Gone Away (15 page)

“I’d better clear off,” Claud murmured shamefacedly, and turning on his heel, he made his way back to the waiting car.

For a moment Seymour stood, hesitating. He didn’t want to go; he longed to hear Patricia speak, to break that interminable silence. Surely she could find something to say? He dimly realized that he wanted her to lash out at him, to repudiate his suggestions, to tell him he had been utterly wrong in his accusations—anything that would explain Claud’s presence outside her bedroom at that hour. He knew he would accept the flimsiest reason, the most transparent excuse. He didn’t want to believe the obvious; his heart cried out to her across the space between them for any explanation. His wish was not to be granted. Without a word Patricia turned away a
n
d with slow steps crossed the porch and re-entered her bedroom. Seymour still stood in the sombre darkness until the blind of her window had dropped again into its place; then he turned gropingly back in the direction from which he had come. His lips were twisted into a bitter smile. He had been mad to hope for any explanation. What explanation could there be when, from the very moment of his unexpected arrival that night, Patricia’s behavior had puzzled him? Now everything was clear, horribly and undeniably clear. Why should he care? The question drummed in his head. Even as he assured himself that Patricia’s shortcomings were no affair of his, and in a short time she would pass out of his life, he knew that for some inexplicable reason he did care, and that something within him had suffered disillusion and hurt.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“
Kitty, you do understand, don’t you? I’ve got to do it. I’ve no alternative.” Patricia’s tone was pleading.

Kitty, with Patricia seated at her side, steered her car carefully through the thronged streets of Singapore. It was noon, and the roads were crowded with every type of vehicle, from private cars to rickshaws, the latter threading their erratic and dangerous course between the heavier traffic. “I suppose I understand. Last night must have been awful, but surely you can live it down without wanting to run away.” Kitty steered the car into the curb and braked. “Well, there’s the shipping office, if you’ve really made up your mind.”

Patricia made no immediate effort to open the car door, but turned to her friend. “You see, it’s not exactly ‘running away,’ as you call it. I could see quite clearly this morning that Seymour doesn’t want me to stay. I realize, of course, that it’s only a matter of another week, but I couldn’t bear it for another day!” she asserted firmly. As Kitty made to speak, Patricia urged her to silence. “Let me explain properly. I couldn’t do so on the phone to you, and it’s impossible while you’re driving. I got that cable from my stepmother this morning to say that Dad was ill. I needn’t really return for that, because I know my stepmother is a terrible alarmist. I haven’t seen Dad for ages and anyway, he doesn’t care much about me now that he has my stepmother, whom he adores. If he were alone it would be different; naturally I’d return immediately.” A sad smile curved Patricia’s lips. “If you’d seen Seymour’s expression of relief, you wouldn’t try to deter me. I tell you he’s thoroughly disgusted with me, and only longs for some excuse to get me out of the bungalow.”

“I can’t think why you didn’t tell him the truth,” Kitty broke in with a hint of anger. “Why you should sacrifice yourself for that child beats me!” She shrugged her shoulders resignedly. “I suppose it’s too late to open Seymour’s eyes now; you’ve been such a fool all along. If only you’d taken my advice, this needn’t have happened.”

“I suppose not. Instead of losing faith in me he’d have lost faith in Maimie. Surely
it’s better this way?”

“In some ways,” Kitty admitted reluctantly. “Anyhow, the damage is done now, but it seems a shame that you should have to suffer for it.”

“Maimie has won his heart, and I only hope that she’ll make him happy. I’m fond of them both and, honestly, nothing would please me more than to know that they’ve made a success of their marriage,” Patricia rejoined with sincerity.

“Well, they won’t!
”
Kitty retorted bluntly. “So it’s no good hoping! Anyway, I’m only concerned with your affairs at the moment. The mail-boat sails in the morning. Ian was only too pleased to lend you the fare. I’ve got a blank cheque of his in my pocket. Now what about it?”

“I’m going in to see if I can get a reservation. It ought to be easy. I don’t believe it’s the busy time.” Patricia opened the car door. “Come in with me.”

“All right.” Kitty scrambled from beneath the steering wheel and followed her friend into the imposing building and through the Passenger Department, where a young man took down details of Patricia’s requirements. While he was away making inquiries about the desired accommodation, Kitty spoke again.
“
What does Maimie have to say about your leaving before her wedding?”

“Like Seymour, she believes that Dad needs me. I don’t think she really minds, although of course she would like me to have waited until after next week. Seymour assured her that he was sure you’d be willing to stay there and chaperon her until they marry. I think he was very anxious not to place any obstacles in the way of my intended departure,” she ended bitterly.

“Of course I don’t mind stopping there for a week,” Kitty replied, “but I do think it was awful of them both to let you go so easily—after all you’ve done for Maimie too!” Kitty said.

