Going Under (27 page)

Nina didn’t waste any more time. “I spoke with Lex and then we spoke with Cade. We’d
like to sign on to your speech tomorrow and Cascadia, along with National, will be
issuing remarks of our own within half an hour of yours.”

“The vampires also stand behind this speech and will likewise issue our own remarks
if, after yours, we feel the need to.”

“Likewise the cats.”

Simon stepped forward. “Last week I went to Lycia and spoke with my father and oldest
brother. We stand with Owen. Always.”

Molly swallowed hard, licking her lips. Gage knew she was overwhelmed with emotion.
She took a steadying breath and nodded. “I’ll have a copy of my speech to each of
you by midnight tonight. If any of you want to be present at the speech, I’ll be giving
it at the state capitol building. We do have friends in state houses across this country.
I want to remind you all of that. We have those like Sato and Carroll at the national
level too. Cops, mayors, governors. They’re not all bad. The rest just need to understand
who we are. It’s my plan to make that happen. Thank you for your trust.”

Chapter 29

HE
looked over her place before he let her inside.

“I’m just going to get some work done.” She went to her place at the small dining
room table where she’d set up a home office of sorts.

He went to the couch and did his own work.

Molly needed to talk to Toshio. She’d known exactly what she was going to say in her
speech for several weeks now. Each day she woke up and sent out a silent prayer that
she wouldn’t have to give it. And each night she went to sleep, thankful she got through
another day.

But it was time and it couldn’t be avoided any longer.

It was early evening in Seattle, so she knew he’d be settled in his home office. He
picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, Molly. How are you feeling?”

“Physically I’m getting better. Can you talk?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m alone. What’s up? I heard about the situation in Alaska and I’ve
been wondering when you’d call.”

“I’m giving a speech tomorrow. I wanted to give you a heads-up so you can prepare
for the blowback.”

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound promising.”

“We can no longer go down the road we’ve been on, Tosh. My people can’t sit by while
they’re being picked off one by one. You wouldn’t, why should we?”

“I’m working on it. Every day. Carroll too. Our whole committee has been. Hayes isn’t
the majority. You know that.”

“I do. And you know that’s not what matters now. Because the majority are being silent.
Which means people like Marlon Hayes
are
getting their way. And that’s not going to happen any longer. We’re not fairy-tale
witches and Others. We are strong and we’ve been incredibly patient with all this
nonsense so far.”

“Are you declaring war?”

“We would still prefer a path through all this that is peaceful. We still have an
open heart. We have, after all, lived side by side with humans for thousands of years.
But we are not victims. Some are mistaking our tolerance for weakness and my speech
is made to disabuse anyone of that notion.

“All this talk about camps and chips and taking away our citizenship.
No
. Not going to happen and you are not strong enough to make it happen. Maybe we should
have been stronger and more vicious from the start, but we’ve been grieving our old
lives. Wishing for the way it was before the Magister. And it can’t ever be that way
again. No matter how much I wish it could be. If this violence toward us continues,
we
will
defend ourselves and our families. We will not tolerate losing our jobs and apartments.
This will be at the heart of what I say tomorrow. As Captain Picard says when he’s
talking about the Borg,
the line must be drawn here.
Only he says it in a British accent and it’s way scarier, but still.”

“You know this will only give ammo to people like Hayes.”

“They don’t need it. They blew up cars today, Tosh. With humans in them. Humans protected
by Elder vampires. Do you know what that means? You have no idea how hard it is to
hold them back. They have so much more power than you can even conceive. And they’ve
been
holding back because I’ve asked them to. Each time I ask them and humans attack them
I lose my credibility with them. That credibility is like credit. I was an outsider.
I grew up in your world and they trusted me anyway. And I’ve let them down. Over and
over. We can’t afford to wait any longer. You know it. I know it.”

He sighed heavily and she knew he paced, thinking carefully. And she knew that he’d
have nothing else to say. She had no other options. To continue waiting for the humans
to be nice after they’d repeatedly
not
been nice was suicide. How many times had a group waited and waited, only to be massacred?

“I know this is what you have to do. And I’m sorry because I know you don’t want to
do it.”

She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. It didn’t matter what she wanted. Things were
what they were and she had to deal with it.

“Call me when you get the chance. I’ll be watching it. I know you’ll do great.”

“I’ll have my assistant send you the text when I go on. The Weres and vampires are
also issuing statements after mine.”

“All right then. Thank you for the heads-up. I appreciate it.”

“You’re our strongest ally. I owe you that much. I appreciate all you do for us.”

“Look, it’s my job, Molly. I was elected to represent the people in my state and this
country. My constituents aren’t just human any more than they’re just white or black
or Latino or whatever. This is wrong. You’re doing your best in a messed-up situation.”

“Thanks for the pep talk.” She laughed.

“All part of the services I provide. Good luck, Molly.”

She hung up and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes it was to find Gage glaring
at her.

“What now?”

“I can’t believe you called him.”

