God Still Don't Like Ugly (39 page)

I gave Larry a weak nod, but with my bottom lip poked out. A slight grin decorated my face as I slid my hand between Larry’s hard, soapy thighs. I started giving him a hand job, something we often had to settle for lately. My backaches, cramps, spotting, and other discomforts associated with the advanced stages of pregnancy had temporarily stopped us from fucking like dogs.

“If you don’t want me to go, why don’t you bring your cousins over here? I got enough food to feed an army. And, like I said, I would like to meet some of your family,” I suggested, praying that Larry would at least offer to come back to my place after taking his cousins to dinner.

As much as Larry liked my cooking, I often ended up alone, eating elaborate meals that I had prepared to share with him. Those were the most miserable nights of my life. But I wouldn’t get mad at him; I’d just get drunk. Then I’d eat everything I’d cooked and sit by the telephone waiting like a lovesick tiger in a tree for him to call.

I never knew what was going on in Larry’s head, but marriage was on my mind after our first night together. It was a subject he avoided like the racist cops who got their kicks by harassing Black men for no 314

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reason at all. Whenever I brought up marriage, Larry wasted no time changing the subject, but not before giving me a list of excuses. Even though we had been together more than a year, he had decided that we didn’t know each other well enough, he couldn’t afford a wife, and he was not ready for a lifetime commitment.

I turned off the shower and repeated my last question with a slight variation.

“Can’t you bring your cousins over here for dinner to eat some of my mustard greens, gumbo, corn bread, and pork chops?” I held my breath and waited.

For a moment I thought I had him hooked, the way his eyes froze.

Then he came out of his trance, shaking his head so hard his wet hair whipped the side of my face. The water from the shower and his sweat made his face look like it had been glazed. I wanted to lick him dry, but I didn’t because the red flag he waved this time was so big I could have used it for a towel.

“That’s all right!” Larry said, talking so fast he almost choked on his words. He stumbled away from me, forcing my hand to slide away from his crotch. “Uh, I don’t want you to go to all that trouble.” He started groping for a towel, his eyes on everything in my bathroom but me. His erection had disappeared within a matter of seconds.

“Well, if you change your mind, y’all can all come over anyway.

And I’ll go ahead and cook this evenin’, after I get back from the mall. Just in case y’all do make it over here,” I decided. I was so disappointed, my head began to ache. But that didn’t stop me from arousing Larry again. I finished him with my tongue. He held my head in place with both hands, moaning like he was the one with the headache.

He was still moaning when I dried him off. “Lula Mae, I swear to God, you so good to me, girl,” he said, smacking his lips and patting my crotch. I followed him to my bedroom and watched him slide back into his work clothes. “You sure know how to make a man feel like a man.
Mmph!”

“And I can be even better to you, if you’d let me,” I purred, grinning so hard my cheeks ached. “My daddy is scared to death he won’t live long enough to see me get married,” I confessed.

Larry sat down on the side of my bed, grunting as he wiggled his RED LIGHT WIVES

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feet into his shoes. I squatted in front of him and tied his shoelaces.

Except for the large beach towel draped around my shoulders that I had used to blot Larry dry, I was still naked. A cool breeze coming in from an open window in my bedroom made me shiver.

Larry’s warm body suddenly felt cold and rigid, but not from the breeze. His eyes stopped moving. It seemed like a very long time for a person not to even blink. Then he let out a deep breath and finally shifted his eyes, blinking so hard it almost made me dizzy. “Girl, how many times do I have to tell you, I ain’t ready for no family?” I had never seen him so upset.

“Well, the only difference between us and a married couple is we don’t live together,” I whined. “I don’t want to end up like my mama.”

Larry stood from the side of my bed so fast, I almost fell. Stumbling up, I followed him to the mirror behind my bedroom door, watching him rake his fingers through his damp, curly brown hair. “And if we lived together, we’d save money on rent,” I added.

I couldn’t ignore the look of contempt on Larry’s face as he glared at me in the mirror. “Look, woman, I didn’t come over here this mornin’

for you to be naggin’ me like a fishwife,” he told me, still raking his hair.

“Why you wanna spoil things by bringin’ up marriage all the time?

