God's Little Acre (22 page)

Ty Ty had no eulogy for Will Thompson. Will would never help them dig for gold. He laughed at them when Ty Ty asked him for help. He said it was foolish to try to find gold where there was no gold. Ty Ty knew there was gold in the ground, and he had always been a little angry with Will for laughing at his efforts to find it. Will had always seemed to be more interested in getting back to Horse Creek Valley than he was in staying there and helping Ty Ty.

“Sometimes I wished Will would stay here and help us, and sometimes I was glad he didn’t. He was a fool about cotton mills, I reckon, and couldn’t pretend to be a fanner. Maybe God made two kinds of us, after all. It looks like now, though I used to never think so, that God made a man to work the ground and a man to work the machinery. I reckon I was a fool to try to make Will Thompson take an interest in the land. He was always saying something about spinning and weaving, and about how pretty the girls and how hungry the men were in the Valley. I couldn’t always make out what he was talking about, but sometimes I could just about feel something inside that told me all the things he said were true. He used to sit here and tell me how strong men were in the Valley when they were young and how weak they were when they grew up breathing cotton lint into their lungs and dying with blood on their lips. And Will used to say how pretty the girls were when they were young and how ugly they were when they were old and starving with pellagra. But he didn’t like the land, anyway. He was one of the people of Horse Creek Valley.”

Griselda pushed her hand into his. He held her hand awkwardly, not knowing why she wished him to touch her.

“You and Will were not different in every way,” she said softly.

“Which way is that? It looks to me like I just finished telling you how different we were. Will was a mill man, and I’m a man of the land.”

“You and Will were the only two men I’ve ever known who treated me as I liked to be treated.”

“Now, now, Griselda. You’re just all wrought up over seeing Will get shot over there in the Valley. Don’t take on so about him. Everybody dies in this world sooner or later, and Will died sooner. That’s all the difference.”

“You and Will were real men, Pa.”

“Now what in the pluperfect hell do you mean by that? I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

Griselda stopped crying until she could tell Ty Ty. She pushed her hands tighter into his, laying her head on his shoulder.

“You remember what you said about me sometimes—you used to say that and I’d try to make you stop—and you never would stop—that’s what I mean.”

“Now, I don’t know. Maybe I do.”

“Of course you know—those things about what a man would want to do when he saw me.”

“I reckon I do. Maybe I do know what you mean.”

“You and Will were the only two men who ever said that to me, Pa. All the other men I’ve known were too—I don’t know what to say—they didn’t seem to be men enough to have that feeling—they were just like all the rest. But you and Will weren’t like that.”

“I reckon I know what you mean.”

“A woman can never really love a man unless he’s like that. There’s something about it that makes everything so different—it’s not just liking to be kissed and things like that— most men think that’s all. And Will—he said he wanted to do that—just like you did. And he wasn’t afraid, either. Other men seem to be afraid to say things like that, or else they aren’t men enough to want to do them. Will—Will took my clothes off and tore them to pieces and said he was going to do that. And he did, Pa. I didn’t know I wanted him to do it before, but after that I was certain. After a woman has that done to her once, Pa, she’s never the same again. It opens her up, or something. I could never really love another man unless he did that to me. I suppose if Will had not been killed, I would have stayed over there. I couldn’t have left him after that. I would have been like a dog that loves you and follows you around no matter how mean you are to him. I would have stayed with Will the rest of my life. Because when a man does that to a woman, Pa, it makes love so strong nothing in the world can stop it. It must be God in people to do that. It’s something, anyway. I have it now.”

Ty Ty patted her hand. He could think of nothing to say, because there beside him sat a woman who knew as he did a secret of living. After a while he breathed deeply and lifted her head from his shoulder.

“Just try to get along with Buck somehow, Griselda. Maybe Buck will be like that when he grows older. He’s not as old as Will was, and he hasn’t had time to learn the things he should. Help him along as much as you can. He’s my boy, and I want him to keep you. There’s not another girl in ten thousand like you. If you left him, he’d never find another wife as fine as you are.”

“He’ll never learn, Pa. Buck just isn’t like you and Will. A man has to be born that way at the start.”

