Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light) (5 page)

What kind of passion was that? How could it
possibly exist?

She remembered her first kiss in high
school. It had been a complete disappointment. She had kissed a guy
from her class. Before, she’d longed to know how it felt, to touch
another's lips with her own. As she had lost her parents in her
early years, she had always been afraid that she would never
experience such a thing as love. All of her classmates knew she was
locked inside herself. Sometimes they had mocked her, but the most
agonizing moments had been when they had felt sorry for her.

She had had to live, and she had tried to do
so. But no man had ever appeared to awaken such feelings in her the
way the stranger from the club had.

Lily heard the door open, and Nancy’s and
Mike’s laughter filled the apartment.

* * *

“Where do you think Lily is now?” Nancy
asked as she closed the door.

“Don’t worry. I think she’s still with that
guy,” Mike’s happy voice wandered around. “Come here,” he said,
wrapping his arm behind her back, “I’ve missed you, baby.”

“Yeah, me too darling,” Nancy replied with a
slight grin. “But shouldn’t I call her, just to make sure
everything is okay?” her voice became serious. “That guy could be a
maniac.”

“Oh, please,” Mike burst out in indignation,
“I haven’t seen her with a guy, since...since...” he forced himself
to remember. “I have never seen her with a guy.” His eyes widened
with a jolt of surprise. “When was the last time she got laid?”

“That’s none of your business,” Nancy put in
sharply.

“Years ago, I bet,” Mike went on, ignoring
Nancy’s frown. “Don't sweat it, darling. You have to let her have
her fun. Shoot, you should do the same.”

“You want me to go to that guy’s now?” she
teased grinning broadly.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mike
roared. “I meant
me
–”

“I know, honey, don’t get pissed. I just
wanted you to get jealous.”

“Geez...don't play me like that, babe,” Mike
said gruffly. “Nothing in this world would ever be as painful as
imagining you with another guy.”

“Oh, Mike, I’m sorry,” Nancy traced her
finger over his face, her voice mournful, “I didn’t mean to hurt
you–”

“I know, baby. But, you know, it is like–”
Mike stammered, “I'd rather die than see you with another guy.”

For some seconds the room was swallowed up
by silence, both them looking into each other’s eyes
unblinkingly.

“I’m really sorry, but I… Do you really love
me that much?”

“You can’t even imagine, baby,” Mike
whispered in reply.

“Oh, honey.” A tear ran down Nancy’s cheek.
She raised her hand to wipe it away but Mike held it instead. His
finger rose, caressed her cheek. He took her chin into his palm. He
leaned forward slowly. Nancy held her breath for the moment his
lips approached hers. The soft kiss lasted two seconds, then Mike
rounded his arms around her waist and her feet kicked uselessly in
the air. Nancy freed her lips from his and her loud laugh flooded
the room.

“Oh, Mike,” she whooped.

“Let’s go to your room, baby,” he whispered
with a quizzical smile. “I've got one more gift for you.”

“I already know what your ‘one more gift' is
going to be,” Nancy rolled her eyes on him.

“And?”

“What are you waiting for? Take me there
right away.”

Mike whooped and started toward the
door.

“But, Mike,” she stopped him sounding
worried, “Let’s call Lily first. She's like my sister, I worry
about her.”

“Yeah, you do really look anxious.” Mike
lowered her onto the floor gently. “If it makes you feel better, go
call her. I’ll be waiting for you in your room.”

Nancy winked at him playfully, then fished
out her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Lily’s number.

“I just want to be sure she’s okay,” Nancy
said putting the phone on her ear. Mike said nothing, ruffling his
hand through his hair and heading for Nancy’s bedroom. As the tones
went on, the sound of a phone ringing started from Lily’s room.
Mike stopped straining his ears. Nancy looked at the bedroom door,
with an absent look. She paced toward it, still holding the phone
to her right ear.

She yanked the door open. In the darkness
she saw the shape of Lily lying on the bed facedown. Nancy’s hand
holding the phone slid down instinctively, she glanced back at Mike
with anxious eyes and then strode into the room.

“Hey, what’s going on in there?” Mike called
after her. “Is she home?”

Even in the darkness, Lily’s blonde hair
seemed to be shining. She wasn’t asleep, she had heard Nancy come
in, but hadn’t moved.

