God's Eye (15 page)

Well, it seemed Zachary was bound to crush him one way or another.

And if his own kind saw this … well, they would just call the game over, laugh while they danced around his funeral pyre, and forfeit Katharine to Zachary. His teeth clicked together and his long claws nearly raked holes in his pretty, human face when he reached to cover his eyes in an oh-so-human gesture.

The feel of the comforter against his skin was a small consolation that he basked in for just a moment. The smell of the sheets, the smell of softener, fake though it was, was heavenly. There was even something beautiful in the plumes of red energy that danced off him into the darkness of the room.

He’d never opened the shades in here, lest someone see him change. All it took was once, one solid eyewitness or one person suspicious or bored enough to wait outside with a pair of binoculars. They could rouse a good modern-day witch hunt right here in Marina del Rey. It was easy to think that the Los Angeles area, of all places, would be most open to his kind. But when he was human, or even partially human, torches could burn him as surely as God’s wrath.

And here he was, lying on his bed, half human, half beast, sore to his bones over what he’d done. He was failing. Maybe worse, he was failing in the same way he always did. If he failed differently, he could at least say he hadn’t made the same mistake again. But, no, that consolation was denied him, too.

His plan had been to bind Katharine to him with sex. Fight Zachary’s fire with fire. But the plan was to remain unattached, to keep control. If he didn’t have control, what did he have? And, clearly, he didn’t have control –of the situation, of Katharine, or even of himself.

Allistair hadn’t altered her thoughts, pushed her to believe, or made her remember or forget anything. He didn’t need to. Katharine could so easily fit in with him and his. He wouldn’t push her into the bond. But he’d seen it in her thoughts, the thoughts that had rushed into him when he looked–the one time he had looked. He shouldn’t have done it–knew it was wrong–but he was weak. Her longing had flooded him, surprised him, made him feel powerful and wanted. And he had easily fallen prey.

When he went to kiss her tonight, it had been worse. He had simply lost all control. Her mouth had met his, infusing him with all her thoughts and needs. He should have shut down the connection. Shouldn’t have looked into her. But he didn’t have to look. She’d handed it all over so freely, even if it was unknowingly.

Though he’d fought it, his human form had reacted. He had fallen prey to the urges, and there was nothing he could do. He’d wanted her so badly before he kissed her. But once he had, it had become unstoppable … a hurricane he’d been caught in, helpless. One he was unable to command or even navigate. And he’d almost taken her there on the desk.

He moaned again. It had been so …
human
of him. He was a more powerful being than they were. He was supposed to have full control. He wasn’t supposed to feel like they did, and on those rare occasions when it surprised him, he was supposed to override it. That was the rule: walk among humans, but don’t
be
human.

Only nothing was working that way. For him, nothing ever had. The feelings didn’t just surprise him, they bombarded him. Day in, day out. It was getting so he felt them even when he wasn’t in human form. He wasn’t able to control them. Sometimes he could manage to maintain himself in the powerful wake the emotions left, but he’d never been able to rule the feelings themselves.

He had
wanted
Katharine. He had
needed
to drive into her. To own her, possess her, consume her. Still he longed for the feeling of her naked skin next to his. Or, better yet, under his mouth.

He didn’t understand why he wanted her so badly. Even with all he knew of human feeling and the way that it dominated him, he still didn’t understand how she alone was a stronger tide than all the rest. Once, he’d done heroin. He’d been assigned to a group of homeless men, and he’d needed to be trusted. He’d shot the drug directly into his human veins and felt … nothing. He’d had no side effects, no cravings, no addiction. But
Katharine
…

It wasn’t just her, either. There was something about this incarnation that was worse. The sheets beckoned to him, always begging him to lie down on their cool softness, to skim his hands along their soft yet rough texture. The window shade allowed the neon light outside to seep in around the edges, and the play of the glow on his retinas fascinated him, too. Beyond the window the ocean was four blocks away, calling to him even now to dig his toes into the shifting sand, to sink into the cold water, to feel the push and pull of the tides.