Ty Ty got up. “It’s a pity all folks ain’t got the sense dogs are born with.”

Griselda put her hand on his arm and got to her feet. She stood beside him unsteadily for several moments, trying to balance herself.

“The trouble with people is that they try to fool themselves into believing that they’re different from the way God made them. You go to church and a preacher tells you things that deep down in your heart you know ain’t so. But most people are so dead inside that they believe it and try to make everybody else live that way. People ought to live like God made us to live. When you sit down by yourself and feel what’s in you, that’s the real way to live. It’s feeling. Some people talk about your head being the thing to go by, but it ain’t so. Your head gives you sense to show you how to deal with people when it comes to striking a bargain and things like that, but it can’t feel for you. People have got to feel for themselves as God made them to feel. It’s folks who let their head run them who make all the mess of living. Your head can’t make you love a man, if you don’t feel like loving him. It’s got to be a feeling down inside of you like you and Will had.”

He walked to the edge of the porch and looked up at the stars. She waited beside him until he was ready to leave.

“We’d better go in and see how supper is cooking,” he told her.

They walked through the dark hall, smelling the aroma of freshly ground coffee. Nearer the kitchen they could smell frying ham on the stove.

Buck looked up at Griselda from his chair behind the partly opened door when they walked into the brightly lighted kitchen where the others were. She had to turn her head and shoulders halfway around in order to see him. He glared at her surlily.

“I reckon if he hadn’t been shot, you’d still be over there, wouldn’t you?”

The words were on the tip of her tongue to shout at him that she would, but she bit her lips and tried to keep from speaking just then.

“You and him got pretty thick, didn’t you?”

“Please, Buck,” she begged.

“Please, what? Don’t want me to talk about it, huh?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. And anyway, you ought to have some regard for Rosamond.”

He looked at Rosamond. She stood with her back to him turning the ham in the griddles.

“What’s wrong with me? Why did you have to chase off after him? Don’t you think I’m good enough for you, huh?”

“Please, Buck, not now.”

“If you were going to run around with your legs spread open, why in hell didn’t you take better aim? That son-of-a-bitch was a lint-head. A lint-head from Horse Creek Valley!”

“There’s no particular spot in the world where real men live,” Darling Jill said. “You can find just as many in Horse Creek Valley as you can on The Hill in Augusta, or on farms around Marion.”

Buck turned and looked her up and down.

“You talk like you’ve been pricked, too. What in hell went on over there, anyhow?”

Ty Ty thought it was time to step in before things went too far. He laid his hand on Buck’s shoulder and tried to quiet him. Buck threw his father’s hand off, moving his chair to another part of the kitchen.

“Now, son,” he said, “don’t go and get all heated up over nothing.”

“To hell with that talk,” he shouted. “You stay out of this and stop trying to take up for her.”

The girls began carrying the supper dishes into the next room and placing them on the wide table. They all went into the dining-room and sat down. Buck had not said all he wished to say, by any means. He merely transferred the scene from one room to the other.

“Go get Pluto, Darling Jill,” Ty Ty said. “He’ll sit out there in the yard all night and not get a bite to eat if somebody doesn’t look out for him.”

Griselda sat with lowered head, her eyes averted. She hoped Buck would not say anything else while Rosamond was in the room. It hurt her to have Buck talk about Will in Rosamond’s presence, and so soon after the funeral, too.

Pluto came back with Darling Jill and took his accustomed seat at the table. He could feel the tension in the room, and he took care to keep his mouth shut unless he was spoken to. He was afraid that Buck was going to ask him what had happened in Scottsville.

After several minutes of silence, Ty Ty tried to take advantage of it to change the subject.

“A man was out here watching us dig yesterday, and he tried to tell me I called the lode by the wrong name. He said he used to mine gold up in North Georgia, and up there a lode was a streak of gold in the rock. He said what we were aiming at was placering. I told him as long as we struck gold, I didn’t give a dog-gone what name he called it by.”

“He was right,” Shaw said. “In high school the teachers said placer mining was getting gold out of dirt or gravel. Lode mining is by blasting it out of rock and crushing it and cooking it out with heat.”