This again? “Really? And why is that?”

“Why does he need to know what you’re up to? You lose the element of surprise that
way.”

“My job isn’t like your job in that way. I can see why you might think so, and sometimes
it might resemble it. But he’s our ally. He needed to know so he could prepare. He’s
going to get a rasher of shit by the time I’m done. It was the right thing to do to
tell him so he could prepare for it.”

“You’re telling the enemy what we’re doing. They can regroup now, blunt whatever you
say tomorrow.”

“He’s not our enemy, Gage. He’s our ally. It doesn’t matter if he supports what I’m
going to say tomorrow, though he does. You do what you can in a situation like this.
He’d have done the same for me. In fact he has. He’s the one who sent me that legislation
first. He shares all sorts of information with me. That’s what you do.”

Gage hated that she was so calm about the whole thing. Hated more that Sato had apparently
comforted her and had given her a pep talk.
He
should have given her the pep talk, not Senator Sato.

“We have our own governance. That’s what is important.”

She sent him a raised brow but didn’t lose her cool. “Don’t think you can presume
to tell me what’s important, Gage. I know what’s important. It’s my job to know what’s
important. I went through our governance. I went through our process. I informed our
people first. Then the rest of the Others. And then him. Because he’s been such a
staunch supporter of our cause, he’ll face a lot of scrutiny tomorrow. It would have
been rude not to have warned him. This isn’t a secret attack. We don’t need total
secrecy and he’s not going to tell anyone anyway.”

“We don’t need his approval. We don’t need you going to Sato for his permission or
permission from humans to take care of our business.”

She slammed her fist down on the table, sending all her careful notes, pens and pencils
flying. He flinched, knowing he’d gone too far.

“I have a job to do. I know exactly who I need to seek permission from and it’s not
the humans, or Toshio Sato. Or you for that matter.” Her normally patient and somewhat
annoyed tone had gone icy.

“You run to him all the time. You have plenty of your own people to talk to but they’re
not good enough for you.”

Her eyes widened as that hit home.

“Not good enough for me? Really. You’re going to stand there and say that to me? Fuck
you, Gage. How dare you?”

He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to admit he sounded jealous and had
gone too far.

He didn’t want to admit the creeping panic that ate at his belly. The fear that she’d
walk away. Didn’t want to admit that this fight was different than the others.

He wanted to be the one comforting her but she hadn’t sought him out. “I’m right here.”

“Yes, not looking me in the eye lest I be emotionally open with you. God forbid. Also,
in case you haven’t noticed, you already knew I was giving a speech tomorrow. Tosh
didn’t. Just admit you’re jealous! But you won’t. Because if you did, you’d have to
admit you love me.
I
can be nice to your ex-girlfriend, but you have to throw a tantrum over someone I
work with. And you don’t have the right.”

“Don’t have the right? What does that mean?”

“It means, Gage, that until you have the emotional maturity to just admit you love
me and that we’re in a relationship together, there’s just no more of this
friends with sex
nonsense cover story. I’m not your mother; I can’t make it easier for you to avoid
being emotionally mature. If you don’t want me enough to just admit you’re being a
jealous ass about Tosh because you love me and want me to come to you first, this
is just a fucking lie.”

“Why are you pushing this? Guys run from this sort relationship pressure from women.”

“I’m not saying you have to marry me, so stop being such a whiner. I’m saying we’re
friends. If you want to know where a great place to get tacos is in Chicago, give
me a call. I have a bodyguard. Faine is just fine to protect me. I don’t need another
bodyguard, I need a man.
My man.
And if you can’t be honest with yourself and with me enough to be that man, then I’m
done with this game. I can’t play anymore. It hurts too much and I have too much to
do to have it always be between us.”

She took a deep breath and he wished with all his might that she would stop speaking
right then and there.

“I have a job to do. With or without your support. You know how much I value the support
you’ve given me since the start. But if you can’t admit your feelings, especially
to save mine, I have to take a step away.”

“You’re right.” He stood, gathering his things up. Inside his head, his brain screamed
at him to stop. To not say another word unless it included an apology and a confession
of how he felt.

But he didn’t listen.

“We need to break things off. I can’t give you what you need. I’ll talk with Faine
so that he knows I’m not here tonight. Good luck with your speech tomorrow.” He left,
slamming the door.

She stared at the closed door, tears coming to her eyes before she could lecture herself
to stop crying. She hadn’t expected him to break up with her. But in the end, she
couldn’t pretend to not be in love with him. Couldn’t pretend they weren’t a couple
when everyone else knew exactly that except his dumb brain.

She managed to pick up all the things that had fallen when she’d slammed her fist
against the table and then she used all her emotions to write the most difficult speech
she’d ever given.

Chapter 30

HE
stormed back downstairs, wanting to head to Heart of Darkness to find a woman to fuck
Molly Ryan from his brain. But there was no Heart of Darkness. It was under construction
after the bomb. And he didn’t want anyone else in his bed.