“They think I
have
to go, and you mustn’t forget that Seymour doesn’t feel he owes me any thanks after the way he believes I’ve behaved. Maimie—well, Maimie is much too engrossed in her wedding preparations to bother much. Why, in a week’s time she’ll be off to Java on her honeymoon!”

“Neither of them thought of asking you if you had enough money for your fare?” Kitty’s question was more in the form of a statement.

“Oh, yes, Seymour did,” Patricia broke in quickly. She gave a laugh in which there was little merriment. “I’ve told you he wouldn’t have let anything stand in the way of my leaving.” Her tone became more natural. “I refused. Somehow I couldn’t bear to borrow from him, and I felt sure that either you or Ian would help me,” she stated apologetically.

“I’m jolly glad you asked us,” Kitty insisted. “Ian doesn’t want you to hurry to pay him back either; he says it’s a loan for just as long as you want it.”

The return of the shipping clerk terminated the
discussion. Yes, there was a berth vacant on the mail-boat leaving in the morning. Should they reserve it, and would madam like to take up her tickets straight away? Patricia nodded. There was no reason to wait; she had made up her mind to leave and nothing would persuade her to alter that intention.

Patricia felt strangely moved when she saw the clerk fill in the blank form with the necessary particulars. How differently her dream had turned out from the hopes which had filled her heart when she had first set foot on the shores of this country! During the ensuing days she had grown to love it more and more until she felt it was
h
er home.

“I think you’ll find this in order. Will you kindly make out a cheque for the amount indicated?”

The young man’s words roused Patricia from her reverie. She took the documents with trembling fingers while she watched Kitty write out the cheque and place it on the counter. A few moments later she was seated again in the car by Kitty’s side. The papers were still held loosely in her hands; she was scarcely aware of the drive home. Such flimsy, unimportant-looking papers, and yet they were changing the whole course of her life. A ticket, a cheque, and tomorrow she would be watching the green coast of Singapore fade away into the horizon as she bade goodbye to its beauty forever.

“Here you are, then.” Kitty drew the car to a standstill outside Seymour’s bungalow. “I won’t come in, because I expect you’ll be busy with your packing, but don’t forget that we expect you round for dinner tonight. Either Ian or Bob will fetch you, and we’ll all come down to the docks in the morning to see you off.”

Patricia’s heart warmed to her friend’s kindness and, as she pressed her hand in farewell, she was almost inarticulate.

“Thank you ... for everything
...
and Ian too. I know you must think that I’ve behaved foolishly. I didn’t take your advice ... if I had, everything might have been different.” She leaned more
confidently toward Kitty and a flush mounted her pale cheeks. “Something happened ... I didn’t tell you. I came across an old letter and it told me so much I had never known—that if I hadn’t been foolish, I could have had Seymour. He loved me once. Through my own folly I lost him. Now, just because I’ve come to my senses and really understand, it would be hardly fair if I did anything which might take him away from Maimie. I lost my chance of happiness, but I’ve no right to jeopardize hers.”

“
I
see, so that’s what happened. I have tried to see your viewpoint, I have really. I think I do in a way. I only wish that Maimie were more worthy of your sacrifice.” Kitty smiled, though her eyes were suffused with tears. “I’m going to miss you terribly. Even in this short time we’ve grown so friendly; it will be lonely without you.”

“You’ll be married soon, and you know I wish you and Ian all the happiness in the world,” Patricia said fervently. “Now I’d better say
au revoir
until tonight; as you say, I’ve plenty of packing to get done.”

Patricia waved until the car was out of sight. Turning round, she slowly walked up the gravelled drive. Maimie’s voice greeted her from the verandah.

“What happened? Were you able to get a berth?”

“Yes. Everything is fixed. I sail at nine tomorrow. Now come and help me pack.”

Maimie jumped to her feet and followed Patricia into her bedroom. “Of course I’ll help you. You fold the things and I’ll put them in your trunk. I’m no good at folding.” She pulled the trunk from beneath the bed and threw back the lid.

“I’ll do the heavy things first; they can go in the bottom,” Patricia said while she busied herself emptying her cupboard.

“I can’t really believe you’re going,” Maimie announced somewhat crossly while she slowly piled the folded garments into the box. “It’s an awful shame you couldn’t wait until after my wedding. Most inconvenient of your father, I call it.”

Patricia bit her lips. It really was rather mean of her to deceive Maimie as to the true reason for her hurried departure; yet, she argued, she could serve little purpose by telling her. “I know it’s a pity, but Kitty is coming here tomorrow, so you won’t miss me too much.”

“Kitty isn’t you,” Maimie muttered irritably, then, pausing in her packing, she looked up. “If that cable hadn’t come I should have said it was a put-up job.”

“Oh, the cable came all right,” Patricia agreed noncommitally.

“I should have imagined that you’d had a row with Seymour last night, and that he’d got the wrong end of the stick and accused you of an intrigue with Claud.”

Patricia forced a laugh. “Good gracious, no. He certainly imagined that Claud had called to see me, and he was probably shocked, but, after all, Seymour has no control over my affairs; it would hardly have necessitated anything so drastic as flight,” she said with assumed lightness.

