Good (40 page)

“Well, kids’ jail, anyway,” I said. I picked up my rose and sniffed it.

“I don’t wanna go to real jail either, so we’ll just stay in.” Avery winked at me.

“I’m excited,” I said after a time.

“Me, too,” Avery replied, but I thought she was talking about having a real friend instead of our mega party night.”

***

Ciara’s “Click Flash” is always a good choice when you’re a girl, and you’re without a boyfriend, and you’re drunk off your ass. Oh yeah. And you have a camera phone.

“It’s my turn, Avery!” I whined, pushing my ass out and looking over my shoulder demurely. I pouted for the camera.

Avery swayed dangerously from side to side as she snapped the picture, holding up her martini glass and sloshing her drink all over the rug.

“You are so freaking hot, Cadence,” Avery said, tipping her glass to her lips. She pulled it away, confused. “Where’s my drink?”

“You spilled it all over Gavin’s floor. Uh oh. You’re in trouble,” I giggled

“Oh, man.” She looked so disappointed, like she forgot we had an entire pitcher of pomegranate martinis in the kitchen. She slid her glass on the coffee table and started flipping through our movie selection.

“Do you ever wish you were a teen in the ‘80s?” I asked, sitting beside her on the couch.

“Hmm. Well, look at pop culture. The ‘80s aren’t much different from now if you think about it,” Avery replied.

“Not much different? Have you seen answering machines from the ‘80s?”

“Pop culture, Cadence. I didn’t say anything about technology.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, ‘80s fashion is back. Hollywood is remaking all the ‘80s classics. Even music is starting to sound like stuff from the ‘80s,” she explained.

I thought for a moment. “You’re so right.”

“Everything old is new again,” Avery said, and hiccupped.

“Are you my friend?” I asked out of nowhere.

“Are you mine?” she replied.

Brief pause.

“Oh Avery!” I said, and flung my arms around her. “I knew you wanted to be my friend from the moment you talked to me in the cafeteria! And you were just trying to act all big and bad in case I didn’t want to be your friend. But I do want to be your friend, Avery! I do!”

“Oh my God. You’re such a sap,” Avery replied, but she hugged me back. “And yes, I wanted to be your friend.”

I drew back and studied her face. “So now we’re truly friends!”

“Yes, Cadence.”

“Not just pretend friends,” I clarified.

“No, Cadence. Not just pretend friends.”

I squealed. “It feels so good to have a friend!”

“Yes, Cadence. Now will you focus?” Avery asked.

I nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay, so we’ve got
Fast Times
,
Can’t Buy Me Love
,
Lucas
,
Say Anything
. . .”

“Wait, is that the one where he holds up the boom box while she’s lying in bed?” I asked.

“Uh huh. Freaking awesome,” Avery replied.

“Let’s do it,” I said, and skipped to the kitchen to get our pitcher of alcohol.

We settled onto the couch with our refills and started the movie. Just then I heard the jangling of keys in the door lock, and the apartment door opened.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Avery demanded as we watched Gavin and one of his friends walk in. “You’re supposed to be far away. This is girls’ night.”

“Sorry, babe,” Gavin replied. “I forgot some video games.”

“Video games?” Avery asked suspiciously. “Like your retard friend over here doesn’t have a library full of video games?”

“Nice to see you too, Avery,” Gavin’s friend said.

I looked him over. Blatantly. I had no choice because I was drunk, and when you’re drunk, it’s hard to be covert about anything. The man was all muscles, buzzed head, forearms tatted up like he owned a parlor. He looked the exact opposite of my ex-boyfriend, and I liked him immediately.

Avery huffed. “Cadence, this is Nick.”

“Hi, Cadence,” Nick said.

“Hi, Nick,” I replied, and then giggled.

“What’s so funny, Cadence?” he asked, walking over to sit next to me on the couch.

“My martini,” I replied playfully.

“You girls look like you’re up to no good,” Nick said, sitting so close to me that our legs touched.

“We’re being perfectly good,” I replied. “We’re just watching a movie.”

“And why aren’t you spending the night with your boyfriend, Cadence?” Nick asked. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

My face fell, and he saw.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”

I shook my head. “I’m flattered you assumed I had a boyfriend.”

“Well, a pretty thing like you? How could you not?” Nick asked.

“I’m gonna barf,” I heard Avery mumble, but I ignored her.

“I did have a boyfriend. Two days ago,” I explained. “He broke up with me.”

Nick looked me over. “Then he’s a moron.”

I hadn’t noticed Gavin settle onto the couch beside Avery, but somehow in the span of fifteen minutes, our girls’ night turned into a couples’ night. Halfway through the movie, Avery and Gavin disappeared to his bedroom, and I was left alone in the living room with Nick. We continued watching the movie for awhile, and maybe I should have felt a little uncomfortable hanging with a guy I didn’t know, but the warmth and relaxation that accompanied my martinis made me anything but. I let Nick put his arm around me as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“You’re such a pretty little thing,” He said into my hair.

I didn’t like that he used the adjective “little.” It reminded me of Mr. Connelly and how he liked to call me “my little Cadence.” I tried to block those words. I wanted to forget about him altogether.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Are you sad, Cadence?” Nick asked. I think he wanted me to be, and I wouldn’t lie to him.

“Yes.”

He lifted my face to his, brushing my hair aside and tucking it behind my ear.

