Goddess (15 page)

I came screaming and thrashing, and when the last wave subsided, it was all I could do to crawl off him and collapse on the bed, my back to him. I lay on my side, trying to catch my breath.

I felt his strong hand against my side. “Satisfied?” he asked.

I reached behind me and squeezed his ready cock. “Not yet,” I managed to say.

“What’s your desire?” His voice was a hot whisper in my ear.

I dug my nails into the soft flesh just above his balls. “I want you inside me again.”

His lips caressed the back of my neck as he pressed his body closer to me. Lifting one of my legs with his hand, he slid easily into me. From this position, I could feel his cock reach a different place than when I was on top. His warm breath on my neck and his stomach pressed against my back felt heavenly. He reached around with one hand, cupping a breast.

I let go of every effort, every stray thought as he moved inside me. I felt delirious; my body was floating in a warm ocean of sensuality. The way he fucked me, slow and luxurious, matched my mood perfectly.

I thought my body had reached its capacity for orgasm, so I was surprised to feel another surge that began at my clitoris and radiated outward, all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers. I could sense a subtle shift in the way Ashland was moving in and out of me. He was going to cum too.

We reached orgasm together. At this point I could only accept the gift; my body was too weak to do anything else.

I lay in his arms for a long time, too exhausted to even speak. He offered kisses on my shoulder and neck, but asked for nothing in return. If this is what it felt like to be a goddess, then I could definitely get used to it.

Finally, I willed myself to open my eyes and look at the clock. We had been making love for almost four hours. “I should get to work,” I said softly.

“Isn’t today a Magoan holiday?” he quipped.

I managed to roll over and kiss him. “I think I’ll declare every day a Magoan holiday.”

“You can’t leave in wet clothes without breakfast,” he insisted. He slipped out of bed and brought me a thick, blue bathrobe. My legs could barely function as I stood and let him wrap it around me. While my clothes tumbled in the dryer, Ashland made me fluffy scrambled eggs served with homemade bread he had baked the night before. It was the perfect ending to a perfect morning.
He’s too good to be true,
I thought to myself.

It can’t last,
said another, more pessimistic voice inside me.

~*~

By the time I finished breakfast, slipped on my toasty warm clothes, and went out to the car, the storm had stopped, the sun was out, and the birds were once again singing in the trees.

Because I didn’t have the requisite parking sticker, I had to leave my car in the visitors’ lot on the edge of campus. As I made my way towards the library, I discovered just how much the sex had taken out of me. My legs felt so wobbly that several times I had to sit on a bench and rest. I kept moving, slowly passing two students deftly tossing a Frisbee on a dead lawn. I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to get back to the library where I could be alone with my thoughts and Brother Ferreira’s journal.

“Wait up, Julia,” I heard a voice call behind me. I turned to see Elena, clad in heels and an expensive leather jacket, clicking towards me. She stopped in front of me, her eyes taking in my drained, somewhat disheveled appearance, despite my attempts to put myself together in Ashland’s bathroom. “What have you been up to?” she asked. “You look like you’ve been on the redeye from Moscow.”

CHAPTER 10

“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I think I’m coming down with something.”

Elena eyed me with a mixture of sympathy and apprehension. Finally, she said, “I’ll walk with you.”

I couldn’t think of an excuse so I just nodded. Elena fell into my slow pace. I did my best to ignore my jelly-like legs and knees that were in danger of buckling.

“I’m glad I ran into you,” Elena said as we made our way along the rain soaked path. “I hardly ever see you on campus and you haven’t been to Ash’s Friday potlucks.”

“It’s hard when you have a family.”

“They’re not as much fun anymore anyway. Ash barely comes down. He’s supposedly on conference calls. Nina is the only one he lets in his office.”

I felt uncomfortable with the way this conversation was heading, but I had few options beyond being as noncommittal as possible. “I don’t talk to him very often either but I know he’s focused on getting back to Magoa.”

“Did you know Ash and Nina were having an affair while they were there
and
her husband knew about it?”

“No, I didn’t,” I said, trying to sound mildly shocked. “But it’s not really my business.”

“I just don’t understand what he sees in her,” Elena mused. “I mean, she’s attractive, I guess, but somebody who has an affair has to be so self-centered. I don’t care if her husband says it’s okay.”

I stopped suddenly and turned to her. “Elena, do you know how much of my 20s I wasted chasing after guys who weren’t interested in me? You’re beautiful and smart. You deserve to find someone who’s totally crazy about you.”

She looked at me in the skeptical way my girls did when I offered them sound motherly advice. “I know you’re right. It’s just, he’s such an amazing man, don’t you think?”

“Probably,” I said, “but really, Elena, I barely know him.”