“Lily, are you all right?” Nancy whispered
worriedly.

There was no answer, but she heard her
friend weeping under her breath.

“Lily, what’s going on?” She insisted, but
still her friend acted as if she heard nothing. “Please, Lily, look
at me, honey.”

Finally Lily turned and moved her hands off
her face reluctantly. Nancy couldn’t see her sad and bloodshot
eyes, but she knew that they must be.

“Baby, what’s going on in there?” Mike’s
worried voice carried into the room.

Nancy glanced back at the door and hurried
back to stop Mike.

“Nancy–”

“Please, Mike, go home,” Nancy begged,
pushing him out of Lily’s room. “She feels bad, I have to be with
her now. She needs me.”

“Is everything okay with her?” Mike
asked.

“I dunno,” Nancy peered into the room at her
friend, then back at Mike, “You’d better leave now, okay?”

“I see,” Mike sighed in disappointment. His
eyes fell. “See you at collage, then?”

“Yeah,” Nancy agreed.

Mike pecked a quick kiss on her lips. “Hey,
Lily,” he said over Nancy’s shoulder, “If that guy hurt you, I can
smash his face in. Just let me know, okay?” Not getting an answer,
he turned around, and set off toward the door.

Nancy stared after Mike until the door
closed behind him, then she went to Lily. For some seconds she just
examined her, not daring to break the silence. Then, she sat down
on the edge of the bed, slowly lowering her hand on Lily’s back. As
Nancy touched her, Lily raised her head, and looked up at Nancy's
concerned face. Then, weeping loudly, she flung herself into her
friend’s arms.

“Oh, Lily, what’s happened to you, baby?”
Nancy’s voice trembled as she hugged Lily, lowering her chin onto
Lily's head. “What did that guy do to you? Did he hurt you?”

“No,” Lily murmured through her sobs. “He
didn’t.”

“You looked so happy when you were leaving
with him. What happened after that?” Nancy asked.

“I don’t know why I followed him at all,”
Lily pulled herself into a sitting position. Now Nancy could
clearly see that the skin beneath Lily's blue eyes was swollen and
red, although the room was only lit by the street lights out the
window.

* * *

“I don’t–”

“Nancy, I have never felt this way about
anybody before,” Lily hissed desperately.

“What do you mean?” Nancy asked looking
confused. “How did you feel?”

“He was like a wizard, like he put a spell
on me. His smell, his hands, his face and those green eyes,” Lily
remembered and felt her heart beat faster even now. “I couldn't
reject him. He had this power over me...I don’t know how to explain
it, but he did.”

“It’s my fault,” Nancy murmured suddenly,
averting her eyes from Lily.

“Your fault? What did you do? ” Lily
frowned.

“I shouldn’t have let you drink so much.
You're not used to alcohol,” Nancy looked up at her, tucking her
hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, I knew that but I didn’t–”

“This isn’t your fault at all,” Lily broke
in quickly. “I was really drunk, I won’t deny that. But the problem
wasn't the alcohol. I was drunk on his charm, do you get it? It’s
so hard to describe what was happening to me there. I just–” Lily
trailed off, searching for words, then sighed in disappointment. “I
couldn’t control myself,” she resumed. “He controlled me; my body;
my hands, my legs, even my mind.”

The memories took Lily back into the man’s
arms. Her stomach lurched, she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.
In the darkness behind her eyelids were his green eyes. He was
still following her.

Nancy remained sitting still in front of
Lily, gazing at her as if she was petrified.

“When I was alone with him,” Lily resumed,
“I thought of nothing else but him, I forgot about everything. I
longed for him, only him.” Tears started streaming out of her eyes
again. Lily hid her face behind her hands, weeping soundlessly.

“It’s not a bad thing to feel that way,
Lily. You liked him and you wanted him,” Nancy desperately tried to
soothe her. “It’s the way girls feel towards guys.”

“You don’t understand,” Lily interrupted. “I
felt like a whore.” Lily lowered her hands to her sides and looked
at her friend with a mournful air. “When we danced and when he
drove me away from the club, we didn’t say anything to each other,
you see? He kissed me and caressed me without saying anything. I
was in his arms without knowing even his name. I still don’t know
his name,” she realized plaintively.