Shit. All my married friends that ain’t already divorced, they miserable as hell.” He grunted, whirling around to face me. With his voice humming with rage, he went on. “I couldn’t love you no more, if we was married, than I do now. So let’s leave things the way they are.

Besides, it’s more fun this way, ain’t it?”

I nodded, even though I didn’t agree.

Larry sighed and looked around the room. Then he sniffed and looked back at me with his eyebrows raised. The smile that usually brought me to my knees popped up on his face. “A cup of coffee sure would be nice,” he hinted in a soft voice, tickling my chin and kissing my forehead again.

I sniffed and trotted to the kitchen. Like an obedient servant, I returned a few minutes later and handed Larry a cup of coffee. It was black and strong, the way he liked his women. I didn’t feel so strong anymore. I plopped down on the bed next to him, lying on my side, looking like an overturned cement truck. My swollen belly was hanging off the side of the bed. Larry reached over and rubbed my stomach.

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“Put on some clothes, woman,” he ordered. “I can’t have you catchin’ pneumonia while you carryin’ my baby.”

I snatched my robe off the foot of the bed and wrapped it around me as I walked Larry to the door. He kissed me long and hard before he left. I cracked my front door open just far enough for me to watch him until he reached his car parked in front of my building. Without looking back, he jumped into his dusty blue Thunderbird and shot off down the street.

I stood in my doorway a few more minutes, with the cool air teasing my face, wondering why I was feeling so apprehensive. I had used all of my paid sick leave, so I was missing a day’s work without pay. Normally, when I played hooky from work, Larry would slip away from his job two or three times that day to spend a little time with me. The thrill of doing something so sneaky kept me from getting bored. But I was also being careless and jeopar-dizing my job. One day as Larry and I waltzed out of a trendy café on the boardwalk, holding hands like newlyweds, we bumped into Gloria Fisher, one of my meddlesome coworkers. She greeted me with a loud, snide remark. “Lula, you better go home and get in the bed before you get even sicker!” That little incident caused me to be more discreet. Larry and I decided to spend our time in my apartment making love, eating snacks, watching music videos, and drinking.

I cursed Larry’s cousins from D.C. Those creeps had begun to pay him surprise visits once or twice a month, and it had gotten on my last nerve. Since Larry had refused to let me meet them, they had begun to sound like phantoms. I didn’t know their names, what they looked like, or how many of these mysterious demons I was dealing with. I didn’t even know if they were male or female. I made up my mind right then and there in my doorway, with my bathrobe open and my naked body getting colder by the minute, that when I saw Larry again, I’d insist on meeting those greedy intruders. I had too much time invested in Larry to let somebody I didn’t even know throw a monkey wrench into my life.

After I left Jupiter’s that day, the only department store at the only mini-mall we had, I entered the parking lot with two shopping bags full of items for the nursery I’d fixed up in my apartment. Three cars RED LIGHT WIVES

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over, two Black women in their mid-twenties crawled out of a dark brown van that reminded me of those coffee-colored UPS trucks. And that reminded me of Larry, because he worked for UPS. Every time I thought about my man, I smiled.

I was smiling when the two women started strutting toward me as I struggled to load my packages into the backseat of my Toyota. They were both nut-brown, with the same big, shiny black eyes, but the scowls on their faces were so severe, I couldn’t tell if they were pretty or not.

“Yeah, that’s her! That’s that whorin’ Black bitch!” one of the women hollered, pointing in my direction as I closed my back car door with my foot. Naturally, I thought she was talking about somebody else so I proceeded to open my driver’s door. “I’m talkin’ to you, slut!” the woman added. Like an angry soldier, she marched toward me, the heels of her clogs click-clacking against the hot concrete.

My head whirled around so hard and fast my neck made a popping noise. “What—are you talkin’ to
me
?” I asked, wide-eyed and annoyed, pointing at my chest. My pregnancy was responsible for all kinds of unattractive surprises and I noticed for the first time that my fingers looked like bloated Vienna sausages. A sharp pain that started at the base of my neck shot all the way down to the bottom of my back. I felt dizzy as I leaned back on my legs, breathing through my mouth.

“Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, tramp,” the woman yelled with a husky voice. Her companion, as pregnant as I was, and looking like she wanted to cuss out the world, handed her friend her purse and waddled in my direction. Her huge belly rode high on her body.
She’s carrying a girl,
I thought. Baby girls rode high in the belly, baby boys rode low. The old folks I knew had been telling me that for years. I was carrying a boy, but I was going by what my sonogram had revealed, not what old Reverend Dixon’s grandmother had told me at church a few weeks ago.

“So, bitch, we finally meet!” the pregnant woman yelled, standing in front of me with her thick, ashy brown hands on her hips. An ugly red rash covered half of her face and both of her hands. She looked like a spotted piñata. People going in and coming out of the store slowed down to watch. I recognized a couple from my neighborhood, and a nosy woman from the church I used to attend. The woman ad-318

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dressing me didn’t seem to care about the attention she was attracting. “You done fucked up, you skanky whore!”

It was the middle of April. In Barberton, Mississippi, our sleepy, dusty little town near the Delta, that meant the weather was warm enough for females to be prancing around in shorts. And wearing shorts was something most of the women I knew didn’t think twice about doing, no matter how ridiculous they looked. The woman standing in front of me couldn’t have looked any worse if she’d tried.

Neither could her companion. Each had on cheap, ugly, well-worn shoes and flowered shorts, revealing hairy brown legs that looked like logs. The one who was not pregnant had the nerve to have on a silver ankle bracelet. It was wrapped so tight around her stout ankle it looked like a tattoo. The pregnant one had on a sleeveless, faded plaid maternity top that would have slid off her body if she hadn’t had so many safety pins holding it together. There was a white scarf—

no, a diaper—wrapped around her head. A diaper! And it didn’t even cover all of her frayed cornrows. Both of these sisters were screaming for a makeover.

Even with all of the confusion going on, I was still smiling. I held up my hand and took a few steps back. On top of everything else, I could feel sweat forming in my crotch. It rolled down my thighs, making me feel like I was peeing on myself. “Look, ladies, I don’t know either one of you sisters, and y’all don’t know me, so I advise both of y’all to get the hell out of my face,” I said. My smile finally disappeared. A small, excited crowd, with amused and anxious looks on their faces had gathered a few cars over.

“You just a low-down, sleazy Black bitch!” the pregnant woman’s companion screeched at me. “Goin’ around fuckin’ other folk’s man.”

Each time she opened her mouth to speak, a huge silver stud clamped in the center of her tongue bobbed up and down.

“I . . . what did you say?” Larry Holmes was the
only
man I had been with lately. “Are you talkin’ about Larry . . . Holmes?” Instead of answering me, Mrs. Holmes sucker-punched me in my stomach. I stumbled, then fell to my knees. My head slapped the side of my car. I didn’t see stars, but I blacked out for a split second. Before I stood back up and opened my eyes, I saw colors that I didn’t know existed.

One of the few things that my busy daddy had taken the time to teach me was not to take anybody’s mess. “Lula Mae, if you goin’ to go RED LIGHT WIVES

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down anyway, go down fightin’.” Daddy had told me that more times than I could count.

Something told me that I wasn’t going to get out of this parking lot until I duked it out with this beastly woman, so I dropped my purse and sucked in my breath. There was a foul taste in my mouth. I could feel the sour bile rising in my throat. I was not at that time, nor have I ever been a big woman. Even almost nine months pregnant, I weighed only a hundred and thirty pounds. The woman who had jumped me was about my size, maybe half a size larger. With the same hand that I had jacked off Larry with in the shower, I socked the side of my attacker’s face as hard as I could, knocking her to the ground.

The palm of my hand stung like I’d been scalded. It was just like that scene in
The Color Purple
when Oprah knocked out the mayor with one punch.

Popping up like a weed, my attacker brushed off her clothes and told me, “I’m goin’ to put somethin’ on you a doctor can’t take off.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the number of drooling spectators had doubled. I heard a few disembodied voices comment about some “dude’s wife” and “his whore” having a showdown.

Then a heavy fist landed along the side of my face, making me see stars for sure. Since my hand was already in a fist, I did what I had to do. Larry’s wife seemed surprised when I punched her in the nose.