So he headed to Nell’s.

And found his friend with a baby strapped to her chest, a husband making spaghetti
and a genuine smile at the sight of him.

“Gage! Come in.”

Libby, their daughter, kicked and grinned, holding her arms out. Gage took the invitation
and swooped her into his arms, dropping kisses all over her face as she giggled.

“Hello, beautiful baby girl. How are you?”

She grabbed his nose and then tugged on his beard.

“Nice to see some testosterone around here for a change,” William, Nell’s husband,
said. “Stay for dinner, there’s plenty.”

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer, thank you.”

“Good. Now you can tell me why you have that look.” Nell settled on the couch as Gage
walked back and forth across the living room with the baby, patting her bottom gently.

“You’re criminally good with babies. We should hire you as a nanny. She’s been grumpy
today.”

“Everyone gets a grumpy day, Mom.”

“Hm. How’s Molly?”

He’d told her about Molly of course, but he was quite sure Meriel, who was also very
close to Nell, had shared some as well.

“I just broke up with her.”

“You did what? Why?”

“This job. Now. Everything is upside down. Every day we get death threats. Every event
I take her to is full of protesters and people who want to harm her. People who want
to harm Meriel. People who want to harm Dominic and the rest of the Full Council.
The job used to be about dealing with problem witches and people who stole from the
Font. Now it’s dealing with loonies and kooks. Only they’re elected officials and
cops and stuff. With sniper rifles and bombs.”

“You feel overwhelmed?”

“To say the least. Overwhelmed. Underqualified. I can’t protect them all. Edwina was
killed. Molly broke bones. You should see how she gets. You’d never know it when she’s
in the public eye, but once she gets behind closed doors, it takes a toll. She’s afraid.
The stakes are high. I can’t be with her all the time and even when I am, well, I
can’t stop bombs, or a sniper’s bullet.”

“And you broke up with her for that?”

“She told me she loved me. She wanted me to say the same.”

“And you’re going to stand there holding my baby and lie, saying you don’t love her?
Because in all the years I’ve known you, Gage, you’ve never once talked about a woman
the way you talk about her. You admire her. You respect her. She doesn’t take your
crap. She’s your match on every level. You’ve never been a mimbo, so what, you’re
commitment-phobic now? Really? Is that a new thing? If so, it doesn’t fit you.”

Leave it to Nell to just say it like it was.

“I can’t protect her. I can’t make a commitment to her or anyone else because I can’t
protect her. It’s my job and I can’t do it.”

She took a deep breath and watched him as he laid Libby down in her bassinet and set
it to rock.

“I can’t even believe you. We’ve been trying to get her down for three hours.” William
handed him a beer and went back into the kitchen. “Look, dude, until the second I
met Nell I was a guy who never had any intention whatsoever of getting serious about
a woman. I was, as my lovely wife puts it, a mimbo commitment-phobe. You’re not that
guy. You’re a forever sort of dude.”

“You can’t protect her. Not totally.” Nell joined them at the island in the kitchen.
“Your job. Hell, her job too, is inherently dangerous. Especially right now and probably
for the foreseeable future. You could walk out the door right now and get killed.
She could get electrocuted or get into a car accident, or you know, one of these PURITY
thugs could succeed and assassinate her. You cannot control everything.

“You’re damned good at your job, Gage. You’re a crack shot, your magick is kick-ass,
you’re physically strong and fast and your magick, like mine, like everyone else’s
from what I keep hearing, is only growing more powerful. And yet, none of us, not
even the strongest of us like Meriel, can stop death when it’s time. That’s just how
it works.

“There is no way to avoid what is meant to happen and so pretending you can control
it will only lead to unhappiness.”

William pushed a plate of spaghetti in front of him and the three of them ate for
a time, talking about nothing more serious than babies.

He was getting antsy knowing she was alone back at the hotel and so he kissed Nell,
thanking her for her advice, and went to the door.

“Gage, before today were you unhappy with Molly?”

Far from it. She brought him so much. More than he’d ever thought any other person
could ever bring to him.

“No. But I’d sure as hell be unhappy if she died on my watch.”

“Yeah? Well, you’d be even more unhappy if she died and you were broken up with her.
So what does that prove? What does breaking up with a woman you’re in love with do?
Your problem, fear of losing this amazing thing, is about fear. You don’t know what
love really is until the thought of losing it fills you with so much fear you can’t
breathe. You already love her. She’ll go when she’s supposed to go. Being apart doesn’t
remove your fear, or your love. But you’re both brokenhearted. So why the heck are
you still here instead of groveling and getting her back?”

That was a good question. Ever since he’d walked out the door of her hotel room he’d
been really sad. There was a hole in his belly where their connection belonged.

Even when he was annoyed with her, that connection burned between them, filling him,
grounding him.

She was his woman, as most assuredly he was her man. Damn it. The question was, could
he get past that fear and grab on or should he let go totally and let her find love
elsewhere?