawl from Devon’
s lap on shaky legs because I can’t touch him a moment longer. I’m going to be sick- physically sick. “I could have forgiven you for this, Devon, because you’re right. It was hypocritical to call it cheating when I covet both Auggie and Kieren.” My voice drizzles out my mouth, small- dead.

“Willow, don’t! I was just saying that bullshit to make myself feel better or maybe to make you hate me as much as I hate myself. I know the difference
, and I knew about you and Auggie when I got into this with you. Trust me, I cheated on you in the most deplorable way possible,” Devon’s voice breaks and he shamefully hides his face in his palms.

“What I was going to say was, I could have forgiven you if it wasn’t for the disrespect and the delivery of this information. I understand- I really do. Temptation is a wicked mistress. I’ve been
fighting it for months. What I can’t forgive, and I’ll never forgive, is Bethany and Essie,” their names flow in a wheeze of despair.

“How did you know
? Who told you?” Devon croaks out in a panic. He starts towards me as I back away from him towards the pocket-door.

“I didn’t- you just did.”

~Chapter Thirty-Seven~

I’d gladly take death over this torturous agony. I don’t know how long I’ve been curled up around the base of the toilet after heaving until I thought I’d see my organs lying in the bowl.

What Auggie did is nothing in comparison to the betrayal Devon just dealt me. Auggie wasn’t my boyfriend. He’s been honest about his proclivities fr
om the very beginning and he doesn’t judge me for mine. Devon has always subconsciously judged everything about the
Playroom
. Auggie always said that Devon’s thing was a girlfriend. That’s what makes it painful, but it’s not what makes it a betrayal.

My cousin and one of my closest girlfriends fucked my boyfriend in the trashiest, sleaziest way possible, and the three of them had the nerve to stand in my home tonight and look me in the fucking eye.
That has to be the lowest thing you could do to someone.

On the heels of that last thought, I find myself hovering over the ceramic bowl, heaving my heart out.

I’m fucked. Isis’ sinister voice echoes in my head- they’re who you bitch to and confide in. Who do you confide in when your confidant betrays your trust? I can’t go to Kieren, because I refuse to drive a wedge between brothers. I’m just a piece of ass to them. I would be just as low as Devon, Essie, and Bethany if I were to tattle to Kieren. I can’t go to Clover. I’ve hurt her enough. I can see the pain in her eyes. If I hurt, Clover hurts ten times more. I can’t torture her like that. Isis said that Auggie was my fictitious husband, and that you don’t go to them for this kind of thing. I call motherfucking bullshit on that treacherous bitch. I’d never marry someone who I couldn’t be myself with and confide in- what would be the point?

I sob anew as a feeling of desolation descends on me. Earth-shattering
convulsions wrack my body as I come to terms with the fact that Essie betrayed me, forget about Devon- Essie. I whimper every time her name flows through my mind. The more I try to avoid it, the more I hear it, the more I envision what happened in
my
car. The second Devon said a two-seater, I knew it was Essie and Bethany. Essie borrowed my car this afternoon to go to a party. I really hate Karma. I must have been a mass-murderer in a former life.

Big hands gently pry me away from hugging the toilet bowl. I drift in and out of a delirious state of despair as I sway up a
nd down with the movements of Auggie’s stride. I’m nestled on the sofa and that big hand wipes the snot off my face. Moments later a tumbler of something ice-cold and alcoholic is fitted into my palm.

“I can’t,” I wheeze out.

“Drink it anyway,” Auggie roughly orders, “Down the hatch.” He presses the glass to my lips and forces me to swallow it. My empty stomach tries to reject the bourbon.

A warming sensation chases the chill away and it lowers my shields. “I need Mr. Kline, Auggie,” I rasp out.

“And he’ll always be here for you, no matter how badly Auggie fucks it all up. Mr. Kline will hold your hand, just like he always has in the past,” he promises.

“I’m lost, and I don’t think I can come out al
l right after this,” I sob.

“Willow,” Auggie cries and comes to my side.

“No,” I hold my hand up to stop his advance. “If you comfort me, I’ll shatter to bits,” I warn.

“I did this,” Auggie
says with a shuddering breath.

“No,” I shake my head. “No one could have
foreseen this. I don’t think Devon even saw this coming. It’s bad, Auggie, so very bad.”