“Well, he still may be right, and you too, son,” Ty Ty said, shaking his head, “but a load of gold is what I’ve got my heart set on. That will be my ship coming in, and I don’t give a dog-gone for the name you call it. You can call it lode mining or placer mining, whichever you want, but when I get a load of it, I’ll know dog-gone well my ship has come in.”

“The man said the only way nuggets could get into the ground around here would be by a flood washing them down a long time ago, and then being covered up with silt.”

“The man you mention don’t know no more about digging for gold on my land than one of those mules out there. I’ve been doing it for nearly fifteen years, and I reckon if anybody knows what I’m doing, I do. Let the man have his say, but don’t pay him no heed, son. Too many men talking will get you all balled up, and you won’t know which way is straight up and which is straight down.”

Buck leaned over the table.

“I reckon if I was to put my hands on you now, you’d say, ‘Ouch! Don’t do that, Buck. I’m sore there.’ ” He looked at Griselda steadily. “Can’t you talk? What’s the matter with you?”

“Of course, I can talk, Buck,” she pleaded. “Please don’t say such things now.”

Pluto looked at Darling Jill uneasily. He dreaded for the time to come when Buck would ask him what had happened in Scottsville.

“Well, he’s dead now,” Buck said, “and I can’t do much about it, to him. But if he wasn’t, I’d sure do something you wouldn’t forget. I’d take that gun hanging up there and do plenty. It’s a God damn shame you can’t kill a man but once. I’d like to kill him just as long as I could buy shells to fire at him.”

Rosamond cried. She laid down her knife and fork and ran from the room.

“Now, see what you’ve done!” Darling Jill said. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself for doing a thing like that.”

“You and her,” he said, pointing his fork at Griselda, “you and her don’t look ashamed for anything. If I was married to you, I’d choke hell out of you. You’re as loose as a busted belly-band on a gray mule.”

“Now, son,” Ty Ty said. “She’s your sister.”

“What of it? She’s loose, ain’t she, sister or no sister? I’d choke hell out of her if she was my wife.”

“If you’re not man enough to hold your wife, you ought to be too ashamed to say anything,” Darling Jill told him. “You ought to go somewhere and hide your face.”

“We’re going on like this all the time,” Ty Ty said wearily, “and we’re getting further and further away from the happy life. All of us ought to sit down and think a little about living, and how to do it. God didn’t put us here to scrap and fight each other all the time. If we don’t have a little more love for each other, one of these days there’s going to be deep sorrow in my heart. I’ve tried all my life to keep a peaceful family under my roof. I’ve got my head set on having just that all my days, and I don’t aim to give up trying now. You folks see if you can’t stop your scrapping and laugh just a little, and I’ll feel much better. That’s the finest cure in the world for scrapping and fighting.”

“You talk like a damn fool,” Buck said disgustedly.

“Maybe it does sound that way to you, Buck. But when you get God in your heart, you have a feeling that living is worth striving for night and day. I ain’t talking about the God you hear about in the churches, I’m talking about the God inside of a body. I’ve got the greatest feeling for Him, because He helps me to live. That’s why I set aside God’s little acre out there on the farm when I was just a young man starting in. I like to have something around me that I can go to and stand on and feel God in.”

“He ain’t got a penny out of it yet,” Shaw said, laughing a little.

“You boys don’t seem to catch on, son. It ain’t so important that I get money out of God’s little acre to give to the church and the preacher, it’s just the fact that I set that up in His name. All you boys seem to think about is the things you can see and touch—that ain’t living. It’s the things you can feel inside of you—that’s what living is made for. True, as you say, God ain’t got a penny of money out of that piece of ground, but it’s the fact that I set God’s little acre aside out there that matters. That’s the sign that God’s in my heart. He knows I ain’t striking it rich down here, but He ain’t interested in how much money a man makes. What tickles Him is the fact that I set aside a part of my land for Him just to show that I have got some of Him inside of me.”

“Why don’t you go to church more than you do then?” Shaw asked. “If you believe so much in God, why don’t you go there oftener?”