~*~

When I finally stumbled into the library, I offered Caroline the same excuse for my current physical state. I lugged the journal back to my table and promptly collapsed into a chair. For a few minutes, I sat motionless, going over everything that had happened this morning. Every fiber of my being was rejoicing at the amazing sex Ashland and I had shared. But at the same time, there was a dark, foreboding cloud on the horizon and its name was Elena.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

I knew the line well thanks to an undergraduate course on Restoration literature.

~*~

As we neared the mountain that my guides called “The Gates of Heaven,” they became fearful. If they carried the Sword of Christ as I did, they would have continued. Instead, they sat in the dirt and refused to travel further.

I continued to translate:

I prayed for them and cajoled them, but to no avail. If I was to bring the word of God to a lost and sinful people as Moses and Isaiah had, I would have to press onwards with only the Holy Ghost as my guide.

I worked until three. Finally, I put the journal down, feeling more exhausted, but at the same time more energized, than I had ever been in my life.

I emailed Ashland and Nina with a report on my progress.
An amazing day,
I wrote at the bottom of my email to Ashland.

For me too,
he wrote back.

~*~

That weekend, the whole family trekked out to a distant suburb for a major speed skating competition. We sat together in the crowded bleachers. Anna and Mackenzie focused on their electronic devices, glancing up only when Lily skated her heats. Matt and I talked about work and our plans for the upcoming holidays.

Lily looked magnificent as always, circling the ice with smooth, powerful strokes, leaving most of her competition behind. She won all but one of her heats, and was awarded several medals.

When it was over, we waited for Lily in the lobby while she changed. Finally, I spotted her walking towards us, engrossed in conversation with a tall young man who lopped along beside her. He was all arms and legs, attached to a reed thin torso. His intelligent face was perfectly proportioned; his skin as smooth and unblemished as a china doll. A mound of unruly black curls topped his head. He reminded me of the boy I had flirted with many years ago in the library and slept with just once.

When they reached us, Matt and I gave Lily congratulatory hugs while her companion waited patiently. Finally, she nodded offhandedly in his general direction. “This is Chase.”

The boy smiled nervously without saying anything, Matt took the initiative and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Chase.”

“Hi,” Chase responded, then fell silent again..

Mackenzie stared at him in wonder. “Are you the ‘boyfriend’?” she asked, adding air quotation marks for emphasis.

Chase’s face turned the color of a pomegranate. Lily glared at her sister. “Shut up, Mackenzie.”

“We’re all going out to dinner,” Matt said. “Why don’t you join us, Chase?”

“Dad,” Lily said, shooting him a death look. “We can’t.”

“Sure you can,” Matt said. “You like pizza, right, Chase?”

“Yeah,” he said noncommittally.

“Then let’s go. We can all fit in the minivan.” Matt marched ahead of us. Lily turned to me, her eyes pleading. I just shrugged. I appreciated Matt’s tactics. Lily knew she’d have to put up a big fight to have any hope of getting out of dinner. Complying seemed to offer less embarrassment.

Lily, Chase, and the rest of us followed Matt to the door.

~*~

At Papa’s Pizza and Pasta we squeezed into a large corner booth. Lily sat next to Chase but mostly sulked or looked at her phone. Mackenzie tried to befriend the temporary addition to our family but grew frustrated when Chase didn’t respond to her attention. It was Anna who turned diplomat, breaking the stalemate. She discovered that she knew Chase’s younger sister, Gabriella. They had been in the same class at Cherry Grove Preschool. Anna, who had a steel-trap memory, told hilarious stories of the teachers and students there. By the time our food arrived, Lily and Mackenzie, who also attended the school, were sharing their own anecdotes. Even Chase, who had gone to a different preschool, was laughed uproariously.

When he finally began to open up, Chase turned out to be an intelligent, intense young man who loved books and had little interest in sports. He and Lily met in the hallway after taking their PSAT tests. I could see why they had fallen for one another. Chase brought out Lily’s intellectual side, which seemed to have gone into hibernation when adolescence hit. Lily, on the other hand, had a competitiveness that Chase lacked but obviously found attractive.

After dinner, we dropped Chase back at his car, (It belonged to his father, a successful attorney.) and drove quietly home. As we all headed to our respective corners of the house, I stopped Lily. “He seems nice,” I said quietly.

She nodded, her face betraying the hint of a smile. “He is.”

~*~

The free community clinic was a drab office in a strip mall with chipped pastel walls covered by posters that advised visitors to “Know Your Status.”

The only other person waiting in a hard plastic chair was a disheveled young man who released his nervous energy by bouncing one leg to the music presumably coming through his earbuds. I sat as far away from him as possible, filling out the questionnaire the receptionist had handed me:

How many sexual partners have you had in the past month?