A human would have been invigorated by all these feelings. But he wasn’t. Though he loved them, they didn’t make him feel better. He wasn’t supposed to have them, let alone enjoy them.

He had to face Katharine again tomorrow–had to find a way to apologize and yet still leave the door open to connect to her even more strongly than he had. And to attach to her more strongly than Zachary had, too.

Still, he wanted her in ways he couldn’t comprehend–in ways that would have left a mortal man invigorated and in pursuit. Instead Allistair just felt battered. He would likely die of it and wash up like so much flotsam on heaven’s shores.

•  •  •

Katharine woke to confusion. No one had visited her last night. Well, no
thing
had visited her. No creatures came; there were no mysterious soot stains. She’d fallen asleep in the arms of a man–a man she was falling in love with. Wasn’t she?

Regardless of those feelings, she still hadn’t really slept. She’d gotten as little sleep as she had the night before when the hell beast had appeared.

Zachary had come at her with a vengeance. It was as though he knew she’d been with Allistair, even though she hadn’t truly
been with
Allistair. She was a bad liar, and she counted herself lucky that she didn’t have to say anything. Ultimately, she hadn’t had to act guilty or secretive. Which was a good thing, because she’d been too shell-shocked to try to hide anything. But Zachary didn’t ask. He was just a complete gentleman. Still, he’d made love to her until she screamed out his name. Three times.

Then he’d left. Said something about needing to get up early and not being able to actually sleep beside her. Her bed was too small, his body too cramped.

After being so wrung out, Katharine had mumbled what he took as an agreement. Assuming it didn’t matter whether he was there–she was at the very edge of an exhausted coma, anyway–she let him go. Part of her raised the battle cry that he should stay. But she didn’t know how to tell him why she needed him, didn’t want to cling, and was still fighting generations of breeding that believed unmarried women should not have overnight guests. In the end, she said nothing, and he walked out the door with a sweet kiss to her forehead just before Katharine fell bonelessly to the mattress.

But she hadn’t slept.

At first she had stayed awake, caught up in her thoughts. Zachary couldn’t have known about Allistair–or he would have stayed, right? That concern volleyed in her head about three times before the memories of Allistair caught in her throat and took over, bombarding her with images and flesh memories of being pressed up against her desk and kissed with abandon.

She shook with need. She wanted Allistair. How could she? After this evening? After Zachary?

She was terrible. What kind of girlfriend was she?

Her head swam. Zachary had been wonderful. She’d been fully there, with him, the whole time he’d been making love to her. But now her thoughts were somewhere else.

At about 4:00 a.m. the thought came to her that, while Zachary didn’t know about what had happened with Allistair, Allistair knew about Zachary. He knew she had a boyfriend. One serious enough to come to her office and get her for lunch. One serious enough for the two of them to have that silent pissing match in the hallway.

At that, she’d sat bolt upright. The men had already circled each other once. There had been something even back then, when she couldn’t see it. And Zachary knew that, too. He knew she went to work every day with another man in her office. Yet he hadn’t said a word. Did he think it wouldn’t come to anything? Did he just trust her that much? Because clearly he shouldn’t. She rarely even thought of him when Allistair was around. And the opposite was true, too.

Two men.

Either of them perfect in some way. After that long dry spell she’d had, she should be happy to be wanted by two men. But she sure as hell didn’t need all of this at once. An embezzler in the company, two men, strange animals in her room, and an even stranger animal living under her own skin. She hardly recognized herself.

That made it hard to get up and get dressed for work, but she forced herself to do it. She’d been skipping out and living by a crazy and unpredictable schedule these past few weeks. She needed to be at work whenever she could be.

As she brushed her hair, she thought that looking at her face in the mirror was like looking at herself for the first time after she’d lost her virginity. She wanted to see if she looked any different on the outside. Because the Katharine she was on the inside wasn’t the same woman who had lived there just three weeks ago. In fact, Katharine now didn’t even know who that woman had been.