“What happened then?”

“Finally, I realized what I was doing and
came to my senses. Don’t ask me how I did it, I don’t know how
myself. It just happened. I apologized and leaped out of the
car–”

“And he let you go that easily?” Nancy cut
her off in surprise.

“At first, yes,” Lily relived the moment she
had been walking along the dark alley alone, leaving Samael in the
car. “Then he drove by and asked me to get back into the car. He
said that he would drop me at my home. That was the first time he
spoke to me.”

“He brought you home? He didn’t try to
seduce you again?”

“I didn’t get back into his car,” Lily
replied honestly. “I dreaded being alone with him any longer. I
knew if he tried to...take me again, I wouldn’t be able to stop
myself from letting him have me.”

Nancy’s eyes widened. She took Lily’s hand
into hers.

“He left you alone and drove away?” she
asked, startled.

“Luckily for me, there was a taxi nearby.”
She couldn’t force herself to recall the moment she had got into
the taxi. She had been trapped in her thoughts at that moment.

“You know, when you were dancing with him, I
felt very happy for you,” Nancy said. “He was really cute, indeed.
Honestly, even I was a little bit tempted. Thank God Mike didn’t
notice.” Nancy heaved a silent sigh. “The hot guys like him are
always trouble in the end.”

“He had a special attraction,” Lily added
suspiciously. “He had all my favorite things–his scent, his look,
his gaze, his eyes. Like he was my favorite drink, he was my drug
and…you know, I bet he
knew
that.”

“What do you mean?”

“He's probably done this to a lot of girls,”
Lily explained swiftly. “I guess he didn't expect me to refuse
him.”

“How could you know that? Did he tell you
anything?”

“No, but I could feel that it was true. When
I got out of the car, he just sat there, like he was stunned. When
he realized what had happened, he drove after me.”

“You think you were only a game to him?”
Nancy said tactlessly.

“Just a game...yes, you can say that,” Lily
looked down at her hands.

They remained sitting in silence – Nancy
trying to find the right words to say to her friend, Lily’s
thoughts once more flying back to that gloomy alley.

“You should just forget about him, Lily,”
Nancy broke the heavy silence. “He isn’t worthy of someone as
beautiful as you.”

“He's had plenty of women more beautiful
than me, no doubt,” Lily teased with a sarcastic smile.

“More beautiful?” Nancy’s voice grew louder.
“You really don't realize it, do you? Look in the mirror. He'd have
to wander the whole world to find such a beautiful and clever girl
as you,” Nancy allowed herself a thin grin as her words made Lily
smile shyly. “There is no other you on earth.”

“Oh, Nancy,” Lily said with a weak smile,
“What would I do without you?”

“You’d cry until the morning and go to class
with red eyes,” Nancy laughed and took Lily in her arms. “Come
here, honey. Put him out of your head. Immediately. I've known
loads of bastards like that. There are a lot of them, but you’ll
find someone like Mike one day.”

“Good thinking. You’re so lucky to have
Mike,” Lily muttered plaintively in reply. “He’s really a good guy,
and he loves you. Don’t let him get away, ever.”

“I know. I love him, too,” Nancy said
honestly with shining eyes. “But don’t worry, you’ll find yours one
day.”

“I hope it’s sooner than later.” Lily closed
her eyes tightly.

Never before had they talked so much about
Nancy and Mike's relationship. Lily had to admit that every so
often she envied her friend for having such a handsome and kind guy
as Mike. Lily knew that it was love that tied those two
together.

She herself had never met another guy like
Mike in real life. At least, not in college. She rarely went
anywhere else – the club tonight was an exception to her rule. So
she had expected her prince to come from college. But instead, she
had found him in her dreams.

Sitting motionless for a while, Lily finally
spoke, her voice low and drowsy, “I’m sorry I have spoiled your
night.”

“Forget it,” Nancy said back quickly.

“I heard you and Mike coming home. You
sounded so happy, and I was just sitting quietly in my room,” Lily
went on. “I didn’t want to bother you, since it's your birthday, I
wanted you to enjoy it–”

“Please, Lily, shut up,” Nancy cut her off.
“If you heard us, you probably heard me worrying about you. You’re
like a sister to me, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the evening at all
if I thought something bad had happened to you.”