“I thought he seemed thoroughly peeved with you this morning, all the same.” Maimie added another garment to the half-filled trunk. “Why didn’t you accept the fare when he offered to lend it? You told me you hadn’t any money when we came away.”

“I haven’t. Ian is lending it to me. I have accepted quite enough of Seymour’s hospitality, without accepting his money as well.” Patricia rolled some shoes into paper and threw them on the bed with unnecessary force.

“That’s absurd. I think you have more call on Seymour than you have on Ian,” Maimie insisted.

Patricia paused in her packing and turned angrily on her companion. “Why do you keep on badgering me with questions?” She broke off suddenly and regained her control. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit on edge. I suppose you may as well know the truth. I did have a row with Seymour last night. He was quite justly furious when he imagined I entertained Claud in my bedroom at night. I couldn’t very well defend myself without involving you. Directly I came face to face with Seymour at breakfast this morning I realized that it would be sheer misery to spend another week beneath this roof and meet his furious look all the time. The cable was just a heaven-sent gift. It wasn’t to recall me home, but, with a sudden inspiration, I saw my means of escape and pretended it was.”

Maimie stared in open-eyed astonishment.

“Goodness ... I didn’t realize
...
then it is all my fault...” she stammered.

“
I
suppose it is in a way, but I had less to lose than you, so I thought it better to hold my tongue,” Patricia announced briefly.

“But you want to stay
...
you were to have a job with the Wanes ... it was the very thing you hoped for when we left England.”

“I may as well be truthful about that too. That job was what I wanted, exactly what I had hoped for, but, for reasons which I can’t very well explain, it had lost its
attraction.
I admit I shouldn’t have returned
home yet.
So, you see, t
h
e sacrifice isn’t quite as drastic
as it might appear.
I should have taken advantage of Kitty’s hospitality for a while; but later, in any case, I should have looked for a post somewhere else.”

“I see. I’m sorry all the same. I feel terribly guilty,” Maimie faltered.

“You needn’t. I should probably have failed to find another position, then it would have been home for me anyway!” Patricia assured her friend. For a few moments there was silence between them, until Patricia spoke again. “Don’t let Seymour know that you suspect any breach between us; he probably thinks you were fast asleep and blissfully unaware of our
contretemps
last night. It’s far better to let him go on thinking so, and of course you must never let him imagine that the cable wasn’t all I said it was.”

“Of course I won’t.” Maimie scrambled to her feet and hugged Patricia. “You’ve been an angel to me and I shall never forget it. I hope one day I shall be able to do as much for you. I’d do anything, really I would, to show you my gratitude.”

“I
’
m sure you would.” Patricia disengaged herself from Maimie’s embrace. “I don’t expect I’ll ever call on you to do much, but there is one thing you can do.” She pulled Maimie round to face her. “Just one thing! Be good to Seymour. He loves you; don’t let him down. He’s one of the finest men in the world; try and be worthy of him.”

Maimie’s eyes met Patricia’s unflinchingly. “I know he’s miles too good for me, but perhaps association will make me better too. Anyway, I promise you I’ll try and make him happy, although I really can’t see why you should get so intense about it,” she ended with a laugh.

“Was I intense? I didn’t mean to be.” Patricia paused. “Isn’t that Seymour back for lunch? We’d better leave the packing for the present.”

A few minutes later, when they were gathered at the luncheon table, it was Maimie who broke the news to Seymour.

“Patricia was able to get a berth. She sails in the morning.”

“
I
see
...
We shall miss you.” Seymour did not lift his eyes from his plate as he spoke. “It is unfortunate that you have to return so suddenly.”

Patricia was acutely conscious of the lack of sincerity in his tone,. Controlling her chagrin, she answered him. “Unfortunate, but necessary. I have spo
k
en to Kitty. She will willingly come here for the time being in my place.”

“That’s fine. I shouldn’t have liked Maimie to stay in an hotel, and she couldn’t have remained here alone.”

Patricia bent low over her plate to hide the smile which curved her lips. Was that rebuke intended for her, an example of his own ideas of decorum? “I shall say goodbye to you after lunch. I’m going to the Wanes tonight, so I shall probably have left before you get back, and in the morning
I
certainly shall not be up before you go out.”

“But Maimie and I will see you off,” Seymour protested.

This time Patricia could see that his concern was genuine, but even then she felt no gratitude, as she had an uneasy conviction that the idea of seeing her off was far more the conventional idea of speeding the parting guest than any real desire to show her any attention. “Please don’t trouble to come to the docks. It means breaking into your morning.”

“If you’d rather not
...
” Seymour pushed back his chair and rose from the table. He turned to Maimie. “Darling, I won’t wait for coffee. I’ve got a big job on, I want to rush back.” He walked round to Patricia’s chair with extended hand. “Goodbye, Pat.
Bon voyage
.”