In a fit of restlessness that continued on the drive in to work, she stopped at a fast-food joint for breakfast. She’d done that twice now in the past week but couldn’t remember when she had eaten fast food before that. The first time had been out of necessity. This time was out of want. She pulled up to the speaker and ordered a syrupy sausage biscuit and side of hash browns that ultimately amounted to deep-fried tater tots. Then she added a Coke.

She ate in her car in the restaurant parking lot, not wanting anyone she knew to see her, and not wanting to taint her indulgence with the hassle of driving. She ate every last bite, her body rebelling against the change from a small serving of granola and yogurt.

At last she sat amidst the trash and wrappers and stared out into space. Katharine Geryon had just completely snarfed down a fast-food breakfast in her car. But she didn’t snarf. She didn’t eat fast food. And she’d always kept her car immaculate–the only thing she drank in the car was water, just in case of a spill.

Now there were crumbs everywhere, as if the foil and waxed wrappers weren’t evidence enough of her excesses. She took two deep breaths and began shoving all the papers down into the bag. She wadded it up before throwing the car into gear and tossed the bag into the trash can as she drove by it. She was barely going to make it to the office on time.

The food hadn’t helped her decide how to deal with the Allistair situation. And she needed an idea–a plan–and quick. If he wasn’t there when she walked in, then he would be within minutes. There would be no avoiding the man who worked at the desk across from hers. The drive wasn’t long enough to come up with a solution. Hell, a cross-country trip wouldn’t be long enough. She was way out of her league. Apparently her entire life had recently gotten way out of her league.

She decided as she pulled into the parking lot with her usual friendly wave at the attendant that her league seriously sucked. Her mother had prepared her for high tea and cotillion. Her father had prepared her for boardrooms and contract warfare. Nothing had prepared her for anything she suffered now. There was not a single weapon in her arsenal that would help here. And she had only the three minutes it took, give or take two, to get to her office from the front lobby to figure something out.

Katharine walked down the long hall to where Lisa sat working diligently on … something. For once Katharine didn’t know what her assistant was up to. Chalk up another new experience. At least Lisa still said good morning and handed over the stack of message slips like she always did.

Just beyond the open door, Allistair sat at his desk, working as though last night had never happened. For a brief moment, she wondered if it hadn’t happened at all. Maybe she had simply imagined or dreamed it. Maybe it was some cologne he wore or something, because she was having the most vivid thoughts whenever he was around. Maybe last night she’d finally gone so far as to hallucinate.

Katharine said a polite hello and considered that regardless of the reality of the previous evening, nothing good could come of it.

“Katharine.” He smiled. Her name rolled off his tongue and into her chest, catching in her lungs. Allistair stood and gently closed the door behind her.

For a moment, she panicked. Like a wooden puppet, she went behind her desk and sat arranging her coat and briefcase, as though there were protection to be found in the routine or behind the expanse of wood. Her brain roiled. What would Lisa think about the closed door? What would anyone think? While a lot of the employees around the office worked with their doors shut tight, she usually didn’t, although lately she and Allistair had been closing the door a lot to discuss the embezzling issue. As her mind churned out a plausible excuse, Katharine began to breathe easier. And she waited and wondered.

How was he going to explain last night? She certainly couldn’t.

He came up behind her as she sat down at her desk, the same way he always did, hovering over her as if to protect her from some threat above. His voice was low and melodious in her ear.

“Patricia Sange works quickly.”

What?

He kept speaking. “Apparently, one of her employees works around the clock and is amazing at forensic accounting.”

She found her brain again, at least the part that made words. “What’s forensic accounting?”

“Following old money trails, basically.”

“Ah.” This was not the conversation she had expected. Furthermore, as much as she had dreaded the other topic, she found she was disappointed to be discussing the fabulous Patricia Sange and her talented employee.

“So, the Light & Geryon money is going into an account in Panama.”

“Panama?”
Wow
, her conversational skills were seriously lacking this morning.