Two.

The past year?

Two.

Finally, a rotund young nurse with dyed blonde hair called me into a little room. With little warning, she rubbed my arm with antiseptic and jabbed a needle into it. “Call in two days,” she said as she drew out the deep red blood. “You won’t receive a written result. Some people like to take those onto the street to prove they’re STD free. But of course, as soon as you have multiple partners again, you’re back to square one.”

I nodded as she withdrew the needle. Ashland was also getting an STD test today. I would have to trust him and he would have to do the same with me. Not that he had anything to worry about. One illicit lover was plenty for me.

But what about Matt?
The thought jabbed me like a dull needle. Who was the woman I heard in his hotel room? If a good wife and mother like me could be having an affair, why couldn’t he? For all I knew, he could be checking out the adult services listings on Craig’s List in every city he visited. Would he practice safe sex with the women he met?

I was being ridiculous, spurred on by my own guilt. I had no proof other than hearing a stranger in my husband’s room. Still, I would have to tell Ashland my concern, not that I believed it would make him change his mind. He wanted me. I had little doubt of that.

“We’re all done here,” the nurse said, plastering a Band-Aid on my arm.

“Okay, thanks,” I said, standing.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She pulled open a drawer and handed me two familiar, square packages. “Compliments of the clinic.”

I stuffed the condoms into a trash bin on the way out.

~*~

If turned my head, I could just catch a glimpse of tall, white cumulous clouds drifting across an indigo sky outside the French doors.

But weather was a low priority at the moment. I was on my hands and knees in Ashland’s bed while he took me from behind. I enjoyed his smooth, steady strokes as he moved inside me, and the tight grip of his hands on my thighs.

It was my fifth time visiting his bedroom. The position had been my request, which he had granted with pleasure. I liked how primal and animalistic it felt. I liked closing my eyes and focusing on the guttural sounds he made.

“Oh yes, Ashland. Harder.”

He pushed deeper, spurred on by my demand. “Oh god, Julia.” His voice was a rough, rolling wave that sent a shiver of excitement through my body.

I held back; I didn’t want to cum. I wanted to fully experience his orgasm without distraction.

“Julia…” he exhaled, and I could feel him empty himself inside me.

We collapsed on the bed in improbable laughter, giddy with the naughtiness of it all. He cradled me in his strong arms. “You are an amazing lover,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” I replied, fully embracing the compliment.

I settled in against Ashland’s shoulder. It felt cathartic to experience such unrestrained passion followed by complete tranquility.

My mind drifted to work, because it felt so interconnected with our affair. The translation of Brother Ferreira’s journal had become as arduous as his ascent up the mountain. Now that he was alone, Brother Ferreira had stopped focusing on evangelizing and was observing the world like a man who had suddenly gained his sight. There were long passages describing the flora and wildlife he encountered. I was continually stopping to search for the meaning of unfamiliar words. Still, I found the anticipation of what might lay on the mountain exhilarating. It reminded me of the tension that built day after day until Ashland and I could be together again.

“What happens after I finish the translation?” I asked Ashland as I traced an abstract pattern on his chest with my index finger.

“What do you mean?”

I raised my head, meeting his eyes. “You know what I mean. You won’t have a job for me. Are you going to send me on my way like your young lovers?”

He furled his brow at me. “First of all, I never ‘sent them on their way.’ They went on to other, better things. Many of them are doing outstanding archeological work.”

“But it’s not going to be that easy with me. I’ll still be living in the same city. We might run into one another at the grocery store.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t leave the university. Then I’ll have nothing to send you away from.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re intelligent, inquisitive, you obviously love your work. You should get a graduate degree in archeology.”

I looked at him in surprise. “Are you sure you’re not just suggesting this because I’m so amazing in bed.”

“I explained to you already, I never let my personal relationships influence my professional behavior. I’m suggesting it because you would make an excellent archeologist.”

I rested my head on his chest. “I don’t want to become Adriana.”

He ran his fingers gently through my hair. “You’re as unique as your tattoo.”

“What was she like?”

His hand paused as he considered my question fully. “She was intense, driven. She cared deeply about her work, and she was willing to do anything to further it. I admired her for it, but sometimes it made me angry.”

“Because she put herself at risk?”

“Yes,” he said, and I could hear the deep sadness in his voice. “Maybe everything would have been different if we had children. It certainly would have kept me out of a lot of risky situations.”

“She didn’t want them?”

“For her, the work and I were enough.”

“You could still have children if you wanted.”

He rolled over so that we were face to face. “I’m 45,” he said. “I’m too old and decrepit to have kids.”