“You’ll get through this, just like you do everyt
hing else. I believe in you.” Auggie kneels at my feet so that we’re eye-level.

“I think it’s time I confided in you for the very first time. Isis gave me some advice earlier. She’s right and wrong. She said not to tell you stuff because it would kill the mystery. I think it’s more about disappointment. You don’t want to hurt the one you love by telling them the complete truth about your real thoughts. You can tell a friend because it doesn’t
matter what they think. You can always get another friend, but you can’t replace a soulmate.”

“I know you think I judge you, Willow. Honest, I don’
t. You can tell me anything,” Auggie promises. “It’s the emotions that make me a ruthless bastard.”

“I’ll give you a snapshot of the past twenty-four hours of my life. Everything was
great. Devon and I were great. I was connecting with Kieren as a friend. The kids were all getting along, and Malcolm said he’d woo Clover. Devon was worried that if he didn’t explain the past, that it’d ruin our future together. But Devon couldn’t get the words out, and neither could Kieren. We went to Kieren’s repair shop because it was private. We smoked because it was the only way they could tell me. When I said I had a good reason, I meant it, Auggie. And I knew, even then, that weed would never pass my lips again. If I’d known what would transpire because of it, I’d have never done it. I was punished in more ways than you can count. Two shotgun hits of weed and I systematically ruined every relationship in my life.”

Auggie
reaches out and takes both of my hands in his. His palms are warm as they envelope me in his heat. It soothes and relaxes me into continuing. “Devon started to tell me what happened to his mother, but he couldn’t do it. Devon ran out and Kieren finished the story. Kieren told me everything. I left shortly after and called to make sure they both got home safely. You know everything that happened to me after that. I ruined our relationship by smoking. I fled to Clover’s and we talked all night. But what I didn’t know is that when Devon ran, he ran into two girls. They picked him up, and then he fucked them both,” I numbly admit.

I have to pause before I can finish. Auggie is staring at me with a blank expression and dead eyes. I think he’s trying to either contain his shock or formulate a reply. It could be that this is so out of the spectrum of Devon, that it’s mind-boggling.

“I could have forgiven it. Hell, I watched Opal suck you off tonight. But it wasn’t the same as what Devon did. Devon said that if he could cheat on me, then must be he didn’t really love me. This is how pot really ruined my life. It lowered Devon’s inhibitions and made it so he couldn’t make good choices. I could forgive that, too. But what I’ll never forgive is Devon fucking Bethany and Essie in my car while his brother was emotionally bleeding out.”

Auggie closes his eyes and formulates his breathing. The
only giveaway that he’s upset is his hands pulsating in mine.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Auggie. I try and try,
and it does no good. I love Devon. I could have been happy with him. I really think I could have. The only thing is, once Devon crossed this line, he’ll never cross back over it. I can’t forgive it, and I shouldn’t have to. I’m not perfect, but I deserve better than that. I’m not gonna lie to you, Auggie, I’m mad as hell at you, too. You broke my trust, but it’s repairable over time. I don’t think this can be.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Auggie sighs as h
e slides to the floor and sits on his ass, cross-legged, in front of me. “I didn’t foresee this as something that could happen, not even in a million years.”

“All I know is, I’m done with love for now. I’m just going to live my life and see where it flows.”

“What can I do? I’ll do anything,” he pleads.

“You kn
ow what’s funny?” I snort and Auggie smiles at me. “Kieren, that fuckface, is really my friend, more so than the rest of you assholes. Kieren flirts like mad, but at least he’s honest about it. Even when Kieren wasn’t taking no for an answer, at a base-level, it was completely honest. What I need from you right now is honesty. I need Mr. Kline back, the man I knew before fear and shame clouded him. I need us to be how it was before I wandered into the
Playroom
. Sex, punishments, and emotions have fucked this up. I want to play video games with you and make fun of the consignment items people bring into the store. I miss your comforting advice. We moved too fast. We went from boss and little girl to lovers in a Nano-second.”

“If I flirt with you, will you think that is honest? Because I really want you, Willow. I love you more than I want you, so I’ll do whatever you need.”

“You can flirt, but that doesn’t mean I’ll respond. Maybe someday when the trust is built back up we can try sharing a bed. I’m a work in progress. I’ll let you know,” I say in indecision.