“Would you like me to help you not feel so sad?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

It was a fuzzy blur. The kiss. Tongues twisting. Straddling his thighs. Feeling his mouth on my neck, his teeth sink softly into my skin. He carried me somewhere dark and secretive. I never protested when he strip me naked, laying me carefully on the bed. I never protested when he kissed all over me, spreading my legs and tasting me. I never protested when he slid inside of me and stroked me gently. It felt like making love, though there was no love. I never protested once, but I cried quietly, and he never heard.

In the morning, I lay in Gavin’s guest bed alone, feeling the weight of sin on my shoulders. Not because I had sex outside of marriage, but because I had sex with a man I didn’t love.

***

“Are we gonna talk about this?” Avery asked during lunch the following week.

“No.”

“I feel totally responsible, Cadence,” she said. “I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.”

“It was my decision. It’s not like he forced me.”

“I know, but still. You’re not the kind of girl who has sex with random guys.”

I bristled. “I don’t have sex with random guys. I had sex with
one
random guy.”

“Well, you’re not the kind of girl who has sex with
one
random guy.”

“Why do you care?” I barked.

“Because you’re my friend, okay?”

I said nothing.

“I mean, I get why you did it. But the whole point was to have a girls’ night and forget about guys.”

“Avery,” I said patiently, “you disappeared to Gavin’s bedroom. With him. You didn’t seem too concerned with having a girls’ night.”

“I know, and I feel awful about it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. What’s done is done.”

“Did you use protection?”

“Did you not just hear what I said?”

“Cadence, did you use protection?”

“Yes! Okay? Yes we did! Why the fuck is this so important to you? I haven’t said anything to make you feel guilty for it! My life! My decision!”

I grabbed my tray and stomped off. Avery stayed behind. I needed time alone. Time to sort out my guilt. Time to figure out the healthy way to mend my heart. I was by no means coming apart at the seams, but I felt the slight unraveling of my morals. I was a better girl than that person Friday night. I wanted her back, but I was afraid this new bruised and damaged girl wouldn’t invite her.

Oliver was waiting for me by my car at the end of the day.

“Kim’s going on a date with me,” he said. He sounded like a little kid bragging about his trip to Disney World, and I grew instantly annoyed.

“Super,” I replied, yanking open the car door.

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, climbing into the driver’s seat. “Hurry up and get in. I wanna go home.”

“
You
want to go
home
?” Oliver asked, buckling his seat belt.

“Whatever.”

Oliver sighed. “What’s going on, Cay?” And then he gasped. “Did you find out if you’re pregnant yet?”

I burst out laughing, and my sour mood lifted a little.

“What?”

“I just love how you all of a sudden remember that I might be pregnant.”

“Sorry, okay? I’ve had things going on.”

“Apparently,” I replied, pulling out of the student parking lot.

“Just tell me if you’re pregnant or not,” Oliver said.

“No, I’m not. And you better never mention it ever again in your life,” I warned.

“I’ve already forgotten it.”

“Good. Now tell me about Kim,” I said. I glanced at Oliver and saw the silly grin spread across his face.

“We’re going on a date.” He didn’t elaborate.

“Yeah. You said that already. Where are you going, and who’s taking you?” I asked.

“Oh, well, I thought you would,” Oliver replied. “And I thought I’d take her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.”

“Wow, that’s really expensive. How many lawns have you mowed?”

“A bazillion. And I’ve been saving every penny.”

“And now you’re gonna blow it all on her,” I said, amused.

“You gotta problem with that?” Oliver asked.

Did I have a problem with it? I had a problem with anything lately that had to do with love.

“No, Ollie. I think it’s sweet,” I said softly. “What time do you want me to take you?”

“Seven this Friday.”

“You better make a reservation. Fridays are date nights.”

“I know.”

I grinned because I knew he didn’t have a freaking clue. A little part of my heart was sore and jealous, but mostly I was happy for Oliver. He’d been pining over this chick all year, and finally she was deigning to hang out with him. She better treat him well, I thought, or I’d let her have it.

Bitch.

“Cay, did you ever tell the guy?” Oliver asked out of the blue.

“Tell who what?”

“Tell the guy you were fornicating with that you thought you might be pregnant.”

“Did you seriously just say ‘fornicate’?” I asked, and grimaced.

“Just answer me.”

“You know, you have some nerve sitting there silently judging me when you know you wanna screw Kim up and down.”

“CADENCE!”

“Oh, shut up. You know it’s true.”

“Who are you? I swear to God I don’t know who you are anymore,” Oliver said.

“Yeah, well I don’t know me either. So there you have it. And even though it’s not your business, I’ll tell you anyway. Yes, I told him. And yes, he ran for the hills.”

“Jerk.”

“Well, what are gonna do, right?”

“Are you turning into some embittered woman?”

“Yes.”

“Great. Just great. Stay away from me at home,” Oliver said.

“I don’t wanna be near you anywhere, Ollie. In fact, I’d prefer to strap you to the top of the car when I have to cart your ass around,” I replied.

“You’re such a bitch.”

“Don’t I know it.”

There is no way I can describe the massive amount of jealousy I felt Friday night when I drove Oliver to pick up Kim for their date. I knew it stemmed from bitterness and humiliation, and a part of me felt guilty for hating Oliver so much right now. It wasn’t his fault. But I was hurting, and he was happy. No, it was more than happiness. He was off-the-charts delirious.

“So, I guess you’re sitting in the back seat with her?” I asked Oliver on our way to Kim’s neighborhood.

“Uh, yeah,” he replied.