“Good enough for me,” Auggie readily supplies
. “I’ll also add this stimulation: I see what I did with Opal as cheating. I haven’t touched anyone but Rob since the night I took your virginity. Isis plays, too. But she’s with Rob, never me,” Auggie shudders just as she did earlier. “Never me,” he stresses. “Rob is about his needs, not mine. I can wait until I earn you back. What about you?”

“Um… what about me?” I ask in confusion.

“I know you wouldn’t even touch the betrayer with a diseased hand, but… I’m okay if you need to explore your attraction with Kieren. Don’t do it to hurt Devon, but don’t deny it to be stubborn, either. I’m holding back until we can play together, Willow. I will always need to play, but I can wait for now. You don’t have to, though. Kieren’s fine, anyone else will be a betrayal.”

“I-”

“Hush,” Auggie cuts me off. “If it happens, it happens. And we both know why it would be a good idea for Kieren. You’re right, I didn’t see it until this afternoon at the diner. You truly are friends. You’ll never want a life with Kieren or Kieren with you. It’s safe and exciting. Go for it. I want you to act your age. Devon was a threat to me, but Kieren’s not. I know you understand, because I know Opal wasn’t a threat to you, was she?”

“I get it,
but I’m not ready to be with Kieren. I may never be ready,” I sadly admit.

“We’re on the same page, Willow. Now I know you won’t share a bed with me, and I also know you won’t get a lick of sleep tonight, but how about we share the couch. I don’t want you to be alone. Would it be alright for Mr. Kline to cuddle you, Willow?”

I give a small shake of my head. “Thank you,” I meekly say.

Auggie gets up from his perch on the floor and grabs my afghan. I want to forget the memory of Devon wrapped up in it and the same memory of making love to him for the very first time on this sofa. It’s time to replace those memories with new ones- ones of Mr. Kline holding a more worldly Willow on this sofa while wrapped up in my afghan.

I curl up on Auggie’s chest and he wraps me up with not only his arms, but his legs, too. I’m cocooned in Auggie’s warmth. “I have another secret,” I confess. “Clover told me I have another niece or nephew, and they must be close to my age.”

Auggie clenches me so tight
ly that I can barely breathe. His body strings tight and starts to vibrate with an unknown energy. He’s panting in my ear and I can feel his heart beating frantically underneath my cheek.

“What?” I mumble.

“Nothing… tell me more, please,” he demands with forced politeness.

“Now I find myself looking around for them- trying to find a young Sam or
Clover in the crowd. I think Clover was going to tell me who it was, but Violet careened into the room and interrupted us.”

“I need you to
make me a promise,” Auggie solemnly says. “You need to make Clover finish that sentence, but promise that you’ll wait until after you’re feeling better from this latest upset. Promise me,” he begs. Auggie’s whole body is shaking so hard that it’s vibrating
my
teeth. I said something that greatly upset him. He must know who it is and he’s scared to tell me because it’s Clover’s responsibility.

I’d do anything to stop Auggie’
s anxiety. “I promise,” I whisper in the dark.

~Thirty-Eight~

“Who’s on a diet?” Weston asks while tearing lettuce leaves to shreds.

“No one,” I slur, confused, as I flick my eyes around to everyone, begging for an explanation.

“I thought salad was for when you’re on a diet?” Rae pipes in.

“Are you kids serious?” Clover asks in horror. I can see her wheels turning. She’s already making meal plans for the Masons. She’ll make me drop their food off nightly to make sure they get enough nutrients.

“Mrs. Webster,” Kieren charms. “They’re just joking. They know what vegetables are for,” he directs at the kids. “I cook our meals, and we always
have a vegetable with dinner.” I can tell Kieren’s lying, but it pacifies Clover. Kieren has that effect on the female population. The second Clover turns her back to face the boiling pot of water, the kids start snickering. Devon swats their asses and they instantly shut up.

This is the first time I’ve seen Devon since that night. It’s been two weeks of torture
, and right now, I’m comfortably sitting in the seventh circle of Hell. I attribute my circumstances on Karma and my past life as a blasphemer. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for having to deal with this shit. Since I haven’t told anyone what happened, everyone thought it was a good idea to invite Devon to our first cooking lesson.